A Promise (An Attack on Titan...

De buncha-evs

351K 17.8K 14K

In which the 13th Commander of the Scouting Legion and his right hand woman both strive to reach their dreams... Mais

The Beginning
Dreams
Training Corps
The Squad
Mess in the Mess hall
Tall, Blond, and Handsome
Feelings
The Lady in the Bar
Jealousy?
3DMG Training
Drunk
Mountain Ride
Under the rainfall
Found out
Caught
Selfishness
Graduation
Separation
Survey Corps
First Expedition I
First Expedition II
Aftermath
Blame
SEASON 2: Timeskip
Friends
Mitras
Encounter
Engagement Party
Turmoil
Feelings of the Past
Reunion
Underground Chase
The Trio
Campus Cleanup
Prelude
A Choice with No Regrets
Unwind
Street Festival
Pet
News of Tragedy
The Fall of Wall Maria I
The Fall of Wall Maria II
The Fall of Wall Maria III
Baby Responsibility
Chaotic Babysitters
Warm Seasons
♪ Perfect ♪
Discussions
Argument
Farewells
Reclamation of Wall Maria
SEASON 3: Humanity's Best Soldiers
Havoc in Trost
Suspicions and Guesses
Military Tribunal
104th Squad New Recruits
The Survey Corps is Weird
Wishes of a Soldier
57th Expedition Beyond the Walls
Orders
Bitter Failures
Forgiveness
So Close
Unbreakable Bond
Raid on Stohess District
Council Summons
A Brave Soldier's Last Stand
Wall Rose Chaos
Enemy Reveal
Retrieval Mission I
Retrieval Mission II
Another Loss
Love
Calm Before A Storm
Alliance and Another Gamble
A Mission
CLASH!
At the Reiss Chapel
New Regime
Omen
That Night
Promises
The Final Operation II
Charge
The Last
Epilogue: His Promise
Author's Note
Additional Announcements

The Final Operation I

2.3K 115 162
De buncha-evs

Erwin woke up from a strip of sunlight that was filtering past the window of his quarters. It managed to hit him right in the eyes, glaringly, leaving him no choice but to leave the comfort of his slumber.

He was about to sit up when he felt a warm presence radiating from his side. Erwin craned his head and was met face to face with Isanna's sleeping form, softly snoozing away without a care in the world, her chest heaving in rhythmic beats.

She looked peaceful.

For the amount of times they'd slept in the same bed ever since they were kids, Erwin wondered how he was able to survive this long. He supposed he should thank his father for raising him right.

Slowly, he lifted a hand to caress a few of her hair locks away, wondering if this was the feeling of waking up next to your wife every day—because if it was, then he was looking forward to feel it every waking moment for the rest of his life.

Erwin turned to the window where the light rays were seeping past, watching the warm hues of the sky as the coming of dawn neared, and like a bucket of cold water being doused, reality came washing over him.

Ah.

The final mission to reclaim Wall Maria.

Erwin sat up and ruffled his bed hair, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and mental preparation for what was to come in the next hours.

He rose from the bed and headed to the bathroom, stopping in front of the sink. His gaze fell on his reflection, eyeing the bandaged nub under his right shoulder, before he lifted a tentative hand to hold his injury.

It would take about an entire day to travel to Shiganshina district—in less than forty-eight hours, the outcome of this operation would be decided.

At that thought, his hand subconsciously tightened around his injury.

Just a little bit more, he thought.

And, he paused, turning to the figure that was on the bed of his room, drowning in blissful sleep.

His long-time dream was finally within sight—and beyond that, his new dream lay in wait.

The executives of the new council had arrived at the HQ of the Survey Corps to bid them best wishes for their operation.

On one side stood a number of Scout veterans led by Erwin, the other the heads in the council—General Darius Zackly, Commanders of the Garrison and Military Police, Dot Pixis and Nile Dok respectively, to name a few.

After some final words, both sides gave their salutes to the other—salutes filled with hope that, this time around, the Scouts will return victorious.

Isanna glanced at Nile, noticing the way he seemed to have had a hard time looking at her in the eye. The last thing she saw of him before she turned around to exit the building together with the other veterans was Nile clenching his jaw, frown etched deep into his face.

The Scouts gathered around the top of Wall Rose just as the sunrise slowly soaked the skies above them with warm red and orange. Bustles of horses and equipment rolled through the atmosphere as the soldiers prepared the lifts that will carry them down the wall.

Erwin browsed over the soldiers as they went. Some—those who'd recently transferred from the other branches, seemed the most eager, while the others more somber. The very look plastered on their faces was enough indication of the difference between the new recruits and the older ones.

He turned to the glowing horizon, the direction of Shiganshina, and the basement to Eren Jaeger's home—their destination. As his eyes fixed on the burning orb that was slowly rising, his thumb absentmindedly felt for the ring on his finger, a reminder that he had a reason to return.

When he heard ripples of commotion coming from the town of Trost, he turned and walked over to the other side of the wall, looking down to see a crowd of citizens gathered below, cheering for them.

"Take back Wall Maria!"

"Come back safely!"

"The future of mankind is in your hands!"

From his side, Erwin heard Levi softly click his tongue. "Well, they blew it."

"Someone was bound to figure it out after all that noise last night," Hanji added as she looked at the cheering crowd.

Isanna walked up to Erwin's side, looking below as a smile slowly formed on her lips. "Not a bad parting gift. How long has it been since we had a warm sendoff like this?"

Erwin stared at the crowd, who all wore grins of encouragement as the cheers and yells continued to fly through the air, resounding the streets of Trost. A brief flashback of all previous expeditions rolled in his memory, only gloom and scorn reigning.

A smile made its way to him. "As far as I know, it's a first."

They heard cries of replies from their side, making them turn, only to see Jean, Connie, and Sasha with their arms flung up high as the trio mirrored the crowd's excitement.

"YEEEAH!"

"YOU CAN COUNT ON US!"

"WOOOOH!"

Levi watched them with his usual stoic. "We have idiots here too."

"They're on your squad," Hanji reminded. Levi didn't quip back.

Amid the ringing cheers, Erwin and Isanna exchanged looks, a knowing gaze and smile etched on them. Then, they turned to the crowd down below, and as if to answer to the citizens' cheers, rose their voices high together.

At the sight of seeing their two top officers yelling with the crowd, the Scouts blinked in a mixture of confusion and surprise. Even Hanji and Levi were staring at the two as if they'd just grown two more heads each.

"They're idiots too," Levi said as he watched the pair's enthusiasm. Hanji elbowed him in the gut, muttering to 'leave them be'.

Then in a matter of seconds, the Scouts boarded the lifts and were lowered down the other side of Wall Rose; the rush of adrenaline and newfound determination coursed through them as they cantered their horses across the fields, heading for their final operation to retake Wall Maria.

It took the group an entire day to reach the last thicket of forestation before Shiganshina. They had deliberately chosen a new moon night to set out in case abnormal titans lurked in wait.

Crunches of footsteps filled the nightly silence, minimal conversations exchanged between voices so as to maintain a high alert. Illumination from their recently-developed portable lights provided them ample vision as they traversed through the forest, down the slope of a hill, and only a thin cloak was their source of protection from the freezing temperature.

The longer their journey stretched on, the more time it gave Isanna to think about what their enemies might have prepared for them in Shiganshina.

Bertholdt and Reiner were bound to be there, so at least they knew they were up against the colossal and armored titans, but that was just about it.

The plan was to seal the outer gate first, then the inner gate, with all soldiers hiding their faces using the hoods of their cloaks to keep Eren from the enemy's sights. As simple as how the plan sounded, Isanna knew enacting it would be a different story; because two things the enemy always had as their advantage were the element of surprise and the fact that the Scouts were always steps behind in on-hand information.

When all of this is over.. we won't be in the dark anymore.

"Watch your step," Erwin warned in a quiet voice just as Isanna avoided a trench by the side of her feet. She muttered a quick thanks and lifted her light higher to illuminate their rugged, uneven pathway that was littered by jagged rocks and branches and shrubbery.

"You know," she began, and Erwin briefly glanced at her before he returned his eyes on their path, a cue for her to continue, "if.. when a battle does happen, you stay at the back. We don't want our commander leading a charge and potentially losing another arm."

Erwin was silent for a few moments, jaw set and gaze glued ahead. They were at the front of the line, some steps ahead of the group, so nobody could listen in on their conversation.

"Then who will lead the squadron at the forefront of a battle should that happen?"

Isanna didn't waste a beat. "I will."

A subtle pull of a frown tugged Erwin's brows, but he made no attempt to go against her. At least, not at that moment. They came across a low branch hanging from an old tree, so he had to push it away for Isanna to pass through.

"When it comes down to it," Erwin said, "observe the chain of command."

Isanna had no choice but to follow after her commander, grip on her light tightening. Nevertheless, she sighed and refocused her thoughts towards their operation.

They continued for a few more minutes, until Erwin finally saw signs of an old trail up ahead of their route.

"Relay an announcement," he ordered, "we're near the foot of the mountain."

Nodding, Isanna turned to the lagging group behind them and delivered the news. In a matter of three more minutes, they could finally see the end of the forestation; rays of the dawning sun were starting to filter past the trees and momentarily blinded the soldiers after hours of walking in the dim forest.

Once they exited the coppice, Erwin ordered for every soldier to push forward on their horse in full speed. As hooves galloped down the ragged old streets, Isanna glanced at the side to see nicked infrastructures housed with growing moss through years of abandonment after the fall five years ago.

Her reminiscence was cut short when Erwin bellowed an order, signaling the start of the operation.

All troops immediately switched to their maneuvering gear and leaped off their horses, hooking their gear lines towards the outer wall and propelling themselves upward; swooshes of hooks and fizzles of gas roared through the otherwise silent, tense air.

Erwin landed right over the inner gate while the squads separated according to plan; one accompanying Eren headed to the outer gate to seal it off first, while the rest scouted around the area of Shiganshina to locate any hiding enemies.

Isanna walked over to the edge of the wall and squinted her eyes over the fallen district of Shiganshina, destroyed and barren from the tragedy. Her entire body mantled with tension and wariness, she looked at the squads that were flying over the houses, checking each nook and cranny for Reiner and his allies.

".. I don't think they're hiding in one of the houses down there," she said as Erwin walked up next to her, him scanning the horizon with a tight gaze.

"Precisely. They tend to pull up unpredictable stratagems to outwit us."

"And they always work every damn time," Isanna said with a click of her tongue. "I bet us not encountering a single titan's one of their tricks too."

Erwin moved his gaze towards the outer gate just as a crackle of yellow lightning surged forth, engulfing the area in billows of dust—a sign of Eren's titan transformation.

"Nonetheless," he said, "the operation must continue. Even if this is a part of their plan, we'll have to play right into it for now."

When the noise of Eren's transformation subsided and the dust had cleared, they could finally see a patch of white layer covering the hole in the outer gate in the distance. Eren's hardening crystal, a success.

That's one thing checked off our to-do list, Isanna thought as she looked around, her heightened senses telling her to prepare in case any of the enemies pop up now that Eren had sealed the outer gate.

But nothing happened.

Instead, she heard a hook clamp on the edge of the wall near her, making her look down.

Armin had arrived with apprehension written all over his face.

"I have a report!" He went to relay what he discovered: remnants of a camping site, and signs of at least three people drinking some beverage before their arrival.

Three. Isanna instantly frowned. Just as she'd expected, there were more than the colossal and armored titan to be wary of.

Erwin immediately knew something was odd about Armin's discovery. A cold iron pot meant the enemy had enough time to cool it down—which couldn't have been possible under the normal given time-frame when they arrived. He told Isanna to call for nearby troops before he turned to Armin.

"Arlert," Erwin began, "take as many men as you need and search the area around the inner gate for enemies."

As a number of squads arrived at the wall, Erwin informed them to continue their search under Armin's command.

The group was dispatched by Armin's order (it was more of a timid plea than anything), and Isanna couldn't help but feel worried as she redirected her attention across the vast space of Shiganshina.

"Three shifters, more or less," she said, turning to Erwin. "And when we take into account that each shifter has varying abilities.. this isn't going to turn out good, commander."

"I know. As it stands, most of our manpower rely heavily on the new recruits—we are lacking significantly in terms of veteran skills to take on shifters." He briefly thought about all the lost competent veterans and couldn't avoid the sinking pit.

Isanna could read his thoughts and had to literally shake her head to push the thoughts away.

"Whatever. It's not like we're completely hopeless. There's Levi—"

Their conversation was only interrupted by the roar of an acoustic shell being shot. Armin landed by them once more, now with a face of resolution.

"Armin," Isanna acknowledged, "did you find something?"

"We need to search the wall!" His sudden announcement only confused the soldiers who had just arrived after his summons.

"But we already did!"

"There's nowhere for them to hid—"

Armin cut them off, "They're inside the wall!"

Yet another bout of silence washed over the troops present in the area as they all stared at the young soldier. Even Isanna frowned at his conclusion.

"Inside?"

"Yes!" Armin answered, and Isanna could clearly hear his tone of certainty. "There must be a space inside where humans can stay for an extended period of time."

Immediately after his statement, the older troops began debating against his hunch. Words of doubt and tension were thrown around one mouth to another as they began arguing amongst themselves.

At the growing disorder, Isanna finally turned to Erwin. "Commander. Your call."

Erwin took out a flare gun and shot one round to the sky, silencing the voices and capturing everyone's attention.

"There are times to be rigid and times to be flexible," he began once everyone's eyes were on him, "follow the principles you've learned as soldiers as you give everything you have to the mission. Observe the chain of command; we are here to succeed."

Following Erwin's dialogue, Armin reiterated his order to the other troops with more force, and with luck, they finally listened and dispersed to follow it through.

"I'll join the search," Isanna said once they were alone as Erwin looked at her. "Assuming a shifter comes out.. I'll need to kill them in one hit."

Erwin watched as she walked to the edge of the wall, about to scale down, when he called out to her,

"Be careful."

Isanna gave him a glance, nodding wordlessly, before she hooked a line and jumped down.

Under Erwin's command, the operation had been put on hold; a number of squads were now hanging by the wall, tapping their blades looking for a hollow spot.

It was probably just a few minutes at most, but with the rising tension, it felt like hours. Isanna meticulously tapped the surface with her blade.

Hiding inside the wall, she thought, sounds like something the enemy would do.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

A flare was shot near her.

"Here! There's a hollow spot!"

Whipping her head, she saw just in time for a part of the wall being pushed open. The Scout who had found it was stabbed, and when the perpetrator exited his hiding spot, it was revealed to be Reiner.

"Reiner!"



He looked up and made eye contact with Armin, readying his bloodied blade to go after him. But before he could even blink, a blurry figure came whizzing towards him, with breakneck speed like the wind.

No. It was not a blurry figure—it was two, he realized.

One came from above, the other from his right. A blade stabbed right through his nape, and another was struck right through his chest simultaneously.

Had he been one second late, Reiner would have been a goner.



Levi was the one to notice the glow in his eyes since he was directly facing him. With a curse, he kicked Reiner's body away, letting him crash to the ground.

"Captain! Sergeant Major!" Armin called. "Is he dead?"

Frustrated, Isanna slammed the side of her fist against the wall, glaring daggers at Reiner's fallen body.

Following her glare, Levi fixated his eyes on Reiner, whose body was crackling with lightning streaks, before a ball of light and explosion erupted around him in transformation.

So close, he thought with a tight jaw. We were so close. "Is that another one of his titan powers?"



Above the wall, upon seeing that the armored titan had transformed, Erwin immediately addressed the rest of the soldiers. "Check the surroundings! Locate the other enemies and—"

A loud, pounding boom resounded far behind him.

With a sinking foreboding, Erwin looked over his shoulder.

Multiple titans had appeared some distance away from the wall, all formed in an encasing line. And in the middle of the line was a fur-covered beast-like titan.

As the beast titan lifted its beady eyes, Erwin swore it seemed to have looked straight at him.

He watched with calculative eyes as the titan grabbed a nearby boulder and went into a stance—it took Erwin a second later to realize what it was planning on doing, and when it did, it had already chucked the slab of rock towards them.

Erwin remained on his spot, yelling out his warning to take cover, then—

A large crash thundered. Rubbles and dust flew about, cries of surprise emanated from the soldiers below the wall.

"A miss..?" one of the soldiers said.

Erwin looked at the mess below them, before he slowly pieced the opposing side's plan together.

"No. It has good aim. It blocked our only escape route," he pointed out, before looking at the beast titan in the distance. "We're both getting the battle we've been hoping for."

The rest of the soldiers who'd been hanging by the wall scaled up and joined the scene.

"Erwin!" Isanna called as she landed on top. "I'm sorry, the Armored's still—" she paused when her eyes landed on the horde of enemies ahead.

"The enemy is more formidable than we predicted," Erwin said, never taking his eyes away from the line of titans as he analyzed the battlefield.

Isanna stepped forward together with Levi, who had climbed up with her. Their attention was fixated on the beast titan, who seemed to be the one in-charge of the enemy forces.

Isanna tensed up when she saw the Beast lift its long-limbed arm, before it brought it down in a pounding hit together with a roar. As if following its order, the smaller titans broke into a sprint.

"Multiple two to three-meter titans approaching from up front!"

"The armored titan is climbing from behind!"

Armin frantically turned towards Erwin. "C—commander, the armored titan is getting closer.. and we still don't know where Bertho—"

He stopped himself when Isanna wordlessly raised a hand, signaling him to wait.

As he stared at them, Armin realized that compared to the other soldiers, the veterans were much calmer—a clear sign of their experience. Captain Levi and the Sergeant Major were by the Commander's side, waiting expectantly for his orders without a word.

When Erwin finally moved, Levi was the first one to break the silence.

"So you're finally ready to talk? Should've gotten breakfast while waiting."

Isanna frowned at him. "You try coming up with a counterattack on the spot, then?"

"Enough," Erwin said before they could start bickering, albeit he never took his eyes away from the enemy. He then gestured with his hand, blade at the ready.

"Squad Dirk and squad Marlene, go join squad Klaus at the inner gate! Guard the horses with your lives! Squad Levi and squad Hanji, take down the armored titan and make use of the thunder spears!"

All squads held their blades tight in their grasps, the proud symbol of the wings of freedom burning behind their backs, prepared to enact orders and engage their enemy in what felt like a literal battle to the death.

—but this time, the desire to come out victorious was stronger than ever. This time, they will win.

"This moment! This battle! The survival of humanity is at stake! Once more, for humanity.. offer up your hearts!"

Moblit zipped through the air with his 3DMG, the wind ruffling his hair and whistling loudly in his ears as he zeroed a determined glare at the armored titan.

Following Erwin's orders, all squads had separated to achieve their objectives. Squad Hanji and squad Levi were currently in Shiganshina, facing the armored titan, while the rest were at the other side of the inner wall.

The Armored and Eren were engaged in a hand-to-hand battle, wrecking the houses around them as they exchanged hit after hit without letting down. The impact of their battle literally shook the ground, and Moblit knew that the longer this battle drew out, the more they'll be left at a disadvantage.

Nevertheless, he glued himself by Hanji's side and waited for her orders to strike, thunder spears at the ready. Despite her recklessness, she was a capable leader and had instructed them to be on stand-by, waiting for the right moment to assist Eren.

Moblit tightened his grip around the handle of his thunder spears, muscles tense in battle instincts, as he recalled the Sergeant Major's words for him earlier before they separated.


"Moblit," Isanna called as he passed by her, heading to the other side of the wall. Moblit turned to her.

"We'll be fighting in a separate field this time," she said, nodding at him. "Take good care of Hanji."

When her words sank in him, Moblit returned her nod with a firm one of his own.

"Leave it to me, Sergeant."


He latched his hook to a nearby tower and zoomed towards it, leaning a leg against its wall while he kept a steady, alert gaze at the Armored.

The Sergeant Major and his squad leader had been close friends for as long as he could remember—and although they had contrasting personalities for the most part, Moblit could see how they both cared for each other deeply as if they were blood-related sisters. Isanna, especially, occasionally thanked him for looking after Hanji and sometimes even treated him to a good drink as compensation for the stress that came with the job, as if she was in any way responsible for the eccentric enigma that was Hanji Zoe.

He briefly sent a wary gaze at the direction of the inner gate, wondering how the squads at the other side of the wall were faring against the beast titan.

Dirk, a fellow squad leader, grunted as he sliced through the nape of a twelve-meter titan with ease. Before he could land however, he sensed a presence behind and snapped a look over his shoulder, seeing another titan with a wide smile and bulging eyes staring at him.

He flinched, and that was when he heard whooshing movement in the air and the sound of gas fizzling. A blurry figure flew behind the titan and slashed through its nape, blood spurting out in one swipe. The titan fell in a crash, landing on a house and crushing it beneath as steam curled up.

When Dirk realized who it was, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Sergeant!"

Isanna landed on the roof of a small house, her hooks disappearing back into her equipment with a clank. She glanced at him. "No slacking off, Dirk!"

"Yes ma'am!" He then realized something and looked around. "Is Captain Levi here?"

Isanna flicked her head to the side to push away an annoying fringe that had escaped her tie, before answering, "He's somewhere in the back. Let him be; he needs to conserve energy to kill that ape." She turned around and squinted at the smaller titans near them. They were near the front of the village, where she had led the other veteran squads to clean off the titans around the area.

"We better pick up our pace," she continued, glaring at the beast titan who was sitting like it was enjoying a random picnic in the horizon. The bastard. "The sooner we clean the smaller ones, the better. Before that thing makes its move."

Dirk nodded in response and quickly flew away to the other titans.

Isanna looked towards the inner wall where she could see a distant figure of someone standing on top—Erwin, who was overseeing both sides of the battlefield.

Good. Just stay there.

She figured that as long as Erwin stayed out of physical combat, she could fight without worry. Besides, what good will a one-armed soldier do?

She sent one last glare at the Beast, before she turned around, about to head to another area when a piercing, gritty roar travelled through the air in the distance.

All soldiers momentarily paused, including Isanna. She craned her neck towards the direction of Shiganshina, where she remembered Hanji and the other squads were battling against the Armored.

Her eyes narrowed. That sounded a lot like..

When she heard movement, she whipped around to look back at the Beast just as it snagged a barrel from a quadrupedal titan, and after shifting into a stance, pitched it high up in the air as if it was a projectile.

Eyes widened, Isanna followed the flying barrel as it headed right towards the direction of Shiganshina.

That's—!

She briefly recalled the last battle they had against the Armored and Colossal and knew they were about to pull the exact same thing.

With gritted teeth, she shot a glare towards the Beast, and for some reason she swore it felt as if it was smirking. Whoever the bastard in there is.. fuck you.

But, as seconds passed and nothing happened, Isanna could only wonder what had happened at the other side of the wall. She didn't know if she should be glad or not when no transformation happened.

At least, not right away.

Because some minutes after the throw, a clamorous explosion happened.

From where she was standing, all Isanna could see were the flurries of orange and red and smoke shooting towards the sky, and a blinding light that flashed somewhere in the distance. The ground seemingly shook at the force, and all she could do was stare at the sky above Shiganshina, eyes shaking. Dread and worry slowly filled her stomach as she thought about Hanji and the others who were at the other side, their current condition unknown to her.

I should.. head over there, she decided with clenched jaw. Levi could take charge over this side, he was more than capable.

No more, she thought. She could not afford to lose Hanji as well.

She needed to go assist her and the others, especially more so since they were most likely handling two shift—

"Sergeant!"

Isanna looked over towards Dirk who had called her, not understanding the fear in his eyes.

She paused.

Because her eyes caught sight of a rock flying towards him, and at that moment, everything seemed to have slowed down, the noise tuned out in her ears, her mind still trying to catch up.

"Sergeant, look out!"







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N:

oh no

[pretends to be surprised]

So anyway

Hello, author here and I'm leaving this little author's note to inform you that the remaining chapters of this fic are done and ready to be read!

And so I'll be updating every Thursday for the following weeks

Based on the number of chapters left, this will most likely end on the last week of January 2022, assuming there aren't any unprecedented occurrences :>>

Please do buckle up for the finale! Once more, thank you for bearing with me for this long, i'll be posting another author's note when the story ends, and I'd appreciate it if you read that too <3

Hope you all enjoyed your holidays, and consider this chapter my new year's gift!

- buncha

Continue lendo

Você também vai gostar

7.6K 286 24
You've worked your whole life to join the military. The child of two Military Police officers, orphaned as a young teen, you have always focused on y...
26.9K 314 50
Completed This is a collection of AOT short stories. There's gonna be lots of headcanons in here, just to warn you. I'll be taking requests, but no s...
9.4K 289 38
This is an erwinXreader story There will be little smut and other mature stuff so be aware😁 Don't let the humor in this story fool you. I love suppo...
347 53 12
AN ATTACK ON TITAN FANFICTION BY MIYAMOTO MAI (ERWIN SMITH) A cowardly life... that caused a lifetime of mistake, doubt, helplessness and guil...