Days are empty now.
Day to day, I go through the motions of a normal life.
Wake up, take a shower, tend to my child, eat, sleep, repeat.
Over and over, I complete these tasks and just wait around for my husband to swoop in and fix everything. Of course, this doesn't happen and never will happen, but one can dream.
I think the worst part about Kian cheating on me is that I trusted him enough that I thought something like this would never happen. Of course I trusted him though. He's my husband. I've spent years building up my trust in him.
Trust is fragile. It's easy to crack. Just a single tap can send little crevices through it. With enough stress and the pound of a hammer, trust can be sent shattering into millions of pieces.
Kian used a sledgehammer when he called me that night, and shards of my trust poke around with sharp edges at my insides, causing me pain that I shouldn't feel.
Could I ever forgive him for such an act? I couldn't, could I?
You cheated on him when you dated, my subconscious points out.
So much has changed since then, though. For one, we're married now. We vowed ourselves to each other and only for each other. Cheating in marriage is so much different than cheating in a relationship.
He took you back. What makes it any different now. Shouldn't you at least give him his strike like he gave you.
Marriage is different!
My mind fights itself, trying to compare this case to when I cheated on Kian with Ryder.
As I start to loosen up on the idea of him cheating, becoming more comfortable with it to the point where it doesn't hurt to think about, I think about the neglect I've been feeling.
I realize that I'm not only mad about Kian kissing someone else, but also at how he dropped us and left for his dumb movie. He ignored my calls and didn't return them over his first weeks at the set. He acted as though his family didn't even exist.
How dare he act so distant from us. How dare he act distant and then act as if his world is shattered when he cheated on me.
*Kian's POV*
Days pass, weeks pass, and I still can't seem to muster up the courage to call Madison again. My own wife.
I'm too afraid that if I call her, she'll tell me that she never wants to see me again. She'll tell me that I need to stay away from our home, away from her, away from our child.
I can't lose Maddie. I can't lose Christopher.
I understand that she's angry with me. I fùcking kissed another girl. I would be angry if she cheated on me. But she would never do that.
A flash of a memory runs through my mind: a day early in my relationship with Madison when she kissed her exboyfriend. I was so angry and upset that I thought I was going to lose my mind. It was then that I realized Madison was the best thing that ever happened to me and I could never lose her.
The memory gives me hope. Maybe she could eventually forgive me, like I forgave her.
We weren't married then.
Doubt begins to fill my mind at an alarming rate and I start to believe that there is no hope for saving my marriage.
I send a quick text message to the manager of my set and tell them that filming is off tomorrow.
There's no way I'm directing tomorrow.
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This took me forever to write because I was so indecisive but here it is.
I will be updating hopefully by tomorrow and I will hopefully finish this by May :) all of my other stories are basically on hold until then.
Vote and comment dears!
1) Kian is going to leave filming to go home to Maddie
2) Maddie will forgive Kian easily
3) Maddie will forgive Kian, but not easily
4) Maddie won't forgive Kian
Love y'all! Thanks for sticking with me!
xox -Delilah