——
also TW: there is a dart gun scene which starts at "Tommy watches him out of the corner of his eye..." and ends at the end of the scene
— —
TommyInnit, the best vigilante in the existence of vigilantes, is grounded.
Yeah, soak it up. Laugh.
It's truly upsetting.
He huffs, wiping the back of his hand against his forehead, before returning to wiping down the sink.
It's unfair, really. You run away for a day or two while sick and suddenly you're grounded for two weeks and stuck on bathroom duty.
"This shit is so fucking stupid," He scowls to Clementine who watches him from her position on the bathroom windowsill.
Clementine stares.
"No, I don't fucking deserve this. I did nothing wrong," He justifies.
Clementine does a flip.
"No, no. We don't talk about what happened. Nothing happened. I don't even know what you are talking about, like I honestly have no idea what you are about. I don't even know what heroes are. Who are heroes? That's crazy, never heard of them. Do they even exist? That's crazy. Clementine shut the fuck up," He groans, shuddering as he relives the embarrassment of a lifetime.
Clementine stares.
"Have mercy on your father, you've become so rebellious these days. I bet it's that fucking bottle," He glares, "The second we are ungrounded, I'm getting rid of that shit. Sprite bottle supremacy."
Clementine swims around in a circle.
"I'll drown you," Tommy threatens. Clementine stares. "I will. I'll put you in the toilet. You wanna go down the toilet Clementine? I did a big shit in there like an hour ago. You wanna go down there?"
"Tommy, stop threatening the fish and clean please," Tubbo calls out tiredly as he peeks into the bathroom.
"I am ," Tommy huffs, scrubbing extra hard for no reason. "See? Squeaky fucking clean."
Tubbo raises an eyebrow.
"You know what I don't understand?" Tommy starts, crossing his arms.
Tubbo sighs, "What?"
"Why the fuck is that slenderman living here without doing manual labor? Why isn't he making me breakfast and worshipping the very ground I walk on for letting him into my humble abode? It's disgraceful," He sniffs.
Tubbo stares, disinterested. "I invited Ranboo here actually, and he does make breakfast - just not for you."
Tommy narrows his eyes, "He makes breakfast for you?"
"Yes."
Tommy pauses, eyeing Tubbo in concern. "Does... " He trails off, not sure how to breach the subject. He needs to be compassionate, this is a sensitive topic. Tommy bites his lip in thought.
Tubbo stares at him in question, "What?"
Tommy inhales deeply before sighing, "Tubbo," He says softly, eyes gentle. "I know this is probably difficult for you to answer... but," He pauses again, closing his eyes, "Does he put spaghetti in it?"
Tubbo sighs
"He puts spaghetti in everything."
_____
"Move."
"I've already moved."
"Move more."
"I can't."
"Yes," Tommy scowls, "You can."
Ranboob stares back at him, frowning.
"If I move anymore I'll fall off," The beanstalk complains.
Tommy stares. "Ok?"
"I'm not moving."
Tommy doesn't like this confidence. This slenderman looking bitch is getting too comfortable in his house.
"Fine," Tommy shrugs.
Ranboob nods, turning back to the television.
Tommy watches him out of the corner of his eye, slyly sticking his hand in his hoodie.
He pulls out his gun, armed and ready, and shoots the bitch right in the side.
Ranboob screams, falling off the couch.
"Tommy!" Tubbo shouts from the kitchen.
_____
"Stop shooting him or I'm confiscating every gun you own," Tubbo warns.
Tommy scowls, eyes averted. "I don't know why he's still crying."
" Tommy."
"Okay, okay," He rolls his eyes. "I won't shoot him for a while. Imagine being that weak. It's just a dart."
"Not everyone has some weird fucking main character plot armour you dick," Tubbo slaps him upside the head.
Tommy frowns, "What?"
Tubbo stares, "What?"
Tommy squints, "...Nothing."
"Okay anyways, there's some pasta in the fridge for lunch."
Tommy groans, "Is that all we eat? Is this our lives now? It's all that fucking bitch boy's fault. I'm sick and tired of pasta. Not poggers."
"Tommy you'd eat those birthday cake breakfast bars for every meal, every day, if I let you."
"And?" Tommy frowns, confused. "There's nothing wrong with that. Have you read the label? 'Energy for the whole day, the only snack you need.'"
Tubbo shakes his head, "There's no saving you."
Tommy furrows his brows, offended. "I am not in need of saving. In fact, I'm the opposite. I do the saving. I am the saver. The saver of savers. I save those who need saving. Saving is my career."
"Yeah, I'm leaving," Tubbo says, walking out of the bedroom.
____
" Clementine, I'm not having this argument again," Tommy scowls.
Clementine stares up at him before turning away.
"This attitude is unacceptable. Ever since you've been in this fucking bottle you've turned into a heathen," He sighs, head in hands.
"No Clementine, that is a bad idea. Why do you only have bad ideas? Are you trying to intentionally sabotage me? Are you trying to sabotage your father?"
Clementine blows a bubble.
Tommy gasps, hand on heart. "How dare you? I - I can't believe you would say that."
Clementine does a twirl.
Tommy holds up his palm, "I don't want to hear it."
Clementine opens her mouth.
" No," Tommy starts, "Don't even," He threatens.
She blows a bubble.
" Clementine!" He cries, outraged. "I will leave you here."
Clementine stares.
Tommy smirks, smug, "Yeah, that's what I thought. Listen, we're going whether you want to or not. I'm sick of fucking pasta. I'm going to eat real food."
Tommy shuffles his feet into his trainers, tapping them against the floor to activate them.
He braces himself, knees bending before he launches out of the window and into the night.
It's time to eat a refreshing, healthy, balanced meal.
_____
"Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?"
Tommy hums, "Yeah uh, can I get... " He trails off, looking at the menu. "A Mcflurry and a large fries."
"Yes, is that all?"
Tommy pauses, glancing down at Clementine. "A sprite please. But like the big bottle."
"We don't sell those sorry."
"You do," Tommy decides.
"...What?"
"You have those bottles, I know you do," Tommy says.
"Sir, I'm sorry we don't."
He rolls his eyes. "Okay, lie to my face then. I know you have it. You fuckin-"
A loud beep cuts him off.
Tommy scowls, turning to the car behind him. "Can you be fucking quiet? I'm trying to order a meal here, you bitch!" He shouts.
There's more beeping. These people have no manners. Disgraceful.
A man rolls down his car window to glare at him, "Get the fuck out of the way!"
"I'm ordering my fucking meal!" Tommy screams back.
"This is a drive through!"
Tommy raises an eyebrow. "Okayyy?" He drawls, zero fucks given.
"You don't even have a fucking car!"
That's just hurtful.
"I haven't passed my drivers license you dick!" Tommy gives him the middle finger.
"You can't be here, you're meant to order inside you idiot!"
"And you're meant to shut the fuck up, but neither of us are listening huh?" Tommy retorts, scowling.
"Get out of the fucking road kid!"
"Or what?!" Tommy screams. "This is a free country and I will stand where I want! And I want to stand here!"
Tommy is such an inspiration. God, he's such an icon. Clementine better be taking notes.
He turns back to the McDonald's drive-thru feed. "Yeah, so I'll take a Mcflurry, large fries, that fucking sprite bottle and a sixty nine nugget meal."
"Sir, this is a Mcdonald's drive-thru."
_____
Tommy would like to announce that none of this is his fault.
He tilts his head back against the wall, narrowing his eyes at the officer through the bars.
A young man is crying, head in hands while the officer talks to him.
"He just kept asking for sixty nine nuggets!" The man cries, tears eyed and frantic, "We - we don't sell sixty nine nuggets. No one does!"
Tommy rolls his eyes. He's surrounded by crybabies.
"Right," The officer nods, writing something down. "Anything else?"
"He started threatening my family. He started speaking but I couldn't understand him and I think he was cursing me," The man trembles, glancing at Tommy fearfully before quickly looking away.
The officer narrows his eyes at the teenager.
Tommy shrugs. "No idea what he's on about."
"You liar!" The man sobs, eyes crazed.
Yeeeeesh. Yikes. Yoinks.
Tommy sucks in a breath through his teeth, "He's clearly got issues," Tommy tells the officer. "Take him to therapy," He advices.
The officer sighs, "Someone needs to bail you out, you got someone to call?"
Tommy hisses. There's no way he's calling Tubbo. He's not self-sabotaging. He has self preservation. He's responsible.
"No," Tommy says.
The officer sighs again, "Great, you're what? An orphan and a delinquent?"
That's just rude. So rude.
Tommy scowls, "And you're what? Fat and old?"
The officer glares. "Guess you're sleeping here tonight," He sneers.
Tommy rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. This ain't my first rodeo, you can leave me here and go cheat on your wife or something."
"Watch your mouth kid."
"Watch your diet."
Okay, that was rude and uncalled for. Tommy sighs, "Sorry, I didn't mean that. Weight doesn't affect your ability to be a pog person, everyone's bodies are cool. You're just a dick." He apologies with a thumbs up.
The officer huffs, "Thanks, I guess."
Tommy shrugs, "It's alright. Sorry about the wife thing."
The officer waves him off, "It's cool. Sorry about the orphan thing."
"It's fine big man, parents are overrated anyways."
The officer laughs, "Yeah sure kid. Listen," He sighs, "I'll let you off this time. Don't go harassing McDonald workers anymore you hear?"
Tommy salutes, "Loud and clear."
The officer unlocks the chain around the bars. "Go on kid, get outta here."
"You're cool for a person who listens to the government," Tommy tells him as he leaves.
"You're just letting him go?!" The McDonald's worker sobs.
Tommy stares at the guy.
The man freezes in fear.
Tommy grins, "Yep, he's just letting me go."
Well that was easy.
____
Nothing is easy.
Tommy is on the run. From the Willow.
This is not poggers.
He pants as he jumps from building to building, Clementine's bottle sloshing around.
"Tommy get back here!"
Why would he do that??? He likes living.
"I am going to have to respectfully decline," He shouts, "Thanks for the suggestion though."
"Not a suggestion," Willow growls, "It was a fucking order you brat."
Tommy is maybe, slightly, just a tiny bit scared.
"It sounded like a suggestion to me!" He retorts, stumbling momentarily.
Jesus. He hasn't exercised in a while.
"Stop being difficult!"
"I don't know how to do that!" Tommy quips, bracing his feet to launch off onto the next building.
He bends his knees and jumps.
He should lose Willow after this. The man can't possibly catch up. Right?
Tommy realizes midair that he didn't put enough momentum behind the jump, already exhausted.
He inhales sharply, fingers stretching out to grasp the edge of the building.
Only to miss.
Tommy gasps as his fingers clench around nothing. His stomach drops as he plummets.
Shit, shit, shit.
His hand tightens around Clementine, eyes squeezed shut.
He inhales sharply, chest heaving as his body impacts with something firm.
Oh god. He just died. Oh god, he's dead .
"Why're you so fucking reckless?" Willow's voice is tight.
Tommy opens his eyes abruptly, "What the fuck?" He croaks.
"Can you stop trying to kill yourself?" The man glares down at him, hands tightening around him.
Tommy squirms in the cradle hold, "I thought you'd like that," He scowls, "Seeing as you're trying to kill me."
The man frowns, "I'm not trying to kill you, you gremlin."
Tommy squirms more, "Let me down you dick."
Willow sets him down on the ground, a hand wrapped firmly around his wrist.
"Can you stop trying to fucking escape for five minutes?"
"What? So you can kill me?"
Willow sighs, raising his palm.
Tommy flinches. Oh god Willow is going to torture him. Oh god, he should have never antagonized the man.
He lets out a confused noise when he feels a hand pressed against his forehead.
"You're not burning up anymore," The hero sighs, eyes softened. Tommy frowns.
What the fuck?
"Why aren't you hurting me or something?" He tilts his head in bewilderment.
"I pinky promised, remember?" Willow rolls his eyes.
"You what?" Tommy gapes.
Willow stares, "You made me pinky promise."
A flush climbs it's way up Tommy's neck and reaches his ears.
For fucksake. This is humiliating.
"I - I," Tommy stutters, averting his eyes. "I didn't do that."
Willow smirks, "You did. You even started to cry."
Tommy wants the sweet release of death.
"Shut up ," He scowls, "I did not cry you dickhead."
"You did," Willow sings, "And you called me Wilby."
Tommy clamps a hand around his ear. "La la la, I can't fucking hear the shit coming out your mouth."
"Aw Tommy, do you want to call me Wilby again?" Willow laughs.
"La la la," He shouts.
"No need to be embarrassed, I already know you're just a baby," The hero teases.
"Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off," Tommy chants. Maybe if he repeats it enough times he will cease to exist.
He preferred it when the guy was trying to kill him.
"You're a dick Willow, did you know that?" He glares.
Willow just smiles, "Call me Wilbur, gremlin."
"Not a gremlin," He scowls.
"Uh huh, sure," Wilbur hums. "Anyways, I'm taking you with me."
"You're kidnapping me?"
Wilbur shrugs, "I guess."
"That's illegal."
"You're illegal."
Touché.
"Can I at least get something to eat?"
____
"He's not allowed here!" The worker cries, traumatised, "He's not allowed here!"
Wilbur looks between Tommy and the guy. Tommy shrugs.
"Dunno what he's on about, never been here in my life," He says.
Wilbur narrows his eyes, "Right, well what do you want to eat then?"
"Mcflurry, large fries, big sprite bottle and sixty nine nuggets."
Wilbur nods, "That's all thanks."
A tear trickles down the worker's face, "We- we don't sell sixty nine nuggets, or a large sprite bottle."
Wilbur smiles, "Let me rephrase, get me a Mcflurry, large fries, large sprite bottle and sixty nine nuggets."
_____
When Tommy steps into the penthouse, he can't help but stare at everything.
It's pogchamp to be put simply. So many weapons.
He beelines straight for Technoblade's sword with a grin. " Clementine, this is epic."
He swings the sword around.
"Wilbur managed to find you then?"
Tommy screams, jumping. He turns around to see Technoblade.
"Oh, hello Technoblade. Nice to see you," He coughs awkwardly.
The man raises an eyebrow before looking down at the sword, "Having fun with that?"
Tommy flushes, "Ah yes, very pog."
"Maybe next time don't run off when you're sick and you can play with it for longer," Technoblade says as he plucks the weapon from the boy's hands.
Tommy lets out a noise of protest as his beloved sword is taken away. Stolen. This is truly a bad day for the TommyInnit community.
"I'm sorry for escaping," He says, eyes wide.
Technoblade stares.
"I'm kinda sorry for escaping," He amends.
Technoblade continues to stare.
Tommy rolls his eyes. "I'm not sorry for escaping."
Technoblade nods, "Yeah, I already knew that."
The door opens and in walks the most majestic person in existence.
Philza.
"Philza," Tommy says in awe.
"Oh Tommy, good to see you mate," The man smiles, "After you escaped," He adds with a sinister look.
Tommy cowers.
Philza is a scary man.
"Ah yes, you see. I was feeling better and well, you know, it was time for me to leave," He laughs nervously.
Philza hums, "Of course, I forgive you mate," He says in a voice which very much says he doesn't.
Tommy gulps. "Sorry, Philza."
The hero's eyes soften, "It's okay, you just scared us is all. We were worried."
Tommy frowns, "You were worried?"
Philza smiles, with a bit confusion. "Of course we were."
"Even him?" He nudges his head towards Technoblade who is averting his eyes.
"Yes, even Tech."
"Wilbur was the most worried," Technoblade retorts, "He was so sad. Started throwin' a fit and shoutin' at everyone."
Wilbur appears at the door, eyes murderous. "Techno shut the fuck up.
Technoblade smirks, "What? It's true, you were on a rampage-"
" Out the window. Get out."
Tommy watches in amazement as the blade hero turns around and takes a running start out the window, diving out into the night.
"Woah, Tubbo does that to me!"
— —
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