A/N: Wow, it's Monday and I'd said that maybe I'd manage to update even earlier than usual >< I'm sorry! Christmas preparations and celebrations and family meetings took way, wayy longer than I expected. But here's the new chapter, finally!🥺
Also, just like San's hair colors are a wild mix of the different Ateez eras, so are the songs they are performing in here (well ok, the mix is not that wild, but still😅)
"We've got this", I blurt out, repeating San's words from just half a minute prior.
"We do", Jongho confirms.
"Let's head to stage", Seonghwa suggests.
After one last shared glance, we do.
The stage seems wider than usual when it's my turn to walk up – but it takes me the exact same amount of steps to reach the front as during rehearsals. We come to a halt just a few meters from the jury.
Hongjoong quietly counts to three before we bow, more or less in unison, and introduce ourselves as Ateez.
A few chuckles erupt among the audience, but most of them clap. It's the polite applause of people waiting to be impressed, although even our stone-faced jury joins them.
We've got this. I close my eyes for a second, willing any awkwardness that I may feel to fade away. The audience doesn't matter anyway. The jury doesn't matter. All that does matter are we, standing on this stage, our stage, and Hongjoong was right, our weekend rehearsals have been really good, good enough to build on that, to trust that we've somehow got what it takes.
I feel eerily calm when I take my position for Pirate King at the back on the left side. Either I'm gonna screw up in a second, or I've got this – I don't know anything anymore at this point.
There are a few agonizing seconds of silence when we've all gotten into position, waiting for our song to start. Hongjoong mumbles the countdown under his breath: "Three, two-"
"Fighting", San whispers.
Our first song starts. And I startle.
Luckily it's not me in the spotlight for now – first it's San and Jongho, then it's Yeosang; and they're all doing great, no hint of awkwardness, they're really feeling the drama and the waves, as does everyone else. But it's Yeosang's movements of freeing himself, somehow way more confident than at any practice ever before, that help me to finally get into the choreo as well – I'm there, I'm present, and finally not only the next three moves come to my mind but the whole fucking dance. I'm nervous for the refrain – nervous about the way I kind of but not really have to stumble past San to the front, winking at the audience – but when it's about to happen, I just pretend I can see San sitting somewhere there, even though I know perfectly well that he's pouring his heart into dance just a meter behind me to my left.
Somehow the whole song feels way too short when it comes to an end, but before I can ponder on whether that's really it already, the spotlights go out and, as if on autopilot, my body gets into position for Answer.
Now it's San's turn to start. I give his shoulder a quick squeeze on my way to the back left side of the stage next to Hongjoong, and I can see his smile for about a millisecond before he continues walking. He's got the air of a performer when he takes his place, not only because he's holding himself upright with so much confidence-
Focus, Wooyoung. Three seconds – two – one – lights on, Answer.
San is killing it from the first second. He's rocking that stage within the short span of his three lines. But when I try to be just remotely as good as he is – I'm the one who's majoring in dance after all –, when I really, really try my best, and it's starting to feel like it's too much, like it might look too exhausting and difficult, while it should seem light and easy... I let go, putting all my trust into my body and its muscle memory.
Answer goes without a glitch – I only saw Yunho tripping over his feet once. Then we've got Treasure. Then Wonderland, then Hala Hala, and when I move to stand at the front of the stage along all the other Ateez members, holding San's warm hand in mine and bowing for the audience and the jury, I feel elevated and stupefied at the same time, because the whole letting go-idea has gone a bit too far, so far that I feel unable to remember a thing about how Treasure, Wonderland or Hala Hala went just mere minutes ago.
I hope it was good. The applause from the audience, at least, does seem enthusiastic.
Hongjoong makes us bow another time, and then a third, before he finally nods at me, signaling me that I can start descending the small stairs that are on my far right side of the stage.
Since I'm the first one to go down, I'm also the first one who has to walk past the jury, and for a split second I don't know whether I should ignore them, smile, nod, or do something else. The bald man sitting at the far end of the table takes that decision from me though, because he waves me closer.
Shit.
"Do you also do other dance styles?", he asks without further ado.
"Um...", I gulp, "five of us are dance majors, so we're in a lot of other dance courses too, like modern and contemporary. Our three music majors are, um, doing diverse dance classes too though, like improvisation and, uh, pop..."
He nods. "That's an interesting group you've put together here."
"Oh, I'm not the leader..." I fall silent when he simply motions for me to continue walking.
'That's an interesting group you've put together'. What is 'interesting' supposed to mean? In a good or bad way?
"What did he want from you, Wooyoung?" Hongjoong squeezes between San and me before we can even sit down on the first-row seats to wait for our score.
I shrug uncomfortably. "What else we dance. I don't know why. I told him that we're five dance and three music majors, and that we've had courses in modern and contemporary and improvisation and-"
"Improvisation? Oh God." Hongjoong buries his face in his hands.
"What?", I defend myself, "It's the truth, and it's also really cool!"
"But it's so..." Hongjoong doesn't finish his sentence. "I think I'm going to be sick", he just says eventually. "I messed up the formation in Answer. The second verse. I'm sorry."
"You didn't", San chimes in from his other side, "please, Hyung, relax. It's not like we could change anything about it now anyway."
"I'm going to be sick", Hongjoong repeats faintly.
Just before I can tell him to stop worrying, because we're all worrying enough anyway, he jumps up and runs away in the direction of the bathrooms.
"What..." With a second's delay, Jongho, Mingi and Seonghwa run after him.
Oh my God. Our group is such a mess, Ateez is such a mess. How are we supposed to pass like this? The man from the jury, the one who talked to me just a minute ago, throws Yeosang, Yunho, San and me a strange look – until the person in the middle takes a microphone from the jury table and turns to face us: "Thank you for your performance today, Ateez. We hope we'll see you performing even better in two and a half months." They hold up a bold 94.
What.
And then several things happen at the same time; San throws his arms around me and hugs me so tightly I can't breathe; Yunho stiffens, sitting frozen on his seat, staring at the 94; Yeosang starts crying – and the audience begins to cheer more loudly than ever before.
The five people sitting at the jury table smile a bit – approving, appreciative, jovially – and then, when the huge round of applause has died down, the person with the microphone clears their throat once again. "Congratulations, Ateez. Now we're moving on to the next group..."
"Someone needs to tell Hongjoong and Seonghwa and Mingi and Jongho-"
"What do you need to tell us?" It's Mingi, panting, who just reaches us at this moment. He throws Yunho a questioning glance – but Yunho merely shakes his head, pressing his lips together. He looks like he's about to cry soon enough as well.
Mingi's expression drops. "Did we not...?"
"No", I interrupt him. Fuck, my voice is wobbling a bit. "We did. Four points more than we needed."
Mingi's jaw drops. "Ninety-four?!"
I can feel San nodding against my shoulder, where the fabric of my shirt has started to get wet, and I run my hand over his back before, hopefully, hugging him back just as tightly and comforting as he needs.
"I'm gonna run back to the others, Hongjoong is puking his guts out", Mingi announces. Instead of crying, he's started jumping on the spot – and before any of us had time to voice a reply, he's already bend down to pull Yeosang and Yunho into a hug, has placed a big fat smooch on Yunho's cheek, and started skipping away.
Yunho makes a face of disgust as he does a halfhearted attempt to wipe his cheek. Even then, he looks positively flustered.
Yeosang wordlessly hugs Yunho before he pulls San and me closer too until we're group-hugging, messy, sweaty, crying, and suddenly there are other bodies around us; Jongho squeezes in between San and Yunho, Seonghwa and a pale Hongjoong make some space for themselves between me and Yeosang, and Mingi slips in the minimal gap between Yeosang and Yunho.
We stay like this for the first song – something country-ish with live guitarists and all that shit – of the next group. And then the second song. When they start their third song, San speaks up: "I have to go now. My singing group is the fourth one up."
Heart sinking, I turn to him. San's makeup is messed up, as is his hair, and he looks a bit drained – but when he smiles at me, his eyes are sparkling. I give him a chaste kiss on the cheek. "You've got this. I believe in you."
"Wait for me, okay?"
"Of course. I'll be up the stands, the highest row."
"Thank you." Turning to all our friends, San smiles. "So much for getting a quiet minute. And we'll need to start preparing for the Festival of Lights soon."
"First we'll take a break", Hongjoong states. "We all deserve one. Especially you, San. Good luck with your other group."
San flushes a light pink when he gets showered in praises, good lucks and fightings. Then he leaves for the backstage room – and while the rest of Ateez is chatting away excitedly, occasionally hugging or crying a bit more, I climb up the stands to get exactly where I'd promised San I'd watch him.