To say Heeseung was confused would be an understatement.
Of course, he knew the argument between Yeonjun and Beomgyu wouldn't last. They had petty fights all the time; it was a natural part of their relationship. However, he hadn't expected them to make up so quickly, nor did he think he would arrive home to a bustling dorm filled with furniture that smelled of warm coffee.
He entered the kitchen, amazed. "What is all this?"
Daniel and Ni-ki looked up from their breakfast, both grinning from ear to ear. Soobin's eyes twinkled as he leaned against the counter, his hands wrapped around a steamy mug.
"Yeonjun and Beomgyu rallied some of the boys to steal stuff from HYBE this morning. Can you believe it? They felt bad and decided to do something productive!"
Yeonjun lovingly kicked Soobin as he passed a mug of coffee to Heeseung.
He accepted it gratefully, taking a sip. "You stole from HYBE?"
"Yoongi hyung said we could." Ni-ki set his half-empty bowl of cereal in the sink. "So it was more like we were picking up a couple gifts."
Heeseung's lips hinted at a smile. "You boys will be the death of me."
He rubbed Daniel's head affectionately. "Now, finish your breakfast quickly, or you'll be late for school."
Heeseung joined Jay and Jungwon on the new couch in the living room.
Jungwon's face glowed. "You missed so much today!"
"Apparently, so did Soobin hyung, Sunoo, Sunghoon, Jake, and I," Jay yawned, taking his eyes off his phone. "We woke up bout thirty minutes ago to everybody else trying to fit a table through the door without turning it sideways."
"Sounds about right," Heeseung laughed.
Sunoo scowled at the kitchen from a tiny desk in the corner of the room. "I still can't believe they didn't bring me."
He crumpled a piece of paper and threw it at the back of Ni-ki's head.
"I wanted to." Ni-ki lightly tossed the scrap ball back to him. "Cause I... enjoy your presence?"
Sunoo's ears turned slightly pink. "What?"
Jungwon's head dropped as he quietly facepalmed. He left Jay and Heeseung on the couch, dragging Ni-ki away for some damage control.
Heeseung's attention shifted as Sunghoon and Jake appeared from a bedroom, chatting happily. He stared at them, trying to get Sunghoon to notice.
"He's not going to come, you know." Jay took off his reading glasses, fixing his hair.
Heeseung watched them join Daniel at the kitchen table. "I don't know why he keeps avoiding me."
Jay looked at him, surprised.
"You two need to work on your communication," he sighed.
"Is that blood?" Heeseung examined a rather large stain on the couch, changing the subject to prioritize a potential homicide over Jay's advice.
"It's Beomgyu's," Kai explained, zipping up his backpack.
"What's mine?" Beomgyu asked, limping into the room with Taehyun's help.
"Oh my god." Heeseung stood up, making room on the couch. "Are you okay?"
Beomgyu nodded, stiffly sitting down.
"Yeah, just a bit sore." He ran his fingers through his damp shower hair. "Were you talking about my taser? Cause I can explain that."
"Your... taser?"
Taehyun lightly hit Beomgyu's shoulder. "Nice job, airhead."
Beomgyu cocked his head up at him, innocently puckering his lips to request a kiss. Heeseung watched in shock as Taehyun bent down to give the boy a quick peck.
"I- I feel like I'm missing part of the story," he stuttered, dumbfounded. "Wait, uh, the taser. Go back to the taser."
"Beomgyu hyung bumped into a security guard, and it fell into his pocket," Kai bluffed. "We didn't even realize till we got home."
Heeseung rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure it did. Where's it now?"
Jay stared at the kitchen counter. "It's somewhere... secure."
Heeseung followed his gaze.
He let out an exasperated sigh. "Why?"
The taser had been sealed inside a Ziploc bag and stuffed into the vase with his orchid.
"We'll know right away if it goes missing," Jay answered cheerfully. "Also, Daniel put it in as a joke, and now it's stuck."
"Sorry, hyung," Daniel chirped apologetically. "Your flower's fine, though."
Heeseung glared at Beomgyu. "You let a fifteen-year-old touch a taser?"
He removed himself from the conversation before any more of Beomgyu's blood mysteriously ended up on the couch.
"Sunghoon," he called. "Can we go for a walk?"
***
They sat side-by-side under a shady tree by the Han river, just a short distance from the dorm. It was a quiet morning, and not many people were outside, letting them talk freely. Sunghoon absentmindedly picked at his nails, staring at the water as Heeseung shifted uncomfortably, fully aware his following words would make him sound like an asshole.
"What did I do?" He asked timidly, reaching out to stop Sunghoon from damaging his nails.
Sunghoon looked at him blankly, pulling his hand away. "Seriously?"
Heeseung hugged his legs, resting his chin on his knees. "I... can't remember. Sorry."
Sunghoon sighed.
"I get that it's hard to be the leader. I know you have a lot of responsibilities, and I know it's stressful."
He took a breath.
"I tried to be supportive; I really did."
His eyes narrowed as his tone turned accusatory. "But why do you keep pushing me away? Brushing me off like I'm some delusional fan, I'm your boyfriend, Heeseung, goddammit! Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"
He stared past the older boy, desperately trying to hold back tears.
"Every time I'm with you for more than five seconds, something happens, and you forget about me. Is that all I am to you? A second thought?"
Sunghoon's voice cracked.
"Don't I deserve a little more than that?"
He turned away, unable to stop himself from breaking down.
Heeseung sat back, reflecting on their interactions over the past week. He realized he was an idiot.
The wind blew softly, rustling the leaves above them as Heeseung pressed his cheek against Sunghoon's back, just above his shoulder blade. "I'm sorry, Hoon."
He wrapped his arms around the crying boy, gently rocking them back and forth. "I'm so sorry."
Birds chirped peacefully from the trees, singing melodies into the blue sky. Heeseung kept hugging Sunghoon, glancing around to make sure nobody could see them. A minute passed before Sunghoon's ragged breathing steadied enough for him to continue.
"You have a choice to make," he whispered hoarsely.
Heeseung pulled away, speechless.
Sunghoon repositioned himself to face him. "Either find a way to balance your time, or tell me now that you can't so I don't waste energy on a pointless relationship."
Heeseung opened his mouth.
"Wait," Sunghoon interrupted, his eyes softly flitting up and down Heeseung's body. "Please don't make a promise you can't keep."
Heeseung didn't hesitate.
"I'd do anything for you. Course I'll make time."
Sunghoon exhaled slowly, relieved.
"Thank god," he muttered. "I was about to lose it."
Heeseung laughed, wiping both of their tears away. "I love you."
Sunghoon rested his forehead on Heeseung's shoulder.
"I love you too," he mumbled. "Sorry for being dramatic."
"You weren't dramatic."
Heeseung raised Sunghoon's chin, admiring the boy's flushed face. He gently smiled, playfully bumping their noses together. Sunghoon's eyes turned into crescents as he tilted his head away teasingly. He leaned back in for a kiss.
Their lips never touched.
They stared at each other silently as Heeseung's phone buzzed over and over again.
His heart sank as he checked the caller ID.
"It's Jungwon," he breathed.
"Are you gonna pick up?"
"I..." Heeseung hesitated.
Sunghoon's face darkened.
"I can't do this anymore," he said softly.
"Sunghoon, wait,"
"I'm done waiting, Heeseung." He stood up to leave. "I told you not to make a promise you couldn't keep."
Heeseung scrambled up. "I- I can still-"
"No."
He started walking to their dorm.
"Please," Heeseung whispered after him.
Sunghoon didn't look back.
***
The buzzing of his phone kept Heeseung grounded.
He forced a smile, wiping his tear-stained face half-heartedly.
"Hey, Wonnie," he greeted, picking up the call. "What's up?"
Jungwon's voice sounded strained. "We can't find Ni-ki and Daniel's science project, and we're going to be late."
Steady breaths, Heeseung reminded himself.
"What's it look like?"
"It's a poster about gravity or something; I dunno."
"Did you check between the furniture and the walls? Sometimes flat things get stuck like that."
A series of noises came from the other end of the call as Jungwon rummaged through the dorm.
"Oh! Found it, thanks!"
"No problem." Heeseung's voice faltered.
He froze as the phone went silent.
"Are you okay?" Jungwon asked quietly.
The need to laugh, cry, and scream hit Heeseung all at once. He doubled over, fighting to keep his grip on his emotions.
"Yeah. I inhaled a bug, sorry."
"You sure?"
"Mhm. Promise. Now go focus on school, Jungwon."
Heeseung hung up, resisting the urge to hurl his phone into the water.
He slumped to the ground, trembling.
It wasn't fair.
He didn't ask to be the leader. He never wanted to be the leader.
Why was so much expected of him?
He buried his head in his arms, trying to block out the world as sobs racked his body.
"I hate you."
He squeezed his eyes shut, digging his nails into his biceps.
"I hate you!"
The bitter taste of resentment filled his mouth. He knew his words weren't directed to Sunghoon as much as they were to himself.
A dry laugh left his throat as he leaned back against the tree.
Never in his life had he felt more alone.