The thought of the two knowing who I was and am to each of them scared me. Bee and I never talked about the possibility of seeing our ex's. With the situation I was in, I was beside myself, worrying over the fact of them talking. I was sure the topic of Bee being married now would come up, then they would talk about who he married and from there I knew my name would pop up. I couldn’t help but wonder, would Noah even remember who I am?
My insides screamed and rolled around in terror. How could this be happening? How could this world be so small that my ex is my husbands cousin? Or maybe this was another joke in my face, cause it would be funny if I was not involved in the situation.
I wanted to run away and hide, but I knew I couldn't. If I did, I would be admitting defeat of what happened. Talking myself, I tried to make sense of what was going on. There was one thing I knew for sure, I wouldn't allow myself to go through what I already did. He wouldn't be able to hurt me the way he did in the past. This is my house and if and when he saw me, he wouldn't be able to belittle me, I wouldn't let him.
"Luna are you okay?” Chia said, bringing out of my thoughts, “Do we need to go to another room for awhile. You're looking worse than you did a minute ago."
My hands were sweating and my face hot. Even my legs were reacting, shaking violently, without control. I stood up and nodded. Without even having to get consent all my sisters stands up and follows me. Leading, I take them into the small library across the room. Once the door was closed behind us, I fall down in the corner of pillows I had there. Covering my face, I go into a fetal position.
"No, we can't let her do that," I hear Tina say from behind me, "She can't go back into her dark phase. Sit her up."
Chia and Tina grabs for me. I go up whining. "Why are you guys doing this to me? I just want to crawl up and lay here for a second."
"No," Tina said, "The last time you did, you were gone for a year. You cannot do this. You can cry and vent your feelings, but I agreed with our sisters already that we wouldn't let you do this again."
And just like that, my determination to stay calm was thrown out the window. I couldn't do it anymore. Having lied to myself for the last few years, I was angry how it was coming out now. I was so furious at Noah. He broke me down and even when he was not important to me anymore, he was still making an impact on my life. Everything in my life was one big joke right after another.
"Why?" I cried out, "Why is this happening to me? Why now?"
"Luna," Chia said, "If I knew the answer, no doubt I would tell you. All I can say is, this is life for us. The world is random and all we can do is deal with what is thrown at us. You can either sit in here and deal with Bee's worry later, or go out there and face the facts. I know it's not going to be easy either way, but we have to make choices we don't like."
Sophie comes over to me, sitting next to me, "I'm sorry our family screwed you up so bad."
I couldn't help but chuckle through my tears, wiping away my tears, I hug the girl. "Not you and Chia though. You guys are what makes all this shit worth it."
"Woah," Chia said, all shocked, "Luna is swearing. You must be mad, we never hear you swear."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear when I'm mad, I can't help it. Let's get back out there before people start noticing that we are missing."
"Are you going to be okay?" Tina asks.
"I'll be fine. I'm just going to have to avoid him the best I can."
When we return back to the livingroom, things had changed. The girls weren't in circle anymore. Everyone had scattered into their own group. I surveyed the room. My brothers were still with Bee, and across the room Noah was with a bunch of guys. Chia spots Matt alone and we agree to go and stand with him.
I stood facing away from the crowd, with intentions of not wanting to be noticed by Noah. If I was lucky, I hoped to not be noticed by him for the rest of the night. While the group conversed away, I silently listened as my mind was off wandering elsewhere. I couldn't help but remember how Noah and I first started our relationship in a party just like this.
Younger me felt like life was just starting right then, nothing else before those moments mattered. If life had no meaning before, it was going to gain meaning now. Someone was going to give me a reason to live life excitingly. Fast forward a few years and I was a monster who couldn't control my emotions. Right when there was nothing else to live for, and Noah being the biggest part of my life, it came all crumbling down. I tore myself, along with everyone around me, down. At first I didn't even care who I hurt, they should share the unbearable pain with me. And with time I realized how selfish I was.
No matter what I was dealing with, everyone was only trying to help. I was being horrible by turning away, wanting to feel the pain. The pain made it all the more real, and I didn't want to lose the fact that I did have a real relationship with the boy who ripped apart my life.
"Luna," Tina said to me, making me look at her. She had a look of worry on her face. Something was bothering her.
I frowned, "What's wrong? Is Richard making another round of handing out drinks?"
"No," she shook her head, "Noah is making his way over. I think he saw me, I'm sorry."
I shut my eyes closed, cursing my luck. I counted the seconds before Noah reached us. And not even after ten he was upon us.
"Tina, is that you? Do you remember me? How long has it been since we last saw each other?" Noah said. That voice. My eyes were still shut and I could only wonder how my face looked once he started talking.
I opened them up and looked into Tina's eyes. She looked at me, wondering what she should do. Noah was right behind me, and I hated to be so close to the man. As much as I wanted to ignore him, I wouldn't let my sister sit through the torture of my ex. I turned out to face him.
There was no doubt that Noah was shocked. "Luna! You're here too? How have you been?"
"I live here," I tell him. Noah was obviously drunk already, making me wonder if he had drank before coming to our house.
He blinked and thought, "You live here? I thought only Bee and his wife lived here? How do you know my cousin? I never mentioned him to you."
He still looked the same, as if time never touched his face. Funny things happened to me. My stomach turned, my heart squeezed and my throat clenched up. Even if he was no one to me now, he was still capable of making my body react to him. I wanted to throw up.
Noah gasped, connecting the dots, "Unless. Unless you and Bee. Bee and you. Bee married you. You married my cousin? How fucking funny is this."
He was never quiet, always wanting to be the center of every party. By now Noah was so loud we were catching unwanted attention. I wondered how long this would go before someone had to interfere.
"Seriously, this is so fucking funny," Noah lets out an obnoxious laugh, "As if I wasn't enough, you decided to go for my fucking cousin. You are one hell of a freak, do you know that."
He had a bottle of beer in hand and without regard to it, he was splattering it everywhere. Even if I wanted to say something now, I knew it wouldn't help any. Any word I said would just goad him even further in his angry speech.
Before I could build up the courage to say anything, I was stopped. Another voice jumped into our conversation.
"What is going on here?" Bee had stepped in behind me. I looked at him and blinked away tears, not wanting him to see them. Even if I wanted to stop her, I couldn't at the moment, Noah was still talking nonsense, Chia leaned up to Bee and whispered to him.
"Well, well, well,” Noah directed to Bee, “Who do we have here? The guy who we were just talking about."
After listening to Chia whisper to him, a change could be seen on Bee's face. His face was stoned, becoming hardened. He reached out and held onto my wrist, pulling me behind him.
"Noah," Bee speaks to him, "I think you should leave now. You're drunk."
"No but Bee, don't you see what is happening. That bitch is my ex. She dated ME before she married you. Isn't this funny. You have to see how fucking funny this is. Do you want me to tell you what happened?"
"Noah, you should really leave before you make more mistakes than you already are," Bee warned him. The whole room was quiet now. Everyone had either come close to see what was going on or listening in.
“It was so funny. I can’t believe how this turned out. You see, I had told her that I was going to marry her,” and as if only Noah could see the joke in all of this, he started to laugh uncontrollably, “But I only said I was, cause you see, I didn’t want her. So I didn’t go and pick her up. And now she IS married!”
Bee had lost his grip on me and before anyone could stop him, he lunged forward. Bee landed a punch on Noah’s face and Noah went tumbling backwards. He was bending down, struck by what just happened.
“Bee!” I screamed at him, stepping in to hold him away from Noah.
“Fuck!” Noah yelled into the quiet room, “Fuck! Fuck you Bee. What kind of asswipe, cunt sucker are you?”
“Get out of my house,” Bee demanded.
Noah had uprighted himself and headed for Bee. Everyone was still in shock at the turn of events, and before anyone could stop him, Noah punched Bee right back in the face. Screaming, I held Bee up, leaning over from the weight.
“Stop this!” my demands were lost as the scene played out in front of me.
Bee had shrugged me off, going after a strong headed Noah who was still drunk. They were throwing punches left and right, throwing each other around the room.
The first to regain consciousness of what was going on was Matt. He stepped in to stop the fight.
“God dammit. Someone help me!” Matt yelled as he tried to pry Bee off of Noah. The rest of the guys finally stepped in and pulled the two apart. Matt held Bee up, and Bee’s cousins held Noah away from him. Bee had already given up, while Noah was still struggling to get loose. Noah sported a bloody nose and a bruise was forming around his face. Bee also had bruises and blood was coming from his mouth. Both had taken in some real damage before they were stopped.
“Get him out of here. Make sure I don’t see him again,” Bee said to his cousins.
The guys holding Noah down nods, complying to his words. They escort him out through the front door and a few minutes later a car is started and driven away.
The house was still filled with family and everyone was quietly shocked, unsure what to do. I wasn’t sure either. The whole night was ruined. Chia had to step in and take control.
“Sorry to cut this party short, but I think it’s time to go home now. Go home, sleep off your liquor, I’ll talk to you guys later. Bee and Luna would like to thank you guys for coming. Drive safe you designated drivers.”
She turns to Bee, who was still held by Matt. “Matt you can let him go now. Luna take Bee to the bathroom and clean him up. While you’re in there, smack some sense into him will you. I can’t believe this happened.”
Too struck by what occurred, I listened to her words. Taking a hold of Bee’s hand, I led him to our bed’s bathroom, needing to get away from everyone. We made the journey in silence, not sure what to say. We made it to the bedroom and before I could even turn on the lights, Bee had close the door.
He faced me and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I really tried to stop myself. I did, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was just so angry.”
In his embrace, I reached around him and held on to him in return. “I know. I’m sorry too. This whole thing is a mess. But we really should wipe you down. You still have blood on your face, and we need to get some ice on your face otherwise your face is going to be bloated tomorrow.”
“I’ll be fine. Tomorrow is Sunday,” Bee said. We were still in our hug, and unwilling to let go just yet. After a moment of silence Bee spoke up again, “We were really foolish, weren’t we? We thought we could run away from our problems but instead more issues happened. There really is no getting comfortable with how things are.”