"Some girls know all the lyrics to each others songs. They find harmonies in their laughter. Their linked elbows echo in tune. What if I can't hum on key? What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?"
Grace chews on her white painted fingertips as she waits anxiously for Clay outside of Mr. Porter's office. She has no idea what has gotten into him. One minute he's acting fine, and then next, he's acting out. She can't keep up with him.
She wants to be there for her brother, but he is being secretive with his emotions and problems, making it difficult for Grace to understand. She also knows that Tony is only looking out for them, even if he's doing it in a secret way. She has many questions that he needed to answer, but she knows in her heart that he's one of the good guys.
Clay storms out of Mr. Porter's office and stops when he notices his sister waiting. He didn't mean to shove her aggressively fifteen minutes prior, but he was too fired up and angry to do anything other than release his anger out.
"What did Mr. Porter say?" Grace asks, breaking the silence. She doesn't want to dwell on the past., she just wants to know if he was okay and that he will not be punished severely.
"That he thinks I'm lonely and I'm acting out." He replies casually, continuing to walk. "And that he's not even going to punish me."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"No, because people need to start taking some fucking responsibility." He unintentionally snaps before sighing, seeing her shocked look, "Sorry."
"I hate to say this, but I think mom is right. You need to start talking to someone about how you're feeling. It doesn't have to be Dr. Ellman. Just anyone." Grace advises kindly. Through everything, she just wants her brother to be okay.
"I'm sorry for shoving you earlier. I didn't mean to, I just got so angry." He apologises.
"It's okay, Clay." She assures him with a smile before chuckling, "But do it again and I'll knock your teeth out."
This causes a small smile to erupt on Clay's face, "Got it."
"It all started because I was feeling lost. I needed direction. Any direction. Dream big, they say. Shoot for the stars. Then they lock us away for twelve years and tell us where to sit, when to pee and what to think. Then we turn eighteen, and even though we've never had an original thought, we have to make the most important decision of our lives. And you don't have the money and don't really have the grades, a lot of the decision gets made for you."
Clay and Grace exit the school building but the former groans when he sees Tony waiting for them, standing in front of his perfect red car. "You have got to be kidding me."
"Both of you get in the car." Tony instructs strictly. "I have something I have to show you."
Grace doesn't put up a fight and gets into the backseat of the car silently. Clay, on the other hand, stays in his spot, stubbornly, not moving a single muscle. "Tell us how you know what you know. Tell me what I did to Hannah."
When he doesn't get an answer, Clay smiles bitterly. "See you, Tony." He says and starts to walk away. "Actually, I hope I don't. Ever."
Tony gets in the car, clearly annoyed and begins to slowly drive by the side of him, continuing to plead with the boy to get in the car. He smiles successfully when Clay finally does grumpily.
"I wanted a purpose, a reason for being on this planet. But that poetry group looked like an AA meeting. Or a support group. I saw no one within decades of my age. Until I saw you. You were the only other high school kid in the room. Ryan Shaver, Liberty High's intellectual, editor of Lost and Found, general selfish snob. It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you live without drowning. It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself. I keep finding stones tied to my feet. But is that why you really did it? So you could help me touch one person? I doubt it. People like you don't make selfless moves. You knew the shit I shared was personal. You knew where it came from and that it would get people talking. I realise now I was desperate for someone to listen and you listened. And then you turned around and made my most private thoughts a public spectacle. So you bare your heart to one person and everybody ends up laughing."
***
Justin Foley sits beside most of the other people on the tapes in the gym, waiting with some others to join them that were late. He was angry, that fact was clear to everyone. But not everyone understood the extent of his anger. He wasn't just angry at the tapes coming to light, he was also annoyed because Clay was acting out and Grace wasn't being able to control him anymore.
"Clay is out of his fucking mind." Justin spits out aggressively, his brunette girlfriend staring at him wearily. She knows he's hiding something, she's just not one hundred percent what.
Courtney shakes her head in confusion, "We played by Hannah's rules. It's not fair if the tapes get out there because Clay and Grace went postal." She sighs.
Shockingly, no one notices how Justin's head snaps up at the sound of the girls name. He tenses in his position, not wanting for anyone to mess with Grace.
"They're not gonna go public." Zach disagrees.
"It feels like they might." Jessica tells them.
Alex feels the need to stand up for the Jensen twins, "They're just sad, okay? Let them be..." He trails off before clutching his stomach in pain.
"Are you getting your stomach things again, Alex?" Jessica asks in worry while Justin narrows his eyes suspiciously, "Come sit down a minute."
Justin scoffs, "What stomach things?"
Alex ignores his question and continues on from the earlier subject, "Clay loved her and she was one of Grace's closest friends, and then she died. Just give them a second."
"They're not sad, okay? They're getting revenge." Is Courtney's stubborn response.
"It's not like we don't deserve it." Alex adds before sitting down, the pain in his stomach overwhelming him.
The gym doors are thrown open and the group panics before realising that it's only Marcus strolling in. "Dude, you're late." Justin scolds.
"I talked to Tony." Marcus informs them, walking over. "He says that he'll take care of it."
"What does that even mean?" Courtney asks.
"Tony's a dick." Justin states, fuming. He doesn't really know the guy, but he was close with Clay, that was a good enough reason to dislike him.
"He's not a dick." Zach defends.
"He's a dick, he's a prick and he's a cock."
Zach furrows his eyebrows at the Foley boy, "Okay, those are the same things."
"No, they're different nuances of meanings." Justin replies harshly, rolling his eyes. "Tony's not gonna do shit. We have to take care of this. End that little bastard once and for all."
"Don't you mean bastards?" Jess questions.
"No. I'm talking about Clay." He responds, instantly becoming defensive, to which Jess notices. "Grace won't do anything, I'll make sure of it."
"That's insane."
"I don't know." He says and looks down guiltily at his next words. "What if we made it look like a suicide. How tragic is that? I mean, two star-crossed lovers or some shit like that."
Although he sounds completely serious, Justin knows that he'd never be able to go through with it. Because he knew it would hurt Grace more than anyone and he didn't want to do that.
"Grow up, Justin." Zach declares loudly.
Justin scoffs and turns to the Asian boy, mockingly. "Are you really telling me to grow up, Little Mama's Boy?"
"Yeah, I am."
Justin fumes again as he sees Alex wince for the third time in the last two minutes. "Dude, go see a fucking doctor."
"I've seen a dozen doctors, dude." Alex voices while Jessica looks at her boyfriend unimpressed.
"One thing. If one thing had gone differently somewhere along the line... maybe none of this would have happened." Zach sighs while the rest sit in silence at the impact of his words.
***
After being in the car for around about a full hour, watching the green scenery, Grace groans from the backseat, she was never one to have patience.
"Are we there yet?"
Tony chuckles from his place at the drivers seat, hearing the question for the fourth time from the girl, "We'll be there in about two minutes, I promise, Grace." He replies.
True to his word, two minutes later, he parks the car in the middle of the woods. Clay and Grace look around strangely, not knowing why or what they were supposed to be doing there.
"Is this like your idea of some twisted version of wilderness therapy?" Clay asks him, while putting on his jacket for more warmth.
"Or are you going to kill us?" Grace enquires.
"No, I am not going to kill you, Grace." Tony rolls his eyes at her blunt question. Her bluntness was probably going to get her killed one day. "And Clay, not a nature lover?"
"I love nature, especially in pictures in books. What's with the rope? No, seriously, this is getting messed up." Clay retaliates defensively. "So, what, are you going to tie us up to a tree and force us to to listen to the rest of the tapes?"
"Just you, buddy. I have been listening to the tapes." Grace grins playfully.
"We're just going on a little walk." Tony answers.
"How little is little?"
"Just up that hill."
The twins looks up, mouths gaping open at the sight of the huge mountain that is above twenty feet high.
"You expect us to climb that?" Grace exclaims at Tony, gesturing to the mountain. "That's dangerous. And one wrong move and we're falling to our deaths!"
Clay doesn't seem to want to do it either. "No freaking way." He shouts. "What does this have to do with Hannah?"
"Don't you want to find out?" Is Tony's answer.
After a lot of complaining from the twins, Tony manages to get them to agree to climb it.
A quarter of the way, Grace is heavy breathing and Clay is whining loudly while Tony casually continues to climb the steep mountain.
"We're really freaking high!" Clay screams.
"Yeah, I still think we're gonna die!" Grace adds.
"Don't think about it." Tony advises slowly. "Just remember, you got to go slow if you want to climb fast. Now try and slow your breathing down."
They both do as they're told and eventually make it to the top of the mountain. It was a difficult task for them to do, but they made it in the end.
"I never thought about it. Dying. Until this year." Clay lets out while Grace stares at the ground, not liking the kind of things coming from her brother's mouth. She just hopes he would try and live for her, because she needed him. More than anyone.
"Have you ever seen a dead body?" Tony asks.
"Only in funerals." Grace answers.
"And in movies." Clay adds on.
"Have you ever seen a crime scene? Like a real one? Not from a movie." Tony questions, confusing the twins further.
"No. Have you?" Grace asks.
"Yeah. Once. It was quiet." Tony says quietly. "Not silent or anything but... not excitement. No big noise. Just cops walking around doing their jobs. Like it was nothing."
"How old we're you?" Clay enquires.
"Seventeen."
"What was the crime?"
"Suicide." Is the answer Tony gives. The twins' eyes widen as they catch on to what had happened not too long ago.
Tony nods and explains the story, "And I can see her through the window. She walks up to the door, she leaves this box. And goes. I didn't get up. I figured if it was important, she would've knocked. Rang the doorbell or something. And I should've gone out there. I should've talked to her. Look, I liked Hannah. She was a friend. But the girl was a lot, she was drama. And I was apparently the only guy at Liberty who didn't grab her ass or stare at her tits. And so I always got to hear about it and on that particular day, I didn't wanna deal, so I let her walk away."
"Jesus, Tony." Grace whispers.
"Half hour... forty five minutes later, I get the box, open them and there's these tapes, and a letter. 'Please take care of them. Listen, and you'll know how.' I started listening to the first tape." Tony continues sadly, fidgeting with his hands. "I tried calling the Bakers. They don't answer. I speed to her house. And the ambulance is already there. And the cops. And the front door's open and I run inside. Her parents are there. And she's... they've got her in a body bag. I remember thinking 'there's no fucking handles on that bag. How are they gonna pick her up? How are they gonna carry her?' And they just grabbed the bag... and threw her in the ambulance. Just like that."
By the end of his long explanation, both Jensen's are sniffling as they wait for their tears to subside.
"Do the other kids know?" Clay asks after. "Why you're taking care of Hannah like you are."
"Of course not. You both needed to know. You're my friends." He instantly responds and Grace tries to smile at him through her tears.
"Sometimes the future doesn't unfold the way you think it will. Shit happens, and people suck. Maybe that's why I stopped writing... and eventually started making tapes."
Flashback
Clay and Grace sit on the red couch at the Crestmont, reading over the new poem that has been published in the school magazine by Ryan.
Hannah walks in and scoffs, seeing the two read it just like everyone else from that day at school. "Is everyone reading that stupid magazine?" She sighs annoyingly, watching as the twins look up at her arrival.
Grace nods at her question, "Yeah, practically everyone is reading it."
"I'm kind of addicted to it." Clay admits, his eyes not straying from the paper. "You read it?"
"No." Hannah sighs bluntly.
"Listen to this: 'Some people can recognise a tree, a front yard and know that they've made it home.'
Grace notices that Hannah seems to be affected by this as she shifts awkwardly from where she's standing and a lightbulb goes off in her head; this poem must be Hannah's.
"That sounds like shit." Hannah scoffs.
"You think so? It feels really real." Clay says in disbelief. At her nod he continues and reads out another line of the poem. "I mean, damn."
Hannah fidgets, "I wonder who wrote it."
"I know, right? One dark human being, that's for sure. I mean, I like her poem, I think, but I'm not sure I'd want to hang out with her."
Hannah looks down sadly and Grace quickly speaks up, "We'll, I would. I wish I could write like that, I'm barely passing English. The person has true talent."
"I'm sure that they'd really appreciate that, Grace." Hannah smiles. "Well... duty calls."
And with that, the three of them continue working for the night. The poem well off of Grace's mind.
_____________
I finally got a chapter up! I'm so sorry that it's been a while but I've been going through a lot of things. My boyfriend and I have not long broke up, my anxiety and depression is getting worse, and my exams are here when I haven't even revised a single thing.
Ik this chapter is so bad and there's not any Jace in this but I felt like I needed to post something.
I love you all and thank you,
Kaitlin x