Hearing my words, Paul stood up in alarm, eyes wide. "DEAD?!" he shrieked, raising his voice louder than I'd ever heard before. "He's dead?!"
I nodded.
"As in, he isn't alive anymore?!"
"Last time I checked, that's what being dead meant."
"Yeah, but, you're so calm about it. You're not, you're not just messing with me, right?"
My gaze turned dark. "If you think I'm joking about my dead brother, I'll have Charla torch your ass."
"N-No, no, sorry, sorry! That came out wrong!! It's just hard to wrap my head around."
There was merit in that.
"How long has Red been, uh... I mean, for how long?"
"If you sit back down," I answered, "I'll tell you everything."
"Are..." He sat back down. "Are you really okay to talk about it?!"
My eyes moved down as I scratched Luxray's head. "Mmhmm."
"That's not a very reassuring voice."
"Do you wanna hear or not?"
After a moment, Paul straightened up. "Only if you're willing to talk about it. Seriously, I won't push you. Not on something like this."
I didn't reply to that.
"It happened when I was four," I began while stroking Luxray's mane.
"The three of us were at home, in the gym. Red and Volkner were having a practice match. It was the typical after-dinner routine, but that night, in particular, they seemed ready to keep fighting until the crack of dawn. No way I was going to stay up with them. I was way too tired, so I said goodnight and headed back to the main house by myself. Luxray, still a Shinx at the time, stayed behind to watch the fighting.
"When I got back to the main house, I was approached by masked intruders. Their leader was a really tall lady. She had asked about my brothers and asked if she could meet them. I tried to run for it, but I was stopped by a scary Pokémon. It used Psychic to keep me from getting away."
"A scary Pokémon?" repeated Paul. "It wasn't a Ghost-type, was it?"
"It was." I got the shivers thinking about it.
I could see the thoughts in Paul's brain slowly piecing together.
"Anyways, the masked people had me hostage, and we all went to the battlefield. I was surprised to see that more masked men had already surrounded my brothers. The leader introduced herself and announced her reason for interrupting their training session: to speak to Red. They wanted information about a legendary Pokémon. Obviously, his first response was to call them out on trespassing and threaten to retaliate with his Pokémon. That's exactly why I was taken hostage. The leader warned against making any funny moves, or her Ghost Pokémon would attack me, which," I curled up, knees pressed tightly to my chest, "she decided to demonstrate."
"It attacked you?!"
"No. It wasn't an attack." My eyes squeezed shut. "It was torture. Even if it only lasted a few seconds, it felt like an eternity for me. I remember watching the room go pitch-black. I started hearing scary voices, noises, and saw pictures in my head. The scariest ones were exaggerated images of the Pokémon itself."
"That's terrible!!"
"But, it did the trick. Red promised not to attack. The lady didn't attack me.
"Now, she didn't realize that Red had installed a silent alarm in the building. It had gone off when the bad guys first arrived. The planned response was a bunch of Magnemite and Magneton, all owned by the gym, to go into a frenzy and unleash hell on anyone not part of the family. It only took a little bit of stalling on Red's end before they arrived and began attacking the trespassers. Red used the distraction to save me, his Pokémon wiping out the enemy Pokémon keeping me hostage.
"Once I got away from the bad guys, Red told Volkner to take me, escape the gym, and contact the police. I wanted to stay with Red, but he wouldn't listen. His only priority was protecting me and Volkner.
"His last words to me were: 'I love you, Sparkler. That means if I don't keep you safe, who will?' " My eyes glossed over upon remembering that phrase. "Those were Red's last words before Volkner, Shinx, and I escaped the gym together.
"That was the last time I ever saw Red alive, too."
"What happened to Red after you left?"
"When we returned to the gym, the cops raided the place to arrest the bad guys, but they had already gotten away." At that point, tears started to roll down my cheeks. "Not before making their mark."
Luxray whined and lowered his head to the ground.
"I headed straight to the battlefield to find Red. I found him." My head rolled forward as my chest started to ache. "On the floor." The replaying images just about made me vomit. "In a pool of his own blood."
Paul heard Eevee start whimpering. "H...How...?"
"A single bullet to the heart. But, I didn't notice at the time." When I looked back up, my broken expression had enough power to shatter Paul's world. "I was four, you know? The blood didn't register until later. I just thought Red was sleeping.
"I tried to shake him awake, but he wouldn't move, obviously," I choked out my words in between sniffles. "He wouldn't wake up. He wouldn't... He wouldn't wake up, because he wasn't ... sleeping!"
By now, all the Pokémon in the cave began shedding some tears.
Paul was dead silent.
"Volkner pulled me away to keep me from seeing, but it was way too late. I saw." I glanced at my electric cat. "We all saw. On that day, the images were burned into our memories forever. Nothing is more memorable than seeing someone's lifeless body on the floor, especially your brother's."
Upon my story's conclusion, silence permeated the cave.
Paul sat straight up, eyes wide as golf balls, his jaw smacking the ground.
All the Pokémon looked absolutely horror-stricken. A mix of sadness, disbelief, and terror plastered their faces. Eevee had come over and curled up against Luxray. They both had tears covering their fluffy heads.
"Take your time to process," I muttered, clumsily wiping at my cheeks. "I know it's a lot."
Paul rubbed his temples. "I don't even think I can process that."
"That's exactly why I don't talk about it, but regardless, you needed to know. It was the reason I freaked out back there with Giovanni. You might also have realized that what happened with Red explains a lot about me."
"Like, your fear of Ghost-types? Because of the Pokémon that attacked you."
"Whenever I encounter a Ghost-type, I get flashbacks that send me into complete panic mode. I freak out, lash out, regardless of who or what I'm dealing with. I just feel like I'm going to get attacked again."
"Do you not remember which Pokémon it was?"
"Unfortunately, no. After it happened, I tried really hard to forget to avoid getting scared again, so of course, now, I have a really hard time remembering the Pokémon's face. The only vague clue I have is a creepy smile."
"Creepy smile? Well, Haunter and Gengar have a creepy smile, and every time you've encountered a Gengar, you freaked out like no other time I'd ever seen. Could it have been a Gengar?"
After a moment, I disagreed with the hypothesis. "I would have agreed with you after meeting that Gengar on the Cycling Road, but after my Haunter evolved, after we trained together at the dojo, no way. If it had been Gengar, I don't think I could've made friends so easily. It's someone else."
"Do you think you might recognize it once you see it?"
"I suppose, but there's no guarantee."
"What about the attackers?"
"Same deal. No idea who they were. No insignia on their uniforms or anything. My only clue is the leader's voice."
"You said it was a lady, right?"
"Yeah, but she wore a mask like the rest of them. Obviously, it's not very practical to go talk to every person in the world, as much as I want to do that. Plus, it's been ten years. She could be dead herself. Her voice could've changed. Too many what-ifs and not enough evidence."
"That's shitty. I'm so sorry, Rosa." His words made me stare at him. "I can't even begin to fathom going through something like that or how you're feeling now. As far as you know, Red's murderers are still out there, and you can't find them. I know I may not like my brother very much, but that doesn't mean I want him to be killed."
"You want to know the worst part? That I'm left here feeling incredibly weak."
"Weak? Why?"
"It's like you guessed. Red is a huge reason, really, the main reason, why I'm hellbent on becoming World Champ. He died trying to protect me. He sacrificed himself. I can't stop feeling like things would've gone differently if I just hadn't been taken hostage."
"Hey, don't do that survivor's guilt thing. You know you can't blame yourself."
"Of course, I can!" I popped onto my feet. "If I tried to fight back, maybe he'd be alive today! But he's not, so I'm left questioning my strength. My power. My capabilities. Wondering if it'll happen again. If they'll come back one day for Volkner, or maybe they'll target Luxray. I still never learned anything about the legendary Pokémon they were hunting, and I doubt Red gave them anything useful before he died. I'm left here wondering if I'll be strong enough to prevent that from happening again. I can't take losing anyone else, Paul!"
"Rosa..."
"Ever since Red died, I've had this burning desire to make myself stronger through the ways of Pokémon. I already wanted to become a Trainer to follow in his footsteps, but now I have a real reason. Call it cliché, but it's my goal: to become stronger. I want to protect those I care about, and at the same time never be underestimated or taken advantage of again!"
After a moment, Paul found the ability to smirk again.
"Red must've been a real role model to you, huh?"
"Yeah." I peered over at my cat, mouse, and dragon. "A lot of my Pokémon preferences come from him."
"Really?"
As I sat back down, I rubbed Raichu's head. "His partner was a Pikachu, and his starter was a Charmander he received from our father. Red always let me play with his Pokémon. It made me want one of each on my team."
"Wait. Your brother had Pokémon?"
"Yeah? He was a Trainer, after all."
"No, I mean, when you guys got attacked at the gym, he had Pokémon on him, right? He and Volkner were having a practice match that night, and you said he used them to protect you."
"Right."
"What happened to them after he died?"
"That's another thing I don't know," I softly replied.
"What do you mean you don't know? Unless the murderers took them."
I shrugged. "That's what we've always assumed. When we recovered Red's body, he didn't have any of his Pokémon on hand. All Poké Balls had been removed from his belt, and none of the Pokémon themselves were anywhere to be found.
"Not only did we lose Red, but we also lost his Pokémon, too. He's probably disappointed about that."
"Hey, don't say that. I'm sure he was just happy that you and Volkner got away."
"If you say so." My chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh.
"Hey, Rosa?"
"Hmm?"
"I know it was ten years ago, but for what it's worth, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that kind of trauma."
My heart trembled at his words.
"Most four-year-olds get traumatized when they meet Santa Claus at the mall. Not me."
Paul stayed quiet.
"Well, if there aren't any more questions," I stood up, "I'm gonna go watch the rain for a little bit." I stared at the jacket in my hands, the same one that partially covered my torso when I first woke up. "Do you mind if I hold onto this?"
"Go ahead."
I began walking away.
"Hey, Rosa?"
I stopped but didn't turn around.
"I realize how hard it was to share that with me, so thank you."
After a quiet nod, I continued over to the cave's entrance.
As he watched me plant myself between Venusaur and Torterra, Paul considered everything that I told him. Luxray walked over and planted his haunches at the boy's side, also staring at my back.
"Why is her voice so steady?"
The big cat eyed him curiously.
"It sounds," he muttered, "as if, for years, she's trained herself not to feel anything at all. I know she started crying for a moment, but then she stopped, just like that, like it's a crime to feel sad."
Eevee also came over.
"This entire time, I've only known Rosa, seen Rosa, been with Rosa, when she was at her strongest," he said to them. "Now, I've witnessed her at her weakest, too. It makes me, I don't know, happy, in a weird way. A weird, terrible way. I've seen both sides, so now I feel like I understand her so much better.
"But, I also feel so concerned now."
Luxray asked why.
"The entire time she told that story, her voice was steady, and she only cried for a brief moment. That's hardly enough for a story like that. I mean, my brother annoys the crap out of me, but I wouldn't know how to feel if I found him in a pool of his own blood. No doubt Rosa loves Red with all her heart," he rubbed Luxray's head, "just like she loves you. If someone that important to her got taken in such a tragic way, Rosa must be feeling more pain than she can handle."
Luxray agreed with a sad mewl. He mentioned the months after the incident, where I went through a series of drastic personality shifts. Luxray wanted to avoid me slipping into a downward spiral—for a second time.
Also not wanting that, prepared to do something he's never done before, Paul's eyebrows furrowed.
"Leave it to me."
Walking over to the entrance, Paul found me with my feet dangling over the side, just a meter off the forest floor. The rain pelted my bare legs like trillions of icy needles. I hardly paid any attention. My body felt nothing but numb.
"Mind if I sit?"
I scooted over a tiny bit, still keeping his jacket close to my face.
Paul said nothing as he sat down, at least at first.
"It's been so long since I've thought about that day," I murmured, breaking the silence. "Thought about Red. Every little detail, every image, voice, light, and now that I've thought about it all, I let back in all the emotion and grief. The stuff that I had shoved away for so long."
"You shoved away your grief? Why didn't you grieve when it happened?
"I couldn't."
Hearing this surprised Paul.
"I didn't want to be weak anymore, so I shoved away all my sadness and pretended like nothing ever happened. I think that's why I get nauseous whenever Red gets mentioned or whenever I see a picture of him. Whether I deny it or not, my sadness is still there."
"So, in other words, even if it happened ten years ago, you're still sad."
"W-Well, I wouldn't say... I've been fine this whole time, you know. I can't afford to let this bring me down too much."
"Why not?"
"Why not?! Because it's not practical, and again, it's weak, and it's ..." My voice trailed off. I couldn't keep going on, or I'd lose the grip on my feelings. Instead, I pulled the jacket up to shield my eyes. "Nevermind."
"Hey. Rosa."
"Hmm?"
"Look at me for a minute."
"Why?"
"Just look at me."
After a moment, I lowered the jacket.
"You can be sad, you know. It's not a weakness to show emotion. You loved your brother, so you have every right to be sad over his death."
"You won't think less of me?" My hands gripped the jacket tighter. My first instinct was to use them to recover my face. "You won't think I'm ..."
"Pathetic?"
My chest ached again.
"Watching you do your best to hide your sadness. Really, all you're doing is torturing yourself. It's not pathetic. It's foolish." A sharp gasp escaped me as my forehead suddenly hit Paul's chest. His hand gripped my shoulder, the warmth of his fingers preventing me from going cold. "And for some reason, it tugs at my heart. I'm sure Red would agree with me."
"P-Paul ... I'm sorry for suddenly acting so discouraged, and for my outrage back at—"
"It's fine. You can say or do whatever you need. No matter what happens," my eyes widened as his other arm circled my back, "I won't think you're weak. I won't look down on you, and I won't be disappointed in you."
His words caused time to freeze.
The world and all its melodies fell away.
The only sound I could hear came from somewhere far in the distance, in the deepest reaches of my soul. A metallic sound. Ker-chunk. As though a rusty lock broke open. The lock kept my grief stashed away for nearly a decade. Now, despite being kept in a place far away where I hoped to never deal with it, the stashed emotions were finally, finally, released.
First came the blurry vision, then the sniffles to keep my nose from running for as long as possible, and soon after, my body trembled as though it was collapsing under immense pressure. My tears began to fall just like the rain outside.
My hands considered the jacket in their possession for a split second before tossing it to the side. Now free and unburdened, they circled around Paul. I pushed myself further into his chest and squeezed him so tight. I refused to let go, afraid he'd disappear if I did.
"Pa ... Paul! I-I ... miss him. I miss him! So much! I miss my brother, Paul!! Waah!!"
Paul rubbed my arms as he held me. He quietly listened, with an aching heart, to my broken voice as I cried my heart out. Wailed. Sobbed. Trembled and shook underneath the weight of my unreleased grief.
I soaked Paul's shirt with a torrent of tears. I grabbed handfuls, suffocating under each breath I took until eventually falling asleep against him.
Paul didn't notice me fall asleep for a while. It wasn't until my ragged breathing slowed down to a gentle pace. A few tears rolled down until I eventually stopped crying. My eyes gently shut. My face was still wet, taking in a sharp, quivery breath every now and then.
"Shit." He'd need to move at some point, but he couldn't just wake me up.
Unable to move to another spot, Paul instead secured me against his chest and rolled onto his back. Since I glued myself to him, he shifted around for both of us to be a little more comfortable, at least, though it also made it so he was now—no other way to describe it—cuddling with me.
Paul's face glowed as bright as Rudolph's nose. He just focused on my sleeping face, which had finally lost all sadness and tension. It was peaceful now. His fingers brushed the stray pieces of hair out of my face.
"Rosa ..."
Rather than resorting to their usual teasing, Luxray and Eevee decided to let us be alone with each other. They bundled up with the other Pokémon in the cave and let the lullaby of the rain send them off to dreamland.
Everyone fell asleep in the warmth of the cave.