A register, as always
A name called that isn't mine
Yet my mouth responds
As it does every time
Segregation in gym class
Boys on the left, girls on the right
My brain screams 'left'
But my body moves to the other side
A life spent on autopilot
With a dangerous secret to hide
Even though my heart breaks
I know I have to lie
Deadnames and shame
Losing myself in the red haze
Yet my pain seems tame
I still have a house
Even if it isn't a home
I still have a family
Even if by blood alone
I still have a body
Even if it isn't my own
I still have a life
And perhaps that is all I should ask for
Things could be worse
But they could also be better
These hands could hold hope
Not scratched by this rope
This mouth could smile
Without being on trial
This body could be mine
If only I could try
And then the name called could be mine
I could go left with the guys
And remove this disguise
And then I wouldn't have to lie
Because then I would have a life
That felt worth living
But for now I will hide
Because that house that isn't a home
And that family by blood alone
And that body that isn't my own
Are things I cannot afford to lose
Because who else would take me
And where could I go
If I let my secret slip?
So my heart will break
And this smile I will fake
Just for now
My only hope
Is that when I escape
I can fix the damage I have done