I let out a feeble, chocked sob and sunk to the ground as well. Draco had his hands on my shoulders and tried desperately to comfort me.
But I was beyond help.
I couldn't breathe. My chest was making the movements but no air was entering. I gripped at my clothes, trying to stretch them out at the neckline, trying but failing to breathe.
I tried to push Draco off of me, trying to give myself space but he was hesitant to back away.
My eyes wouldn't even blink, as if they were forcing me to stare at Fred.
I was in pure agony. I kicked at the rubble surrounding me and started to cough, my blood staining the stone beneath me from my wounded leg.
I still couldn't breathe, and I couldn't understand the situation.
Fred was dead.
And it was our fault.
Percy continued to shake his brother, sobbing over his body.
I needed to throw up but I couldn't. I gasped for air that still wasn't coming. Ron was right there too, Harry and Hermione beside him, tears running down all their faces.
Without noticing the pain, I'd been ripping my hair out while grasping at my shirt, and Draco knelt beside me, urgently trying to get me to calm down. But I couldn't possibly. The sounds of explosions and curses hadn't yet stopped. But I felt like the world had ended and didn't give my surroundings a single glance.
Harry yelled for everyone to get down but I couldn't see what anyone else was doing. I didn't take my gaze away from Fred. My best friend's brother. My family.
Harry was pulling at Percy now, trying to get him to move to safety. But Percy was shielding his brother's body, unwilling to move.
"You can't do anything for him!" I heard Harry yell but Percy didn't let go. Fred was lifelessly being dragged by his brother who was still clutching on to him as Harry tired to pull him away.
Draco's body suddenly appeared in front of me, trying to break my gaze away from the horrific scene. With a heave, I managed to take in a single breath of air, but it felt like I was choking. I could scarily see as Harry and the others hoisted up Fred's body and tried to move it out of the way of the battle.
I couldn't even hear what Draco was saying despite him being inches from my face, bellowing. My mind was not here with him. I wasn't present. I was in some altered state of reality.
I couldn't really hear anything. I couldn't really see anything. Nothing would hurt me because nothing was real. How could anything be real? How could Fred be dead?
It took everything in Draco to bring me back to Earth. And when he finally did, all the sounds of the battle rushed back and I was deafened by the sounds of screams and explosions I'd blocked out.
"We need to leave!" he shouted into my face, standing up and trying to get me up too.
I'd forgotten my leg was horribly injured, and when I stood, I placed all my weight right on it, causing me to collapse again. He put my arm over his neck and put his arm at the small of my back, lifting me once more.
"Draco," I moaned, as we moved across the corridor. "It's our fault. It's our fault," I mumbled, feeling dirty tears drip into my mouth as I spoke.
"No, Arabella, it's not. It's not. Okay?" he said, struggling to get us out of the way of the shooting spells.
We hobbled over the bricks from which we had came and I continued to sob, confessing and repeating over and over again that it was our fault. That it was my fault.
When farther away from the danger, he leaned me against a wall. I purposely banged my head against the stone, trying to mask the pain in my chest with something worse.
"STOP IT!" yelled Draco. I was startled and met his eyes, allowing me to see the streak of tears that lined the dirt on his cheeks. I felt even worse and I shuddered, leaning into him and letting him support me completely.
"It's my fault," I said again.
"It's not," he breathed into me, assertively. He stroked my head and my hair.
I shifted my weight uncomfortably and he looked down at my injured leg. He leaned me back against the wall and let go of me momentarily while he moved quickly over to a collapsed man and ripped some fabric off his robes. The dead man didn't move.
He came back and wrapped the long strip around my thigh, pushing on the wound to control the bleeding. He tied it tightly, and while it still hurt, I no longer felt a dripping sensation down my leg and the pressure felt better.
I put my hand to my forehead and pushed my loose and knotted hair back, taking a deep breath in. I lowered my shaking hand again and reached for Draco's arm, brining him up from his knees, wrapping my arms tightly around his chest.
"It's okay, Arabella. I love you," he mumbled into my neck.
We stayed like that for a moment, but it didn't change the fact that a battle was still raging just around the corner.
Suddenly, a Death Eater rounded on us. Fortunately, he hesitated, seeing that it was Draco. But as quickly as he'd lowered his wand, he raised it again, creeping forward but not shooting.
Draco capitalized on the moment, standing in front of me to shield me, and started to talk, trying to convince him that we were on the Dark Side, reminding him who he was.
"I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm Draco. I'm on your side." He was practically pleading and I wasn't sure if it was working.
But suddenly, the masked Death Eater dropped to the floor - he'd been stunned. We looked around, searching for who had saved us. A split second later, Draco's head was was swung to the side in an invisible punch and he fell right on top of the Death Eater.
I shrieked, realizing that his mouth was bleeding badly.
"And that's the second time we've saved your life tonight, you two-faced bastard!" yelled someone that sounded just like Ron.
I didn't have the mental capacity to register what had just happened. Perhaps Ron had been under Harry's cloak. But I didn't have time to turn my head and piece my theory together. I moved off of the wall and grabbed Malfoy's wrist as I heaved him up.
I wiped his mouth with my own hand and inspected him, making sure he was okay. He gripped my head tightly too and then pulled me into another tight hug. But this one, sadly, was brief.
Not five seconds later, we were running through the castle, Draco pulling me along. I wasn't sure where we were going but I couldn't find the breath to ask him.
As we passed the corridor we'd destroyed, something in his eyes lit up and he swerved to the left, picking up an ugly stick from among the debris - it was the wand I'd been using.
We continued running, straight through the front doors and eventually out onto the dark and dewy grass. I was limping horribly, but adrenaline allowed me to push through.
The battle outside barely looked any different from inside; people were still getting hit with light and blasted 20 feet through the air. The screams were still loud despite the lack of echo off of stone walls. We kept ourselves close to the staircase that led up to the castle, flat against the side of it.
"What are we doing here Draco?" I panted, hands on my knees.
"I'm keeping you away from the danger," he said, resolutely.
"No, no," I shook my head. "I want to fight. I need to fight!" I was still half crying and Fred's body crossed my mind's eye again.
He put his hands heavy on my shoulders. "You're not in a state to fight right now, love. I need to keep you safe," he spoke, eyes fixed deeply on mine.
I put my head back against the flat of the side of the staircase, closing my eyes in pain. I wished the yelling would stop. I wished the noise inside my head would stop.
I opened my eyes and took a deep and shaky breath in. In the distance, I could see countless people duelling. In the centre of the vast field, I could see that someone small was putting up a tremendous fight.
I watched, trying to see if I could identify them, but just then the side of the stairs exploded. I clutched Draco and bent over, trying to shield my head from the rubble that was falling around us.
As we ran from the stairs, he kept my head down but kept his own up, trying to maintain awareness of what was happening. Over the noise, he yelled to me that Death Eaters were exiting the front doors, heading onto the field.
"Come on, we'll go to the trees!" he yelled, pointing to the forest across the filed. It was dangerous to run through the fighting, but it was more dangerous to stay where we were.
He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me along, my leg protesting. But as we ran, my eyes were on the young boy who was fighting hard. I watched him fall to his knees after getting hit by a bright light.
We kept running to the trees. We were almost there. My neck was practically turned backwards to keep my eye on the boy, wondering who he was. He looked all too familiar.
I watched him lift himself onto one knee and get back up again, standing taller this time. In an instant, I realized who it was.
Even though it was dark, I could see his messy, sand coloured hair. I could picture the camera in his arms despite them being empty now but for his wand - Colin.
We made it to the tree line and Draco wanted to go further in, but I protested. I stayed at the line, peering from behind a thick tree trunk. The boy raised his wand at the Death Eater who stood menacingly across from him, and he managed to get in a blow.
I smiled weakly, my eyes taking in every movement of their fight.
But then I saw the group that Draco had been referring to - the ones that had blown up part of the stairs.
A Death Eater with curly, bushy hair made her way across the field, joining the other Death Eater. They circled around Colin, in an unfair five to one battle, and the boy was instantly overwhelmed.
Before I could even draw breath, green light shot out from the witch's wand at lightening speed, colliding with Colin's chest. He fell like a doll.
And this time, he didn't get up.
*
She continued to run around, manically. I could hear her laugh even through the other screams on the battle field.
I was screaming too, in mourning for my friend. I was running before I even realized it. It took a couple seconds for Draco to run out and grab my hand, pulling me back. But it wasn't him that made me stop in my tracks. It was the cold, piercing voice that suddenly rang in my head.
"You have fought valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste."
The horrible sound continued, penetrating my mind. I held my hands over my ears but it didn't work to stop the sound.
"I command my forces to retreat," his voice rang. "You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your wounded."
And then he turned to address only Harry, telling him to meet him in the Forbidden Forest. It was an awful minute before it finally stopped. I took my hands off my ears, still standing in the middle of the dark grass and watched as Death Eaters disapparated in a puff of black smoke.
Now, all that was left was the crumpled bodies that littered the damp grass. Draco and I were the only two standing among them.
I limped over to Colin, doing my best to move at a run.
"No, No, No!" I screamed collapsing to my knees. "Colin! NO!" I sobbed, letting myself fall onto his small chest. It didn't raise nor fall.
He was gone.
I sobbed, wetting his blood stained shirt. I sat up again to look into his face, but Draco was kneeling near his head and had his finger placed over his eyes, closing them. His face was unlined, and steady. He looked like he could have been sleeping. Except those eyes would never reopen.
I let out a defeated whimper. I'd never see them sparkle again after taking a picture. I'd never get to talk to him in Herbology, or listen to stories of his dad and his family.
Silent tears just rolled down my cheek. I couldn't make another sound. I couldn't whisper his name. I was too exhausted.
It dawned on me suddenly that I'd never gotten Colin the signed photograph that I said I would back at the lake on that rainy Herbology lesson. The weight of all I'd done wrong washed over me and I just wanted to lie down next to him and die too.
Draco said nothing, keeping head down.
If there was anyone that didn't deserve this, it was Colin. He was too innocent, and too pure. I remembered how hopeful he was when I'd told him Harry was the Chosen One. He looked so sure.
"We'll be okay," he had said.
He was wrong.
I'd have done anything to have spent one more second listening to his silly stories. To take a picture with him to send to my dad to put on the fridge. I never truly appreciated our friendship as much as I should have.
I remembered how he was the only one who had stood by me after the scandal with Draco. He was the only one that didn't care what people said. He was a better friend than I ever realized and I needed more time to spend with him.
I prayed in my head while I cried out loud. The same fantasy I'd had of my dad played in my head; I waited for the moment when I would see his closed eyes open again, and I'd be able to watch him sit up all groggily. I imagined that I'd have the chance to make it up to him.
But he stayed down, eyes closed, unmoving. He was small and fragile in the dark night.
I bowed my head, ashamed and full of sorrow. Draco gripped my shoulder and helped me struggle to my feet.
"Let's go," he whispered, orienting his body to head back up to the castle, putting his arm around me and rubbing mine gently with his hand.
But I stayed standing and looking down at Colin for another second, tears still streaming down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry Colin." I whispered. "Sleep well."
We turned away and I left my small and crumpled friend alone among the mess of bodies that littered the cold, deserted field.