TW: suicide, death
"Jay, how do you know if someone likes you?"
Jay glanced up from the stove. "They smile at you. They try to spend time with you. They look for you when you're not there. Why?"
Jake fiddled nervously with a spoon. "I dunno."
"Oh my god, you like Kai? I was just joking about you two flirting earlier!"
"No, I don't- I don't like him."
"Oh." Jay crossed the kitchen to open the fridge. "Well, help me cut up some fruit."
A minute passed as Jake quietly sliced a pear.
"Jay... how do you know if you like someone?"
"If you're thinking about him this much, you like him."
Jake set his knife down, staring at the pot on the stove. "You're making pasta for your date with Jungwon?"
"Technically, I'm making it for everybody, but yeah." Jay stirred the pasta while trying to close a cabinet with his foot. "Are you just going to stand there or...?"
Jake shut the cabinet door. "Hypothetically, if Kai had a crush on someone in the group, who'd you think-"
"Agh!" Daniel ran into the kitchen, flopping miserably to the floor. "I've just seen something no kid should ever have to see."
Jay sighed, taking off his apron. "What was it?"
"Nothing!" Soobin blushed, entering the room with a towel draped over his shoulders. "It was just me and Yeonjun in the hot tub."
"Doing what?" Jay questioned.
Soobin didn't answer.
"Doing what, hyung?" Jake whispered.
"He was teaching me how to swim!" Soobin finally answered, glancing at Yeonjun as he joined them in the kitchen. "I can't swim, Jake! Please, let the whole world know!"
"The whole world does know," Sunoo commented, poking his head through the patio door. "It's all over YouTube."
Daniel rolled his eyes, sitting up on the tile floor. "I'm pretty sure your tongues didn't have to be down each other's throats for him to teach you how to swim."
"We were just kissing," Yeonjun grumbled. "And I guarantee you, Taehyun and Beomgyu have done much worse in your shared bedroom."
Daniel's mouth fell open. "Where's Heeseung hyung?"
"Outside, collecting shells." Jake pointed at the beach. "Why?"
"I want a room switch." Daniel shook his head disapprovingly at Soobin and Yeonjun before disappearing out the patio door.
"He's grown up so fast," Soobin sighed wistfully.
"Yeah, well, now that he's gone, let's continue our... swim lessons." Yeonjun grabbed the boy's hand, eagerly towing him away.
Jay glanced at Jake. "Thank god you're too much in denial to make a move on Kai. I don't think I can handle another PDA couple."
"We wouldn't be a PDA couple," Jake scoffed.
Kai strolled into the kitchen carrying a pack of juice boxes. "Who'd be a PDA couple?"
Jake froze, turning to face the newcomer. "No."
"...body," Jay finished, trying to save Jake from himself.
Kai stared at them, bewildered.
"Have a pear," Jake giggled, nervously popping a slice into Kai's mouth. "Okay, bye!"
He gave the boy a light shove towards the exit.
Jay desperately wanted to play Cupid, but he had more important things to do first.
"Jake, watch the pasta while I stop Heeseung hyung from turning the beach upside down. He's been trying to find a conch for the past thirty minutes, and I think it's time someone tells him there's none in Korea."
He followed Kai through the patio door.
***
"Gentlemen, your coats?" Ni-ki smirked, offering his arm.
Jay handed over his sweatshirt, confused. "Sunoo, Ni-ki, this is... excessive."
"Nonsense." Sunoo ushered him and Jungwon up the stairs. "Your table awaits."
"Ni-ki, what are you doing?" Jungwon muttered.
"He asked me to help; what was I supposed to do? Say no to the love of my life?"
"You're fifteen; he's not the love of your life."
"He is. You wait and see." Ni-ki shot Jay a threatening glance as Sunoo opened the door to the roof. "And don't you dare say anything to him; he doesn't know he's mine yet."
Jay shook his head. "Leave me out of your crazy shenanigans."
He took Jungwon's hand, stepping onto the rooftop deck of Jihun's beach house.
"Oh my god, this is incredible," Jungwon marveled, slowly rotating to get a full view of the scene.
A small table decorated with fairy lights sat next to the glass railing that perimetered the roof. The smell of freshly cooked pasta wafted through the air, and unlit candles and a lighter rested on a nearby deck box, ready for use when the night got dark. In a corner, there were pillows and blankets for stargazing, as well as two tiny boxes wrapped in ribbons.
Ni-ki hung Jungwon's jacket and Jay's sweatshirt on the backs of their chairs before crossing the roof to fetch the boxes. "Here. Your gifts for each other."
He gave Jay a mischievous grin while taking Sunoo's hand. "We'll leave you two alone now."
"Have fun!" Sunoo checked his watch. "We gotta help finish setting up Heeseung hyung's date. Come on, Ni-ki."
Jungwon smiled, watching the two boys disappear down the stairs. "We have some pretty awesome friends."
"Yeah." Jay glanced around the rooftop deck. "Sunoo really went all out for this. He knows it's just a two-month anniversary, right?"
"He knows; he chose to ignore."
"As expected."
"So... we agree we're only celebrating six months, ten months, and then yearly?"
"Oh yeah, a hundred percent. And no more gifts until we're rich and famous on our own merit."
"Sounds good to me," Jungwon giggled. "Shall we sit down?"
They took their seats at the table, hesitant to touch anything. Jay fiddled with the red ribbons attached to the small gray box he was carrying, making sure it was perfect before presenting it to Jungwon. The younger boy gifted him an approximately same-size black box tied by silver ribbons.
"Open it," he urged.
"You first," Jay smiled, nudging the other's leg.
"Okay." Jungwon held the gray box up, glancing at Jay nervously. "It feels expensive. You didn't...?"
"Nah, I bought the necklace and the pendant separately, so it was relatively cheap."
"It's a necklace?"
Jay opened his mouth, leaning back in disbelief. "I can't believe it. Yah! Jungwon!"
Jungwon laughed, carefully opening the box. "I love it already."
He admired the silver chain and pendant. "A sheep?"
"Yeah. Cause your name."
"Can you put it on for me?"
Jay nodded, standing up to fix the clasp behind the younger boy's neck.
Jungwon tilted his head back, staring up at him. "How's it look?"
"Beautiful." Jay kissed his forehead before returning to his seat.
Jungwon giggled quietly. "Close your eyes and hold out your hand."
Jay followed his instructions, expecting the gift to end up in his palm. Instead, he felt something slide over his hand.
"Now open."
Jay opened his eyes, peering at the homemade bracelet on his wrist. It was composed of a simple brown string and white letter beads spelling out 'My 2 Months Love.' Separating each word was a roundish purple bead with a tiny heart drawn on it.
"Jake hyung helped me with the English," Jungwon nodded. "Apparently, I'm missing an apostrophe, but I don't know where that would go. It looks right to me."
"It would go after the 's' because 'months' is plural and possessive." Jay fidgeted with the bracelet, smiling. "Thank you, Jungwon. I love it."
Jungwon frowned. "What's 'plural' mean again?"
"Multiple of a noun?"
"Multiplication? Math?"
"Uh... no, not exactly."
"Whatever." Jungwon waved his hand. "I don't need to know this anyway. I have you."
***
Jay stared at the two figures standing on the beach. "Sunoo didn't think this through very well, did he?"
"Nope," Jungwon laughed, setting his fork down. "It's nice to have a front-row seat to Heeseung hyung and Sunghoon hyung's date, though."
"Oh god," Jay scoffed. "I think Heeseung hyung is crying. Or at least he's about to."
"Again? He's already cried so much this week." Jungwon rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward to catch a glimpse. "Ha! Look, Sunghoon hyung's hugging him."
"What do you think they're talking about?"
Jungwon sat back, disgusted. "They're not talking at all."
Jay glanced at the beach. "Oh."
He covered his smile with a hand. "Let's move to the other side. Give them some privacy."
"Yeah, I don't think I can eat dinner while my hyungs make out in my peripheral vision."
They carefully lifted the table, carrying it to the opposite end of the rooftop deck. Not even two minutes later, they were back in their original spots, sitting on the floor to watch Heeseung and Sunghoon's date.
"Why are they moving their stuff closer to us?" Jay pondered.
Jungwon leaned against the glass railing. "I think it's because of the high tide."
Fear spiked through Jay, and he grabbed the younger boy's arm, pulling him away from the edge.
"Don't do that," he scolded. "The glass could break."
"Sorry, hyung. Tangerine?" Jungwon crawled for a bowl of fruit.
They sat crisscrossed facing each other, Jungwon peeling tangerines and feeding Jay an occasional slice.
"Can I please get more than one slice per every five of yours?"
Jungwon rolled his eyes. "I'm peeling, so I decide rations."
"I'd help if you let me."
"No thanks. If you did, I wouldn't be able to do this," Jungwon grinned, holding out his sticky hands.
"Oh my god." Jay grasped Jungwon's forearms, desperately trying to keep the younger boy's hands away from his hair. "Why is it that every time we eat tangerines, you become possessed by the immaturity demon?"
"Come on, Jay," Jungwon giggled as they wrestled on the floor. "Afraid to get your hands dirty, Jay?"
He picked up a half-peeled tangerine. "It's just a little juice, Jay."
"Give me that," Jay laughed, grabbing at the fruit.
"Never!" Jungwon planted a small kiss on his lips while keeping the orange ball out of reach.
"That was nice. Kiss me again."
"Why?"
"Because you think I'm hot when I style my hair like this."
"That's a dumb answer." Jungwon dropped the tangerine, leaning in to kiss the boy again anyway. "Hottie."
"Yang Jungwon!" A voice shouted. "You better run!"
Jungwon scrambled to the edge of the roof, his eyes widening in realization. The gap between the ground and the glass was the perfect size for small fruit to roll through. He mumbled a meek apology to the couple below before grabbing Jay's hand and hauling him towards the table.
"I think I kicked a tangerine off the roof. I don't know if it landed on one of their heads or something, but let's get out of here before-"
"Heeseung hyung was joking," Jay laughed.
"Oh, it's not Heeseung hyung I'm worried about." Jungwon grabbed their belongings. "Catch."
He tossed Jay's sweatshirt to him before glancing down at his own jacket and frowning. "Actually, give that back; I wanna wear it. Let's switch."
Jay rolled his eyes, smiling. "Fine. Where are we going?"
"I don't know. Somewhere dangerous. And thrilling."
"Or we could stay here? Watch a movie?"
Jungwon sighed. "Doesn't that feel... boring? We're a very boring couple, hyung."
"What makes you say that?"
"Ah, nothing. What movie should we watch?"
"No, wait." Jay sat down, hugging his knees. "We should talk about this. Before it turns into something bigger."
Jungwon pursed his lips, taking a seat next to Jay. "I just... I feel like ever since we stopped sneaking around the dorm, our relationship-"
"-lost its excitement?"
"Yeah, exactly." He tucked his arms inside his borrowed sweatshirt. "I love you; you know that, and I don't want us to break up but, I think we should try doing some more fun stuff. Like, Soobin hyung and Yeonjun hyung broke into the CEO's office together. And Taehyun hyung and Beomgyu hyung made out in the back of a van after robbing HYBE."
Jay tried not to laugh. "Jungwon... you want to commit crimes together?"
"No! I-" Jungwon blushed. "I think a secret night out in the city will be fun."
Jay stared at the skyline. "Okay. Let's do it."
"Really?" Jungwon's face lit up. "Yeah! Let's go!"
He darted to the table. "Come on, hyung, hurry. We should put the leftover food in the fridge, or it'll spoil while we're gone."
Jay nodded, standing up. "So... I don't think committing crimes would've worked out for us anyway."
***
"Jungwon," Jay warned. "Don't stand so close to the edge."
"Ah, hyung, it's fine," Jungwon sighed, letting go of the metal railing to step closer to Jay. "You can't see the view from back here."
"Still. It's so easy to slip under the bars. I don't think this place should've passed its safety inspection."
"The railing is like two meters from the edge; I think we'll be okay."
"Everybody's always okay until they're not." Jay hooked their arms together. "One more minute, and then let's head back down to the boardwalk, yeah?"
They stared at the beach far below, watching families and kids play in the sand. There weren't many who dared to enter the water during the night, but a few surfers paddled through gentle waves, their colorful boards contrasting the dark ocean.
"What do you think is happening over there?" Jungwon turned his head, glancing at the north side of the platform deck.
A congression of college-aged students dressed in formal wear gathered around a female speaker, most likely their class president.
"High school reunion, I'm guessing."
"Can't be; they look your age. Probably graduated last year."
"Are you calling me dumb for not graduating on time?"
"No," Jungwon smiled sheepishly. "I just find it funny that the company made you guys come back to finish high school after you all dropped out."
He wiggled his eyebrows. "Careful, hyung. If you don't graduate this year, we'll be in the same grade."
Jay sighed, exasperated. "I should've taken the final tests with Taehyun. He got to skip ahead and graduate early."
"Hey guys," a girl called, crossing the deck to join them. "Don't be afraid to come closer. I know it's hard seeing the spot, but it's for a good cause."
She pulled Jay and Jungwon towards the group of students.
"What the..." Jay glanced at the girl, baffled.
"Just go with it," Jungwon whispered.
The class president cleared her throat. "I'm pleased to announce the Busan Public Health and Safety Association closed the north side of the boardwalk beach and has given us a grant to continue our work in-"
Jungwon tapped Jay's elbow. "I think it's one of those 'save the environment' clubs for their school."
"Yeah, maybe."
They listened to the speech, trying to make sense of the words pouring out of the class president's mouth.
She eventually tucked her clipboard under one arm. "Everybody, give yourselves a round of applause. It's been a tough year, but we made it."
Jay hesitantly clapped with the rest of the crowd, still extremely confused.
"What's happening?" He asked the girl who brought them there.
"I knew it; you couldn't hear a word she was saying from the other side of the deck." The girl held her hand out. "I'm Sooyoung. I don't think we had any classes together."
Jay stared at her hand, completely lost. "Classes?"
"Yeah...?" Sooyoung frowned. "Wait a second."
She stepped closer, trying to get a better look at his face through the darkness. "Wait, you're not- Are you an idol?"
"Holy shit." She backed up. "You are. Both of you. From Belift, right?"
Jay desperately shushed her.
"Oh my god, I just kidnapped two idols." Sooyoung's mouth hung open. "I am so sorry; I thought you guys were from our school."
"It's fine," Jungwon hissed, trying to keep her quiet. "Just... shh."
"Oh, sorry." Sooyoung lowered her voice. "I mean, you guys are welcome to stay and listen if you want. And sorry again, I really didn't mean to disturb your sightseeing."
Jay met Jungwon's eyes. "Let's go," he mouthed.
"We'll stay," Jungwon smiled cheerfully.
"Okay, great!" Sooyoung handed them a flyer. "We're a volunteer group that raises awareness for beach and ocean safety. We're meeting here because we finally achieved one of our main goals: getting the government to close this place."
She gestured at the land far below them. This side of the cliff was frightening compared to the other. Waves slammed against jagged rocks, and the ocean was white with froth and foam. Mist hindered their visibility, creating a layer of fog that hung over the gray gavel-like sand, only adding to the miserable ambiance of the scene.
"Why?" Jay asked curiously. "I mean, I understand why, but like... why?"
Sooyoung's smile faltered before picking up again. "We lost a classmate here in a surfing accident about a year ago. People have always said the north side of the beach was too dangerous to be open to the public. The government never did anything about it until now."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Sooyoung took a deep breath, her face no longer bright and encouraging. "His name was Jungmin. Great student. Nice to everybody he met."
She beamed. "He was the pride of our school."
"Sounds like a really cool guy." Jungwon gazed at her, smiling.
"Yeah, he was," Sooyoung lamented. "He would've made a great idol."
"Idol?" Jay questioned.
"Yeah, he was a trainee at YG Entertainment."
"He was supposed to debut last June," a girl standing next to Jungwon piped in. "Are you guys really idols?"
Jay closed his eyes, counting to ten in his mind.
"Yeah," Jungwon grinned, letting the girl touch his hair. "We're from Belift."
Jay opened his eyes before quickly shutting them again. He restarted his counting.
Sooyoung nudged him with her elbow. "Look."
The class president bowed her head. "And now, Hanseok will share a few words."
"Who's that?" Jay asked.
"Hanseok? He's Jungmin's-" Sooyoung froze. "He was Jungmin's best friend. They were supposed to debut together."
Jungwon pursed his lips. "I'm so sorry for your loss."
"It's okay; I barely knew him."
Jay knew she was lying, but he didn't push any further. It wasn't their place. In fact, they shouldn't be here at all. He desperately wanted to leave these students to mourn in peace, but at this point, it would be more of a disturbance to stray from the group. He focused his attention on the speaker, resolved to pay his respects to the deceased.
"Jungmin was... a great person." Hanseok shedded his suit jacket, letting it slip to the damp ground.
"Whether you knew him as a friend, a classmate, or simply just-" He made eye contact with Jungwon. "-another face in the crowd, I think it's safe to say we all wanted him to graduate with us."
The students nodded in agreement.
"Jungmin should've been walking across that stage, shaking hands with Principal Kim, and receiving his diploma, just like we did." Hanseok took several steps backward, wrapping hands around the cold metal bar of the cliff barrier. "But he never got the chance to. He'll never get the chance to."
Sooyoung blinked. "Han, what are you doing?"
He gave her a wry grin before climbing over the railing.
"Stop it," a boy called. "This isn't funny."
Hanseok ignored him, arms outstretched for balance as he made his way to the edge of the cliff.
"Seriously, Hanseok." The class president pulled her phone out. "Come back, or I'm calling the cops."
Hanseok laughed. "You think I care? You think I care about anything?"
He ran his fingers through his hair. "Fuck. Fuck."
"Han, are you going to...?" Two boys glanced at each other, their eyes wide and fearful.
"Shit, I'm going after him." A third boy tried to climb over the railing, but his friends held him back.
"The ground's slippery," one of them whispered. "Don't risk it."
Hanseok scoffed. "Don't risk it."
He glared at Sooyoung. "Isn't that the last thing you told Jungmin before letting him run into the water?"
Sooyoung lowered her gaze.
"Why would you let him go?!" Hanseok shrieked. "You could've stopped him!"
A girl beside Jay burst into tears. "We loved him! We loved him as much as you did!"
"Jungwon," Jay warned quietly. "We should leave."
"And let him kill himself?" Jungwon shouldered his way through the crowd. "Hanseok-ssi!"
The boy stared at him. "What do you want?"
"I want to talk."
"Well, I don't. It's too late."
"It's not too late. It's never too late." Jungwon grabbed the rail, extending his free hand. "Please... just come back. Your friends need you."
Hanseok lowered his head. "And I need my friend."
"Wait!" Jungwon's grip on the bar tightened. "I'm not going to lie to you. Life sucks. It's cruel, unfair, and the worst things always happen to the best people."
He took a shallow breath. "For a while, life's going to be terrible without Jungmin. But it gets better."
Hanseok turned his head, staring at the rocks far below. "I can't wait for that."
Jungwon's voice faltered. "Yes, you can."
"I can't." Hanseok gave him a bittersweet smile. "I hope you have a happy debut, Jungmin."
He jumped off the cliff.
***
"Noona?" Jay's hand shook as he held his phone to his ear. "I need your help."
He glanced at Jungwon, who sat shivering on the floor of the ambulance with his knees tucked against his chest.
"What's up?" Mei asked cheerfully.
"How soon can you get to the north side of the boardwalk beach?"
"Maybe twenty minutes; why? Didn't they close that place?"
Jay took a deep breath. "Something happened, and I'm not sure I can say it over the phone."
The other end of the call went silent.
"Hello?" Jay whispered.
The sound of an engine starting up startled him.
"Yeah, sorry, I had to borrow a car. I'm on my way." Mei hung up the phone.
Jay sat on the floor next to Jungwon, putting an arm around the younger boy's shoulders. "Don't worry. Mei noona will fix everything."
He wasn't sure if his words were more to reassure Jungwon or himself.
"She can't fix everything, Jay. She can't bring him back."
Jay peeked outside the ambulance window. He caught a glimpse of Sooyoung and her classmates, huddled together crying as the police put up barricade tape to keep the public out. A paramedic glanced at him from inside another ambulance, and they locked eyes for a second before turning away.
"They don't know what to do with us," Jay sighed, slumping to the ground again. "Mei noona-"
"Mei noona isn't the magical solution to everything," Jungwon snapped. "There's only so much she can do."
Jay stared at him, astonished.
Jungwon lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"I couldn't stop him."
"I know."
He cried quietly in Jay's arms.
***
There was a light knock on the window.
"Who is it?" Jungwon mumbled.
Mei climbed into the back of the ambulance, pulling the double doors shut behind herself.
"You guys got lucky. My team convinced the Busan district that spreading news of this incident could interfere with our investigation and put you all in harm's way. The case is now under our jurisdiction."
She sat on the metal bench, crossing her legs.
"Everybody involved is getting searched for cameras and wires. We're seizing phones to check for pictures, videos, texts, and any other method of recording. All witnesses will sign non-disclosure agreements, and no one, excluding you two, is leaving or entering the scene without thorough documentation. We've erased all evidence of your presence."
Jungwon's head drooped. "I'm sorry."
He brought his knees closer to his chest, compressing himself into a tiny ball. Jay glanced at Mei for help.
"You did everything right," Mei sighed, leaning back against the wall of the ambulance. "Some people can't be saved, Jungwon."
She looked down. "And some people don't want to be saved."
"He called me his dead friend's name," Jungwon muttered. "Why?"
"Patients... who are in a bad mental state can suffer hallucinations. It's not uncommon."
"No." Jungwon fiddled with the strings of his borrowed sweatshirt. "Hanseok wasn't hallucinating."
Jay pursed his lips, fixing the blanket over Jungwon's shoulders. "I think we should head back. It's getting late."
Mei checked her phone. "Jihun just left the hospital with Beomgyu. They're coming to pick you guys up now."
"What about you?" Jay asked.
"I have work to finish here, and then... I'm not sure. Still waiting for my supervisor to make a decision." She glanced at her phone again. "Alright, I gotta go; they need me down at the docks. Will you two be okay on your own?"
"Yeah."
Mei stood up. "I hate to do this, but I need you guys to keep quiet until further notice. We have to get the situation under control, and that means limiting the number of people involved for the time being."
"So... don't tell any of our members? Even Heeseung hyung?"
"Yes. And I need you to burn this." Mei tossed Jay a roll of papers fastened by a rubber band. "It's the police report they started working on before you called me."
"Burn it?" Jay asked.
"Destroy it. No remnants."
"Okay." He took off Jungwon's borrowed jacket, wrapping it around the paperwork to keep it discreet.
Mei nodded approvingly before hopping out of the ambulance, leaving them alone with their thoughts.
***
Jay stared at the darkened sky, hugging Jungwon to his chest like a pillow as they laid in a nest of blankets on the roof. The boy clung to him, nose buried in the collar of his shirt.
"God, you're like a drug," Jungwon whispered. "You smell so good."
"Stop smelling me, you weirdo," Jay laughed, running his fingers through Jungwon's hair.
"I can't." He playfully bit at the older boy's shoulder and neck. "I need my dose of Jay."
"What are you, a vampire?"
"Maybe." He bared his teeth. "I'm going to suck your blood."
Jay stared up at Jungwon's face, smiling. "You're a pretty cute vampire."
"Wake up in day-"
"Nope. I've had enough with that song."
Jungwon giggled into his chest. "What do you think will happen with the Enhypen and TXT storylines?"
Jay rested an arm behind his head. "I have no idea. Guess it depends on our debut."
"Honestly, I think we'll be okay. We have all of our songs and choreography down, and did you see how many people joined the Vlive?"
"Yeah, that was crazy."
They rested for a minute in silence.
"So, um, funny story," Jay started. "I ran into Heeseung hyung and Sunghoon while getting rid of the paperwork. They thought we broke up, and I was burning your jacket or something."
"Ha," Jungwon sighed. "That's funny."
Another minute passed.
"Jungwon... I think we should talk about it."
"I don't want to."
"You shouldn't bottle up your emotions like this."
"I said I don't want to." Jungwon nuzzled his head into Jay's chest. "Can we please just... not?"
Jay stilled under him. "I- I think we should-"
Jungwon stood up. "Why can't you just drop it?"
"Jungwon-"
"No, Jay, I'm sick of talking." He turned to leave.
"It's for me." Jay sat up, resting his arms on his knees. "I'm sorry."
Jungwon remained silent.
"I try to talk about other people's feelings because it lets me avoid facing my own. Sometimes I push too much, and I'm sorry for doing that to you."
"What kind of feelings?"
Jay licked his lips hesitantly. "I feel like we're supposed to be this perfect couple, and when we're not, I have to hide it."
"Why?"
"We started dating two months ago. Don't get me wrong, I've loved every second of it, but because we've been together for so much longer than everybody else, they look at us like we know how to make a relationship work. Like we have things all figured out already."
Jungwon sat down, his back still to Jay. "You didn't tell me this because...?"
"Because you're perfect too," Jay breathed. "Another piece of the facade."
Jungwon snorted. "I'm a shit leader. I'm young, I'm inexperienced, I don't know what I'm doing, I can't get people to look past my age, and I let someone kill themselves. How am I perfect?"
Jay crawled to the younger boy. "Hanseok wasn't your fault."
"He was. I could've followed him over the railing and grabbed his arm." Jungwon glanced down. "I could've held his hand when he needed me too."
"He would've jumped anyway."
"You don't know that."
"Didn't you see that look in his eye?" Jay pursed his lips. "Hanseok made his decision a long time ago."
Someone knocked on the roof door.
"Hey guys," Kai called softly. "We're heading back to the hotel in ten minutes. Be prepared."
His footsteps faded away.
"I'm not ready," Jungwon whispered.
"That's okay." Jay took his hand, letting the boy squeeze his thumb for comfort. "We get through this together."