Practice goes by normally during the week, with Rhea and Ryker messing around and Kai making his comments for every single thing.
I find myself liking their company. Our choreography is really good and we've practiced it over and over. Meanwhile, my hand has begun to hurt even more and I know that I need a break but if I back off from this performance at a moment like this, I would feel like I'm betraying the others.
I stare at my swollen elbow. I'm alone in the changing room right now, the others have already left. This time, Valeria has decided to begin with the second year evaluation and requested everyone to be present. As much as I'd like for myself to see Lily dance, I didn't want the others to notice the swelling.
I click my tongue, reaching in my bag to take out the spray. From my left hand, I hold the can still and open the cap, letting it drop on the floor. I spray the contents all over my elbow, the coldness giving me immediate relief. Just as I'm about to keep the can next to me, I accidentally drop it on the ground.
A groan of frustration leaves my lips. "Fuck," I mutter, an expression of annoyance clear on my face.
"You're clumsy," a familiar voice says, making a chill go down my spine. Nate stands there, leaning against the lockers. I'm pretty sure he's not allowed in here and yet, there he is.
I bite my lip, sparing him a single glance. He's wearing a grey t-shirt and black pants, his hair still a mess. "I know."
His eyes go to my swollen elbow and he sighs. I lean forward to get the can but he steps forward, picking it up before I could reach it. I roll my eyes, lifting myself up and sitting in my original position.
Leaning in front of me, he gets a hold of my hand and I flinch with the sudden contact but I know he already knows of my hand. I wait for him to say something but he's just staring at it as if he's surprised that it isn't worse.
"Don't dance today," he says to me quietly, still looking at my elbow.
I pull away from him, taking out a small roll of crepe bandage. I open it and begin to wrap it around my hand but it proves to be difficult to hold it still. Nate lets out a sigh before taking the bandage from me, his face now holding a blank expression.
"Nate, give it to me," I say, trying to stay calm. He doesn't react. Instead, he just begins to roll it back. I roll my eyes, not knowing what to do. I reach forward to take the bandage from him but he scoots away, making me groan in frustration. "Nate-" I reach for it again but he moves away further and I end up falling off the seat.
I don't get up. I just look at him as he sits down in front of me, leaning against the lockers. He finally looks into my eyes but I can't read it and it makes me feel even more annoyed.
"Quit it," I mutter. "I am going to perform. It's just a small swelling. It'll get better soon."
He lets out another sigh. "So, you'll perform today and end up stressing out your arm even more than it is. It'll slow down the healing process."
"I don't care, okay? And wasn't it a part of our deal that we don't care about each other's personal lives? I'll count this as personal."
He leans forward towards me, making me instinctively move back till my back is against the seat. He's still looking at me and his eyes momentarily move to my arm, trailing down the scars once again. He shakes his head, smiling.
"So, you aren't going to listen to me, are you?" He smiles but there's something in his eyes that tell me that he's only doing that to hide something. I don't reply.
He ends up sitting in front of me carefully, then leans forward a bit again, putting the bandage forward. He begins to wrap it around my elbow carefully, his touch cold and soft. There's a weird feeling inside of me as his fingers touch my skin while he dresses my arm. I'm looking at his face while he does it, trying to figure out what he wants but the only thing that's not blank on his face are his eyes which have a genuine emotion of sincerity.
"You know staring is rude, right?" he says, his lips suddenly curling up in a smile. He looks at me, his eyes meeting mine. For a moment, we're just like that. Us looking into each other's eyes and so close to each other. Something clicks to him then and he instantly looks away from me, his eyes avoiding mine as he finishes the dressing.
I look at my arm. "Thanks," I mutter half heartedly when he's done and pull down the sleeve of my top. I get up from where I was sitting and run a hand through my hair a few times before tying them in a high pony.
"You know..." Nate suddenly says but trails off, probably rethinking whether he should say whatever he was or not.
"What?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "Nothing. Sorry." With that, he exits the room. I sigh before looking at myself in the mirror. Before some dark thoughts begin to mask my mind, I slap myself on the face, leaving a temporary red mark.
Right now, focus on the performance.
I tell myself that before grabbing my bag and leaving the room, closing the door behind me. Making my way towards the auditorium, I forget about the pain in my elbow for a while. When I reach there, I spot my group sitting in one of the corners. I make my way towards them and sit next to Kai, who's giving me a look which clearly says 'Save me from Rhea and Ryker'. It's completely understandable since they're arguing in hushed voices.
I roll my eyes, suppressing a smile.
Meanwhile, Kai nudges me. I hum in response, asking him to say whatever he wants to. "You know, you missed the second year evaluation. They were pretty cool," he says quietly. "Especially that girl Lily. She's probably in the same league as you and Summer."
"Me and Summer?" I echo. I didn't know people were clubbing and comparing the two of us but it just made everything more complicated and hilarious.
He nods but doesn't bother to explain why he put the three of us together. "Anyways, the third year ones just began. They're doing it in groups of ten, which means it will be over quickly. You know who's going to begin with the first years?"
I shake my head, though judging by his tone I can guess that it's going to be us.
"Us. We're so screwed."
I laugh. "'Why're we screwed?"
"Because the second and third years have set the bar high."
"I mean," I pause, leaning back with my hands folded. "True enough but we're not competing with them. Be thankful we're not going last with Iris' group."
He laughs as well but doesn't reply. I don't pay much attention to the third year acts - the only thing I remember is that Nate was in a group with someone named Ella while Summer had a guy named Jacob with him. I've heard both the names from Asher as the people who know of the existence of the video clip of me spray painting the words that could destroy me.
Once the second year act begins, Andy quietly comes to us and asks us to move backstage so that everything proceeds smoothly without a break. The four of us walk up to the backstage and the moment we're there, the second group - Summer's group comes out of the stage. Summer sees me and jumps on me with a smile and I'm taken aback by the sudden embrace she's pulled me into.
In this way, she kinda reminds me of Penny. Speaking of which, I've only met Penny once during the week when she hugged me again and whispered that she doesn't believe the rumours at all and even if they are, it would just make her like me more because apparently, she's drawn to crazy people and I happen to be one of them.
Well, if I seem crazy to her the way I am now, she'd be head over heels when she gets to know me more. I doubt she ever will, but I can always think about it.
"All the best, Harley," she says to me with a smile. Behind her, a tall guy stands. He's glaring at me with an intensity that makes me think that he hates me already, even though we've never talked before. He has taupe skin and chocolate coloured eyes which hold an expression of annoyance and hatred. I can read him better than I can read Nate, I realise. "I'm watching you."
I'm watching you.
Something in her words makes me think that it's a threat. That she's trying to make me over conscious and fail like most of the others. But Summer, however, doesn't seem like the kind of person to do that. The guy next to her puts an arm around his shoulder and looks at Summer, who just clings on to him. "Come on, Summer, let's go."
"Okay," she replies, the cheerfulness in her tone never fading away. She spares me one last glance before saying bye to me and walking back to the audience.
"You know Summer?" Ryker asks in disbelief.
I nod. "We met a few times this week."
Kai shrugs. "Not surprised. You know all the popular kids. Aren't you friends with that Ana girl?"
"Ana?" Ryker echoes. "The fourth ranker? She's so cute. Can you set me up with her, please?"
I shake my head. "We aren't friends. My roommate is good friends with her, though."
"Who's your roommate?" Ryker asks again, earning a glare from Rhea who looks like she's about to kick him in his ass at this very moment but doesn't since he'll probably yell something questionable and the voice will echo since we're backstage.
I sigh. "Jude- I mean Jade Garcia. She's my roommate."
His jaw drops and he takes a step towards me, holding both my shoulders and shaking me. "Harley, why do you know all the hot people?"
Rhea scoffs behind him. "Because she is one."
"I agree," Kai adds, throwing a wink my way.
Before Ryker can add anything else, there's an announcement. "Year one, group one, choreographer; Ryker Moore. Group members; Harley Kingsley, Kai Riccard, Rhea Dalton. Come up on the stage, please. Your given recording will be played behind you in a moment."
All groups, regardless of year, are supposed to set an atmosphere for their acts. It's almost like a real performance minus the audience and the costumes. Kai was responsible for the background and lighting and I know he's clever enough to not mess it up. The four of us exchange looks and wish each other luck. There's an unspoken agreement between us as we take our positions on the stage.
Even though it's the second evaluation of the year, even though we're supposed to have fun during this, what matters the most is that here, we have to come on the top. Because at Redville, friendships matter, but what matters more is individual development. Even though today our group is friends with each other, the amount of trust we need in ourselves and the other members cannot be developed till we know each other for real.
We don't, as of now. I won't trust them till I know their secrets.
It's in our looks that we enjoyed dancing and spending time together this week. It's in our looks that we don't really want this to end. But it will end sooner or later. This friendship wouldn't last for long. It will start with one person leaving, then the other. And before I'd know it, everyone would leave all over again and I'd be surrounded by the void of guilt all alone.
I close my eyes, breathe out.
There's an audible click three times and the familiar tune of the music fills my eyes.
My body starts to instinctively move, and so do the others. Looking at their faces right now makes me realise that I shouldn't be thinking whatever I was.
Because for now, what matters is that I'm here. I don't care what the result is, I just care about cherishing this moment and the result of the week's practice that will be shown today.
Author's Note
AHHSKDJFHKJH GUYS IM SO SORRY IM GETTING SO LAZY so a few things:
- my google doc has a habit of hanging so much because it has like 110k words and it annoys tf out of me
- i'm gonna be out of town for a while so im sorry if the updates are late pls be patient w me
thank u have a nice day ily all