"That so-called King should not be on the throne at all, yet he dares to insult me, saying that I am useless as a ruler! He is lucky that I don't stop him at the doors right now and blind him with shadows. I don't even..."
I have been sitting on the couch, listening to the Darkling rant for ten minutes now. I start to tune him out after a while until all I hear is angry mumbling. I do not dare interrupt him considering the state he is in. The Darkling does not lose his temper often, but whenever he does, there is never a happy ending.
I wait until he has stopped raving to speak. "Well, I am not going to overthrow you, so you do not need to worry. He did not threaten you," I explain.
"You are correct. He did not threaten me, he only called me an unloved king who would be easily replaced."
"He also held some truth to his words," I say stupidly.
The Darkling spins around with a malicious sneer. "What do you mean by that?"
"The Kingdom fears you, Aleksander. You have people that are loyal to you, but it is not out of love."
The Darkling walks over to lean on the back of the couch, towering over me. He bends forward, looking down on me when he speaks. "The people need fear, Alina. It is what keeps them from doing stupid things like overthrowing someone who can actually help the country. All any of the past kings have cared about is money and how many mistresses they can have. I may not have hundreds of chapels built in my name, but I get things done. If I need to play villain to do that, I will."
I am not sure what to say, so I stay quiet. He remains stooped over the couch. Finally, I ask, "what was King Grimjer aiming for by talking to me alone?"
"He most likely arranged the discussion in an attempt to turn you against me. Like I have said a thousand times before, we are stronger together. He is not oblivious to this. If he got you to turn away from me, Ravka would be weaker and prone to attack."
I nod in comprehension. We are indeed stronger together. However, I continue to dwell on the conversation between me and the Fjerdan King. "I don't know, something still seems off. Why would he go through that much trouble just to talk to me alone; turn me against you? Why now?"
"I've been wondering the same thing." The Darkling huff's in frustration. "He is planning something. I just don't know what," he breathes, running fingers through his dark hair.
I am lost in my thoughts when I feel the cushions shift under the Darkling's weight. He perches himself beside me and I vaguely hear him say my name, but I am too deep in thought to pay attention. He says my name again and I snap out of it. He has a hand on my shoulder with a concerned expression. "Alina? Are you alright?"
"Agh, yes... I'm fine. Just lost in thought."
"You know," the Darkling states. "For how little experience you have, you were quite amazing in there. Talking with the Fjerdan King, I mean. He is not an easy adversary. Regardless, you held your own."
"Trust me, I wanted to throttle him many times, especially when he called me a witch."
"But you didn't." he hums through the stillness of the room. "You were meant to be a Queen, whether you believe it or not."
"I am also meant to be a Saint, but I don't see one in sight."
"I do."
I look up at him in astonishment. "You believe in Saints?"
"Magic beings who can fix the world, answer prayers, and give immortality to Otkazat'sya? No."
"But you said—"
"I said that I see a Saint. You have been my glimpse of hope, my salvation, from the first time I laid eyes on you. To me, that is what a true Saint is. They are something that we rely on when things seem bleak. Saints are hope."
'A true Saint'. That is what Mal called me too. I look into Aleksander's glimmering eyes. They seem so lively when he says the word 'hope'.
"So, no. I do not believe in magic Saints of lore. Though, the Starless Saint and the Sun Saint ruling together does make quite the fable," he laughs. I rarely get to hear his laugh, but it makes my heart flutter every time he lets it free. It is warm and silky, just like his voice.
My amusement is interrupted when I glance out the window to a large oak tree similar to the one that Ana Kuya and Botkin were hanged in. My thoughts immediately go to the lifeless eyes of a woman who had raised me, staring back at me, telling me through death that I had failed her.
How can I be doing this? Sitting comfortably with the person that laid waste to the only home I ever had—killed the only maternal figure I had. Ana Kuya would think I am pathetic. He killed the majority of my soldiers, destroyed Novokribirsk, Keramzin, yet I am here thinking about how much I like the sound of his laugh.
I feel the sensation of hot tears stain my face, but I do not remember when they started.
"Alina?" The Darkling speaks to me, but I can only hear Ana Kuya's echo of a voice. "You are just a foolish girl chasing a dream that will only end up hurting you and everyone you love." The Darkling's hand reaches out to cup my cheek.
"No. No!" I slap his hand away. "I am sitting here acting like everything is okay, pretending that you have done nothing wrong. I can't do it anymore. I can't!"
"Alina, calm down."
"No! I have been calm. It is only now that I have started to act as I should. I should be screaming and kicking and fighting you for the rest of eternity for what you've done. Every time I close my eyes, I see the people that I've failed. They are all dead because I chose you!" All I see is red. Rage blinds my vision and there is a burning hatred coursing through my veins like never before.
"Alina, I need you to calm down."
"Why should I?!"
"Look!" he demands, putting his attention on the setting behind me.
I slowly turn my head to look away from him and gasp in awe. The bedroom is filled with burning particles in the air, like millions of tiny suns suspended throughout the room. They look like stars floating in the sky, except they burn anything they come into contact with. The clusters of stars pulse and spread apart as if they were breathing as I am. I sit there watching them. It is unlike anything I have ever seen before. They are so chaotic, yet controlled. I feel my palm tingle with energy. I look down to see my scar that matched Mal's is glowing a brilliant gold. The scar is the only thing that I have left to remember Mal by.
I am too much in shock to fight the Darkling as he slithers his arms around me in a restricting embrace. He rubs the glowing scar on my palm with his thumb while resting his chin in the curve of my neck. He murmurs, "well, it looks like I will not have to find the dormant amplifier for myself. You made it active on your own." Aleksander places a soft kiss on my neck.
I shake my head in disbelief. "No. No no no."
"Yes," he hums in enjoyment. He is enjoying this. "Now we will finally share the amplifiers. We will be the most powerful enemies and no one can stop us."
The shimmering light fades weakly from the room, submerging it to the natural light that it held before. However, the light did not fade from control or my wanting. It was out of grief and helplessness. This is my fault. I handed this destructive power over to him. I gave it to him without even putting up a fight.
"I... I didn't want—"
"Shhh." His consoling voice does not hide the greed in his eyes as he looks down at me. "You must be tired. Rest, Alina." I struggle against his iron clutch as he slides a hand to the nape of my neck.
"No! I don't want to..."
My eyelids become too heavy to lift and I feel shadows eat away at the last of my strength. I slip into the darkness, which was once a paradise without nightmares, but is now just a reminder of the Darkling's control over me. He claims that he wants us to be balanced, but he will always find a way to tip the scale in his favor. My only hope of him being redeemed is gone thanks to me. Mal's power will eat away at the last of his humanity.
***
"Wake her."
I jolt up, but I am immediately slammed with a wave of pain. My heart slows and my lungs constrict. There is no choice but for me to fall back where I am caught by the weight of a chair beneath me.
"Where am I?" I ask in a throaty, groggy voice.
Things start to come in focus again as I feel my heart thump faster. I find myself sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of an empty room. I've never been here before, and if I have it is not familiar. It seems that everything was cleared out of the large room in a hurry.
To my left, I see Ivan with his hand extended. He is making it so that I am too fatigued to stand up. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate him? If I wasn't so tired and out of breath, I would tell him again now.
I look farther to the side and see a familiar face step into the light. David. The realization of what is happening crashes into me and I feel every ounce of dread course through my veins.
"Leave us," I hear a cold voice say to my right. I do not need to look over to know who it is. This is reminding me significantly of when the Stag's collar was fused to me a little over a year ago. Except this time, I am not an ignorant girl in a tent that will be tricked into doing this. I know full well what his intentions are now.
Ivan and David vacate the room, leaving me and the Darkling alone. I can finally breathe fully again as soon as Ivan shuts the door. I sit up straight and glare up at the Darkling. He approaches me and kneels before the chair.
"Alina," he breathes.
"No," I say before he can continue. "I don't need to hear more of your lies or excuses. You want to bind yourself to me yet again with the other amplifiers."
"Alina, please just listen."
"Let me guess," I retort. "You are going to tell me how I should let you do this because then we can finally rule as equals and it will complete your grandfather's lifelong work of joining the amplifiers."
"Well... Yes."
I grunt and look away.
"Alina, it is not just that. I want to be able to protect our people. In case you have forgotten, we do not have the Fold to protect us anymore. The only thing that is keeping the Shu and Fjerda from attacking is the knowledge of our power. If we both have all three amplifiers, we can secure the safety of Ravka. Is that not what you want?" he says, taking my hands in his.
"Of course, that is what I want, Aleksander. But you didn't give me a choice."
"If I had given you the choice, would you have let me be bound to your power?" he asks looking up at me with narrowed eyes.
"No. It is my power that you are using for your own game."
"Well, then. It does not come down to choice then, does it?"
I just huff and try to avoid his perpetual glare as it tears through me.
Sorrow surges through me. In a few moments, we will share all of Morozova's amplifiers and I cannot stop him. What will this do to us? Last time, it opened an unbreakable connection and the ability to travel through the tether to see each other. That was only one amplifier... What will two more do?
"Ivan. David," the Darkling calls from his crouched position in front of my chair. The two walk back in and return to the same spots that they resided in when I had woken up. Ivan smirks at me with his infuriating smugness. David searches my eyes for answers. He wonders how he can get me out of this.
"David, have you really found a way to bind us already?" I question in curiosity. He clearly had or we would not be here, but so soon?
He glances fearfully at the Darkling. He gestures a hand to David, allowing him to answer. "It took me over a week to find something conclusive on the process of accessing and transferring Morozova's amplifiers to another Grisha. It turns out that the power can be first transmitted partially to a futile amplifier, such as a bone devoid of power, that serves as a vessel. Then it is able to be fused to another person with the same process as your bone collar. It is actually quite fascinating!" David laughs. His grin immediately fades. "Sorry. Not the time."
"Brilliant as always. I did not doubt that David could find something," the Darkling compliments.
I look over to the Darkling in confusion. "It took a week for David to find something? How long has he been at the Grand Palace?"
"I thought you'd never ask," he says with a smirk. "David arrived shortly after you accessed the third amplifier. I needed to make sure that his work was not interfered with, so you took quite a long nap." his grin deepens wickedly.
He kept me asleep for a week?! One of these days I am going to put him to sleep for days on end and see how he likes it.
"Now," the Darkling announces. "Let's not drag this on any further. David." He motions to him and takes a step back. David goes over to the corner and comes back with a box of what looks like different types of animal bones. It makes me shiver to think about how many powerful animals were killed to get these.
He takes out two of them. One is a circular bone that was cut horizontally against the grain of a leg bone. The other is more jagged and uniquely shaped. Most likely the part of a spine.
David looks hesitantly at the hollow amplifiers and over to me. He was obligated to do this last time and regretted it when he learned of what the Darkling intended to use it for. Now he is being forced to do so again. I can see the dread in his eyes.
I stand up out of the chair. Ivan tenses up at my sudden movement, but I do not advance further. I stand before David and give him a weak nod. He takes it as a sign that I am ready and he begins, but not before whispering "I'm sorry," in my ear.
David takes ahold of my hand and holds the powerless amplifiers in the other hand. At first, I stupidly believe that it did not work; that maybe David was wrong. But David is always right. I begin to feel energy leave my body, through David, and to the bones. It is like someone is yanking at the life force within me. I let out a small, muffled gasp as I sense the power ripped away.
I stumble back as David lets go. The bone amplifiers are now radiating with energy. He sets one down and the Darkling steps forward. The rest of the process is just like how it was done last time with the Stag. David rests one hand on Rusalye's scale bracelet and one on the circular bone, resting on the back of the Darkling's hand. I watch it being fused to him and the tether grows much tighter. Like a restraint intertwined with our emotions. Fear and greed tangle as the bone is fused completely. The same is done for the oddly shaped vertebral bone. David puts a hand to my scar and the power tingles in my palm. This bone is fused to the Darkling's opposing wrist.
I feel completely helpless as the Darkling advances towards me. "Leave," the Darkling demands without letting his gaze slip from mine. David hesitates, searching my eyes to see if there is anything he can do. I give him a reassuring nod, though I feel nothing but fear. After the others leave, it is silent in the empty room. There are no words shared between us. Before I can flinch away, Aleksander grabs my shoulder. I feel an invisible hand grab my power and pull it out of my small physique. Light swarms the room in radiating white heat.
This may seem the same as when he put the collar on me, but this time, I am not naive. "My power is yours," I mutter through the chaos of swirling light. "And yours is mine."
I take ahold of his bicep and grab at the darkness. Shadows gather at my command. It is beautiful, powerful, intoxicating. Now I feel like his equal. "Let go," he seethes.
"Only if you do."
If looks could kill, his eyes look like they are staring daggers into my heart. I stand unmoving in the room filled with light and shadow. I want to let go. I am flooded with everything that belongs to the Darkling. Shadows, anger, greed, but I can handle these things. The reason that I want to let go is that I can feel his Merzost. The making at the heart of the world. I feel the anger of the Merzost for being destroyed with the Fold. I can sense every abomination that has the magic flowing through its veins. I can feel Nikolai, poor Nikolai suffering beneath Merzost's hold. I wish I could free him from his pain.
Despite all of that, I will not let go. If he wants an equal, he is going to get one.