This was requested by LilaKatelyn . I hope you enjoy it! I apologize for the extremely long wait. I know the song I linked is traditionally a love song but it's also just about chasing something you will never reach. I listened to it while writing this and found it kind of fitting.
~~~~
I stared at the lightsaber in my hand. The steel hilt glinted against the bright sun. A smudge caught my eye and I wiped it off with my sleeve. A familiar set of footsteps approached carefully behind me. I did not turn to meet their owner.
"You don't have to come," Rey said gently. "Leia won't judge you if you choose to stay here."
I didn't move from the log. "I have to go. He's my brother."
———
Uncle Luke knelt down by my side. "Lila, you can do this. Don't overthink it," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "But he's so much bigger than me."
"Remember what I taught you? Just because you're smaller doesn't mean you're weaker," Uncle Luke stated. "He's bigger, yes, but he's also slower. You're small and agile. Use that to your advantage."
I could feel the prying eyes of the other students. I was one of the youngest there, at only nine years old. I turned my head and found Ben in the row of students that lined the training grounds. His dark eyes met mine as he gave me a firm nod.
I slowly turned my eyes back to Luke. "Okay," I said with a nod. "Okay I'll try it."
———
I had promised my mother I would get Ben back. I never broke a promise. Leia was my mother and my general so I desired to please and impress her. I knew that if Leia could go she would be there, but being a general meant she had other responsibilities to tend to on other planets.
I boarded the Millenium Falcon not an hour after my conversation with Rey. I noticed the crew exchanging looks at my expense but I ignored them. I did not want or need their pity.
Ben may have fallen to the dark side but we would get him back, just as Uncle Luke convinced Vader to come back in the end. I only hoped that our conversation would go differently.
I settled into the co-pilot's seat with Chewbacca and Rey on either side of me. Finn and Poe were somewhere else on the ship, readying the weapons and supplies for the journey.
My mind was numb as I started up the ship, my movements running purely on muscle memory. I wished Luke was there. He would know what to do- what to say to calm my nerves.
———
Tears streamed down my cheeks. My lightsaber was held in my limp and shaking hands. I wasn't a threatening sight.
"Ben, please..." I whimpered. Behind me were the flames of what had been our Uncle's school. It was nothing more than rubble and rocks now. The bodies of the slain Padawans were likely burned beyond recognition at this point. Those who hadn't chosen to join him were quickly disposed of, except for me.
My brother stood before me. Blood splattered across his tanned skin and it sickened me to think that it was the blood of my fellow padawans- my friends.
"Lila." His voice was deep and restrained, as if he was trying not to lose his temper. "Come with me." He extended a hand in a welcoming gesture.
"You killed them," I whispered.
There was silence between us for a moment.
"It had to be done." Ben's gave was expressionless. Emotionless.
"It had to be done?" I repeated slowly. My shock quickly turned to anger. "You've destroyed the school! Everything Uncle Luke worked so hard to build. You've destroyed it and killed our friends!" Tears continued to pour from my eyes, blurring my vision. My entire body shook in contained sobs.
"He is holding us back!" Ben shouted. "We can be so much more! More powerful!"
I flinched at the tone of his voice. My brother had never yelled at me. Not once. Not even when we fought as children. It quickly set in that the man before me was no longer my brother.
He seemed to realize his mistake because when he spoke again his tone was softer, gentler. "Please... come with us."
———
The planet was cold. A gentle snow fell, coating the ground in a thick sheet of white. I had never seen snow before. On any other occasion I might've taken the time to play in it, maybe even start a snowball fight with Rey and Finn. But today there was no time to play or even admire the sparkly white snow.
Kylo Ren was there. I could sense him the second I stepped out of the ship. My boots crunched against the snow. It was eerily silent in the forest. There were no signs of life apart from our rag tag band of misfits.
I could hear another set of feet behind me. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. She had been watching me like a hawk the entire flight. I didn't know if it was because she thought I was unstable or if she didn't trust me. Either way I didn't appreciate it. I didn't need to be looked after.
"Go back to the ship, Rey," I sighed.
"No," she replied stubbornly.
As I made my way into the forest I could hear the crunching of her own shoes in the snow close behind mine. She made it clear she wasn't going to give up. With a frustrated sigh, I brought myself to face her.
"I have to face my brother alone," I stated. "I can bring him back." I didn't want to say it, but I feared Rey's presence might ruin my chances. I didn't know what it was between them, but there was something going on. Something strange in the force. It would distract him. He could think I've brought her here to work against him, and I didn't want to give him a reason not to trust me.
"It's too dangerous," she insisted.
"My brother would never hurt me."
Rey sighed. There was a helpless look in her eyes. "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do." My tone was a little harsher than I expected, and it shocked even me. A guilt washed over me at the sight of Rey seemingly flinching at the sound of my voice. She had been a good friend over the course of these difficult months, especially since losing my father. She had stood by my side and this was the treatment I gave her in return for that unwavering loyalty.
"You are not going into this alone and that's final," Rey said with a frown. "I have proven myself to be helpful and I think I have gotten to know Kylo very well. I can help you bring him back to the light, and if he doesn't agree to return then I will help you take him down."
I opened my mouth to interject, but she kept talking.
"I know you are more than capable in a fight, Y/N, but Kylo Ren is strong. He's taken down entire rebel commands. You need my help whether you want it or not."
Her words made my heart ache. I gave a small nod. "Let's go." I couldn't bring myself to say anything more but I knew she understood how grateful I was despite my worries. Together we marched into the dark and snowy forest with only the force to guide us.
We walked for a long while. Complete silence apart from the soft crunch of snow underfoot. Pitch black apart from the glow of our lightsabers. The trees casted eerie shadows overhead and around us and I wondered how old they were. A few hundred years old, I imagined. So old yet so fragile. I wondered if this planet would survive the war or if it would fall to ruin like so many others had.
A crackling hiss disturbed the quiet and a red glow overtook that of our own weapons. Beside me, Rey spun on her heels and raised her blue lightsaber in defense. "Kylo," she said sternly.
He did not respond or even address Rey's presence there. I could feel his eyes boring holes into my back. "You shouldn't have come, sister." His voice did not even sound his own and the way he called me sister felt like a stab in my heart. The modulator in his helmet made it sound so much more deep and harsh than I remembered. When I finally turned to face him, it felt as if it wasn't me moving at all. it felt as if I was simply a puppet and some other being was forcing me to turn and look at him.
The tension was palpable as I stared into his mask. "Ben."
"Ben Solo is dead." He snapped.
"I don't believe that." I could feel it. There was something of my brother left in there, some sliver of his former self, and I was going to do everything in my power to save him. I took a few small steps forward and to my surprise he didn't move away. "Please come home. Mother misses you. We both miss you," I plead.
He was quiet for several moments. His helmet shifted towards Rey and then back to me. "It is too late for me."
He sounded almost sad when he spoke and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. "That isn't true," I replied. "Remember our grandfather?" As children, Uncle Luke would tell us the story of how Darth Vader returned to the light in the end.
"Do not compare me to Vader!" Kylo retorted. "I am ten times greater than he was. I am on the verge of accomplishing things he only ever dreamed of." With every word he marched closer to where I stood. "By returning to the light he only proved how weak he truly was. Luke made him soft, just as he tried to make us soft!" He loomed over me now, a mere foot away. Anger radiated from his body and his chest heaved with it.
Despite his rage, I was confident he would never hurt me. I reached out and gently touched his wrist. I had barely made contact when he shoved me away, putting his lightsaber between us. I would've fallen into the snow if it hadn't been for Rey. She stepped up and caught me by the arm and held me until I gained my balance once more. She was gentle as she backed me away and I simply stared at Kylo Ren in shock.
"Ben Solo is dead. I destroyed him," he insisted.
"Then we will destroy Kylo Ren as well," Rey snapped. her lightsaber clicked on and before I could stop her, she swung it at the man. He swiftly blocked her attack and countered it with one of his own. I watched, completely helpless as the fight raged on. Even though she didn't have the years of training Kylo had, Rey managed to keep him on his toes.
"No, no, no," I murmured. This wasn't how everything was supposed to go. My hopes of bringing him home and having my family together again were crushed. I thought that Ben was still there. Even after Rey told me he killed my father, I still had hope. I could find a way to forgive him. it wasn't his fault. It was Snoke and the dark side making him do these things. But seeing him now, seeing him like this, I understood. I couldn't bring him back. Not unless he wanted to become Ben again. And he had made it very clear that Ben was dead.
Rey let out a cry of pain as her arm was struck, leaving a large gash that I could see even from where I was. She dropped her lightsaber and clutched the wound on instinct. Kylo advanced on her, his lightsaber positioned to end her life.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. I clicked on my lightsaber and ran to them, watching in horror as he brought the weapon down towards her head. Red and blue clashed and our sabers hissed against one another as I blocked him from killing her. His gaze shifted to me in shock. He had been so focused on her that he hadn't even noticed me coming.
Rey was in bad shape. Her dominant arm was in no condition to be welding a lightsaber.
"Go back to the ship, Rey," I ordered. Kylo would use her as a weak point to distract me and stop me. He would continue to try and kill her, and I couldn't defend the both of us. "Go!" I shouted when she didn't move.
Finally, she scrambled into action. "I'll send Finn to help," she assured me as she ran off into the darkness, still clutching her arm.
Kylo swung at me and I ducked, barely missing it. I aimed a kick at his legs and landed it. he stumbled backwards a few inches and I used that opportunity to aim another kick to his chest. He landed on his back in the snow. "I don't want to kill you," I said, marching to him. "But I will for the sake of the rebellion and for my friends."
I didn't see his fingers twitch. My lightsaber was ripped from my hands. It hit a nearby tree and hit the snow with a soft thud. I met his eyes through the mask. Neither of us moved for several moments. My eyes flickered to my lightsaber on the ground and he must've noticed because he scrambled to his feet. I made a dash for my own weapon which lay several feet away. A root hidden under the snow caught my foot and I collapsed. In a panic I crawled the last foot towards my saber, desperately grasping at the snow until I felt the cool metal hilt hit my fingertips. I could hear heavy footsteps approaching from behind.
I rolled over and clicked on my lightsaber, using it to shield my body from Kylo, just managing to knock his own blade from striking my chest. He pressed his saber against mine, trying to use his strength against me. It made me remember the times we used to spar at Luke's Jedi school. He always taught me that even though I was smaller, I could still beat the larger kids. I just never thought I would have to use those tactics against my own brother. I shifted, ringing up my foot and kicking him as hard as I could in the groin.
While he writhed in pain, I hurried to my feet and pointed my blade towards him. "Surrender."
He screamed at me in frustration. "Never." He charged towards me with his weapon in an attempt to wrestle me to the ground and surely with every intention of ending my life. He wanted to end anything that connected him to his former life as Ben Solo.
I whirled out of the way and twisted my lights in my hand, plunging it into his back as he ran past me. A guttaral sound escaped his lips. I slowly pulled the weapon from his body and caught him as he fell backwards. I allowed my lightsaber to fall to the ground as I steadied my brother and lowered him gently into the snow. A sick feeling overtook me. I couldn't see his face and I didn't want to either, but I knew that that light was slowly leaving his eyes.
"I am sorry, brother," I murmured. In response, he released a low groan of pain and a wince. His bretahing was labored. A warm liquid seeped onto me, a stark contrast from the cold snow that we lay in. I held him as he died. And then a while after. It wasn't until Finn appeared that I let go and that was only because he dragged me away. Turns out I had to break my promise to my mother anyways.
~~~~
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this sad one haha.
(No spoilers in the comments please). Have you guys watched Kenobi?