"Hey,Hiro," Elsa greeted him, who was sprawled on the sofa playing with his handheld. "Is Tadashi home?"
Hiro snorted. "The jerk's upstairs," he huffed, barely sparing her a glance. "But if I were you, I'd stay away. He almost bit my head off earlier."
A concerned frown wrinkled her forehead. "Why? What happened?"
"I don't know," the boy answered, frustrated. "One minute I'm trying to snap him out of it—he’s been in bed all day today. The next he's slapping my hand away telling me to leave him alone! So I did. Just left him up in our room." Hiro rolled his eyes. "If he keeps up this 'leave me alone crap'"—Hiro made quotation signs with his fingers—"I really will," he muttered darkly, going back to his game.
Oh no. Elsa's heart sank. She knew it wasn't fair of her to expect so much from him, but she had hoped he wouldn't succumb to trauma because he seemed so strong and put together—before the accident he had been her rock whenever she doubted herself, and during the course of their relationship she noticed her lapses had lessened. About two weeks after the accident though, midnight calls to Anna became an everyday occurrence that her sister grew suspicious.
"Spill it, Elsa. What's wrong?" Elsa flinched at Anna's bluntness. A long habit of concealing was hard to break that she tried to fob her sister off with a weak 'what do you mean?'
"What do you mean 'what do you mean'? I meant exactly what I asked you, Elsa. What's wrong?" Anna repeated the question with mild exasperation. "I can tell something's bothering you. There's this weird catch in your voice whenever you're trying to hide something from me."
"How—?"
"You're my sister. Sisters know these things, and I know you're trying to distract me," Anna interrupted, her tone softening. Defeated by her logic, Elsa told her what happened at the SFIT Showcase in fits and starts.
"I'm coming over, Elsa," Anna declared. "No buts. You need me right now."
Elsa did not respond. She tightened her grip on her phone and raised a hand to her heart, her fingers curling into a loose fist as she closed her eyes. She thanked God that Anna was there for her to be her anchor while Tadashi was at the hospital receiving treatment for his burns.
She had felt cautious relief wash over her when three months passed by and nothing drastic had happened—Tadashi had been unsurprisingly subdued, but he slowly regained his cheer as he underwent skin grafting and physical therapy. Tadashi was in excellent physical shape that he did not have a hard time with therapy as she dreaded. Still, Elsa's instincts had warned her that something might happen, pushing her to research about the psychological effects of burns. As it turned out, effects such as post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, or a combination of the three would not manifest until some months later, between three to six months, or in some cases, after a year. Elsa had braced herself for such a thing, and from what Hiro told her, it was starting to show.
Besides worrying about Tadashi, his ordeal triggered memories of her own parents, who had died in a plane crash somewhere in the Alps, which left her with recurring nightmares.
"Elsa. Elsa! Wake up, you're having a nightmare!" An urgent voice broke through her screams. Something shook her which jarred her back to consciousness. She blinked a few times, registering someone's death grip on her forearm and ice encrusting the walls of her room. "Wha—?" she said, her voice raw and befuddled. "What—? Anna? What's going on?"
Her sister sighed and ran a hand through her snarled copper locks. "You were having a nightmare," she explained.
Elsa scrubbed her hands over her face, trying to keep the memory of the nightmare at bay. "I thought I was done with those," she muttered. She could feel Anna's gaze on her, but she stubbornly refused to meet it, keeping hers on her lap.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Anna asked after a few minutes, having moved to sit cross-legged beside her.
"I dreamed about Mama and Papa, and Tadashi," she began. "I can't...they were all at the SFIT Expo building. It was on fire, and they were shouting for me to rescue them. I tried to run to them, but I couldn't because ice formed over my feet, trapping me in place. I also tried to shoot flurries to kill the fire, but nothing came out—just this pathetic puff of air. Then..." she gulped hard, gathering the strength to continue. "Then this wall of fire just sprang up between me and them. It...it must have burned them away, because I heard them screaming. It was—oh, Anna," she buried her face on her sister's shoulder, willing the image away.
Anna enfolded her into a comforting embrace, making soft shushing sounds to help her calm down. "It was just a dream, Elsa," she murmured. "Just a dream. It can't hurt you, and I'm here, okay?"
She was quiet for about a minute, letting Elsa cry it out. "This is serious," Anna said. "I think I'd better extend my stay here, if you're having such bad nightmares."
Elsa raised her head and looked at Anna incredulously. "You can't miss school," she pointed out. "You've almost spent your entire school break here in San Fransokyo. We can't be both here for long—someone has to go back and keep tabs on things, now that Weaseltown's gone."
"But—"
"Go home, Anna," she insisted gently. "I can't because Tadashi needs me right now. With Weaseltown in prison we don't have an interim CEO for Nordfjellet. Kai will guide you in choosing the right one. And I'm not pushing you away or shutting you out, I'm being practical," she forestalled her sister. "Believe me, I want you to stay with me. I need you, Anna, but at some point I need to be strong on my own, too."
Anna let out an irritated sigh. "I wish you'd quit being a martyr," she muttered. "You've been strong for so long, Elsa. Thirteen years—and what had that brought you? Nothing but a buttload of hurt," she argued.
"I know," Elsa replied ruefully. "But something tells me that whatever I've endured before will help me now. Tell you what—I promise to call you immediately if there are any problems, okay?"
"If you're sure..."
"I'm positive."
Footsteps from the staircase brought her back to the present. "Sorry," Aunt Cass apologized as she grabbed Elsa in a hearty hug. "Customers—they're crazy. I've got an hour and a half for dinner break and then it's back to the madness." She pulled back and fussed over her, asking if she'd eaten dinner already.
"Not yet, Aunt Cass," Elsa replied, smiling. She knew the boys' aunt had come to look upon her as an adopted daughter. "Although I may be persuaded if you whipped up those spicy chicken wings that could...how did you put it? Melt my face off?"
"You're in luck, then, because that's exactly what we're having!"
"If that's what we're having, I'll pass," a flat voice cut through their conversation.
The three of them—Elsa, Hiro, and Aunt Cass—swiveled their heads toward the source of the voice. Tadashi. He stood by the stairs that led up to his and Hiro's room, looking like a wreck with his hair disheveled and two days' growth of stubble darkening his cheeks and chin. He wore a loose, long-sleeved T-shirt and baggy sweatpants which hid most of his burn scars, though a part of it crept up the left side of his neck and the underside of his jaw. Elsa noted that the progress of his healing skin grafts were going well, even though the affected area was still an alarmingly angry red.
Tadashi’s jaw was clenched and his eyes were narrowed into glaring slits. Aunt Cass remained serene under his angry scrutiny. "That's too bad, Tadashi," she replied, heading toward the kitchen. "But I'll leave some for you in case you change your mind." She passed him by and patted his shoulder. Though he tried to hide it, Elsa saw he almost shook Aunt Cass's hand off.
Cloying awkwardness hung in the air before Hiro shot to his feet. "What the heck's your problem?" he demanded, getting up from the couch and stomping toward his brother. "Aunt Cass has been worried sick over you—"
Tadashi's mocking laughter cut him off. "That's rich, coming from you," he shot back. "Remember your bot-fighting days?"
"That's...that's different!"
"Sure, whatever you say, Hiro." Tadashi flicked a glance toward Elsa. She had watched the brothers as they argued, wishing she could say something that would ease the tension between them. Tadashi opened his mouth as if to say something to her, then closed it, staring at her as if daring her to say something. Elsa stood her ground and returned it with an unblinking one of her own.
Two can play at that game, Tadashi.
He sighed and dropped his gaze. "Stay for dinner if you want, Elsa," he said, turning away to head downstairs as she and Hiro watched. A minute passed before one of them spoke.
Hiro threw up his hands. "Argh, what is his problem?" he fumed, pacing back and forth a few times before facing her. "Why is he being a jerk, Elsa?" He looked up at her, pain and confusion in his brown eyes. His tone changed from furious to plaintive, sounding like Anna, back when she pleaded for Elsa to come out of her room and build a snowman.
Elsa bit her lip and sat down on the couch. "Come here," she invited him, patting the space beside her. Hiro complied and leaned against the backrest as he looked at her expectantly. She swallowed back her slight nervousness—though she had depression and anxiety, she was no expert, and she could only guess what Tadashi grappled with. He never opened up to her while she didn't press the issue, thinking she might make things worse. I should have reached out to him, she realized with regret. I should have—
"Elsa?" Hiro prompted.
"Sorry. I was...um, anyway." Elsa paused and blinked a few times, organizing her thoughts. "I don't know what his problem is, exactly. I've never talked to him about it," she admitted, ashamed. "I should have, but I didn't want to force him. I don't...I'm not good with talking to people."
Hiro didn't answer—just looked and nodded encouragingly for her to continue.
"Anyway, your brother survived a horrible accident, had serious injuries, and lost his mentor. That's a lot to deal with, so I'm not surprised he's shutting us out. He doesn't want to talk about what he's been through because it'll just remind him of what happened," Elsa said. "So please be patient with him. If you can, suggest that he seek professional help. And Hiro—" she placed both hands on his shoulders to emphasize the importance of her next words—"don't give up on him, alright? If he lashes out at you, let it go. Promise me that." Her grip on his shoulders tightened unconsciously, causing him to start and blink before his expression hardened into one of determination.
"Yeah, you can count on me," he agreed. "Guess it's payback time for me, huh?"
"Payback?" Elsa echoed.
"Uh-huh. Tadashi's always been there for me. It's my turn now."
Elsa smiled at Hiro. "You're a good brother. Anyway..." she trailed off at the muffled thump downstairs. "What on earth...?"
A louder thump followed, then a crash. "That sounded like it came from the garage," Hiro remarked, worried. They started when they heard a scream of agonized frustration, followed by the sound glass breaking. "C'mon, Elsa! He's probably going nuts down there!"
Both of them dashed down the stairs and toward the garage to find Tadashi sweeping an arm over one of the tables, sending test tubes, flasks, and chemistry equipment flying before he upended it. Some kind of machine—Elsa surmised it was an old project of his—lay in broken pieces on the floor. Elsa and Hiro gaped at the damage Tadashi wrought upon the garage before she came out of her confusion.
"What are you doing?" she exclaimed, ducking as he chucked a wrench toward her and Hiro. "Dammit Tadashi! You're going to hurt someone!"
He didn't appear to hear her, moving on to a drafting desk, where some sketches and blueprints were clipped on. "Tadashi, no!" Elsa gasped when he started tearing them up.
"What's going on in here?" Aunt Cass appeared, stopping short with her jaw dropping when she saw the damage her nephew had done. "Tadashi, oh my God—stop it!"
The expression on Tadashi's face was chilling—his normally open and cheerful expression was replaced with a twisted mask of fury as he trashed machinery and equipment.
Elsa took a deep breath to fortify herself then and dashed toward him when she saw an opening, ducking from his flailing arms. She pulled her arm back and slapped him. Hard.
"Tadashi! Get ahold of yourself!" she screamed into his face, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him with enough force to make his head whip back and forth. Her palm stung, and out of her peripheral vision she saw Aunt Cass rub her hands over her arms and Hiro's breath, which meant her control over her powers was slipping. But who could blame her? She was in the middle of a highly-charged situation, with her boyfriend on a trauma-fuelled rampage.
He stopped, his chest heaving from exertion, but his eyes remained shuttered, telling Elsa that his mind was still trapped somewhere. Elsa scanned his face anxiously, searching for something—anything—that would give her an idea what went on in his mind. He was mouthing something that Elsa strained to understand.
The fire...too...hot? she wondered, furrowing her brow. His lips were moving too fast for her to be completely sure, but it made sense. Tadashi was a burn victim—of course he'll be wary of anything that reminded him of what happened.
…the chicken wings. Oh, Tadashi.
Elsa summoned all her willpower to keep herself together at her realization. Tadashi now feared heat—probably even warmth, which was probably the reason for his behavior toward Hiro earlier. He can't stand being touched, just like she had before. She kept people away because of her powers, because besides being afraid to hurt anyone, who liked being touched by someone whose skin turns ice-cold when she loses control?
The answer suddenly clicked into place. Cold...of course! Hope surged through her as she centered herself, channeling the ice within her to converge in her hands. Instinct told her that her palms were cool to the touch. Taking a deep breath and praying for her crazy idea to work, she placed her hands on Tadashi's face, concentrating so that the cold was bracing enough to snap him out of whatever that held him in its grip.
“Tadashi, look at me, please,” she implored him. “Please come back to me. Don’t let the fear get to you. We’re here, we’ll help you. We won’t give up on you, do you understand? People need you—Hiro, Aunt Cass, those who need Baymax’s care.” Elsa licked her lips, her mind working furiously to think of the right words to say. “I need you,” she whispered, hating how selfish she was being, but it was the truth. “I need you because I love you. You helped me when I needed it the most, and I want to repay you. But I can’t do that if you won’t come back to us. So please…” Elsa trailed off, sobbing brokenly now as her hands slid from his face and her knees buckled. She wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him and keep herself upright—he stood stiffly, his gaze still distant and unseeing.
At the back of her mind Elsa registered that this was eerily similar to the time her powers had killed Anna by turning her into a statue of ice. Bitter resentment and anger bubbled up, threatening to choke her—this was the second time her powers had failed.
I don’t have powers. I have a curse.
She didn’t know how long she clung to him as she sobbed—perhaps only a minute or two. But it was the longest minute she had ever endured.
“Don’t cry.” A calloused thumb brushed her tears away. “I can’t stand to see you cry.”
Elsa raised her head to see Tadashi looking down at her, bemusement etched on his features. “Tadashi,” she breathed, relief flooding through her. He blinked twice before surveying the damage around him. “I…did this?” he wondered with disbelief.
“Yeah,” Hiro spoke up for the first time. Elsa turned and saw Aunt Cass’s pale countenance and Hiro’s poker face.
“I…I’m sorry,” Tadashi gasped, mortified. “I didn’t—I was—oh God.” He jerked away from Elsa’s hold, breathing hard before sinking to his knees, bowing his head to hide his shame. “I’m sorry,” he kept whispering, fists clenched on his lap. “I’m sorry for almost breaking my promise to you, Tousan.”
Elsa shot Aunt Cass a questioning glance to ask what Tadashi meant. The older woman’s expression was troubled. “I’ll tell you later,” she mouthed. Elsa nodded and knelt down at Tadashi’s side to his level, wrapping an arm around his quaking shoulders.
“Are you okay?” she asked, wincing as soon as she did. What an inane question—of course he wasn’t. She didn’t wait for him to answer, cradling his head against her chest and stroking his hair to soothe him, keeping her skin cool to avoid setting him off again.
Her ministrations had the desired effect. Tension slowly flowed out of him, and he relaxed against her hold. “I’m alright now, Elsa,” he said quietly after a few minutes, pushing away from her. But he still wouldn’t look at her. Shame remained written over his features, which Elsa recognized as the aftermath of an episode. Rather than pointing it out, she stood up and held out a hand to him.
“Good,” she replied simply. “Come on. We’ll clean this up later. Right now, I think you need to rest.” Tadashi gaped at her proffered hand before looking up at her uncertainly. Patience was the key here—Elsa resisted the urge to grab his hand and pull him up. He soon placed his hand over hers, and she grasped it firmly to haul him to his feet.
Regret tinged his tone. “I almost hurt you.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’ve been there,” she reassured him, even though she knew that words alone were not enough.
“But—“
Elsa placed a finger over his lips to silence him. “Just don’t. Trust me. It won’t do you any good.” She stroked his cheek, which was still red from her earlier slap. “Besides, I did hurt you. How’s your cheek?”
Tadashi regarded her solemnly. “You’ve got quite an arm,” he remarked, keeping her hand on his cheek with his. “Your skin feels cool. It’s nice.”
What a turnaround, Elsa mused, thinking about the time he had sighed against her neck and told her that her skin felt nice because it was warm. She was glad that her powers had helped someone for a change, but…
This can’t go on forever, she thought as she walked back into the house with Tadashi, an arm around his waist. He’ll have to face whatever’s bothering him one day.
I’ll be there for him when that day comes.