Their road trip lasted well into the night, stopping only to get gas and the occasional bathroom break. The long hours on the winding roads didn't harbor much conversation. Toni was beginning to wonder if Valeriya was truly alright after everything that had transpired. She was eerily quiet.
Toni was a little afraid to ask what she was thinking, finding herself scared to know if Valeriya thought a little worse of her aftet the shooting incident with Petrov's car. The exchange since only consisted of small talk of where they were or asking if one needed to use the bathroom. Otherwise, it was silent. Valeriya stared out of the passenger's side window as if she was determined to find something. Yet, there was nothing there. Just snow and passing trees.
Valeriya glanced over at Toni throughout their entire ride together, up until now. She hoped the other didn't notice her constant staring but she felt that she would catch on eventually. Since they raced off from the scene of the shooting, she had been feeling weird. As if Toni had awakened something inside of her that she couldn't pinpoint. A certain need.
"Antonia?" She spoke up before her mind ran too far.
"Hm? What's up?" The other spoke smoothly, staring forward onto the road still.
"Could we pull over for the night? I think we both need to rest." What am I saying?
"If you want... But, I don't think there's a hotel or an inn for miles." Toni pointed out, giving a sideways glance to Valeriya along with a raised brow.
"We can sleep in the car then." She said perhaps a little too quickly, darting her eyes to catch Toni's before averting her gaze back on the road.
"Okay, if you want." Toni drove a little longer before pulling the car off to the right, leading them down a thin dirt road that was caked in snow. She kept driving until she reached a dead end, turning around in it and parking off to the side. It was late by the time she finally stopped, nearing 2:45a.m. Valeriya looked tired, and Toni could tell that something was wrong.
"Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting sort of weird since earlier. Did I upset you?" Her voice came out more nervous than it should've been, she she trusted the other. She deserved to see her vulnerable, even if just a little.
"It's not that... No, you didn't upset me, Antonia." She reassured with a light smile, turning fully to face the woman. "What you did for me, even though it was completely reckless, was... one of the purest things anyone has ever done for me. Pure in the way that you were defending my honor. The honor that he's so desperately trying to soil. Thank you so much." Valeriya's voice faltered a little in her last sentence, feeling the need to hold herself back.
Toni stared at the other for a long while before returning her smile, reaching out to rest her hand atop the other's. "A pure act for a pure person. Don't let anyone take that from you."
"You think I'm pure?" A playful smile broke out on the Russian's face as she raised a brow.
"You're one of the more innocent people I've met." Toni said in a laugh, bringing her hand back into her lap. She was caught of gaurd when Valeriya reached out to take it back, holding Toni's hand in both of hers.
"Wait..." She said quietly.
"What's wrong?" Toni asked, staring at their joined hands.
"Why is it that all of these reckless and misfortunate happenings always result in you and I being alone?" Valeriya whispered.
Toni pursed her lips and looked down, taking in the sight of their hands together yet again. A slow heat crossed her cheeks as she struggled to come up with an answer that wouldn't make either of them uncomfortable.
She took a deep breath, "what do you mean, Val?"
"I mean... Why is it that too extraordinarily lonely people wind up as friends like us?" She looked as if she were struggling with herself, and unbeknownst to Toni, she was. Their familiar silence cut through the car as Valeriya gently ran her fingers over the other's, massaging them as she waited for an answer. Toni only watched in response, leaning her head on the head rest of her seat. This was one very seldom time that she didn't know what to say, or rather, how to say it.
"I think that God, if he's even real, puts people together like us because for some reason they need eachother..." She started in a gentle, but shaky voice. "And I think that you and I need each other, whether we admit it or not. I need you, and you need me."
"I don't know if I believe that." Valeriya shook her head, pulling her hands away from Toni's, who was admittedly taken aback by what she said.
"You don't know if...?" She trailed off, furrowing her brows. She looked hurt over the comment.
"What do you mean you don't believe it?" She fought herself from getting angry now. Her normal reaction to feeling hurt.
Valeriya held up her hand, signalling Toni to calm down. "What I mean is... You don't need me, but at this point, I couldn't do without you..."
The boiling in her blood calmed down as Toni's eyes fell a little, feeling ridiculous that she got angry over what she should've known the other was going to say. "I do need you, but for different reasons than I originally set out for."
"Now it's my turn to ask what you mean." Valeriya straightened in her seat, bringing her hands together in her lap. Her green eyes locked on Toni's cool form.
"When I first asked you to mentor under me it was because I wanted you to take my place. I uh..." She looked away at that point, bringing her covered hands up to grip the steering wheel.
"You what?" The younger woman inquired, quirking an eyebrow. Her tone became more serious, verging on possible anger, but Toni hoped that wasn't the case. It seemed that tonight's exchange would either end up with both of them on bad terms for the night, or closer than they were before.
"When I told you I would train you... I did it under the personal terms that you would take my place in the organization I was working for, so that I could leave it. But now... Now, I don't want either of us there. I need you to be with me, and work with me, so that we can figure out who's trying to get me. No matter how dangerous it is, but I feel like that's asking too much of you already.
"I just need to know that you won't go anywhere once we reach the states..." Toni said in a defeated tone, leaning her head forward now to rest on the steering wheel.
Valeriya let out a breath she had been holding in case of having to defend herself for one reason or another, but she now realized she didn't have have to. This woman in front of her was scared, the Toni she spent so much time with and became close to was scared. And it wasn't a fear pertaining only to herself, it was a fear of being without Valeriya.
"You're afraid to lose me...?" She shuddered, failing at the attempt she was making to hide the relief and oncoming sob she felt.
"Of course I am. I thought I made that clear when I told you I was afraid of hurting you." Toni teased, giving a soft smile. "I want to keep you safe, Valeriya, but only if you'll let me."
The sob that she was trying to hold back broke free like a cracked dam. Valeriya smiled through her tears, fervently trying to wipe them away.
"I don't know what to say..." She laughed softly to herself.
"You don't have to say anything." Toni reassured with a smile.
And so, she didn't say anything. Although, she did catch both herself and Toni off gaurd when she all but threw herself at the other, taking her into a tight hug; not stopping to think of how forthright her actions could be perceived, but Toni didn't mind at all. She eagery embraced Valeriya, pressing her forehead against the woman's shoulder.
"You're barely warm." Valeriya noted in a whisper, feeling how cool Toni had become in her hold. Did this mean that she fully trusted her? The thought made her heartbeat run faster.
"I'm almost sure it's because of you." Toni smiled, lifting her head and pulling herself back into her seat.
Valeriya smiled in return and laid her seat back, getting comfortable for the night.
"I think perhaps we should rest now, Antonia." She said in a chuckle, to which Toni agreed to, laying her seat back as well.
She watched over Valeriya for several minutes, thinking to herself how she wanted nothing more than to kiss her in this moment.
The way she looked so peaceful while she slept, how her hair laid loosely over her shoulders, the way her lips were slightly parted...
Before Toni could reason with herself, she leaned over her sleeping counterpart and closed her lips over the other's in a gentle press. She was as soft as she had imagined...
Toni shut her eyes and stayed in place a moment longer, taking in Valeriya's taste and the feel of her lips. Although, what she didn't expect when she pulled away was the other looking back at her with a lidded gaze.
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Hey! Sorry this took so long. I hope you like how its going so far! Its about to get a little more interesting...
Also check out my best friend, ArchTrickster, and her story Blue Moon! She won't disappoint, I promise.