𝐏𝐄𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐏 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐒.
"my mom is having a boy!" she cheered.
bella cheered, while sophie complained.
"my mom is letting me decorate the nursery." pepper explained.
"i really want some egg rolls right now." i said, while pepper talked about herself.
she held out a bunch of paint colors.
newt walked past her, insulting one of the colors.
"how do you know all about paint colors?" pepper asked.
"my step mom brenda asked me to redecorate her bedroom when she moved in with us. and by help, i mean she showed me pictures in magazines and said, oh, do this." newt explained.
"do you wanna help me decorate my baby brothers nursery? i could really use someone with skills and a male point of view." pepper asked.
"are you kidding? count me in!" newt said.
"how about you three?" pepper asked.
"sure." sophie said.
"no, we have to do our community service." i frowned, motioning to the rest of us.
bella, troy, sawyer and i signed up for the retirement home program.
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"and in here is the community room!" the woman led us.
"this place is so nice." bella said.
"man, i wanna live here when i'm old." troy looked around.
"shoot, i wanna live here now. did you see? they have taco tuesday every day of the week. the rules don't apply here. i love this place!" sawyer said, too loudly.
"chill." i said, realizing his hand was in mine.
bella rambled on about some random senior old lady she was a fan of.
"we're slightly overbooked, so i'm gonna assign you three to the same senior pal." the woman said
senior pal.
"it's ernie the mail man. and i think he needs a little help learning how to use his new computer tablet." the woman said.
troy groaned, and we walked over to the couch.
troy sat next to him, i sat on the opposite side, and sawyer sat on the arm rest, his arm behind my head.
we were explaining social media to him.
"and you swipe to go to the next window." troy spoke, showing him step by step.
"and that brings you to instagram, which is a great way to connect with your grandkids." sawyer informed.
"get him to connect with some bitches." i shook my head.
"i wanna connect with some ladies." ernie agreed.
"fuck yeah!" i cheered, with a grin.
"in that case, what we gotta do is sign you up for a dating site." sawyer said.
"first thing you're gonna need is a good profile picture. you know, to let the ladies know what you're working with. okay now come on, give me what you got." troy held up the phone camera.
we gave him instructions on how to pose for a picture.
"there it is! yes ernie, yes!" troy cheered.
"woo, go ernie!" i smiled.
ernie scrolled, talking about the different women on his ipad.
the next day, we went back to the retirement home.
we checked the man's inbox, to see if he'd gotten any messages.
"way to go ernie, you've got a lot of replies to your dating profile." troy said.
"your favorites column is almost full. can we get rid of one of these connies?" sawyer asked.
"okay, but keep connie b. says she's gotta hot tub." the man said.
"here's a text from marlene. she says; dear ernie, i can tell by your profile picture that you're a very busy man. i'm busy too, thinking of us on the beach while i slather suntan on your manly shoulders and- oh! now i need to take a shower." troy gagged.
he slid the ipad over to sawyer and i.
i did not want to take it.
"ooh, look at this one! i like long walks in the park, fresh rhubarb pie, and watching the fireflies at dusk. sounds like a nice grandma- wait, that's my grandma! delete, delete, delete." sawyer said.
troy took off his letterman jacket, and i stared at sawyers ugly ass cargo shorts.
he did not disgrace me like that.
"sawyer?" i asked.
"what?" he asked.
"i love you, i do. but why?"
"why what? my shorts are fine!"
"i replied to your top five women. any others you want me to respond too?" troy interrupted.
"can't wait to meet these gals! hey, phillis! be there in a minute!" he called out to a random woman.
"she seems to like you." sawyer said.
"yeah, i hope so, she's my girlfriend." ernie got up.
"what?" troy asked.
"no way." sawyer stood up.
"i forget old people could date." i said, also standing up.
"you've been making us set you up on all these dates, and you have a girlfriend?" troy asked.
"what am i supposed to do? she goes to bed at 5. i gotta do something with my nights." ernie defended.
"oh god." i cringed, sawyer patting me on the back.
"lighten up boys, life is short!" he said, and chased her down the hall.
i shook my head.
"can you believe that guy?" sawyer asked.
"yeah man. he's such a player. respect." troy said. "you know, i'm gonna ask him a couple questions."
"yeah, i got one too." sawyer said.
i grabbed the back of his shirt, tugging him back into my arms.
"no, you don't." i led him in the opposite direction.
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i stood next to the lockers with sawyer and troy.
"do you need a ride? my moms here." troy asked.
"oh thanks, but my grandmas picking me up, and cherry's gonna meet her. she's just a little late." sawyer said.
"sorry sawyer, i had to stop and pick up my new friend." sawyers grandma said.
"how's it going, boys?" ernie popped out of the corner.
"jesus!" i said, with a smile.
"sawyer, meet ernie." the woman said.
"we've already met! grandma, he has a girlfriend." sawyer explained.
why is sawyer wearing a shirt sleeved flannel with a long sleeve shirt?
whatever.
he can wear what he wants. i love him anyways.
"at least one, if not more." troy said.
"so what? i've got three boyfriends. get with the times, kiddo." the woman said.
"fuck yeah!" i said, giving her a high five.
"0h, grandma, this is my girlfriend." sawyer said, his arm wrapped around me.
"nice to meet you! how many boyfriends do you have?" she asked.
"cherry only has one boyfriend. me." sawyer said quickly.
"we better get going. we're going out for the early bird special." ernie said, leading his grandma away.
"dude, your grandma is such a player. r-" troy started.
"-if you say respect, we are no longer friends." sawyer stopped him.
"i would die." i said, watching sawyer walk off after his grandma. "have fun."
"it's not funny!" he called.