Andrew's POV
"I think you're actually getting better," Patrick said as he sat at the breakfast bar, watching me as I attempted to make dinner. It was only some weird white brothed chicken soup that Jem had figured out a while ago but I was still having problems with it.
"Am I even doing this right?"
"Does it feel right," Jem asked, his voice coming out more teasing than I would have liked.
"Not really," I sighed.
I had only been trying to figure this out for a few minutes but the kitchen was already a mess.
Jem chuckled at my misery before leaving the stool he was sitting on and joined me in the kitchen. He had been attempting to only walk me through it but clearly my skill level wasn't good enough for that yet.
"You're actually not doing all that bad, you're just messy so it looks bad."
"Well that's comforting," I said with a small eye roll as I watched Jem fix everything.
I had expecting things to be kind of awkward between all of us but surprisingly it just felt relaxing.
Jem's words had been simple but what implied meant a lot more.
"I'm polyamorous," Jem explained as he shifted his weight from one foot to another. His eye bore into mine as I sat stiffly on the couch while Patrick sat on the recliner on the other side of the living room.
Patrick's face had been hard to read since we sat down but after Jem said those two words, panic slipped through for just a second before his eyes shifted over to me.
"What does that have to do with anything," I asked but I was pretty sure I already knew where this was going.
I had seen the way Jem looked at me and it was too similar to the way he looked at Patrick.
"I'm fond of you but I'm also fond of Patrick, and I don't want to have to choose between you two. Patrick told me it wasn't fair to keep this from you so it's up to you what happens now. I'm not ready for boyfriends but I also don't want you two to just walk away. If that's not what you want though, if you want or need something I can't give you, then please don't force yourself through it. So, what do you want?"
I bit my lip as I looked away from him.
I had never had a partner. I had really only had sex once and it was with some random girl from my high school. I was drunk at a party and barely even remembered it happening but I remembered that it didn't feel like every guy in high school said it would. It definitely didn't feel like anything Jem did either and he barely had to touch me to make it feel better than that night.
Jem said he wasn't ready for a boyfriend but I don't think I am either. I didn't know enough about myself to jump into something like that already.
Most people find that part out in high school or college but I was too busy working my ass off. If I wasn't working to save for college, I was taking every ACT, SAT, and MCAT I could find, trying to get scholarships so I could actually pay for college and once I got there I was just trying to keep my grades and try to keep myself from going broke.
This could be a step in the right direction at least. I know Jem would treat me well while I tried to figure it out.
"I want to try it your way," I said after a while. I was scared to look up at him but when I did he was smiling down at me.
I watched as he took a few steps closer, practically forcing himself to over me before leaning down, his lips brushing against mine.
"I was really hoping you would say that."
The light brush of his lips changed as he pressed them into mine. I gasped at the feeling but the gentle kiss didn't change.
He didn't shove his tongue in or make his touch harsher like he did months ago.
He only smiled against my lips until I was kissing him back.
Now Patrick and I watched Jem as he moved around the kitchen with ease, as if he didn't just ask both of us to be fuck buddies but a smile was all but plastered on his face.
"You know, if you keep staring like that, you might give me the wrong idea as to what you want," Jem said shameless, his eyes never leaving the giant pot he was working on.
I could feel myself turning colors as I looked away from him.
"Don't you think that's a bit much for just the five of us," Patrick asked as he looked down at the pot.
"It's Dev's favorite," Jem dismissed. "He could nearly eat his weight in this."
"Will he even be here? He took off as soon as he dropped me off here," Patrick said with a small frown, making Jem mirror his expression.
"He had to do a bit of extra work today and between the three of us, I don't think he's going to be very happy when he gets back here but seeing as this not pleasant conversation, we're going to move on," he said simply.
"So how is this going to work," I asked after a few minutes. Jem only hummed as he continued stirring, not understanding the question. "We didn't exactly get around to that part before you came in here. You said we aren't dating so that means we're free to do what we want?"
Jem froze for a second before continuing as if nothing happened.
"Of course," he said stiffly. "It wouldn't exactly be fair any other way."
I glanced over to Patrick who had a small frown on his face. We were both thinking the same thing.
Jem's mouth and his body language were saying two different things.
I waited for Patrick to call him out on it like he normally does but he said nothing as he Jem reached to get bowls out of the cabinet.
He said nothing as he poured his hard work into the bowls and passed then out to both of us before fixing his own. I went to join Patrick behind the breakfast bar while Jem continued to stand on the other side.
The three of us ate in silence. Nothing but the sound of spoons scraping bowls was the only thing that filled the air.
"How was work," Jem asked no one in particular after a while. The tension was still in the air but at least he was trying.
"Long and boring," Patrick sighed. "Being the sheriff of a small town is not as exciting as I thought it would be. It's mostly looking over reports and citations. In bigger counties where there is a crime rate, I would be out trying to solve murders and shit, that's so much cooler."
"Have you ever considered moving districts? I know our sheriff is old and nearly ready to retire. He'd probably let you transfer."
"I've thought about but I don't know if I could ever do it. I wouldn't be able to help with camp in other districts. While this one is boring, it allows me to send kids there instead of jail."
Jem's lips twitch down at that as his eyes moved to me.
"And you?"
"It wasn't too bad I guess. Same old, same old. Working two jobs is getting to be a bit much." I barely had time for myself before I joined the other practice but now I didn't have time to do anything before I had to go back to patient files and reviewing everything while also staying up to date with new tactics and theories.
It was getting exhausting at this point but I couldn't afford to quit either job.
"You're jobs are boring," Jem teased. "I don't see how you two sit behind a desk all day and are satisfied with that."
Patrick shot him a playful glare but Jem's smirk only widened.
The tension in the room disappeared as the night went on. The more relaxed Jem I was coming to know was here to stay, for now at least.
After dinner he and Patrick hooked up some game on an x box that Jem had. They worked together to kill every zombie in sight as I watched them.
Every now and then Jem would offer me his controller but I always declined. It took a while but eventually they both died when Patrick went down and Jem couldn't get to him fast enough to save him and without a partner Jem was over run. It was funny to watch Jem have his little temper tantrum as the playfully threw the controller on the couch.
"Andrew's turn," he said as he put the controller in my lap while Patrick began getting ready for the next game.
"I'm not a game person. I'd only get in the way."
"It's okay, it's not like we're trying to win a prize or anything," Patrick said with a small shrug but I still shook my head until a new smirk found it's way onto Jem's face.
He didn't say a word as he grabbed my hips before pulling me onto his lap. The small action alone had my face heating up while Jem put the controller in my hands. His fingers covered mine as his lips went to my ear.
"Don't worry, I'll teach you how to play," he whispered as he nodded to Patrick to start the game.
I felt him lean back on the couch as if he weren't really trying as he forced my fingers to follow his movements.
Surprisingly his hands remained gentle the whole time. Even when we got into a bit of trouble or when he got excited and began killing zombies left and right, his fingers never hurt mine.
But every now and then when they were waiting for the next round to start, his fingers would rub mine gently as his lips lightly brushed up and down my neck.
I guess his little confession meant he wasn't going to hold back anymore.
This game ended the same way the first one did, with Patrick dying and Jem not being able to save him but this time Jem didn't bother to act upset.
"You think you can do it by yourself this time," he asked as his hands left mine. In all honesty, I wasn't really paying attention to any of the game. He had tried to explain it at the beginning but the combination of his lips playing with my neck and his fingers rubbing against mine made it a bit hard to concentrate on what he was saying.
"I think I can," I lied.
"Good, because I think Patrick needs help this time."
I didn't have to see Jem's face to know he was smirking as he placed me back on the couch before all but stalking over to Patrick.
"I don't need help you asshole. I play almost as good as you," he grumbled while trying to back away from the bigger man.
"And yet we ended up dying both times because of you," Jem teased before he all but pounced.
He and Patrick fought but the small laughs that came from both of the showed how much they were secretly enjoying it but when Jem grew tired of Patrick resisting him, he wrapped his arms around Patrick's hips before pulling both of them back on the couch.
Both of their chests heaved as Jem forced them to take the same position he had done for me.
"Are you ready," he asked me with a prominent smile.
"I feel like we are going to die very quickly," I sighed but turned my attention to the TV anyway.
"We might," Jem said with a small shrug, "but it's not like we can't just start another game."
That's how the rest of the night went. Jem moved back and forth between us but as the night went on his gentle touches became nips to the neck, surely leaving marks all over both of us, which made focusing on the game so much harder than it was before.
"You seem tired," he said when he forced me back onto his lap after finishing a game with Patrick.
"It's late," Patrick sighed as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "I don't see how you aren't tired."
"Years of practice I guess," Jem mumbled. "Are you ready for bed?"
I don't bother lying as my eyes become heavier by the second.
I could feel Jem smile against my neck before his hands tightened around my waist. Before I had the chance to protest I was being lifted up. My eyes shot open while my hands clutched onto his shirt.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to drop you," he said with a small chuckle as he began walking to the room I had been using.
I could vaguely hear Patrick walking behind us and just as he was about to disappear into his room, Jem bid him good night with a wink, to which Patrick rolled his eyes at before shutting the door behind him.
"I'll see you in the morning," he said to me as he lowered my body down to the bed.
"Are you going to bed too?"
"I have a little bit more work to do, then I will," he said simply but I only frowned up at him.
"You seem tired," I teased, stealing his words made him frown down at me.
"I'll survive with a bit less sleep," he dismissed.
I may have been tried but I'm still a therapist.
I had my suspicions from the start but after Jem had his bad nightmare a few days ago and now that he was all but avoiding sleep now, it was clear that he had problems with it.
"The bed is cold," I huffed out the lie as he reached for the door handle.
"I have an extra blanket in my room. I can go get it for you."
"I think you are probably warmer than a blanket."
Jem's soft features turned into a small glare as I made room for him on the bed.
"I have work to do."
"Then you should have done that instead of playing games with us all night."
Jem rolled his eyes a bit as he opened the door.
"I'll get you a blanket."
"Jem please lay down with me." It came out more like a whine then anything else but it was enough to get him to stop in his tracks.
"I have to sleep a certain way and I know you won't like it so please don't make it harder," Jem sighed.
"You sleep naked?" I could feel my eyes widen as I waited for his answer. He chuckled a bit before shaking his head and turning back to me.
"I have to have the dogs in the bed for one and I prefer to have a gun under my pillow. The gun is debatable, I don't need that as much but the dogs aren't negotiable."
I couldn't help but frown at that. Of course he was going to be difficult.
"They wouldn't touch me though, right?"
"In this little ass bed? Yes but not on purpose. There's just not enough room for two big ass dogs, both of us, and Charlie who sleeps however he wants."
I huffed as I pulled the blankets off of me before taking Jem by the arm and walking down the long hallway.
I stood at his door for a second, waiting for him to tell me no but when it didn't come I forced it open and dragged him inside.
All three dogs looked me. Their tails wagged but they seemed to remember the command Jem gave them a few days ago considering they looked away and went back to what they were doing.
"So what side do you sleep on," I asked even though it was obvious. Jem's bed was pushed up against the wall so you had to crawl over one side to get to the other. The side closest to the wall was messy and undone while the other only had a few wrinkles were the dogs clearly messed it up.
"You can sleep on that side," he said as pointed to the side he clearly slept on. Before allowing me to lie down though, he reached under his pillow for something before moving it to the other one. He didn't allow me to see it but it was still clear what it was.
"It's not going to go off in the middle of the night, is it," I asked as I lay down.
His bed was surprisingly soft. I was expecting it to be hard since Jem doesn't seem like the kind of person to sleep on a cloud but I wasn't complaining one bit.
"It's on safety," he dismissed as he crawled in next to me. "It's not going off unless I want it to."
I nodded as Jem lay on his back stiffly. His dogs lay at the foot of the bed, looking like they were about to go back asleep while the man beside me began to fidget.
He turned on his side, facing away from and towards the door while one hand slipped under his pillow. He looked more relaxed but I could tell he was still stiff.
I had come to learn that Jem did things rather routinely whenever he could. His job made that hard but you could still see it if you were paying attention. He woke up about the same time every day, after finishing up in the bathroom he came out to get coffee, then he spent about 20 minutes watching the sunrise, then he got dressed and started whatever work he had for the day.
He had done this every morning, to the letter, ever since I got here and it was clear that when something messed up his schedule, he got fidgety like this.
Something was missing and he wasn't doing it because I was here.
"You can do it," I said after a while, his fidgeting getting worse with every passing minute. "I don't know what it is but you can do it. I won't say anything."
"It's stupid," he grumbled. "I shouldn't have to do it."
"I work with people who have OCD, I understand that sometimes you have to do things that you 'shouldn't' have to do in order for things to feel right."
"I don't have OCD, I'm just controlling. That's not an excuse."
"It's not a bad thing either."
I couldn't stop myself as I scooted closer to him. My arm wrapped around his side as I pulled up closer.
"This feels weird. I'm usually the big spoon," he said with a small frown and I couldn't help but laugh.
We stayed like that for only a few minutes before he sighed.
His fingers snapped, gaining the dog's attention quickly before he pointed at the door.
"Watch."
I had thought it was a command for me to watch whatever final step of his routine was but when three little heads snapped to the door, I couldn't help but frown a bit.
He stared down at the bed, not being able to look me in the eyes.
I kept my promise not to say a word as I pulled his closer and let my eyes close but I still felt bad for him. He was anxiety ridden and hurt to watch knowing he hid it from everyone.
It made me wonder how often he had anxiety attacks and just had to suffer through them with a smile on his face just so no one would know.
I didn't like the thought of it, but I made a promise to myself that I was going to fix it.
Okay so this was entirely too long, my bad but I thought it was cute so it's worth it.
Also I know some people might not have picked up on it but Jem changed what side of the bed he slept on so that if someone broke in, they would shoot him, not Andrew and that's soo fucking adorable, I'm sorry if you don't agree.
Last updated january 4, 2022