I love you
* * *
The loud chirping of birds and incredibly cold breeze of weather woke me up. I opened my eyes with trouble adjusting to the light coming from my window when I heard a giggle coming from beside me and an arm suddenly wrapping tightly around me.
When I completely opened my eyes, I stared at the smiling man beside me. I lifted my hand and touched his face to make sure if it's real because waking up in his arms feels like a dream.
"Merry Christmas," he spoke.
I remained staring at him blankly until he chuckled and move his face closer to mine then kissed me. I kissed back at him, it feels like a dream when kissing him was the first thing I ever did in the morning.
I was enjoying everything when suddenly reality hits my hard skull. I immediately stopped and pulled away. This is wrong.
Chan looked at me shocked and worried, "why?" He asked.
I didn't answer him but instead, I stood up and walked to my closet with a horrible pain in my back, "fuck," I hissed in pain.
"Felix, what's wrong?" I ignored Chan completely and continued looking for something to wear and cover my exposed body. I saw him stood up and put on his pants too.
"Get out," I whispered when I finished dressing.
That took him in surprise, he stared at me with concerned look and slowly walked to my direction, "what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" He worriedly asked while trying to reach out for me but I moved away from him.
"Leave, Chan." I said as I try to push him away.
He stopped right in front of me, "what's wrong?" He repeated but this time more firm but the worries on his expression is still visible.
"What's wrong? Why are you asking me that? Everything's wrong Christopher!" I screamed, taking him by surprise. I can't believe I let this happen, I can't believe I'm this desperate to have him. He's fucking engaged! I can't believe I'm this low.
I feel bad now, I feel bad for fucking up with someone else's fiancé. I can't believe I'm this low. I feel horrible! The pain I'm feeling in my bottom is nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling inside my chest, my heart.
In the end, I'm still miserable. after that intimate night, I'm still the one who should leave because I'm not the fiancée. I let Chan cheat with me, I'm fucking horrible.
I can't control myself and just cried right in front of him, I'm feeling guilty, I feel horrible.
"Felix?" Chan worriedly called out. I don't understand why he's still here.
"Leave me alone Chan, are you not feeling any pinch of guilt? Are you not disgusted?" I asked him. How can he still stay calm after everything? He's technically cheating to his fiancée and I don't understand why he's still acting like we're not anything wrong.
"Guilt? Disgusted? Why?" With that I stopped moving and just look at him in disbelief. He was looking at me blankly which scares the hell out of me.
"You're scaring me Chan," I'm scared because he's acting like he doesn't care at all.
"Love, why are you so tensed about it? Relax," I blushed at the endearment he called me but I still feel uneasy. I don't understand a thing that's happening to him, he's not acting like himself.
"Have you forgotten? We had s-sex, Chan. Are you not even freaked out?" He walked closer to me with a smile and cupped my cheeks while he tries to wipe away the tears in my cheeks.
"I know what we did last night. That was the most beautiful night I ever had in my life. For once, I finally did something I didn't regret, I finally feel contented, I should have done this a long time ago," I remained silent. I don't know what to say, is he confessing? I'm not sure.
"Being with you is the best life choice I ever had and the only thing I'm regretting is that I only came this open now, I should have come to you a long time ago but I was so scared I might mess up," he added.
I looked into his eyes and raised my hands to hold his resting hand on my cheek, "why?" I asked.
There was a few seconds of silence until he smiled at me, that smile that makes my heart feel like exploding, that beautiful smile that melts me, that smile that I love the most.
"Why? Because I love you, Lix." I teared out again, did I hear that right?
"Fuck, that feels so right to say. I love you, Felix," he giggled.
Chan wiped away my tears once again, he was smiling while waiting for me to respond. I kept my gaze on him, I held his cheeks too and brushed my thumb on his lips, "I... I l-love you too," I whispered.
I automatically teared up again after saying those words. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder, "I love you. I fucking love you like crazy. I love you so much, Chan," I continuously confessed.
I heard him giggle before wrapping his arms around me for a hug, "I'm glad, you do. I thought this would be one-sided," he said while gently patting my head on our hug. I shook my resting head on his shoulder and hugged him tightly.
"I love you," I repeated.
I'm so happy to know how he feels, this is the best Christmas I ever had. The best Christmas gift I ever received.
* * *
After our confession in the morning, we decided to clean up ourselves together then ate our breakfast together too. We never left each other's side after knowing our real feelings for each other. This might be cliché and cringy for the others but we just stayed clinging and cuddling after that whole confrontation.
And now you might have an idea what are we doing. We're eating each other's faces, of course. It's like the best thing in our lives at the moment. This whole day is just full of kisses, I love yous, and cuddles. It's full of hearts and rainbows. Yeah, just laugh at my description but that's how I really feel.
"I love you," Chan whispered right after we finished kissing. I giggled and caressed his cheek and responded with a smile, "I love you too."
Our little moment got cut of when my phone suddenly rang. I reached for it and saw that Ryujin was calling me, I smiled after seeing her name.
"Don't answer," Chan seriously said. I chuckled at him and gave him a quick peck on his lips, "don't be jealous," I teased, making him roll his eyes.
"How? She's your girlfriend," he bitterly said.
I can't help but to chuckle at him, "she's not," I responded before answering the phone call and putting it on speaker so Chan could hear our conversation.
"Shin Ryujin," I started playfully which earned a cute giggle from her.
"What's with the full name?" She asked. I giggled and told her nothing. I saw Chan looking like he's not having anything and that makes me want to laugh. He can't even hide his jealousy.
"I just thought that checking you out is a good thing. I just want to make sure that you're not crying," we both laughed. It's funny how we act like we didn't break up just yesterday night. Last night, when we were driving to her parents' home, we discussed that nothing has to change and we're still friends no matter what.
"I should be the one asking you that," I worriedly asked.
"I'm crying of course. In fact, I just finished crying before calling you. I spent the whole night crying, I hope you feel bad." She giggled.
I looked at Chan who's now confusedly staring at me, I smiled at him and gave him a quick peck again.
"You know, I already feel bad even before yesterday." She hummed.
"Ryujin, take a rest. You're tired. Make sure to take care of yourself and take all the rest you need, relax, and heal."
"Thanks. I only called to greet you a Happy Christmas and check if you're okay."
"I'm fine, totally fine."
"That's great to hear. Well, I'll go now? Happy Christmas, Felix."
"Happy Christmas," I answered. I waited for her to end the call but she didn't press it. I was about to press end but she spoke, "Felix," she called out so I hummed in response.
"I love you," she said. I looked at Chan first and saw his bitter glare. I smiled at him and held his hands in assurance.
I know what Ryujin is trying to do. She's probably still hoping but I can't let her hanging and hoping like this.
"I do too, you know it right?" She hummed in satisfaction.
"Yes, as your friend. Thank you, Lix."
"No, thank you. Thank you for everything, Ryujin."
"It's nothing, I wish you happiness." Then after that, we finally hung up.
"What happened?" Chan asked the moment I hung up the call.
I cutely smiled at him and kissed him, "we broke up," I answered.
I saw him widen his eyes, "what?"
"She broke up with me yesterday."
"Why?" I chuckled at Chan's curiosity.
"Because she knew that I like someone else, thanks to you I'm single now." I joked.
Chan hugged me and kissed me again, "you're not single, we're together." He whispered to my ears but instead of being happy, I worriedly looked at him.
"What about Soyeon noona?" I asked him. There was a sudden change of emotion in his eyes, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know, she's probably mad at me now." I only hummed. Right now, I think I have the very right to show my jealousy.
"I ditched her and her family last night and we also had an argument before we drove back here in Seoul, she's definitely raging now." He lowly laughed but I remained silent for a moment.
"What is your plan, Chan? I can't have you if you're marrying her, I don't really want to be a third party." I said. I'm worried, what if he still marries her? I'm scared that I'm just the second option, I can't take that.
"I won't marry her and you will not be in the third party Lix. Just give me time to talk to her and I'll fix everything." He assured me.
I'm still worried and scared, "are you sure? I trust you, Chan."
Chan smiled at me, he cupped my cheeks, and nodded, "Yes. Everything will be okay then we'll be together, my love. I choose you over anything else, Felix. I love you," he said then kissed me again for the hundredth time this day.
I'm not really sure, I'm still scared and worried but I trust him.
"I love you too, Chan."
* * *
A/N: [I left this note in the wrong chapter so it's here again lmao] Hello! I hope you liked this chapter, however, I would like to clarify things before anyone points it out. I DO NOT PROMOTE CHEATING and/or ADULTERY, I DESPISE IT. Everything that was written in this chapter is purely fictional and the author doesn't have any intention to harm anyone. Details included in this chapter were added only to spice up the story and to show the conflict between the parties involved. So, I genuinely appreciate everyone who considers, value, and respect other people's relationships. Please, I don't recommend these things in real life, I hope you guys do, too. Thank you!
2022.12.21
strayradish_