The next morning I'm jolted awake by a lurch from the TADRIS. I look around quickly only to find that I'm alone.
I get out of bed and quickly brush my teeth and hair. I don't have time to deal with it, so I leave my hair in the messy curls it acquired overnight. I throw on a pair of light wash skinny jeans with rips, and an over sized, light sweater with thick light green and white stripes, and a low pocket. I pull on brown combat boots-I may have multiple types of combat boots- and call it good.
I run to the console to find that Rose is already there and the Doctor is just about to open the doors, and we all pile out into a dim room, "What is it, what's wrong?" I question quickly.
"I don't know, some kind of signal drawing the TARDIS off course." He says as he looks around at our surrounding.
"Where are we?" I can only see by the light that's shining through glass boxes, holding a variety of different objects.
"Earth, Utah, North America, about half a mile underground." He tells us matter-of-factly.
"And uh, when are we?" Rose questions, and he says "2012."
"God, that's so close, I should be, twenty six." I make a small face as I realize, "I'm thirty." And Rose giggles slightly at my expression. And suddenly the lights come on over us, and what's easily distinguished as a museum, is lit up around us.
"It's a huge museum." I can't help but state the obvious.
"And alien museum," He corrects me, "someone has quite the hobby, they must have spent a fortune on all of this." He starts to walk around the place, pointing things as he seems them, "Chunks of meteorite, moon dust, that's the milometer from the Roswell Spaceship."
As we keep walking I see something that shocks me, "That's a bit of Slitheen! That's a Slitheen arm, it's been stuffed!"
The Doctor walks up to a display that holds a metal head, "Oh, look at you." As I walk over to him I ask, "What is it?"
"An old friend of mine- well, enemy, the stuff of nightmares reduced to an exhibit. I'm getting old."
"Is that where the signal's coming from?" Rose asks as she comes up behind me.
He shakes his head as he answers, "Nah, that's stone dead, the signals alive. Something's reaching out, calling for help." He reaches a hand out and taps the glass with a finger, and an alarm goes off.
"You just couldn't keep your hands to yourself, could you?" I sigh as people start to surround us.
Rose leans into me and whispers in my ear, "Well, you hope not." I choke, and turn away from the Doctor to hide my blush, and Rose tries to keep from laughing. When I finally get my face under control, I turn back around and the Doctor looks a bit flustered, I'm hoping it from how many people are around us and not that he heard Rose, but it's a long shot.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We're led by a curly red-head into an office, where a guy about Roses age is talking to an older man in a chair, "What does it do?" The older man asks as he's handed a small metal device.
"Well, you see the tubes on the side," The young man says, and I'm surprised to hear an English accent, "it must be to channel something, I think maybe fuel."
"I really wouldn't hold it like that." The Doctor tells them making the redhead say sternly, "Shut it." The Doctor looks towards her over my head, and I look to my left, at Rose on the other side of the Doctor.
"Really though, that's wrong." He tells her, before facing the sitting man again.
"Is it dangerous?" The younger guy asks, and the Doctor shakes his head as he says with a smile, "No, it just looks silly." And he reaches out to take the device, but guns are drawn on him. The man motions them down and hands the device to the Doctor.
"You just need to be, delicate." The Doctor says as he demonstrates, and a gentle hum is emitted.
He smiles proudly, "It's a musical instrument, it looks like an intergalactic pan-pipe." I comment, making the Doctor chuckle at me. "It's a long way from home." He says as he continues playing it. Until the man stands up and roughly pulls it from the Doctors hands.
And we all cringe and we hear a harsh sound, "I did say delicate." He states. "It reacts to the smallest fingerprint. It needs precision." He nods at him when he finally gets it, "Very good, quite the expert."
"As are you," He says creepily, Rose and I cringe as he throws the instrument to the side, "who exactly are you?"
"I'm the Doctor, and who are you?"
He scoffs as he says, "As if you don't know. We're hidden away with the most valuable collection of extraterrestrial artifacts in the world, and you just stumbled in by mistake." He questions us harshly.
"That's surprisingly accurate, actually." I tease and the Doctor sends me a playful glare, making me chuckle.
"The question is," The man says after giving me long enough stare that I shiver, and take a step back, making the Doctor put his hand on my lower back, keeping me there, "how did you get in? Fifty three floors down, with your cat burglar apprentices. Your quite the collector yourself, she's quite pretty," he says as he looks at me, making me shiver again, and the Doctor's hand on my back, tightens into a fist, and the man turns to Rose, "she, on the other hand, seems quite young." I bristle as he watches her, and I grab her hand and tug her behind me some, "Don't even think about looking at my sister, or I will tear you apart!" I growl warningly, but he just smiles.
"And she's English, I bet her sister is too, hey Lord Fauntleroy, I think I found you a girlfriend," He says as he nods at Rose, before looking at the Doctor's hand on my back, "because she seems to be taken."
'Lord Fauntleroy' speaks up as the Doctor holds me back from attacking, "This is Mr. Henry Van Statten." He introduces the man and I glare at him as I say, "And who's he when he's at home."
"Mr. Van Statten owns the internet." Fauntleroy informs us, and I snort, "Don't be stupid, no one owns the internet!"
"And lets just keep the whole world thinking that way, right kids?" He smiles as he says this, making me glare at him, and a scoff slips through my lips. When he turns with a smile towards me, I lean into the Doctor more. And he speaks up, taking Van Statten's attention off of me, "So you're just about an expert in everything, except for the things in your museum. Anything you don't understand, you lock up."
"And you claim greater knowledge?" He challenges him.
"I don't need to make claims, I know how good I am." The Doctor boasts.
Van Statten counters, "And yet I captured you, right next to the Cage. What we're you doing down there?" He questions us and I can't help but goad him a bit, "I thought you were an expert?"
He glares at me before he says, "The Cage contains my one living specimen."
"And what's that?" The Doctor questions.
"Like you don't know."
"Show me."
"You want to see it?"
Rose speaks up for the first time since we entered the office, "Blimey, you can smell the testosterone." Making me chuckle.
Van Statten smirks as he says, "Goddard, inform the cage we're headed down." The curly read head nods, before speaking into her earpiece, "And English, look after the girls, go canoodle or spoon, or whatever it is you British do."
"As if." I scoff as I take Rose's hand in mine, and the Doctor smirks at me.
"And you, Doctor with no name, come and see my pet." He grins at the Doctor over his shoulder before he walks out of the room. The Doctor nods in our direction quickly before following him out.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rose and I follow the boy, named Adam, into a room, "Sorry about the mess." He jokes, as he gestures to the room. There are machines and devices everywhere, in an organized chaos. Rose and I look around the room at all his stuff as he says, "Mr. Van Statten sort of lets me do my own thing, so long as I deliver the goods." He holds something up as he asks, "What do you think that is?"
"Uh, a lump of metal?" I deadpan.
"Well yeah, but," He stutters as he says, "I think, well, I'm almost certain, that it's from the hull of a spacecraft. The thing is, it's all true. Everything the United Nations tries to keep quiet, spacecraft, aliens, visitors of Earth, they really exist."
Rose and I glance at each other quickly before she says sarcastically, "That's amazing."
"I know it sounds incredible, but I honestly believe the whole universe is just teaming with life." He says excitedly.
"Oh, I'm gobsmacked, yeah." I mutter before saying, "And you do what, catalog it all?"
"Best job in the world."
"Imagine if you could get out there," I glare at her, but she ignores me, "travel amongst the stars and see it for real." She questions him, not caring about the death glares I'm sending her.
"Yeah I'd give anything," He agrees with her, "I don't think that's ever going to happen, not in our lifetime."
"Oh you never know," She chuckles, and I don't stop glaring at her, but she's too busy giving him googly-eyes to notice, "What about all those people who say they've been inside spaceships and things; talked to aliens?" She questions him, and he laughs,
"I think they're nutters."
"Me too." She chuckles at him, and I roll my eyes at her.
"So, how'd you end up here?" I ask him.
"Van Statten has agents all over the world looking for geniuses to recruit." He says proudly, making me scoff, "Right, so you're a genius then?" I say disbelievingly.
And he chuckles at me, "Sorry, but yeah." And I scoff again, "I can't help it, I was born clever. When I was eight, I logged into the U.S. Defense System, nearly caused World War Three."
"And that's, funny, is it?" I ask as he laughs lightly at the memory.
"Well you should have been there just to see them rushing about. Fantastic."
"You sound like the Doctor." I mutter at his use of the Doctor's catchphrase.
"Are you and him..." He asks me, Rose and I and answer immediately, and differently.
"No." I say a bit sadly, but glare at Rose as she happily answers, "Yes."
"Why are you asking?" I question him, mostly because he's been look at Rose the entire time.
"Just wondering." He says sincerely.
Rose asks him, "Wouldn't you rather be downstairs? I mean, you've got bits of metal and stuff, but Mr. Van Statten's got a living creature down there." She taunts him a bit.
"Yeah, well I did ask, but he keeps it to himself, although if you're a genius, it doesn't take long to patch through on the comm system."
"Let's have a look then." I say, kind of wanting to see if his so called 'genius' is real.
As he works he says, "It doesn't do much, the alien, it's weird, it's kind of useless. It's just like this great big pepper pot." And to my disappointment he manages to get through the comm system, and what I see, is terrible.
A scientist is trying to drill through the metal outside, and it's screaming in pain, "It's being tortured! Where's the Doctor!" I demand, and Adam looks a bit startled as he says, "I don't know."
"Then take us down there! Now!" I yell at him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As we walk into the room where the cage is kept, Adam flashes his security clearance, allowing us into the cage.
Entering the room, the 'pepper pot' as Adam called it is chained down in the middle of the room. If I hadn't heard the screams myself, I wouldn't have expected it to be able to feel anything through the thick metal casing.
"Don't get too close." Adam warms me as I walk towards it. I motion for Rose to stay back, just in case.
As I get closer, I look into the blue light I take for its eye, "Hello, are you in pain?" I pause, hoping for an answer, but when I don't get one, I continue, "My name's Lily Tyler. I've got a friend who can help, he's called the Doctor. What's your name?"
"Yes." I scrunch my face up in confusion. I asked too many questions to know what it's answering, "What?" I question.
The eye stalk lifts to my face before it clarifies, "I, am in pain. They torture me, but still they fear me. Do you fear me?" And though the voice is robotic, I can still feel the pain coming through its voice. I answer it honestly, "No." I haven't yet been given a reason to fear it, all I feel is sorrow.
"I am dying."
"No, we can help." I insist, knowing it's true.
"I welcome death. But I am glad, that before I die, I've met a human, who was not afraid." My heart breaks as it speaks, "Isn't there anything I can do?" I can't just let it die, I have to try something.
"My race is dead, I shall die alone." It lowers its eye stalk, in defeat, or sadness, and I wish there was more I could do. I reach out my hand to offer it some comfort, and just as I touch the domed head Adam yells out, "Lily, no!" And I jerk my hand back, feeling a slight burn, and make my way to the back of the room with Rose and Adam.
"Genetic material extrapolated," it says loudly, "Initiate cellular reconstruction!" The chains break off of it and the lights around it break.
The torturing scientist rushes in the room and yells, "What the hell have you done!" before he walks over to the metal alien. "What you gonna do- sucker me to death?" And it did just that, it attached the plunger to his face and didn't let go.
I run out of the room and up to a guard, "It's killing him- do something!" The guard calls for a "Condition red, condition red. I repeat, this is not a drill!" And I can hear the announcement over ever speaker.
A view screen comes up of Van Statten's office as the Doctor runs in, and I immediately step forward, "Doctor, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault." I apologize.
The guard next to me informs him, "I've sealed the compartment, it can't get out. That lock's got a billion combinations."
"The Dalek's a genius; it can calculate a thousand billion combinations in one second flat." The Doctor counters.
We watch as the Dalek opens the vault, the guard next to me orders, "Open fire." The bullets seems to just bounce off of it, but Van Statten says anyway, "Don't shoot it, I want it unharmed!"
"Lily, Rose, get out of there!" I hear the Doctor yell through the screen, and one guard tells another, "DeMaggio, take the civilians and get them out alive! That is you're job, got it?"
DeMaggio tells us to follow her out of the room, and with one last look back at the Dalek, I do.
As we continue to run through the halls, we come up on a group of guards, setting up rank, and they move out of the way as DeMaggio yells, "Civilians, let us through!" And we don't stop running as we hear gunshots go off behind us.
"Stairs" Rose say excitedly as we come to a stairwell, "that's more like it! It hasn't got legs, its stuck!"
Rose pauses before we go too far, and turns back as the Dalek which seems to have, healed, if that's possible. Its color is brighter and all the dents are out, it looks stronger.
"Great big alien death machine- defeated by a flight of stairs." Adam scoffs at it.
"Probably not a good move to taunt it." I reprimand him.
DeMaggio takes another approach, "Now listen to me, I demand that you return to your Cage. If you want to negotiate, then I can guarantee that Mr. Van Statten will be willing to talk to you. I accept that we imprisoned you, and maybe that was wrong, but people have died, and that stops now. The killing stops. Have you got that? I demand that you surrender, is that clear?"
"Elevate." The Dalek responds, and it lifts into the air, going over the stairs.
"Oh, my god." Rose whispers as her eyes widen in fear.
"Adam, get them out of here." DeMaggio tells him, making me turn to her and plead, "Come with us, please. You can't stop it!"
She simply says, "Someone's got to try. Now get out. Don't look back, just run!"
As we run away we hear her gunshots, we also hear a scream, and the shots stop coming.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As we come around a corner, a large amount of guns are pointed our way.
"Hold your fire!" Is called out, making me relax in the slightest. "You three, get the hell out of there!"
Adam leads the way as we run through the group of people, and make it to the other side just as the Dalek enters the room. As we turn to watch its approach, I feel like its watching me back, and I tell Adam and Rose as we walk away, "It was looking at me."
"Yeah, it wants to slaughter us!" Adam comments as he tries to pull me away, but I resist, "No, but it was looking right at me!"
"So? It's just a sort of, metal eye thing, it was looking all around!" He denies again.
"I don't know, it's like- it's like there's something inside, looking at me, like, like it knows me!" I try to explain to him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As we're making our way up the seemingly ever ending flights of stairs, my phone rings, "This isn't the best time." I huff, out of breath, as I answer it.
"Where are you?" The Doctors voice rings through my phone, and I look over at the wall, looking for a flight number, "Level Forty-Nine."
"You've got to keep moving the vaults being sealed off up at level forty-six."
"Can't you stop them closing?" I demand.
"I'm the one who's closing them", he says, "Oh, lovely." I state sarcastically. "I can't wait and I can't help you, now for god's sake, run!" He shouts.
We make it out of the stairwell as we enter level forty-six.
"We're nearly there, give us two seconds!" I tell him.
Adam is running ahead of us, and Rose is a little but a head of me.
I hear the Doctor say "I'm sorry." Over the phone, and the door in front of us starts to slide closed.
Adam, being the closest, makes it through fine. Rose and I rush to make it in time, but I can tell both of us won't make it. Before the door closes with both of us on the wrong side, I push Rose through.
"Lily where are you? Rose, did you make it?" The Doctor shouts over the phone.
I lean my forehead against the door, trying to catch my breath before I reply, "Rose made it through, I was a bit slow, I'm afraid." I tell him regretfully.
As I hear the Dalek come up behind me, I push myself off the wall, and turn to face it. I try to console the Doctor, knowing I most likely won't make it out of this, "It wasn't your fault. Please remember that, it wasn't your fault. And you know what, I don't regret it for a second. Tell Rose I love her, and I'm glad I did what I did." I try to keep myself from crying, but my voice cracks in the end, and before I lower the phone I hear him whisper my name.
"Exterminate!" It shouts and shoots.
Hitting the wall next to me.
"Aren't you going to kill me?" I ask it in confusion, and I shout when it doesn't say anything, "Why are you doing this!"
"I am armed!" it warns me, "I will kill, it is my purpose!"
"I've noticed, every one of those people is dead, because of you!"
"They are dead, because of us." It corrects me.
"Then now what? What are you waiting for?" I ask, honestly curious as to why it hasn't followed through on its threats.
"I feel your fear."
"Well yeah, what do you expect?"
"Daleks do not feel fear! Must not fear!" it shouts as it shoot the walls on either side of me, "You have given me life, what else have you given me! I am contaminated!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Dalek has ushered me forward, facing me towards a screen showing Van Statten's office, with the Doctor and Rose.
It demands, "Open the bulkhead, or Lily Tyler dies."
"Your alive!" The Doctor exclaims, and I can see pure relief on Rose's tear stained face.
"Can't get rid of me." I comfort them, teasingly, but the Doctor doesn't smile, "I thought you were dead!"
"Open the bulkhead!" The Dalek yells as he nudges me forward.
"Don't do it!" I contradict it, but it continues, "What use are emotions, if you will not save the woman you love?" It questions him, making me whip around to face it, before turning back to the screen, in shock.
Love? Does he love me?
And Doctor doesn't move at first, just stares at me through the screen, and I don't take my eyes off him.
"I killed her once, I can't do it again." He finally looks away from me as he walks over to a computer and presses a button. The door behind us opens, but I don't want to lose sight of the Doctor, especially after this supposed revelation, but the Dalek nudges me towards the door.
It pushes me into an elevator, and as we rise up in floors, I turn to it, and plead, "I'm begging you, please don't kill them, you didn't kill me."
"But why not, why are you alive?" It questions me, "My function is to kill. What am I, what am I?"
Not having an answer, I internally panic as we make it to floor one, and the doors open.
I quickly tell them, "Don't move, don't do anything. It's beginning to question itself."
"Van Statten," It says as it moves out of the elevator, and I follow it, "you tortured me, why?"
He tries to save his own ass, lamely, "I just wanted to help you. I just- I don't know. I-I was trying to help, I thought if we could get through to you, if we could mend you... I wanted you better, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I swear, I just wanted you to talk!" He yells at it as it backs him into a wall.
'Than here me talk now. Exterminate, exterminate, exterminate!" But before it can shoot him, I run up to it, "Don't do it, don't kill him!" It turns to face me, and I try to explain, "You don't have to do this anymore. There must be something else, not just killing. What else is there? What do you want?"
It quickly looks back at Van Statten, before facing me again and saying, "I want, freedom."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I walk next to it as we walk down a hallway. It stops before shooting at the ceiling, creating a hole that sunlight pours through.
"Look, you made it. I never thought I'd feel the sunlight again." I dreamily state as I look up at the sun, soaking it into my skin.
"How does it feel?" It asks me as it opens its metal casings. Inside is an octopus looking thing, with one eye, and what looks like a large brain. Its tentacles move around, feeling the sun on them.
"Get out of the way!" I turn around, hearing the Doctor shout, but I don't move out from in front of the Dalek. "Lily, get out of the way, now!"
The Doctor stands in front of me, holding a large gun; it's something I never thought I'd see.
"No, 'cause I won't let you do this!" I tell him.
"That thing killed hundreds of people." He says, still aiming at me.
"It's not the one pointing the gun at me." I say softly.
"I've got to do this, I have to end it. The Daleks destroyed my home, my people. I've got nothing left."
"And I'm sorry for that, I have no idea how much that must hurt, but just look at it." I step out of the way so he can see it, as a tentacle is raised in the air, feeling the sunlight.
"What's it doing?" He asks me confused.
"All it wants is the sunlight."
"But it can't"- I cut him off, trying to explain quickly, "It couldn't kill Van Statten, it couldn't kill me. It's changing." I take another look at him as I question him, "What about you Doctor, what the hell are you changing into?"
He lowers the gun, looking distressed, "I couldn't- I wasn't"- he stutters as he looks at it, before turning to me, "Oh Lily, they're all dead." He sounds so heartbroken, making me run to him, we hold each other in a strong hold.
When the Dalek speaks up again, he lets go of me, besides my hand, "Why do we survive?"
"I don't know." He answers, and I tighten my hold on his hand.
"I am the last, of the Daleks."
"You're not even that." The Doctor says, "Lily did more than regenerate you, you've absorbed her DNA. You're mutated."
"Into what?" It questions.
"Something new, I'm sorry."
"But isn't that a good thing?" I look between them, hoping to somehow convince them.
"Not for a Dalek." His answer brings tears to my eyes.
"I can feel... so many ideas... so much darkness. Lily, give me orders!" It commands, "Order me to die."
I blanche, taking a couple steps towards it, releasing the Doctor's hand, "I can't do that!" I whisper as the tears start to spill over my cheeks.
"This is not life! This is sickness! I shall not be like you. Order my destruction! Obey, obey obey!"
I choke out a sob, and in a small voice, I'm finally able to say, "Do it." If nothing else, just hoping to end its misery.
"Are you frightened, Lily Tyler?"
I nod slowly, the tears not stopping as I'm barely able to say, "Yeah."
"So am I." It agrees, "Exterminate!"
And the Doctor pulls on my hand, tugging me into his chest. The only thing I hear of the end of the Dalek, is a small explosion.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As we find ourselves back in front of the TARDIS, I hold Rose's hand, as the Doctor fondly strokes it, "A little piece of home, better than nothing."
"Is that it then?" I question, my voice hoarse, "The end of the Time War?"
"I'm the only one left, I win. How about that?"
"But the Dalek survived, couldn't some of your people have too?" I ask softly.
But he shakes his head at me, "No, I'd know, in here." He taps his temple sadly. "It feels like there's no one."
I take a step forward and wrap my arms around one of his, "Well then, it's a good thing I'm not going anywhere. And neither is Rosie." I smile back at Rose before turning to look up at him, and he grins back at me as he says, "Yeah."
But then Adam comes running up behind us, "We better get out of here. Van Statten's disappeared and they're closing down the base. Goddard says they're going to fill it with cement, like it never existed."
"About time." Rose comments before Adam continues, "I'll have to go back home."
"Alright..." I drag out, not really caring, and the Doctor speaks up as well, "Better hurry up than. Next flight to Heathrow leaves in fifteen hundred hours." And I give a small chuckle.
"Adam was saying that all his life, he wanted to see the stars." Rose says pleadingly, and I groan. "Oh, come on Rosie, really?"
"What, why can't I have one?" She jokes, but I know my face turns beet red, and I try to hide it in my hair. But when I feel the Doctor squeeze my hand tighter, I relax some. "He's all on his own, Doctor, and he did help." She turns to him and he scoffs.
"He left Lily down there, and you too almost."
"You did too!" She counters.
Adam shakes his head in confusion, "What are you even talking about, we've got to leave."
"Rose, he's a bit pretty." I warn her, and the Doctor's hold tightens even more, making me chuckle, "Not that I noticed."
"Me neither." She says, straight-faced, but I roll my eyes at her.
The Doctor shrugs, turning us around as he opens the TARDIS door. He pulls me in and takes me over to the jump seat, but before he lets me sit down, he wraps me in a tight hug. I only reluctantly let go, when Rose finally enters the TARDIS as well. He smiles at me before going to work at the console.
Rose comes and joins me at the jump seat, nudging me with a smirk, before watching Adam amused, as he walks in after her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After such an emotionally draining day, I decide I need a little relaxation. So after Rose as introduced Adam into the life of a time-traveler, I make my way to the kitchen.
With a steaming cup of tea in hand, I head to my room, planning on taking a long bubble bath, and after having to ask the TARDIS to conjure up some bubble bath solution. I sink into the hot water, setting my tea on the small tub-side table.
With chamomile tea, and whatever gold bubble solution the TARDIS provided rushing through the bath with the jets powered up, I feel instantly relaxed.
When the water's cold and my tea along with the bubbles are gone, I climb out of the tub. After brushing my teeth and hair, and washing my face, I go in search of my favorite sweats.
Armed with my loose black sweats, an old t-shirt and fuzzy socks, I head out of my room, in search of, I'm not sure what, exactly.
But as soon as I close my door, the TARDIS lights up a pathway.
A large door seems to be my destination at the end of the blue lights. When I open the door, I see an introvert's idea of heaven, a library so large, I could lose my way around and not be found for days. Off to the side is a large plush couch, sat in front of a raging fire place, and that's the first place I set off to.
After cuddling myself into the couch, I stare at the fire, thinking over the day as I had denied myself to do, till now.
It was an emotional day, being terrified and sure of my death, to be shocked that something never I thought possible, had happened. Not only had the Dalek changed, which is a huge thing, I know. But it might be possible, that the Doctor truly cares about me.
I never thought it even a possibility, so I tried to push away the feelings that emerged, but if he does, if he feels anything, maybe... I don't know. It's diffcult to imagine the possibilities, because even if he did feel something for me, would he do anything about it? Would I try to make him? No, I would never make him do anything about his feelings towards me, especially if unconfirmed. I wouldn't want to try and push for something he didn't want, again with my self-sacraficing.
But over-thinking will get me nowhere, and soon enough, even with all I have to mull over, I feel the pull of sleep dragging down my eyelids. And I fall into a comfortable sleep, in front of the fire, surround by comfort.