BLAKE
Blake stayed with Andy into the morning in an eerily similar situation to how Andy had stayed with him when Logan had been in the hospital. The main difference was, Andy's sister had taken the drugs on purpose.
Blake sat outside in the waiting chairs in the lobby of the hospital floor. Andy hadn't wanted him to go inside his sister's room, and he respected that. He was deep into Elijah's case report when Andy walked over and sat down in a chair next to him.
He sprawled himself across the chair, long limbs splayed over the armrests and one leg up on another chair. He looked dead tired.
"How is she?" Blake asked.
"She's fine," he said quietly. Michelle, Andy's sister, had woken up a while ago. Andy had stayed with her most of the morning, only leaving periodically to talk to someone from the rehabilitation center over the phone or speak with the doctors.
"Did they find out what she took?"
"Coke. And a lot of it." Andy slid down in the seat, his long legs dragging on the floor. "I have no idea how she got that much."
"I hope they get the people that gave it to her. That's crazy."
"I don't know if they will," Andy said dejectedly. "She can hardly remember anything. She just keeps talking about the beach and some lady with the eyeliner and snake tattoos."
Blake sat straight up.
He must have misheard. There was no way.
"Did you say snake tattoos?"
Andy nodded. "Why?"
Blake swallowed. This was exactly what had been going on in Olivia's neighborhood. Was their gang ring so large that it encompassed the entire country?
"Did she say - did she say where she bought the coke?"
"She said something about a beach. Pontchartrain beach?" Andy glanced at him curiously. "Why are you asking?"
Blake again had the urge to spill everything to Andy, or better yet, talk to his sister and get more information about where she had been, who she had talked to. If those men had been after Olivia, and now they were dealing cocaine here in New Orleans, they were definitely involved in Elijah's arrest. They were still a danger to them.
But he was not going to put that on Andy. Not when he had just calmed down after his sister's escape and overdose.
"No reason. Forget about that. How are you?"
Andy's eyes were red and puffy. His nose was red too. He looked completely miserable. "I know you're not supposed to give up on family, but sometimes -" His voice broke and he dragged a hand up his forehead into his hair, pushing it up and backwards. "Sometimes....I don't know what I'm doing."
"Do you need a hug?" Blake said.
"Yeah, I think I do."
Blake was surprised by his response. He was not used to people being forthright about it, and he had been prepared to use all of his Logan-tactics on Andy. He was glad Andy wasn't pushing him away.
He hugged him tightly, reminded of all the times he had felt dispirited and shaken when Logan hurt himself. He knew something of what Andy felt. He could only hope that being there for Andy would give him the will to keep hoping it would get better.
"I'm sorry for being a jerk last night," Andy said, his voice muffled against Blake's shoulder.
"You were worried," Blake said. "You were really scared. It's understandable."
"That's no reason to be an asshole."
Blake pulled away. "I said it's okay, Andy. I promise. It's fine."
Andy was quiet for a long time. He looked away from Blake's eyes. "I get it if you want me to move."
Blake's eyes nearly bulged from his head. He was not expecting that. "Are you trying to get rid of me or something?" he asked incredulously.
"I'm giving you the option to get rid of me," Andy said tightly.
"I just gave you a hug because I thought we were friends. We drove around last night together so I thought we were friends. You drove me to Logan's house and sat with me at the hospital and saw me cry and that definitely made me think we were friends. And I sat here all morning long instead of going to my history of ancient civilizations class because I thought we were friends. Are we not friends?"
"To be fair, you never go to that class."
"So we are friends! We're such good friends you know which classes I'm ditching. And friends don't get rid of each other. They do not have that option. Like, ever. It's not on the options list. And I couldn't ask for a better roommate because I can't cook. So even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't. I would make you stay."
Blake came to a complete stop in his speech there, because his mind was running to other reasons why he didn't want Andy to ever even consider that leaving was an option, and he couldn't voice those out loud.
Still, his words drew a small smile on Andy's face. "You're not too bad at making people feel better, Blake," he said.
"And you know what? Not too bad people make friends with not too bad people. That means you. You are not too bad either. So don't put yourself down.
"And I know that right now you think you're not too good of a brother because you don't know what you're doing. But once, a really wise person whose name starts with an and ends in dy told me not to blame myself for something I didn't know about."
He gave Andy a gentle nudge with his arm. "Listen to that wise person. I think he knew what he was talking about."
Andy shook his head. His lips were trembling. "I just don't know what to do for her," he said, his voice dropping down to a whisper. "I don't know."
"It's okay if you don't know," Blake said quietly. "You're a human being. You don't have all the answers. But doing as much as you know - being there for her, looking for her, talking to her about this - you do all that."
"I'm not doing it right. It's not helping," Andy said weakly.
And Blake knew that sometimes it didn't help. Sometimes, if the person didn't also work to be helped, it was much harder for things to get better.
"I'm sorry," Blake said, because he was, and he knew Andy was carrying a terrible hurt, and he knew it was something that was very difficult to lessen.
*****
Michelle was discharged to the rehab center later that day. Andy dropped Blake off at their apartment, then went by himself to be with her the rest of the day. He came back home late in the evening and collapsed on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.
"You want to eat something?" Blake asked, pulling open the fridge and taking out containers.
Andy glanced over the couch. "Did you actually make something?"
"I ordered takeout. Indian."
"Even better. Yes, please, I'm starving."
Blake warmed up the food in the microwave and brought it to Andy, then sat in the chair opposite him and put his feet up too. While Andy ate, Blake sat with him and continued reading Elijah's case file. His eyes were tired. He had been at it all day and there was still nothing. He was starting to feel obsessed.
"Blake," Andy said suddenly, pulling Blake from page 89 of the file. "Will you tell me the truth about something?"
Blake glanced at him. There were a lot of things he was not honest to Andy about. His whole past life in Chicago, the fact that he was in witness protection, how many times he actually swept the floor compared to how many times Andy asked him to do it, all the things he felt when Andy smiled at him -
His face flushed even as he tried to play it cool. There was no way Andy would ask about that so casually over dinner. "Sure, what's up?"
"Why did you ask about the lady with the tattoos? Do you know her?"
Blake paled. His eyes drifted to his phone guiltily.
"Because if you do, I really have to know. She can't be out there, just waiting to prey on more people like my sister. Or deal to my sister again. I want that woman locked up. And...you looked like you knew something."
"I don't know her," Blake said honestly. But he understood Andy's need for answers. He knew what it felt like to need some clue about why something had happened.
"Is there something you're not telling me?"
Blake had to avert his eyes to the couch cushions next to Andy. He didn't want to lie to him. He hated lying to him. But that was the only way Andy would be safe. "Andy-"
"Is it something to do with your brother Logan? How he was roofied? Was it the same people?"
Blake was pretty sure the Sons of Solomon had drugged Logan too. "I don't know," he lied.
But Andy was immune to Blake's lies that evening. "Or is it your other brother? You've really been reading a lot of articles and things about him recently."
"Andy, please, it's nothing-"
"Blake, don't tell me it's nothing." Irritation flashed in his eyes. "My sister almost died because of that lady - and so did your brother - so if you know something about her, you will tell me right now."
Blake tried to live with no regrets in his life. He was easy going, he tried to make good out of tough situations, he didn't take other people's angry moments too seriously, and he learned to laugh at things he couldn't control.
But this was killing him. He couldn't tell Andy, but he couldn't bear to leave him hanging either. He didn't want to hurt him, but it would hurt him to keep the truth from him and it would hurt him and potentially put him in danger to tell the truth too.
Was this what Olivia felt? All those times she kept secrets, cried in Blake's arms because she was so scared but refused to say anything out of fear that it would hurt them? Blake felt a huge rush of sadness for her and for Andy and for himself because he knew there was no way he would willingly put his friend in danger.
"Andy, I'm sorry," Blake managed, his throat closing up. He hated to do this to him. He hated letting him down. "I am. But even if you get mad at me, I can't - I can't tell you."
For a long while, Andy was silent. Blake held his breath, his lungs threatening to cave in and collapse his heart too, his hands clammy and cold. He'd told Andy just yesterday to trust him - would Andy see this as him breaking that trust?
"I'm sorry," he repeated.
"Don't apologize," Andy said, tiredly but not unkindly. "If you really can't..." He sighed. "You do have a reason?"
Blake felt an enormous weight lifted off his chest. Andy didn't hate him. He didn't hate him. "Yes," he rasped gratefully.
"Okay." Andy looked like he was trying not to say something and say something all at once. His face was conflicted. "I'm not happy about it. And I wish you would tell me. But if it's this bad..."
"It is."
Andy chewed his lip. "Do you think you'll ever tell me?"
"I don't know. But you're right. That dealer should be locked up so she doesn't hurt other people. I'm going to try and tell someone about it. Pontchartrain beach, right?"
"Right. But tell someone about it? Now you're really sounding like some FBI agent."
Blake laughed. "No way in a million years. No one takes me seriously enough."
"You do seem like it sometimes." Andy waved to his hand. "Like this thing on your phone. What've you been reading all day? Every time I see you, you're reading the same thing on there like your life depends on it."
Blake glanced down on it. At least he could be truthful about this to him. "It's Elijah's case file. They finally made it public so I'm trying to read through it and find out something."
"You want me to help? I'm a fast reader."
"No, it's fine." Andy had enough of his own schoolwork and his sister to worry about.
"Come on. Give me a couple dozen pages. I can be a detective for a little bit. What are you looking for?"
Blake sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He didn't want to look at his phone anymore. "I don't even know what I'm looking for. Anything. Someone he talked to or some suspicious pictures or whether he went somewhere or, I don't know, some secret code that says, Elijah didn't kill anybody, it was someone else."
"Well, I don't know anything about secret codes," Andy said, shrugging, "but maybe you could see if he went anywhere weird."
Blake blinked at him. "I can?"
"Yeah. You know, on Google maps?"
Blake hardly dared to breathe lest Andy and this entire conversation suddenly magically disappeared, or he suddenly woke up and realized it was just a hopeful dream, or Andy got temporary amnesia and forgot how to do this Google maps thing.
Any number of things could go wrong.
When nothing happened for a few seconds, Blake said slowly, "You better not be kidding me right now."
"If you know his email password, you could find out."
Blake stood up, his phone clattering to the floor. Thoughts zoomed in his brain so fast he could hardly think.
This was real.
This was happening.
He was not dreaming.
"Okay, yes -" His mouth was so numb he could hardly talk. He pressed his hands together. "Yes, I know his password. Can you show me?"
"Bring me your laptop. Or mine. Whichever."
In the next few minutes, Andy had pulled up a list of places that Elijah had searched on his phone using Google maps through the previous destinations feature, something Blake had not known about at all. Blake watched as Andy scrolled down to the months before Elijah had been arrested, dozens of addresses he had no idea about.
Then one of them he recognized. It was a bar near Pontchartrain beach. The place where Michelle had been given the drugs.
"Oh. My. God," he squealed, pumping his fist in the air. Something had finally happened. All those endless days searching the internet and reading case files and police reports and random articles - maybe they hadn't panned out, but all his tenacity had led to this very moment.
Blake did a little victory dance around the living room, unable to control the high in his bloodstream, the butterflies dancing across his lungs, what felt like a thousand suns glowing from his very soul.
He was going to find out where Elijah went.
He was going to find proof he didn't do it.
And he was going to save his brother.
Everything was going to be just fine.
Blake spun around and he could hardly contain himself when he saw Andy, who had come through for him and solved all his problems in three minutes.
And he put his hands right on Andy's face. "I could kiss you right now," he said without thinking.
Andy grinned, like he knew how irresistible his lip ring was, and without hesitation, he replied, "Then kiss me."
For a moment, Blake's eyes involuntarily drifted to Andy's dark lips, that curl of metal that decorated his lower one, the graceful curve of his sly smile. His pulse pounded in his mouth.
For a few terrifying but exhilarating moments, all of Blake's thoughts disappeared except for those two words.
Kiss me.
And Blake realized that he wanted so badly to kiss him.
Andy licked his lips.
And Blake's face heated so fast and so hard that his senses were forcibly shoved back into him. His fantasies suddenly ground to a screeching halt. He managed to bring his eyes back up.
"No." Blake held up a finger and made a face, trying to push the humor back into this horribly awkward moment. "We are not teasing me about being a romantic again!"
Andy didn't reply to that. He only gave him that half smile again and pulled his ring into his mouth, playing with it with his tongue.
Kiss me.
Did he know? Did he know what it made him feel? What he made him feel? Andy had never mentioned a girlfriend, or a boyfriend for that matter. Blake didn't know who he was into or if he was even into anybody at all. He couldn't tell if he was just messing with him or if this was anything at all.
And he certainly did not have the guts to ask because Andy was his first and favorite roommate, his best friend, and he didn't dare make this weird if Andy didn't feel the same way.
Blake hoped his face wasn't as red as it felt, because if it was, there was no way Andy could misread it. There was no way his embarrassed flush could be anything else. His chest was getting tighter and tighter by the second.
He had to get out of there.
"I'll take this." Blake leaned down, snatched the laptop from Andy's lap, and backed away five feet like that would help cool his face, which it didn't.
He felt like his face was going to melt off into a puddle, revealing all the things he was trying to keep inside of himself.
"Thank you a million times. Like a trillion. I'm going to do research." He pointed at Andy and tried to look as serious as he possibly could when his face was on fire. "You - get some sleep. You have not slept all night. I better not find you drinking coffee or I'm going to hide all of it. Tell me if you need anything! Good night!"
And he tried not to run all the way back to his room.
Happy late birthday to flutterbutterfly! <3<3
I meant to post this yesterday but I felt kinda sick over the weekend but I feel better now so here it is :)
For next time: Logan is met with the aftermath of Blake's encounter and Olivia's escapade. And maybe a double update? Who knows? I'm starting my last semester of college today so we'll see how much I can get done.