TW: abuse, eating disorders
"Get it right," the CEO warned. "Or we'll all stay here and watch until you do."
"I'm sorry," Beomgyu whispered. "I'm trying."
"You're not trying," the man scoffed. "You're not even paying attention. Run it from the break."
Kai winced, watching Beomgyu fumble his cowboy hat for the eighth time that night.
"How hard is it to put on a jacket?" The CEO grabbed Beomgyu's wrist. "You have six beats to get into position. That's more than enough."
"The buttons take too much time. I can't catch the hat if my hands are-"
"I don't care." The man tightened his grip on Beomgyu's wrist. "You should be able to follow any choreography."
Beomgyu writhed in pain, trying to pull his hand away.
"Stop it! You're hurting him!" Taehyun grabbed the CEO's arm.
The CEO shrugged Taehyun off, pushing the boy into a clothes rack.
"Taehyun!" Kai scrambled to dig him out of the pile of costumes. "Are you okay?"
Taehyun sat up, tears welling in his eyes. He tried to speak, but only a pitiful whimper escaped his lips. Yeonjun clenched his jaw, grimacing as Taehyun began to cry.
"Don't." Soobin kept a firm grasp on Yeonjun's shirt, keeping him from moving. "You'll make it worse."
The CEO crouched in front of Taehyun. "Repeat after me. You hurt yourself while filming a variety show for MOA."
"I-" Taehyun shook his head. "You pushed me!"
"Soobin, control him."
"Soobin hyung," Taehyun cried. "He's-"
"Say it." Soobin avoided his eyes. "Just say it, Taehyun. You're wasting his time."
The younger boy gave him a cold stare. "I hurt myself while filming a variety show for MOA."
Yeonjun ripped the buttons off Beomgyu's prop jacket, making direct eye contact with the CEO. "As the oldest, I'm making the executive decision to get rid of these. Our dance looks better with the jackets open."
The CEO shrugged before leaving the room.
As soon as the door shut, Soobin threw himself to the ground. "Taehyun, I'm so sorry, I had to play along-"
"You were just going to sit there and let him treat us like that?"
"I had to; he wouldn't have left otherwi-"
"You're supposed to stand up for us!"
"You need to go to the hospit-"
"I don't need anything." Taehyun wiped his tears, struggling to his feet. "I'm going home."
"Taehyun..." Soobin's eyes were wide with distress. "Please, I-"
"Tae." Beomgyu touched the younger boy's waist. "You're going to the hospital."
"Not with him." Taehyun took deep breaths, trying to prevent himself from crying again. "My bag."
"I'll carry it."
"Okay," he choked. "Thank you."
"Yeah, of course." Beomgyu gently took Taehyun's uninjured hand. "Squeeze whenever it hurts."
"I'm not in labor, you idiot. The pain's constant." Taehyun shut his eyes. "And fuck you. It really hurts. Sorry, I- You're not an idiot. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Beomgyu grinned. "Use me as your punching bag. I can take it. Wait- Ow."
He glanced down at their joint hands. "Tae, don't squeeze too har- Ow!"
Beomgyu doubled over, dramatically clutching his hand. "Jesus Christ! Taehyun!"
"Sorry," Taehyun mumbled. "Sorry."
Kai frowned. "Wait, that guy... He's not with BigHit, right?"
"Yeah, he's Be:Lift, not BigHit, thankfully." Yeonjun gritted his teeth. "The fucking bastard."
Beomgyu sighed, dropping his injured act. "I feel bad for Heeseung. He and the rest of Anypen are under Be:Lift now, right?"
Kai nodded. "It's Enhypen, not Anypen, by the way."
"Guys-" Soobin started.
They all turned away.
"Let's go." Beomgyu resumed holding Taehyun's left hand. "You can still squeeze if it helps, as hard as you want."
The two boys left the practice room.
"Yeonjun?" Soobin whispered.
"I'm going to talk to PD-nim about our comeback schedule," Yeonjun replied curtly. "Taehyun's definitely out for a few days."
He left the practice room.
Soobin's voice cracked. "Kai?"
"I don't blame you. And I think the others are being a little harsh right now."
Soobin looked up hopefully.
"But you should've done better. We're a team, and you're our leader. If you can't stand up for yourself, how are you going to stand up for us?"
"I'm sorry."
Kai shook his head. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
He left the practice room.
~
"Looking back on it, I see Soobin hyung's side." Kai hugged Daniel's waist, keeping the boy on his lap as the minivan bumped down the road. "He was trying to protect us in the only way he knew how."
"But because of that, you think Soobin hyung failed at being a leader?" Daniel's eager voice burned with curiosity.
"I..." Kai bit his lip, unsure of how to answer. "I think all of us failed at being a team. When things got rough, we blamed each other and drove ourselves apart."
"I mean, at least the five of you are here now," Daniel smiled. "With me!"
"We started with six."
"Oh. That's- Wait." Daniel twisted around, staring at Kai. "Six? Whose number six?"
Kai grinned. "Well... It's not public knowledge, but TXT originally had six members. Just before our debut, we voted to kick one out because he never stopped asking questions. So annoying."
Daniel's mouth hung open. "Seriously?"
"It's true." Yeonjun's eyes appeared in the rearview mirror. "Say, Kai, don't you think Daniel looks exactly like him?"
"Yeah, they've got the same face and everything!"
"You-" Daniel stared at the headrest of the driver's seat, begrudgingly amused. "It's a joke, isn't it?"
"Of course it is," Kai laughed. "TXT's always been five. For the most part."
Daniel frowned. "For the most part...?"
"Cops," Heeseung called from the front passenger seat.
Daniel slid off Kai's lap, crouching on the floor beside Ni-ki. "I don't want to sound mean or anything, but why did you guys choose Soobin hyung to be the leader if he wasn't the best suited to it?"
"He is the best suited to it." Kai shook his head. "I'm scared to think of where TXT would be now if he wasn't chosen. Probably blacklisted by all companies or in major debt with BigHit."
"You say that because he's the only one of you that wouldn't have punched the CEO after he hurt Taehyun hyung?"
Kai shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, partially yeah, but just like in general-"
"Soobin's a quiet person," Yeonjun cut in. "He doesn't like confrontation, he writes thank-you notes to people he's met once, and he's afraid of water. Fucking water."
The older boy stared out the windshield. "He's also the bravest, most resilient person I know. He calls me out on my bullshit. He writes notes to people so he can thank them even when his anxiety's bad. He jumps into pools for music videos without telling the staff he can't swim."
"How'd that go?" Ni-ki snorted.
"Horrible. Taehyun had to save him, and he cried for an hour." Yeonjun bit his lip, smiling as he pulled into the middle school's parking lot. "After that, he got right back into the water."
Daniel glanced at Kai. "It was TXT's Run Away music video, right?"
"Yep." Kai pulled the younger boy up off the ground. "Now, no more questions, seriously. It's time for school."
"I don't want to go," Ni-ki groaned.
"Well, too bad. Move it." Sunoo crossed his arms. "Class starts in ten minutes, and the rest of us still have to drive to the high school!"
"Yeah, get the fuck out of the car," Yeonjun grinned, turning to face Ni-ki and Daniel. "Be good in school, and don't tell Soobin I cursed in front of you."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Ni-ki smirked. "See ya."
***
"What should I do?" Heeseung crouched in the parking lot of the HYBE building, stroking the soft fur of a smokey gray stray cat. "I don't want to go in."
He lightly scratched behind the cat's ears. "I've got a meeting with my CEO; he has my friend's medication. Do you know Beomgyu?"
Heeseung shook his head, smiling. "Of course you don't. You're just a cute little kitty. A boy?"
The cat nipped at his fingers.
"Okay, okay," he laughed. "You're a girl. Not a boy."
The cat purred, rubbing her head against Heeseung's palm.
"I guess you're right," Heeseung sighed. "No point in putting it off."
He stood up, clutching a folder of paperwork to his chest. "Bye, cat. Thanks for your help."
The cat swished her tail before padding away.
Heeseung joined Yeonjun in front of the heavy double doors of the HYBE building. "I'm ready."
Yeonjun nodded, shifting his grip on the fruit basket he carried. "You wanna go together to drop this off, or...?"
"Let's split up. It'll be faster."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," Heeseung smiled. "Don't forget to give them our thanks."
The fruit basket, courtesy of Beomgyu's fruit stand job, was a gift for Belift's video editors, who had been working day and night to ensure their music videos would be ready before their debut. Heeseung grimaced, remembering that at the moment, Beomgyu was their only source of income and that their unpaid rent bill was still sitting on his desk at home.
"Heeseung," Yeonjun called. "You good?"
Heeseung shook his head. "What are we going to do about the bill?"
"Hey. Don't worry about that. We'll figure something out, okay?"
"Yeah. Okay. Come on, let's go."
***
Heeseung tossed Beomgyu an orange prescription bottle. "Your ADHD meds. You remember what Dr. Bhatt told you, right?"
The older boy nodded. "Only one per day. And some other things."
Taehyun put his head down on the kitchen table. "Take one a day. It should last eight hours. Don't take any before bed, or you won't sleep. If you start hearing things or having hallucinations, call Dr. Bhatt."
"Got it." Beomgyu eagerly opened the bottle. "Gather round, everybody. Moment of truth."
"It won't start working for thirty minutes."
Beomgyu rolled his eyes. "You're such a buzzkill, Tae."
He swallowed a pill and trotted off to sit and wait on the living room couch.
"Can he at least remember to put it away?" Soobin sighed, storing the prescription bottle safely in a cabinet.
Taehyun stood up. "I'm gonna take a nap."
Soobin checked his watch. "It's not even nine am yet. You feeling okay?"
"Yeah, just need to catch up on missed sleep."
"Missed sleep?" Beomgyu returned to the kitchen, grinning. "Perfect. I'll be big spoon."
"No."
"I'll be little spoon...?"
"No. Don't follow me." Taehyun disappeared into his bedroom.
Beomgyu frowned. "Okay. Sweet dreams."
He turned to Heeseung. "Something's wrong. Taehyun loves cuddling. Even when it's a hundred degrees outsides, he insists, with blankets and everything."
"Talk to him when he wakes up," Heeseung suggested. "If he's still acting weird, apologize and hope he tells you what you did."
"Real helpful," Beomgyu snorted. "Isn't that what led Sunghoon to dump you?"
"Hey," Heeseung grinned. "Our relationships are different. What didn't work for me might work for you."
"I doubt it. The four of you aren't all that different," Soobin sighed. "What's the schedule for today?"
Yeonjun leaned back in his chair. "Me, Jake, and Daniel have to go over the script for our radio interview tomorrow."
Beomgyu absentmindedly shredded a napkin from the kitchen table. "I'm working on some songs with Yoongi hyung and Kai during their lunch breaks."
Heeseung stretched his arms. "After dance practice today, Taehyun and I are staying late with Sunoo, Ni-ki, and Sunghoon to practice vocals."
Soobin traced the fridge door with his fingers, lost in thought. He suddenly turned around. "I did the calculations. If we stop renting the minivan before Monday, we'll have enough money to pay off the housing bill. There's a small fine for ending the contract early, but it's whatever. After that, we can use our gas money for food, and hopefully, it'll hold us over until we either get our first paycheck or disband."
Heeseung cleared his throat, proudly holding out a wad of cash from his wallet. "Here. For the fine."
"Where'd you get that?" Yeonjun questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"It's the money we saved from buying groceries instead of takeout. I still have it because Kun sunbaenim fixed my phone for free, and then Jihun hyung paid for our lunch back when we ambushed him at the bakery."
Soobin nodded appreciatively, taking the cash. "Thanks. I can't believe it's only been ten days since we had that conversation at the restaurant. It feels like it's been months."
"How do you remember the exact amount of time?" Heeseung laughed.
"Cause that was the day he and I got together." Yeonjun stood up, smiling. "I'm gonna go call the car company and let them know we're ending the contract on Sunday."
Heeseung leaned back, letting the sunlight streaming through the kitchen window land on his face. "Okay, I'll be here if you need me."
***
Heeseung knew the others were watching.
He performed Yeonjun's meticulous choreography with grace and perfection, every fiber of his being channeling the music Beomgyu and Kai had worked so hard to create. Taehyun's voice floated through the room, hauntingly sweet and echoey with the occasional quiet rustling of sheet music. It reminded Heeseung of all the nights he and the younger boy had stayed late to practice together as trainees. He shot the singer a cheerful glance, smiling to himself as he thought about everyone he loved.
Daniel's A+ on his recent math test, Jake's ramen skills, Ni-ki's funny outbursts after losing a video game, Jake's ramen skills, Jungwon's mocking imitations to ensure his friends never knew peace, Jake's ramen-
"Oh shit." Sunoo stared at Taehyun, mouth agape.
"Everybody remain calm!" Ni-ki shouted, panicking. "It's fine, he's fine, everything is fine."
Heeseung stopped dancing. "What happened?"
Taehyun opened his mouth.
"No!" Sunoo shrieked, rushing forward to stop the boy from answering.
Sunghoon turned off their Bluetooth speaker, glancing at Heeseung as silence settled over the room. "He-"
"Nothing happened," Taehyun rasped. "I just lost my voice for a second."
Sunoo and Ni-ki screamed again.
"Alright, alright, enough." Heeseung waved the pair away. "Taehyun, stop talking. You're on vocal rest until tomorrow."
Taehyun rolled his eyes. "I don't need-"
Ni-ki shoved his water bottle into the older boy's arms. "Hydrate or die-drate, hyung."
"I don't need-"
"Stop talking!" Sunoo hissed.
"You stop talking!" Taehyun stood up abruptly. "Just leave me alone."
"Taehyun!" Heeseung snapped. "Apologize right now."
"Oh, fuck off. I'm your sunbaenim, remember?"
Heeseung watched in shock as the younger boy stormed out of the room.
***
"Taehyun?" Heeseung cautiously cracked open the bathroom door.
"Go away." Taehyun fell to the floor and began crying.
Heeseung immediately entered the bathroom. He knelt and wrapped his arms around the trembling boy. "Hey, hey. What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry," Taehyun sniffled. "I shouldn't have snapped at Sunoo."
"It's okay," Heeseung whispered. "He's not mad at you."
Taehyun shook his head guiltily. "And I'm sorry about the sunbaenim thing."
Heeseung pursed his lips. The topic was still somewhat of a sore subject between the two of them.
"It's fine, Tae, really. Do you want me to call Beomgyu?"
Taehyun lowered his gaze, crying even more. "No."
"Why not? What happened?"
"It's stupid," he muttered.
"So what? I'm not going to judge you." Heeseung rubbed the boy's shoulder comfortingly. "Take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong."
"I can't. It's just- You're looking at me, and I can't."
Heeseung turned around, sitting with his back to the other. "How about now?
Taehyun let out a long, quiet breath. "He didn't say it back."
"Say what back?"
"I love you, he-" The boy choked back a sob. "He just kissed me, and that was it."
"Beomgyu did?"
"Yes." Taehyun curled into a ball. "And I know he's going to leave me. As soon as he realizes our relationship won't always be joking around and teasing, he's going to leave me."
"He's not going to leave you." Heeseung paused. "I'm not buying your act, Taehyun. You're smart enough to read me, and you're smart enough to read Beomgyu. You know he loves you, even if he didn't say it."
"I don't-"
"Be honest with yourself." Heeseung turned around, gently squeezing the younger boy's hand. "What's really going on?"
Taehyun laughed miserably. "If Sunghoon didn't exist, would you still be an idol?"
Heeseung nodded. "Yes. I've wanted this since I was a kid. But so have you."
"No. It's all messy for me. I used to love music and performing, but now, I can't tell if I actually like being an idol or if I just tolerate it because it lets me have Beomgyu."
"Taehyun..." Heeseung looked down. "It's just the pressure."
"But what if it's not? What if this feeling never goes away, and I have to live the rest of my life knowing I chose this?" Taehyun's breaths quickened. "I can't-"
"You won't. I promise you won't." Heeseung crouched behind the younger boy, worried he might pass out. "Breathe, Taehyun. Forget everything else and just breathe, okay?"
Taehyun spun around, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Heeseung hyung?"
"Yeah?"
Taehyun kissed him.
Heeseung flinched backward, his mouth hanging open in shock.
Sunghoon burst into the bathroom. "Heeseung, you need to go back right now. It's an emergency."
"I- uh, what?" Heeseung stared at the newcomer, slightly disoriented.
Taehyun looked just as confused, his fingers hovering over his lips like he couldn't comprehend what he'd just done.
"Heeseung, go back. Seriously." Sunghoon sat on the floor, picking up Taehyun's hand. "I'll stay with him."
Heeseung hesitantly stood, taking one last look at the pair before exiting the bathroom.
***
"What happened?" Heeseung's chest tightened in panic as he stood in the doorway of the practice room.
Ni-ki lay motionless on the dance floor, Sunoo buzzing around him in a distressed state.
"I don't know!" Sunoo stressed. "Sunghoon hyung and I left to refill our water bottles for ten seconds, and when we came back, he was like this!"
Heeseung dropped to his knees beside Ni-ki, feeling the boy's neck for a pulse. He let out a sigh of relief. "He's just asleep. Probably the same thing that happened yesterday at dance practice. When was the last time he ate?"
Sunoo fidgeted nervously, staring at the ground.
Heeseung frowned. "Sunoo... When was the last time he ate?"
"Uh... Well, that's a hard question to answer because-"
"Is he on a diet?" Heeseung suddenly asked.
Sunoo grimaced. "Maybe."
"Since when?"
"During the trip to Busan, the CEO conference called us while you were busy at your solo shoot for your photocards. He said we'd look better for our debut stage if we lost a few pounds."
Heeseung stood up furiously. "Why didn't I know about this?"
Sunoo shied away. "He said not to tell you."
"That fucking-" Heeseung clenched his fists, staring at the wall angrily. "He knew-"
"Hyung, I'm sorry."
Heeseung snapped back to reality. He glanced at Sunoo, realizing that the younger boy was terrified. Terrified of him.
He closed his eyes, swallowing his rage. "Hey. I'm the one who should be sorry. You've done nothing wrong."
"Don't go to the CEO's office," Sunoo whispered. "It was really just a suggestion for most of us. He wasn't that harsh. Please. I don't want you to get hurt."
Heeseung shook his head. "Sunoo, why would you listen to that jerk?"
"He said we could eat whatever we wanted after promotions are over."
"And you believed him?"
"I... No, but it's a win-win. We save money by not spending it on food, and we look better for our debut."
"Sunoo... Please don't ever worry about money when it comes to food. I promise we have enough." Heeseung glanced up. "Who else is on a diet?"
"Me, Ni-ki, Yeonjun hyung, and..." Sunoo hesitated.
"And Sunghoon," Heeseung finished. He took a deep breath. "The others are voluntarily starving themselves?"
Sunoo swayed from side to side, hands locked behind his back. "We just agreed to skip breakfasts when you're not here and have smaller lunches and dinners. That's it."
Heeseung nodded. "I... Thanks for telling me. Come on, let's go home."
Ni-ki groaned in complaint as Heeseung gently sat him up.
"Dinner time," Heeseung coaxed softly. "I'll give you a piggyback ride. Just put your jacket on for me, okay? Sunoo ah, our bags."
They left the practice room as a unit, heading down the hallway to find Sunghoon and Taehyun. Heeseung held onto Ni-ki tightly, afraid the boy would slide off his back. He felt the arms around his neck slightly tense up.
"Dad," Ni-ki mumbled. "I'm hungry."
Heeseung swallowed painfully. "Where do you want to eat, Ni-ki ah?"
***
"Is this our new ride?" Daniel asked excitedly. "Since we're losing the minivan on Sunday?"
"No, I called BTS, and they lent us their driver," Heeseung answered, herding the boys inside the luxurious black van.
Ni-ki snorted. "You know, under any other circumstance, that sentence would've sounded incredibly sarcastic."
Jake put his seatbelt on, grinning. "Yo. We're with B-T-S. Make way everyone, it's Belift and BTS, coming through."
Jungwon glanced at him. "Are you acting weird because you're hungry or because you're weird?"
"Both." Jake wrapped his hands around his seatbelt, lightly resting his chin on his knuckles. "Hurry up, guys."
"Where to?" The driver asked once all thirteen boys were situated.
Heeseung turned around. "Ni-ki, have you made your choice?"
The younger boy nodded. "McDonald's."
"Yeah! Chicken nuggets!" Daniel gave Ni-ki a high five. "I can eat chicken nuggets for-"
"Shh." Jay glanced up, a finger pressed to his lips. "I'm on the phone with our manager."
"What's he calling Eunji sunbaenim for?" Daniel questioned, lowering his voice.
"He's just confirming the times for our interviews tomorrow. The schedule's been messy since the trip to Busan." Heeseung pulled his phone out, intending to triple-check their calendar.
"Can I play games?" Ni-ki whispered. "Mine's dead."
"Sure," Heeseung sighed, handing the younger boy his device.
***
"Jungwon, make sure everybody gets their order, okay? And have them sit at the counter over there. I'll be right back." Heeseung grabbed Sunghoon's hand, dragging him into the McDonald's bathroom. "When's the last time you ate breakfast?"
Sunghoon didn't answer.
"I know we were busy yesterday with the guards dragging us to HYBE and everything, but please tell me you've eaten breakfast since the hotel in Busan."
"I... haven't."
Heeseung pressed his lips together. "That was nearly a week ago, Hoon."
Sunghoon winced. "I know, but Heeseung, you have to understand, not eating breakfast isn't a crime."
"It is when you're skipping lunch and eating half a meal for dinner."
"I..." Sunghoon shook his head. "I feel fine, so it doesn't matter. It's Ni-ki you should be worrying about."
"You feel fine because you've done it before." Heeseung swallowed thickly. "When were you going to tell me you had an eating disorder?"
"I don't."
"You do."
"I'm healthy, okay? Figure skaters tend to be a bit underweight. That doesn't make us anorexic."
Heeseung desperately wished he could hold his tongue, but he needed Sunghoon to see the flaw in his logic. He stared at the boy with sad eyes, praying he wouldn't take his words too harshly.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Sunghoon whispered, taking a seat on the bathroom counter.
"Hoon... You're not a figure skater anymore."
Sunghoon wrapped his arms around himself, staring at the ceiling. "Can we just talk about this later? Please?"
Heeseung slowly nodded, understanding that Sunghoon didn't want to cry in a McDonald's bathroom.
"There's also something I need to tell you." Heeseung dawdled by the doorway. "It's about Taehyun."
"He kissed you, I know."
"You know?"
"Yeah, he told me."
"He told you?"
Sunghoon held his hands out, making grabbing motions to encourage Heeseung to come closer. "Taehyun's a good person. I trust him. And I trust you."
He slid off the counter, intertwining his fingers with Heeseung's. "Ready to go?"
~
Heeseung's attention shifted as Sunghoon and Jake appeared from a bedroom, chatting happily. He stared at them, trying to get Sunghoon to notice.
"He's not going to come, you know." Jay took off his reading glasses, fixing his hair.
Heeseung watched them join Daniel at the kitchen table. "I don't know why he keeps avoiding me."
Jay looked at him, surprised.
"You two need to work on your communication," he sighed.
~
Heeseung took a deep breath. "No."
Sunghoon turned around, giving the older boy a playful peck on the lips. "What?"
"I, uh-" Heeseung's eyes flitted to the ground as he gently pushed the boy away by the hips. "I want to talk to Taehyun. This whole-I didn't know he liked me-I feel like I have to-"
"You're curious, and you have to figure out where you stand with him." Sunghoon smiled as he ran his fingers through the older boy's hair. "That's normal, Heeseung. You don't have to ask me for permission to do anything."
Heeseung caught the boy's wrist. "I love this, but stop. We're a horrible couple; the least we can do is have a conversation without being all over each other."
Sunghoon retracted his arms. "Well, what do you want from me?"
"Tell me when you're mad." Heeseung let out a shaky breath. "Tell me when you're sad, when you're insecure, when- when you feel lonely or depressed. Tell me when you think I'm being an asshole. Don't lock away your feelings because you're afraid to lose me."
He rubbed his forehead. "God, Sunghoon. I just want you to be healthy and happy. And right now, you're neither."
Sunghoon stared at him before crying softly, "I hate my body."
Heeseung picked Sunghoon up, sitting him back on the counter. He hugged the younger boy's chest. "Why?"
"I gained weight since I stopped skating." Sunghoon cried harder, wrapping his arms around Heeseung's neck. "And I hate my face. I hate my eyes. I hate my teeth."
"Well, I love them. You're perfect when you're happy. I know you don't believe me, but it's true."
Sunghoon sniffled into his shirt. "Eat with me. It's easier when you're around."
"Done." Heeseung rubbed the boy's back. "From now on, we eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, okay?"
"No," Sunghoon groaned. "You're going to be annoying about it; I can tell already."
Heeseung shook his head in disbelief. "But you just asked me to eat with you?"
"And you better. You promised."
"Sunghoon, what do you want? You're confusing me, I-"
Sunghoon began shouting over him.
"You're annoying, you're oblivious, and-" He aggressively kissed Heeseung. "You're a horrible boyfriend!"
"You're worse!" Heeseung pulled him in for another kiss, this time more gentle. "So goddamn volatile."
"Where'd you learn that word? I know you didn't score above a D+ on any of your essays in high school."
"Soobin hyung's romance novels. We read them for research."
"We? Research?"
"Yeah, me and Beomgyu. Because you and Taehyun are like, the most unpredictable people on the planet!"
"It's not my fault!" Sunghoon cried. "You make me so- Agh!"
Heeseung let the younger boy break down his arms. Years' worth of pent-up emotions spilled out of Sunghoon's body, leaving tear stains and snot all over Heeseung's shirt.
"I love you," Sunghoon sobbed. "I really, really, really love you."
"I love you too," Heeseung whispered softly. "I really, really, really love you too, Park Sunghoon."
***
Taehyun took a deep breath. "I used to have a crush on you."
Heeseung crossed his arms, leaning back against the bathroom counter. "Well, yeah. I figured."
"Let me finish. I- Can you turn around?"
Heeseung spun to face the mirror. "Better?"
"Wow. A natural-born comedian, you are." Taehyun cracked a genuine smile, meeting Heeseung's eyes in their reflection. "You know what I mean."
Heeseung rotated so he could stare at a wall with his back to Taehyun. "Good?"
"Yeah. Thanks." Taehyun paused. "I'm sorry for kissing you. I was panicking, and I just needed something-"
His voice went hoarse. "I don't know. I need something to-"
"I get it. You don't have to explain." Heeseung turned around again, sympathetically tapping Taehyun's hand. "Vocal rest, okay? Everything you want to tell me can wait."
"I'm fine, hyung, seriously. If anything, it was a voice crack from trying to sing too high."
"If you're sure, then okay." Heeseung fiddled with a paper towel. "So you had a crush? On me?"
Taehyun rolled his eyes. "Yes. I had a big fat hand-holding, strawberry-feeding, picnic-in-the-park type-a-crush on you. Please don't make me repeat it, or I'll die of embarrassment."
"But why?"
"In case you haven't noticed, you're hot, and I'm gay."
Heeseung snorted. "Okay. Well, things should be normal between us. It doesn't have to be awkward."
He glanced at the younger boy. "Sometimes you pull away when feelings get involved."
"I know," Taehyun sighed. "I won't this time. I like our friendship right now."
Heeseung leaned back, smiling. "Me too. But just tell me if I ever overstep your boundaries, yeah?"
"Yeah, I will. Thanks, hyung."
"Hey, um." He paused. "Just out of curiosity, how was the kiss?
Taehyun burst into laughter. "I was wondering when you'd ask that. No worries, Heeseung hyung. It was the worst kiss of my life."
"Good to know," Heeseung grinned. "But ouch. Now I'm kind of hurt."
"Our lips barely touched." Taehyun rolled his eyes. "And please. It wasn't like I was in love with you or something; it was a stupid schoolboy crush. I was barely fifteen."
"Well, now I'm really hurt." Heeseung crossed his arms, pretending to be upset.
"Oh, shush. Go cry to your boyfriend about it." Taehyun's face fell as he remembered Beomgyu.
"Want to talk about it?" Heeseung asked gently.
"Nah." Taehyun tilted his head, frowning at the ground. "It's pretty straightforward. I said I love you. He didn't say it back."
"I'm sorry. I know that must've hurt."
"It's okay. I thought we were both ready." Taehyun bit his lip. "Guess I was wrong."
"He'll get there," Heeseung assured. "You're super cool. And hot...?"
"You're making this weird."
"Let's call it a day," Heeseung laughed, turning towards the exit. "Thanks for talking to me about your feelings."
"This isn't going to be a routine thing."
"Oh, I know."
Taehyun unexpectedly hugged him. "Thank you."
Heeseung patted the top of the boy's head affectionately.
"Wait." Taehyun pulled away. "I need to talk to Beomgyu, but I'm not sure how. I need- I need your help."
Heeseung grinned. "I know exactly who you need."
***
"Taehyun, is your pride worth losing Beomgyu?"
"Ye-"
"Think before you speak." Jay crossed his arms. "You want a serious relationship? Start being serious."
Taehyun huffed. "Fine. I'll do it."
Heeseung gave the younger boy a thumbs up. "You got this."
"Wait, stay," Taehyun breathed. "I can't do this alone."
Heeseung nodded. "Okay."
Jay whipped his phone out, using it as a walkie-talkie. "Jungwon, we're ready. Send in Grizzlybearfive. I repeat, send in Grizzlybearfive."
The door opened, and Beomgyu stumbled into the bathroom.
"Have a seat, hyung." Jay gestured at the counter.
Beomgyu hopped up, confused. He nervously kicked his legs as Taehyun stepped in front of him. "Hi...?"
"Hi." Taehyun took a deep breath. "I love you, and if you're not ready to say it back, then that's okay. I can wait."
Beomgyu frowned. "I love you too...? Wait, is this why you guys are acting so weird?"
"You love me?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Fuck you." Taehyun broke down into tears.
Beomgyu stared at the younger boy, bewildered. "Uh...?"
"Why didn't you say it back earlier?" Taehyun cried, wiping his face with his sleeve. "I thought- I thought-"
"Earlier?" Beomgyu glanced around. "I said it back as fast as I could!"
"No, the first time!"
"The first time? That was the first time!"
Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait, Taehyun, tell us exactly what happened from your perspective."
"We were sitting on a bench by the Han. The sun started to rise. I- Okay, I admit I could've spoken louder, but I said 'I love you' like, directly into his ear."
"I didn't hear anything," Beomgyu defended.
"Then why'd you kiss me?!"
"Cause it's romantic! The sun was rising!" Beomgyu let out an exasperated sigh. "In Soobin hyung's romance novels, the couple always kisses when the sun rises. I thought you'd like it because you like those books!"
"We're not in a K-drama, stupid." Taehyun crossed his arms over his face. "And I don't like those books."
"You love them," Beomgyu muttered. "Don't even try."
"Which side?" Jay stepped between the two boys. "Taehyun, which side of Beomgyu hyung were you sitting on?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Busan, remember? Beomgyu hyung's left eardrum is still healing."
Taehyun froze.
Heeseung watched the boy spin in place, trying to orientate himself.
"Shit. I think I was on the left." Taehyun dropped his arms. "Gyu, I-"
"You always blame me first." Beomgyu hopped down from the counter.
"What?"
"You always blame me first, and I'm sick of it. I- I know I can be difficult, and I'm really sorry for that. But you always blame me first."
Taehyun stepped back defensively. "That's not true."
"It is." Beomgyu glanced at Heeseung before facing Taehyun. "Tell the truth. Would you be happier with someone else?"
"I don't think so."
"You don't think so?"
Taehyun turned away. "That's not a question with a definitive answer. Nobody can predict the future."
"Are you kidding me?" Beomgyu ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated. "Two days ago, I would've said that you were the only person I'd ever be happy with."
"And now?"
"And now I'm not even sure you like me!"
Taehyun's face went blank. "Why are you acting so hurt? We were never anything serious."
"What?"
"Oh, come on, Beomgyu. Hooking up off-camera isn't serious. Half the industry does that!"
"It is to me! I cared about you!"
"But you never said that! You never say anything serious!"
Beomgyu clenched his fists, trying not to cry. "I thought I didn't have to."
"Yeah, well, you did," Taehyun spat. "I can't read your mind."
"So this is it." Beomgyu's eyes brimmed with tears. "You're just going to run away?"
"I'm not running away."
Jay and Heeseung exchanged knowing looks.
"You are. Whenever anybody gets close, you shut down. Feelings scare you, Taehyun. Admit it. You're scared to get hurt." Beomgyu paused. "You're scared because you love me."
"I don't love you!"
Jay shook his head, warning Heeseung not to intervene.
"You know," Beomgyu laughed dryly. "Yeonjun hyung used to run away too. But he's changed. You haven't."
"Beomgyu, if everybody in your life runs away, maybe you're the problem. Maybe you drive people away."
"You're really going to do this?"
Taehyun turned his back to the older boy. "Normal people don't throw themselves in harm's way at every chance they get. Normal people don't blurt out whatever they want whenever they want. And normal people don't fucking lose their minds when somebody tells them to slow down!"
"Yeonjun hyung told you about the car trip?"
"Of course he did," Taehyun snapped, spinning around. "Why didn't you think about me?"
His voice cracked. "What would I've done if you'd died?"
"You don't think I'm normal? What, because I have ADHD?"
Taehyun screamed in frustration. "You only hear what you want to hear! Fine, Beomgyu. You're not normal. You'll never be normal."
"I thought you didn't care."
"Well, maybe I do. Maybe I don't want to spend my life running after some-" Taehyun stopped.
Beomgyu stared at him. "Say it."
"I-"
"Say it!"
"No! I'm sorry, I-"
"You think I'm crazy, right? That I'm defective?" Beomgyu turned around, half-laughing, half-crying as he wiped his face with a sleeve. "Thanks, Tae. That means a lot."
"I'm sorry, Gyu, please-"
"Stop it!" Beogmyu covered his ears. "Just... Stop it. Stop talking, stop existing, I-"
He turned away. "I hate you."
Taehyun stepped forward, his gaze fixated on the floor. "We can fix this. We can fix everything."
"You can't fix me."
"I can." Taehyun touched the older boy's wrist. "Let me try."
"No, Taehyun." Beomgyu pulled his hand away. "You can't fix me because I'm not broken!"
"Gyu-"
Beomgyu shook his head, tears slipping down his cheeks. "Just forget it."
He left the bathroom.