A wandering samurai with nothing left but his title,
who had lost his companion,
his dearest friend
and also the someone he could never forget.
That was how close Tomo was to his heart;
so close that it was almost like a disease.
But Kazuha did not realize that his supposed-to-be deceased friend, who he sees across his travels, was just a hallucination.
It was the samurai's way of coping, running after someone who was merely an illusion created in his mind for his own safety. Because if there is ever a day where he would find out about the truth, his feelings will tear him apart. And so the truth waits for his acceptance, as it continues to linger in his subconsciousness.
The days after he fled from Inazuma turned into weeks and the weeks eventually prolonged to several months.
At a bridge, where leaves in the color of autumn seemed to cover the grounds: was the place he first met Beidou, the head of the Crux Fleet.
Their first encounter origins back to when both stumbled into forgeign territory surrounded by Treasure Hoarders. Beidou came to acknowledge his martial prowess, for he possessed a skill that had convinced her judgment.
At the Inazumian port of Ritou, where the Alcor waited for her return, it was decided for him to be taken in as a temporary member of the Crux Fleet. The members admired his skills, adored the samurai greatly - and the feeling was mutual.
But since he was not used to stagnating, Kazuha decided to continue his travels for the time being.
Although whenever he felt like there was no place for him to go, the Crux would always welcome him back with the nostalgic taste of sake.
He had always been the type of person to journey around, longing to roam places that nature had to offer. But as a wanted man in Inazuma, Kazuha had to go into hiding - until he was given a chance to begin a new life.
Terror overcame him and other Vision holders he was with at that time, not daring to face the sunlight, ever since the Vision Hunt Decree was declared. Kazuha couldn't comprehend the Shoguns actions and ought to live his life in anonymity, just how every other person would do.
Yet beside all the fear that brought hopes of many down, there remained one who dared to brave the lightning's glow.
It was foolish for one to crash into a battlefield, in which traumatizing sceneries often played. But his dearest friend Tomo was unfamiliar with the term 'to give up'.
He was one of the few that refused to hand over their Vision and became part of a resistance, unlike Kazuha, who sought to seek shelter from everything that put his life at risk.
His dissatisfaction may have got its roots from the Vision Hunt, but neither was he fond of his friend's idea of calling a duel before the throne. Despite having the intention to live in anonymity, Kazuha couldn't just leave him all by himself, could he?
His indecisive thoughts are what he regrets to this day. If only he put more trust into him, If only he didn't hesitate to his decisions and if only he wasn't too late to arrive in time.
The only thing his companion left for him had been his Vision, which no longer shone in a bright violet color like before. It was more lifeless and empty, but the symbol of the electric element could still be found on it.
'What expression did his dearest friend have at that moment?' Kazuha had asked himself that question over and over again.
The whole scene was a nightmare he sought to forget.
But he could never do so and eventually never did.
The memory would haunt him to the day of his death - if not, even to the afterlife.
He held the almost lifeless Vision tight in his hands, eyes focused on the symbol that was barely even visible anymore.
It's been like this for months already. Kazuha wondered if it was normal for a Vision to look like that when the bearer didn't have it in their possession.
There was the possibility that Tomo lost his life in that battle then, yet there was still a tiny spark of hope reflecting in his eyes.
As long as the Vision showed some life signs, the despair would not take advantage of him.
However, he was just delusional. The desire to see a person, who he last met in Inazuma, had only been a daydream.
Although their ways had long parted, for their destinations were different, he was keen on seeing his friend again - his dearest friend, Tomo.
To have merely met by chance and then form such a strong bond, there really must've been a fated connection between them. A connection that not even a god, like the Raiden Shogun, could cut.
__________
The samurai sighed, putting the Vision in between his cloth folds as he leaned against a tree bathed in warm orangey tones of the sun. He silently listened to the rustles of the leaves that swayed within the wind. It was a calming feeling, which he would always return to whenever he was in stress.
Kazuha's sense of hearing was by far sharper than that of an average person. Even at times when the wind ceased to speak, nature had never been completely silent for him. It had always spoken to the boy, conveying its feelings in its own unique language.
But as much as the ability helped him orientate himself, it also had its own negative sides to it.
Only crowded places like a summer festival were enough to cause him a headache; the loud children that run around the place and the adults that yell for participants to take part in their events. Even if that greatly bothered his senses, he didn't hate the liveliness.
But since Kazuha was sensitive to sound, he had no other choice but to avoid them. The only reason why he regularly went to the summer festivals was because of Tomo.
He remembered how much his friend adored the festivals in Inazuma.
The two would wear ominous masks to fool around, participate in several events to earn a prize, eat a lot of delicacies at a food stall and pray at a shrine for good fortune. By the brink of the sunset, they would hold a spar with each other to end the day.
.... He really missed him.
The feeling of longing for one had been intruding his mind every now and then. As he was unable to comprehend his sadness, droplets of tears trickled down his face and hit the back of his hand.
Kazuha wondered for what reason he was crying, letting out his frustration on something he himself wasn't familiar with.
Was it because of his regretful decisions? Because of how much he longed to see Tomo again? He never knew the end to his lack of clarity.
On nights like this, the boy rathered to stay awake to avoid his usual nightmares. The one in which he runs after the silhouette of his travel companion, but never closes the distance between them. The dream would continue in a loop until he eventually manages to wake up.
It was unclear to him why the nightmares have been haunting him like a pest. Kazuha traveled around and sought for a solution but no method helped him in the end.
Only the day he sees Tomo again will be the day where he finds his rest. Despite knowing that, he stubbornly searched for other ways to escape his restless nights.
But his will alone was not enough to escape them.
...
Under the red maple tree, where the boy was about to lose all hope, a person with a red haori and a blue striped scarf then appeared in the far distance.
And he stood up, hazily running towards the figure that resembled his friend; without any second thought and without hesitation.
He didn't even consider the possibility of running into a complete stranger; forgetting about the existence of the unlit Vision for a brief moment.
His mind was full of the desire of not wanting to repeat his past mistakes again.
"Tomo-!!", his usual soft voice yelled his name in desperation, cracking midway when he stumbled onto the ground. Impatience was rattling beneath his skin, but he could not stand up as his muscles were still numb from using them in such a sudden manner.
His attention was diverted for a split second, yet the mysterious figure had vanished already.
His heart throbbed painfully when realizing that he had lost sight of his dearest friend for the second time. He cries out to his heart's content, words coming deep from within his subconsciousness, that complemented the frustration Kazuha held in for the past months. The tears that had stilled for a while began to fall again, making the ground beneath him wet.
But how can you blame him? Just as he slowly became aware of his friend's death, that exact person suddenly appeared before his eyes again.
After a few minutes, his breath steadied, letting him slowly regain his senses.
It was naive for him to think that Tomo would just appear out of nowhere. What if he was still in Inazuma? What if he wasn't here anymore??
As the sun slowly disappeared beneath the horizons, Kazuha stood on his feet again to continue his journey. With no particular place to go, he once again, aimlessly walked down the path of his fate.
__________
His sleepless nights and stress only seemed to increase, each time he had seen 'him'.
The hallucinations made Kazuha believe that he was alive and well. But if that was the case; why doesn't he turn back to look him in the eyes...?
He was devastated.
Even when having the chance to face him, Kazuha did nothing more than take a brief glance at his friend.
He was afraid to confront him with a smile, as if nothing ever happened - as if they never parted ways in the first place.
He felt so pathetic.
And he knew that.
He can't help but to feel a big restraint in his heart, even when his goal was right before his eyes.
All this time, the only thing he'd ever seen was his back. The blue striped scarf that danced with the wind whenever his figure moved forwards. Whether it was in the mountains or in crowded places - 'Tomo' was to be seen everywhere.
It was driving the samurai to the utmost insanity as he kept seeing his dearest friend at the worst times. Although the mineral in the husk remained unlit, tiny sparks of electrical elements kept the Vision barely alive. When looking at it, Kazuha could not figure out the reason why it remained in that state for several weeks. Each time he spots 'Tomo' among the crowds or on the narrow pathways in the forest, the Vision would not react to his presence.
...
He was tired.
When the feeling of having no place to go hit him, Kazuha then returned back to the Crux where the traveler was to be awaited; days after his arrival.
But he could not believe what his ears had perceived; from all the things one could've asked for, the famous warrior of the lands sought a way to penetrate into Inazuma. Even though he felt dumbfounded, the samurai still respected his wishes as his behavior had oddly reminded him of Tomos.
However, one thing was separating the two from each other:
While one possessed a Vision, the other could manipulate the elements at their own will.
The fact fascinated Kazuha, curiosity swaying in his heart as he wished to see more of the traveler's skills.
Slowly, but surely was he starting to recover from his painful experiences.
__________
Then, approximately another several days after their encounter, the Alcor releases its sails, ready to head to Inazuma.
Through the harsh storms and whirlpools that roamed everywhere on the sea and the lightning that endangered their lives - they finally arrived at their desired destination.
Kazuha wasn't very pleased at the idea of stepping into a territory that could endanger his life, which was why he observed the pair from the ship.
But as he was observing them, another familiar figure appeared in the corner of his eye.
After so many weeks of not showing up, he appeared once again.
But without another thought - the samurai grabbed his sword, tying it to his waist and hurryingly, yet quietly sneaked off the boat. He runs towards the figure, camouflaging himself in the crowds as he follows along.
But he soon hesitated, feeling a slight twist in his guts, when he realized that he was basically running away.
Didn't he tell himself to stop following something he couldn't possibly reach?
His steps get smaller, until he lastly stopped on his tracks; watching the distance between his friend and him grow farther apart. Would it really be worth returning back? Even now when he has come so far? Even when he ran away by his own will?
Was it alright to commit himself to his wish, even though he was about to give up?
He questions his own ideals to the point he couldn't even decide for himself.
Nevertheless, as the samurai looked back, the Harbor could be barely even seen anymore.
Even with the risks of getting captured by the Vision Hunt Decree - Kazuha lastly insisted on following Tomo.
And so he starts walking again, disappearing from the ship as a sailor and returning to the land where he was considered as a wanted man.
__________
The distance to the Harbor may have broadened within the minutes, but the gap between the two did not close in the slightest. No progress was made and the samurai was frustrated because of it.
His fear of getting captured only became greater with every second that came by - yet his stubborn nature just didn't allow him any break, if it meant getting closer to his goal.
He found this part of himself unreasonable, but Kazuha simply didn't want to give up yet.
As many times his mind had told him to do so, his heart would find its way back to his true desire.
If giving up meant to live a better life, then he'd rather strike down the painful path.
All these years he kept these emotions to himself, showing others his usual facade to not make them worry. But at times he was all by himself, the boy with the scent of maple leaves would let out his sadness.
But never had he shed tears for someone.
Only his dearest friend made him feel closest to what he called 'freedom'.
He gave him the feeling of achieving everything, as long as he was present.
Yes, Kazuha did not wish much.
He wanted to see his face again. He wanted to have him next to him. He wanted Tomo to look him in the eyes and tell him that he did well. Just how he once did after every commission.
But the Tomo before him wouldn't even take a glance at him.
Was it too much to ask for after all...?
..
He was far away from every closely acquainted person of his. It started with his clan and continued with him losing more and more of his precious friends.
The life of a samurai wasn't like that of a farmer or citizen after all. But don't misunderstand - Kazuha wasn't deeply affected, hurt or angered because of it.
However, for some reason, he was unable to let go of Tomo; denying the fact that he was dead and fueling himself with more hope by having the evidence in his custody.
Because if Tomo was dead, why would his Vision continue to emit electrical sparks?
And even if it was only a small sign of survival, Kazuha held it dearly to his heart; protecting his memories from every delusion lingering on the surface.
With his attention diverted to his thoughts, he continued to roam the streets of Inazuma city without any awareness of his surroundings. Soon, the Vision Hunt Decree would cross his path, simply from patrolling the market that Kazuha walked through in the meantime.
As soon as he noticed them, the panic in his throat made his breath hitch, his body frozen in one place as his mind fell into agitation. The decree too, noticed his presence and before they could even approach him, Kazuha began to run down the streets to escape their grasp.
"Halt!!" And of course, the soldiers immediately adapted and ran after him.
He tried his best to shake them off, sprinting at his highest speed and even going to the extent of having to throw several things over on his pathway to create obstacles.
He did not like the idea of giving more trouble to the citizens, considering in which terror they were in at the moment. But the samurai couldn't help it; right now, his actions were purely led by his instincts. During the escape, there was no time for him to come up with a strategy, especially from how nervous he was.
Because losing the Decree was not an easy task, as they were specialized in training to seize Vision holders.
The distance between them only seemed to get modest; making his stomach grow sick out of fear until it even started to blur his sight.
He could easily take them on, he thought.
But it was hard to exert violence, when Kazuha was still in the city.
It was frustrating how his options had been reduced to mere running.
__________
He ran for as long as his legs could take him, hoping deeply that he could escape them .
Escape those who were strictly against the opinions of his dearest friend and many other. Those who had taken the life of a person with a heart and bravery no one could compare with.
However, luck had not been on his side.
Because what had occured next was about to destroy everything Kazuha put his effort into.
A dead end.
"After him...!" It was over. Once they make a turn at this corner, even he won't be able to escape any longer. He wondered what would happen if his Vision gets taken away.
Will he die? Or will he lose something even more important?
It scared him.
Kazuha was in fact afraid of the outcome; but at that time, he didn't think of himself.
He wondered if his dearest friend had experienced this feeling too - beside his courage to face the impossible, there also must've been fear behind his bravery.
Even if it may have been only by a bit, he felt like understanding his friend's feelings better than before.
"Really, I can't believe you." A strained chuckle escaped his lips as he awaited the appearance of the decree.
But what happened next instead, had caught the young boy widening his eyes in surprise.
He was given a second chance; again.
A strong force had pulled him into a narrow alleyway, hiding him completely from sight when the decree made a turn around the corner.
Kazuha's heartbeat only seemed to increase by every step they took to approach him, but he was calmed down by a familiar scent enveloping his senses. When he turned his head around, his eyes were met with a green pair of orbs.
It was Thoma.
He smiled at Kazuha for a short while, before both focused back on the decree again.
And as awaited, they soon left this area; relief replacing Kazuha's earlier panic.
"Thank you.", were the only words the samurai was able to get out of him, despite having many questions in mind. "No problem. Shall we go somewhere safe first?? This place is full of soldiers."
His answer was followed by a nod from Kazuha. There weren't many options for him and staying with someone he could trust was the best choice he could do at the moment.
__________
Not many days had passed since his arrival at the Kamisato Estate, yet it felt like an eternity to him.
For minutes, hours, on every single day, Kazuha would lie on the cold tatami-mat, with his heart aching and bleeding for desired love. Without him, he felt like a lost case, he felt like losing a part of himself.
His chest felt empty, hollow and it felt like no hope could fill him up except for the love his friend cherished him with.
He loves him, deeply
so much that it hurts
so much that his heart that once beat for his loved one, came to a halt when that person died.
Oh please whisper those sweet words to me again, he thought.
Hold my hands, comparing them with yours
make me laugh, cry, burst in anger - feel every emotion that made me, a human
not flawless but imperfect
not forced but naturally
be my freedom again
I beg you
Kazuha eyed the tiny sparks of electricity emitting from the Vision, reaching his hand out to touch it.
Yet it felt so unreachable, so far away from his own standpoint that he, despite having tried to hard to reach him until this point, broke down in tears.
And he curled up into a ball, softly sobbing into his scarf as he remembered the beautiful moments he once shared with him. Him, who he considered not only as a friend - but his soulmate.
Slowly, was he starting to accept his death.
Yet the pain was unbearable. It hurt so much.
It wasn't as simple as a heartbreak - but more than that.
It broke him, wholly.
END
_____
a/n: i came back every month to continue this and the last section is prob rushed but yeah, i got a bit emotional there oppsie
i hope u enjoyed it! i mean not rly enjoy, more like suffer, which was my intention, but i hope you liked this rollercoaster!
it was a hella lot of feelings <3 and kzh is quite the complicated character to break down, even though i don't think I'm accurate with the description.
(I'm thinking of adding another chapter to this, but as like a short bonus)
anyways, have a nice day/night!!