BROMMY
"Splendid."
"Quite," I reply.
Adler clasps his hands behind his back.
No temple has been constructed in his name.
No, Enoch wouldn't have that. Adler has been instead given what was once Zard's commune.
In return, he has until the next moon to build an observatory and restore light here.
The stone collumns are still painted red. The entirety of this structure is open. There are no rooms. Only a roof.
Now, guards do stand between the gaps in the collumns. Behind them, large heavy cloth visors hang around the perimeter to give some privacy.
In the darkness, his lightless clout allows Greta's corpse to levitate in place.
Adler steps out from behind it.
I fight back a shudder as I watch the clout carry her backward out of my arm's reach and behind himself. Disturbing how quickly he can manueavor a force so deadly.
"Enoch is unhappy. You were to attend breakfast this morning. Will you join us in the morrow, Adler?"
"You were ogling her body."
"I am a man, Adler. It was a natural reaction. You are the one who chooses to keep her unclothed. Do you not do the same?"
"I thought you were not attracted to her. Of course, you are though. We are of the same blood."
"I have not come for Greta. I have come for you," I begin. Unlike Greta, he is fully clothed. His face veiled still as she requested of all males. Shards of glass and precious gemstone comprise the daggers lined in formation on his helmet. Chainmail covers his chest and stretches to his feet. "You are dressed as a war advisor, why?"
"To scare the mongrels," he chuckles. "I don't want to be bothered with attention-"
"You mean women?"
"Yes. Here, I cannot be tempted. My pearl captivates me. There are no distractions."
"I wish you did have control, Adler. Ren is with your child-"
"Kill it and her."
"Have you no empathy? You know Greta wouldn't want that-"
Without warning, he strikes me across the face. Blood leaves my mouth as I look up at him from the ground.
"What would you know?" he says, emotionless. "You're too hideous to be loved. I can ruin your other eye too, Brometheous. I will never feel guilty for using a whore-"
"You used Greta," I spit back, I rise to my feet with new fury, "You fucked her just because you could. You loved that she could forgive you over and over again. You loved that she wanted to help you. You loved that she trusted you. Then...then you defiled her. Made her deform her body!" I shout while looking at her scarred breasts. Then lower, where lacerations and infected bumps cover her womanhood. "Look at her!"
"That was my sweet's choice-"
"You damn well know it wasn't! You saw all the signs. You knew she was harming herself. You enjoyed seeing a woman crumble! You enjoyed watching her try to escape her body. Because y-you...you believe men are superior. Why I, why I suppose you wished she was a man too!"
"She was neither woman or man in the end."
"Fuck you!"
"I've done enough of that in my lifetime. I'm sure I will get plenty more of it. There's nothing wrong with displaying something exotic."
"You have lost your mind."
"Perhaps you are spending too much time with Enoch. You are beginning to act like him, Brometheous."
"Forgive me, Adler. Normally, you are not so ruled by emotion, but your logic. We are all troubled by this. My concern is you have no way of siphoning off this sorrow and anger with the world. Your goals have been forgotten. Do you think there is any truth in what I say?"
***
ADLER
Her old journal. The pages are just as I remember.
Sullen self portraits depicting my sweet's misery. Why didn't she share any of it with me? I suppose she did, but how was I to know death was her wish? Incubators normally do not commit such selfish acts.
Taking her own life...
It was too painful to live than to dream.
Her skin is still as soft as I remember. How perfectly her hand still fits in mine. It's as though at any moment her eyes will open and she will be mine again.
"I tried to tell you, I am addicted to it. Not just sex, my sweet. The wine, the bint oil, the entertainment, luxuries... it's not as though I truly love those things. I just want them because...because...they make me feel good. They, uh, make me happy. No, not as much as you. You make me most happy!" I clutch her soft frame tightly like a child clinging to it's mother.
Sex was supposed to be special she told me one night.
"My pearl, you were most special. I know y-you wanted it to be special. It was your first time and I wish it would have been my first time too. You understand. You understand, don't you? I did not know the cosmos created you before meeting you. I did not...I did not know what I was doing until it was too late."
My tears wet her hair as I hide my face in it whispering all truth in her ear.
"I loved you more than you imagined. I would never hurt you on purpose. I did not have sex with those women to make you sad. I only want you."
But I didn't. Of course, I could never tell her such a thing. I still crave the pleasures only the best whores can bring.
My face burns as I imagine if my pearl ever knew such a thing.
Who am I kidding?
She knew well herself that truth.
She must have felt like she was not good enough.
"I am not good enough. I am dirt beneath a mongrel's foot compared to you. You said so yourself. I am filth," I agree. "I am very much filthy compared to you."
She had told me I was not hers. That I was not 'it'.
"I wish I would not have fallen asleep. I wish you would have woke me up. Instead of dying alone...I would have went with you. The truth is, I don't like it here either. I don't like being alone. I should have known you were telling the truth. Why didn't I want to believe you?"
I knew. I knew she wanted to die. We had talked before about her desire to escape.
How short a life.
Did she even enjoy our moments?
Why leave me here?
"I...I told you I would change for you. I would be whatever you wish."
Why didn't she wait?
She only had made love a few times. I don't think she enjoyed herself as much as other women have. It disturbs me.
It disturbs me to think that she might not have been interested in sex at all. That she was not interested in pleasure. I've had so much. So much time.
What of time, anyway? You had enough of it.
Enough of me.
How was I supposed to know I would find you? You should not have expected me to change so quickly. You shouldn't have expected me to ever change.
"We were meant to enjoy the pleasures of life. I tried to show you them, but you wouldn't have it. You didn't want men. You didn't want women. You didn't want me. I could have just been your friend as you wished."
I could have, perhaps, learned more about her sadness. I could have supported her. Whatever she wanted to be. Neither man or woman. I wanted to be it for her, whatever it was.
"I don't blame you for hating sex. You saw me abuse that pleasure. You didn't know it had nothing to do with you. Why, I have been doing it since I can remember. It's not as though I loved all those women. I just wanted what they could give me. That's all."
Then a disturbing thought drifts through my mind.
"Did you think I only wanted sex from you?"
I gave her many things. Besides materials, I gave her my time. Something I do not spare many.
Yet, my hands fidget as I fold them under my chin.
"I was in love with you. Not your body. Besides, we never even had true pleasure together. At least, not like the others. How frustrating it was. Perhaps, it's because I already spent so much time with other women. And you...you had no idea what pleasure even was. You knew no difference. I promise, if you stayed, I could have learned to love you how you needed. It's what I learned too late. I should have talked to you more. I should have believed your pain."
I should have wanted to change.
But I didn't.
Not when so much else needed taken care of.
She wasn't my priority.
"Fuck! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
How terrifying to imagine her suffering. I was so close, but so far away. Even in her last moments.
Not even a goodbye.
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