Saturday night, I was talking to Somi on the phone all throughout the night. We were talking about my little crush on Lia, her date, and some stuff about ourselves. She and Reed were somehow alike. They're both kind, sweet, and caring. Though, Somi can sometimes be mean, while Reed was never mean.
Sunday was a normal day for me and my family. My mom and I baked two apple pies and we gave one to Winter and her family. Monday and Tuesday went by and it's pretty much me and my best friend hanging out all day. Wednesday morning came by, and again, I was late for school. I slept through my alarm clock because I went to bed at 3 am. Thank god the teacher wasn't there as I got inside the classroom, or else I'll be going to detention again.
I was waiting for Lia to sit beside me in class but she didn't come. Along with our other subjects together, she was nowhere to be seen, and I was getting worried. But maybe she's busy or she's sick and at home. It's funny how I wanted to stop thinking about her, but here I was, looking for her and thinking about her.
These past few days seemed different, maybe it was because Lia wasn't around.
This lunch, it was just me and my best friend again. Karina was in a meeting with her teammates. I don't know if Lia was there, but I'm sure she is. She needed to be there, cause she's the captain. Knowing her, she barely get sick and was often present.
My search party for Lia was written all over me, stressing me out, and my best friend seemed to notice.
"Are you looking for Lia?" She blurted.
I looked up from my notebook to her, tapping my pen on the table. "Yeah. Do you know where she is? Have you seen her since Monday?"
"Yeah. I saw her awhile ago when I walked Karina to the field, why?"
"I feel my day is incomplete these days," I admitted.
Her eyes widen. "Oh my God. You're finally in love!"
I glared at her. "I'm not in love. I just got used to her annoying me everyday, and these days she's like... It's like- like how it was before. No Lia, no flirting and such,"
"Isn't that what you want? For her to stop annoying you and all?"
"Yeah... But why does it feel so wrong?"
"Cause you're gay!" She grinned.
"Ugh, I'm not, Winter!" I groaned, hitting my head on the table, hoping my brain would stop thinking about Lia.
"It's okay, babe. No need to deny it. I'm gay, Karina is gay too. We'll love you no matter what." She pushed my hair away from my face to see it clearly.
I gave her a half smile. "That's nice. But I am not gay."
"Why don't you go to the field to see her?" As my reply, I shrugged and continued eating my food.
I wanted to see her... But what if she doesn't want to see me?
_
As I got home from the cafe, I planned on watching a lesbian film to explore myself more like what Somi said. I browsed through the Internet, googling some good lesbian films, and found a movie. Reading the synopsis, I decided to watch it.
Sending a selfie of me and the movie to Somi so she knows that I'm finally watching a lesbian movie. She replied a minute after, telling me to enjoy. I hit the play button and the movie began.
I found the movie good so far. But it seemed like it was a sign. One of the leading ladies' name was Lian.
Lia here, Lia there, Lia everywhere!
She's omnipresent. But instead of denying things and forcing myself to stop thinking about her, I just let everything be. Because sometimes we just have to stop forcing something and just let things be. The more we deny something, the more we think about it. Gotta accept the fact that that's the way it was.
And I should just let myself be.
My breath hitched as they started to kiss. My thigh itched and I scratched it with my hand. Soon the door burst open, Winter came into view.
"Hey Yedeong, wha-"
I shut my laptop fast, heart's beating out of my chest. Afraid that she might ask why am I watching a lesbian movie. "Sup dawg?"
She has her mouth hung open, looking back and forth from me to my laptop. "Are you watching porn?!"
"Dude, what the fuck?"
"Are you also..." She pointed the hand I used to scratch my thigh- which was under the blanket.
"Eww, Win, no. I was scratching my thigh cause it's itchy," I removed the blanket, showing her my thigh with red scratch marks.
"You know Yeji, its okay if you are. I understand why. I know that single life can be lonely sometimes and-"
"Win, I'm not watching porn!" I snickered, trying not to laugh at her face.
"What then?" She sat on the bed, looking at me curiously.
"I don't wanna tell you cause you're just gonna tease me," I said softly.
"Is it something serious?"
I tilted my head from side to side. "Yeah..."
"I promise not to tease you,"
"Promise?"
"Promise promise!" She crossed her heart and flashed me a grin.
"Win, I'm serious, okay? You really promise?"
She nodded eagerly like a bobblehead. "Promise promise promise! So come on, tell momma Winter what is you watching,"
I heaved a sigh, my face morphing in distraught. "I'm watching a lesbian movie." I mumbled so quiet that even I couldn't hear it.
"What?"
"Lesbian movie?" I said a little louder, but not enough for her to hear.
She let out a sigh. "You gotta make your voice louder, Ji. I'm no superhero, I don't have hearing powers,"
"Lesbian movie!" I cried.
She squinted. "Why?"
She's not making this any easier. I wanna cry. "Cause I'm confused about my sexuality?"
"Again, I don't have super pow-"
Oh screw this. "I'm confused about my sexuality!"
She stared at me for a second before her mouth perked up. "I knew it!"
"Winter!" I whined, hiding my face in the blanket.
"What?" She chuckled.
"Don't tease me please." I muffled under the blanket.
She removed the blanket off my face and fixed my hair. "I won't, don't worry. It's just that... I knew way before then."
This made me look up. "Really?"
She gave me a genuine smile. "Yes, it's so obvious. That's why me and Karina are always teasing you, cause we can see it, even if you didn't. Took you long enough,"
"The hell?" I said to myself.
"Remember when we were in 3rd grade and there's this girl named... I forgot her name. What was her name again?"
My jaw dropped. "Ryujin?"
"Yes! Her,"
"Wait, how did- how did you know about Ryujin?"
"You used to giggle every time you two talk. I remembered your arm touched hers and you didn't want anyone to touch your arm. You even swatted my hand when I was about to grab your arm!"
I was surprised that she knew that. I've always thought that it's just me who can see it. "I thought I was the only one who knew,"
"You're my best friend, Yeji. We've known each other since we were in diapers. I know you more than you know yourself," I pursed my lips, thinking that I wasn't subtle. "Who would've thought that Lia is the one who'll make you realize that you're gay," She added, smirking at me.
I looked into her eyes. "Lia? I never said anything about her,"
"You didn't. But it's also obvious, you know?"
"That bad, huh?" I admitted, finally giving in.
"I couldn't blame you, babe. When you like someone, it's hard to hide your feelings,"
"Thank you, Winter. I love you!" I said between my kisses on all over her face.
She laughed at my action. "That's what sisters are for. I love you so much more!"
I will always be grateful to have her in my life and I couldn't ask for a better best friend.
She tapped my legs, telling me to scoot. "Now scoot over and let me watch it with you, you lesbo!"
I grinned while chuckling and moved over to give her some space on the bed. I opened my laptop and continued where I left of.