There is one thing that I've realised in the past hour: Samuel fucking Andrews is the most annoying person when it comes to me tutoring him.
We're sitting in his room right now, the curtains between his area and his roommate's drawn open. Carl Travis sits on his bed, his red hair dripping wet. He's momentarily glancing at us and laughing at the way I'm getting annoyed by him but I can't exactly be mad at him. He's reminding me of Jude and I can assure you that it's just not because of the red hair. If I didn't know better, I would say that Carl and Jude are siblings.
"Sam, fucking hell-" I cut off, sighing. "I just told you to use that formula."
He lets out a groan in frustration and leans back, annoyed. "I hate math so fucking much. It's just a bunch of attention seeking numbers."
I lean back against the wall, reaching for the water bottle and taking a sip. He leans back too, grabbing his phone from his side and beginning to scroll through it. Seeing that, I know that he isn't going to study anymore anyways. Not that he actually has in the past hour - he's been doing two questions and we've gotten fifteen in this week's math assignment.
"I'm tired," he announces with a sigh, not looking up even once.
Carl snorts. "You've literally done nothing at all, asshole."
"Shut up," Sam snaps at him but the other guy just shrugs him off, going back to whatever he's doing. When Sam finally looks at me, he gestures towards the door. "Let's take a walk for a while."
I hum and get off his bed, putting on my shoes once again and standing up. I make my way to the door and he follows me. I hold it open as he exits, sending one look to Carl. "See you around, Carl," I call out to him.
He looks up and smiles. "Yeah, yeah. Next time you come over, help me with my assignments as well."
I roll my eyes. "What am I, your private tutor?"
"You can be," he suggests but I brush him off, closing the door. The hallways aren't empty and I'm earning looks from the guys around me. There is no rule that says that girls cannot enter the boys dormitory but finding me, a Calliope girl, here? That must be a little weird for them to digest, I guess. Since the Melpomene dorms are on the first floor, we take the stairs. Reaching downstairs, I immediately realise how cold I am and how lucky I am to be wearing full sleeves at a moment like this.
Sam and I begin to walk away from the dorms, stepping out of Minerva and taking up the path that would lead us to the opposite side of the campus, the part where there are more stores for the students' convenience. I've only been there twice because I never saw the need to be there. This is the first time I'm walking somewhere with Sam alone without having anything to talk about with him.
I had thought that it would have been too awkward between us as we didn't talk much ever since the night he broke down and confided in me. He was probably regretting it now that I think of it. The fact that he isn't aware of my deal with Nate. A heavy feeling settles down in my stomach as I think of Nate and our kiss. I didn't regret it but the fact that Sam is so clueless about everything that is happening almost breaks my heart.
"So," I say, breaking the silence between us. "How've you been?"
He tugs at his watch, eyeing it as if it's the first time he's seeing it. I noticed back in the room that he has a fascination with watches - he owns a shit ton of them and I'd be surprised that he can afford them all if I didn't know who his aunt is. "Good. You?"
"Same," I answer. "You said you had something to talk about."
He nods. "I do."
I wait for him to continue but when he doesn't, I look at him, observing his expression that clearly says that he doesn't know what to say. I tug at his sleeve, gesturing to him to speak.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry," he blurts out. I don't say anything because I figure that he needs time to think out his thoughts. My interruption won't help him at all. So I wait for him until he begins to speak again. He stops walking and so do I as he nervously plays with his watch. "I've been avoiding you for a while now because I didn't want to talk to you. I thought you would judge me for whatever I said and.."
He trails off, looking up.
"And I said some mean stuff about you. I don't even know you much. You're not like Asher and Nate and I trust you enough to know that you wouldn't use me. You're not like them and I'm so sorry to compare you with them. I told you so much and you heard me and-" he breaks off, running a hand through his hair. "You'd tell me if something is going on, right? With Asher and Nate?"
I shake my head, biting back the honest response. No, I can't tell you. Because there's too much to tell and you'd get so mad when you hear about Nate. You guys would fight again. You'll probably end up with a broken face. And he'd be so mad too. If not mad, he'd just smile and say something that shows that he's interested and amused. But I don't think that either of you both know each other. What I'm doing here - talking to both of you and trying to get to know you - am I missing something? Are both of you actually who you are telling me you are?
"I'll tell you if it's related to you, of course," I say and I almost think that he's pointed out the difference between his words and mine. Either he doesn't, or he doesn't really care about it at all. All he cares about is how much he hates Nate. "You weren't at the party. Summer's."
"I wasn't." He sighs. "I did meet my aunt today but I wasn't there yesterday. I'm not exactly a fan of Nate and all his friends."
I nod, understanding. "Fair." I let out a breath, bracing myself to ask a question that isn't exactly a good one to ask at a moment like this. "Does he still...?" I trail off.
"Hit me?" He raises his eyebrow, then shakes his head. "Nope. He hasn't. It's a surprise, honestly. He doesn't even talk to me like he did before. When he looks at me, he just avoids me."
Somehow, that makes me feel a little better.
"That's a good thing, I guess," he mutters. "I like it better when I don't have his attention at all."
I silently agree with him. Him and Nate are better off without talking to each other and I hope Nate has realised this as well. Speaking of which, my heart skips a beat as I realise that I have to meet Nate at night today. We've agreed to do so after dinner but somehow, the thought of us meeting just a little after I meet Sam makes me feel a little guilty. Isn't that exactly what happened on that night as well? I shake that thought away for now. If something happens, I'll deal with it then and there.
"You know you can talk to me, right?" I tell him.
He smiles, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close to him, catching me a little off guard. I hear his laughter in my ear and I find myself smiling as well, knowing that Sam is one of the few friends I can count on, and that I have to keep him away from everything I'm here to do, no matter what. "Believe it or not, you're the only person other than my brother who knows about this. You're the first person I'd turn to in case anything happens or I want to talk."
Something about this makes me feel good. "As you should."
He chuckles.
The two of us walk together for a while with him telling me about stuff that's happening in his class. About how Line and Akira were talking about the rumour up on the vent wall and speculating about it and how they were asking him to ask me about it. In truth, I had expected someone to come up to me and ask me about it but the only person who really did was Jude. Hayette has been worse ever since, avoiding me and attempting to sabotage me no matter what.
If she continues it, I'll have to do something to shut her up because she's making me mad.
I have a light dinner with Kai and Ryker since Rhea had something to do outside the academy. Kai and I may be the quiet ones of the group but nothing is more unsettling than Ryker not saying anything for fifteen minutes straight. He seems like he's thinking about something, which is really unusual because he never thinks in the first place.
Kai and I exchange looks, a silent conversation through our eyes. Somehow, both of us understand each other at once. Sometimes, I wonder whether this guy can really read me but then I realise that he only sees what I want him to. As long as I keep my guard up, there's nothing I have to worry about. Making friends here was never a part of the plan but it's practically inevitable not to.
"So, uhm," Kai begins, clearing his throat. "Are you okay?"
Ryker looks up. He seems like he didn't expect him to speak up at all. Or worse, he seems like he didn't remember we were sitting with him. Something's up, I can tell it in his body language. "Yeah," he says finally, letting out a deep breath. "I'm fine. I'm cool."
"You don't seem fine," Kai says. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm just having a headache."
He picks on his food and I can tell that he's aware of both of our gazes on him. Kai is expecting him to elaborate but when he doesn't he just lets out a sigh, giving up and slumping back on his chair as he takes a bite of his food. "Fine," he says, "if you say so."
Ryker momentarily looks up at Kai, trying to read Kai's expression, who isn't bothering to look at him anymore. Then, he turns to face me and our eyes lock. I see him freeze for a moment, something flashing behind his dark eyes before he looks away. I look away from him as well, confirming my suspicion that something's up. He's done something. I can tell that he has. Just like he can tell that I know something's up.
He leaves earlier than usual. I watch him as he leaves hastily, making it even more obvious that something happened and that is somehow connected to him.
"Yeah, he's not fine at all," Kai mutters. "You think he's missing Rhea?"
"Don't know," I mutter. "Guess he'll tell us whenever he's ready to."
Kai hums. The two of us were quiet throughout the dinner, occasionally speaking to each other. Even now, I can feel the stares and gazes of people on me. It's getting annoying and uncomfortable now. Do these have nothing else to do? At all?
When Kai and I go the opposite ways, he asks me to meet up with the rest of them sometime tomorrow, at our usual place. At this point, our usual place is the rooftop and by sometime, he means definitely after dinner. None of us have the time before that anyways.
Nate: You free now?
Harley: Yeah.
Nate: Behind Athena. Again.
I groan in frustration. Great - now I have to go the other way. I don't know why I thought he'd pick a better place but honestly, I'm dumb enough not to realise that he thinks that the area around Athena is the only safe place for us to talk without getting heard. His friends are the only ones I've seen hang out there and he knows better when his friends aren't going to be around there.
From my sister's diary, I know far better places. No way in hell I'm telling him about them, though.
The moment I take a turn, I see him standing there just like the way I first met two weeks ago. Leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. The only difference is the fact that he has a cigarette stuck in his mouth and eyes closed. He's wearing a maroon coloured t-shirt, loose as always and showing off his collarbone and black sweatpants. He looks just as attractive as ever, even with his eyes closed.
"Are you gonna stare at me like that forever?" he says suddenly. He opens his eyes, sparing me a glance and then looking away again. "Come here."
I wouldn't have listened to him if I wasn't tired and in a mood to resist. I walk up to him, stopping a little away as I lean against one of my shoulders towards the wall, looking at him as he smokes. "I thought smoking wasn't allowed on campus."
He scoffs. "It isn't." He tilts his head to meet my eyes, an amused smile on his face. "Blindspot." My eyes go around almost instinctively before I let out a small breath. I've found more of the blindspots in this school during my first week but didn't feel the need to use them. There's nothing I need to do there - might as well save them for later. Even though they're so many that I can barely count them on my fingers.
He drops the cigarette and crushes it under his feet. I can't help but ask a single question that dominated my mind the moment I saw him smoke.
"Did you burn yourself?" I ask him quietly.
He shakes his head. "Almost. Didn't, though. You arrived while I was thinking of it."
"Oh" is all I can say. I don't know whether I should be glad that he didn't hurt himself or whether I should call him out for even thinking of it.
He turns to face me completely after that, his hands reaching up to graze my cheek. He's playing - teasing, even. But I'm not taking this up now. I look into his eyes again and see that he's expecting me to say or do something. With the way his hand is brushing against my face on purpose, I know he has other ideas.
I sigh again, tilting my head to make it lean against the wall. "If you're done eye fucking me," I whisper because I don't need to be loud - somehow, he seems closer than he was a few moments ago. "Tell me why you called me here."
He drops his hands, biting his lip as his lips tug upwards in interest. "Don't know whether I should be annoyed or fucking mad at you for being this impatient."
"Do I look like I care?" I say after making sure that I don't look like that. "Just get this over with."
His smile never leaves his face as he grabs my wrist and comes in front of me, cornering me against the wall. He leans in towards my ear, his lips teasingly brushing against my jaw before he stops right in front of my ear. His breath is hot and he still smells like smoke but I never seem to care about that with him. His breath is raspy and slow as he speaks, his lips grazing my ears on purpose.
"Here's what you're gonna do, Kingsley..." he trails off, all his following words registering in my brain at once.