The sunlight shines on my face as I scrunch my eyes and nose up ruining a good night of sleep. I groan stretching myself out. I pat the bed next to me to feel it is empty making my heart squeeze.
I glance over to the empty side of the bed- I can smell him in the sheets. His lumbersexual, woody smell dances around the sheets and into my nostrils as I take a deep breath breathing in his addicting scent.
I hear a click of a door turning my attention towards the bathroom door as I see the one and only Landon Heart exit with a towel wrapped dangerously around his waist. I rest myself on my elbows as he walks into the room smelling of body wash and cologne, "Good morning," I smirk at Landon whose body tenses before quickly relaxing again.
"Good morning, how did you sleep?" he asks walking over to the bed and settling himself back down next to me causing the towel to loosen a bit around his waist.
I can't help but let my eyes rest on the towel that is loosely hanging on, the only bit of fabric stopping me from seeing him in all his naked glory, "Yeah I slept well would have been even better if I woke up with you still in bed, but I'll definitely settle for this," I nod my head towards his loosen towel.
"I'm sorry but I would love to stay and hold you, but I got an important call from my client. They need to see me ASAP so I must leave you here for a few hours," the pain leaks from his eyes.
His pain matches how much my heart feels right now the fact he has to leave me even if it's for a few hours I feel like I will drive myself insane in the time period he is away. Who knows I may even go home and pack up all my stuff and run away.
"Oh," is the only words I can muster out.
"I promise I'll try to be quick, but please don't go anywhere don't run," his eyes plead along with his mouth. How did he know I was thinking of running?
"It's okay don't rush I'll be here when you get back as long as there are croissants in the cupboard," hey if I'm going to stay might as well spoil myself.
"I'll send Trisha to go retrieve some croissants for you," he chuckles whipping his phone off his bedside table to text his cook.
He sighs standing up and tightening his towel around his waist, "I'll be back in a few hours I promise," he places his lips upon the top of my head.
Landon disappears in his closet leaving me alone in this empty bed by myself with my hatred thoughts that beat me till I can't move nor think. Till my body is numb and I feel like I have nothing left to live for.
A few minutes later Landon emerges from his closet and places one more kiss on the top of my head before leaving me for good this time.
And now I'm lying in his bed, sheets tangled around my naked frame as my mind rushes back to yesterday and not the good parts with Landon but the parts where Landon agrees with what Asher is thinking. Now I'm left to make one of the biggest decisions of my life, whether I run or whether I stay and get the test and maybe the worse news of my life that crushes the last little bit of me that feels like I can be normal again.
I let out a dry laugh at the thought of the word normal. A foreign word to my language. I can't remember the last time I lived normally where I never had to think of my past, or be reminded of the decisions I made back in Australia. Where I'm not reminded of the hell, I lived with losing my mother and my ex-best friend. Where I didn't see her everywhere I went, or I didn't relive memories in my nightmares, or when a walked into a place where it looks or feels familiar.
The word normal breaks my heart. I wish to live like other adults my age where they don't live in a field of regrets and know stuff that is illegal to know. Where they haven't witnessed a murder. Where they haven't had to walk on eggshells. Moving to America was meant to that chance of a normal life but it seems my problems follow me everywhere haunting me taunting me.
Look at me self-pitting myself. I detangle myself from his sheets letting my feet connect with the chilling wooden floors. I stretch my arms above my head letting a yawn out before sliding off the bed not letting myself think about it much more because I know the more, I think about it I'll end up on a plane to England before I know it.
I turn the taps to the shower letting the water droplets dance down my body onto the tiles. Should I take the examination? Should I finally get answers? Should I risk losing everything losing him just for a piece of paper? Question on top of questions. I run my fingers through my hair. I shouldn't I can't, I can't lose Landon over a stupid piece of paper. A piece of paper that could give me answers to everything I've been going through recently. Fuck this. I shut the taps off stopping the water and rushing out of the bathroom with a towel around me. I quickly dry my body and change back into my clothes yesterday.
I'm choosing to run. I'm choosing to leave everything behind because that's what I do I run. I fled like the coward I am. Instead of growing up and facing my problems I run, I leave everyone to pick up the broken pieces I leave behind.
I rush down the stairs picking up my bag that was left on the couch and heading to the front door. I reach out to turn the doorknob, "Weak," her voice pulls my body to a freeze.
I feel her presence behind me as if she was really here, "I never meant anyone so weak in my life," her words sting me, "What happened to you Charlie? When did you become so weak?" she taunts me.
I'm not weak, am I? "When did you start to run from every little thing that goes wrong," I shiver as I feel a hand being placed on my shoulder, "That isn't the girl I remember who would put me in my place," tears roll down my cheeks as the memories of me putting Harley in her place after she would attack Kayla.
"I can't stay," my voice croaks as I speak, "I can't bear to see how Landon looks at me if those results come back positive, I can't ask him to stay and help me through this," more tears flood down my cheeks as I talk to her.
"Isn't that his choice and besides from what I remember he promised you to stay by your side through everything," I turn to see Harley resting her weight on her right foot with her arms crossed over her chest.
She's right. I never thought I would be saying this, but Harley is right it is his choice, and he did promise me, but there is a small chance he breaks his promises when it becomes a reality. Is that a risk I'm willing to take? I don't know to be honest but is it better than running. Yes.
I look back at the door taking my eyes off her. With all my power I let go of the doorknob turning back to see where Harley once stood, she no longer is.
I walk into the kitchen to see a fresh bag of croissants lying in the center of the counter. I grab the bag and pull out one of the freshly made croissants. I let my teeth sink into the soft pastry letting my taste buds absorb the sweet and salty taste of the croissant.
I drag myself back upstairs to strip myself of the day-old clothes. I grab one of Landon's shirts and a pair of his boxers.
••••••
Two hours passed and I am lounging around on Landon's couch waiting for him to come home. My legs are hung over the head of the couch as my head dangles off the couch, watching the TV upside down. I feel all the blood rushing to my head and my body become light. However, I don't sit up. I quite enjoy the feeling actually. I probably sound insane, but I don't know I feeling of being in your body but not actually being in your body as all the blood rushes to your head.
The sound of a door opening pulls my attention away from my current thought of hanging upside down. I stay in my position listening to the heavy footsteps growing closers to the couch.
A deep sigh sends tingles all over my body. Some more heavy steps hit the hardwood floor and I notice a pair of legs come into view, "Charlie-Rose," he grumbles my name bending down to lift my head back up forcing all the blood to rush back around my body.
"Welcome back," I smile at him.
"Thank you," he leans down and captures my lips on his, "Thank you, for not leaving," my heart awes at his words.
"I decided it's time I face my problems like I use to," I wrap my legs around his knee pulling him onto me, "I'm thinking of taking the test, but it isn't a one hundred percent yes," Landon nudges his head in the crook of my neck. His arms wrap around my waist as mine wrap around his neck.
"That's good enough for me," I feel his warm lips meet my neck. I shudder as his teeth graze over my sensitive skin.
The truth is I'm going to get the examination done I just don't want anyone to be there with me when I do. I need to do this on my own.