TW: detailed sh description
Stay safeee ily all <3 please please don't read this if it will trigger you, it's not worth it. Relapsing is never worth it.
I wrote this simply for my own comfort but I thought it could help others too :)
I had been free for so long. Free from the pain in my chest, the soreness of my eyes, and the wrath of a blade in my skin.
My stomach churned as I sat in bed, the covers ruffled up around me, and the sound of the TARDIS ringing in my ears. I didn't want to do it, I was trying with everything I had to not pick up the sharp object that was laying on my pillow.
Tears streamed down my face as notifications popped up on my phone from group chats I was in. All my friends talking about their days and how work was going. I wanted to be like them, I wanted to message them back and tell them that my day was great and everything is perfect. Yet, The thoughts in my head distracted me.
I'm not worth it.
I'm no one's first pick.
I'm not even likable never mind lovable.
With one swift movement, I picked up the weapon, its blue plastic end shining in my phone light and the sharp metal tip pointing towards my scarred arm.
I pressed down hard and drew a line like I was putting pen to paper. It hurt but not enough, not enough for me to forget. I clambered out of bed, tears still falling rapidly, and stumbled to my desk. I grabbed a pair of scissors before slumping against the wall and sliding down.
The cool metal stung my freshly healed scars like a scorpion sting or a snake bite. It felt nice though, and it drew my attention away from the nausea and drowning thoughts that filled my brain.
As I traced my fingers over my arm, a light from under my door shone into my room causing me to squint from the sudden exposure. Soon after, my door creaked open and a tall figure stood in the doorway. Although they were a few meters away, they still towered above me and I felt myself cower in their presence.
Just as quickly as the figure had appeared, it was striding over to me. I shut my eyes and the last few tears that were sat on my eyelashes made their way down my cheeks.
I felt a pair of warm hands on my arms and I slowly opened my eyes to see the doctor's worried face looking back at me. Her eyes seemed alert and yet glossy with tears. She still wore her usual outfit but her coat had been discarded, probably because it would have got in the way of her work under the console. I bit my lip and looked down as she stroked my arm with one hand and moved the other towards my face, lifting it back up to face her.
"Yaz-" she said quietly, it sounded like a question and a statement put together. Her voice trembled slightly as she said it.
At the time, I thought it was because she didn't know what to say; but now I know it was because of emotion.
She reached her hand down to my lap and took the scissors that I had dropped when she opened the door. Her hands shook slightly as she placed the object on the desk next to us.
I took a deep breath, my throat felt dry and my nose was stuffy. It felt all too familiar, and not the nice kind of familiar. I heard the doctor exhale heavily and I turned my attention back to her face.
"What happened, my star girl?" She whispered and I bit my lip harder. I didn't want her to be angry at me, even though she didn't sound angry, I just assumed she would be.
The doctor leant forward and before she had a chance to hug me I had already wrapped my arms around her. She squeezed me tight and I rested my head on her shoulder. I felt her run her hands through my hair as my breathing settled.
"I'm sorry" I whispered into her hair, assuming that I was in trouble. She shook her head against me and kissed my shoulder.
"Ssh don't apologize, it's ok, it'll be ok." she whispered back. It sounded like she was trying to reassure herself as well as me. I sniffed slightly and pulled back gently from the doctor's embrace. She looked at me with a frown and I shut my eyes, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.
"Why?" The doctor asked, breaking the piercing silence that filled my room. Without opening my eyes, I answered her "It just got too much." I said. My voice cracked as I spoke and it sounded more like a mumble than I intended.
"Oh Yasmin" the doctor sighed, she sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I hung my head in disappointment of myself. I eventually felt the doctor pull me closer.
She didn't say anything more, she just held me. Her body felt warm against mine and I finally relaxed. I felt safe, safer than I've ever felt before.
AAA IK THAT WAS A SHIT ENDING sorryyyy
Thanks for readingg <3 pls vote! Mwah