Disclaimer: I do not own the Clark Sisters, Karen Clark Sheard or Quintella lol.
Notes:
Don't listen to "How Can I believe" yet I'll tell you when. I used Faith Evans because y'all know Karen's her musical teacher 💅🏾 and sometimes they sound very much alike and plus I thought this song fit very well especially because of the organs and just the message tbh even though it's unreleased.
- This was exactly in 1998 y'all! I got like two songs of Faith Evans in this one chapter.
So just imagine Karen singing this in her voice. Continue on to the story. 😩♥️
It's been one year since, Karen has quit being a stripper because she was honestly tired of being around nothing but drama and constant disrespect even though she was bringing in more money for the strip joint where she worked at. So, she contacted one of her old manager's and said she wanted to try something new and they got her a second manager who managed artists in secular music.
"So, let me get this straight you want to cross over into R&B music?" Her manager asked her as she sat across from Karen who had big shades on and was wearing a black dress with a light black jacket. "Yes, I mean I just wanna do something for me." Karen said but also knowing that God was giving her a chance to go back to gospel or to try to tie it in so, she find her way back home. But she was ignoring that last half. "I can't believe this." She said slouching back in her chair. "I never would've believed. Never would've thought you of all people with your background." Her manager said knowing how the late-great Dr.Matti Moss Clark was with them. "I know it seems strange but I just feel like I have to do something new and different with music." She told her manager even though it was hard to wrap her mind around it. But her manager agreed.
"Listen, Karen." Her manager started to say, "Quintella." She said correcting herself after seeing her eyebrow arch. "But your family have been worried sick about you and most definitely your sisters especially Dorinda." She said, "rumors are going about in Detroit about your last place of work." She said and Karen didn't seem to really care. "Don't you care about going back to them? They miss you and the Bishop is just as understanding as he wants to be." Her manager said, tilting her head trying to make sure that Karen got the picture that she could return back home and her family wouldn't even be mad about it. But the young woman shook her head. "I'm not ready yet to face everything. I still have unnecessary panic attacks thinking I see the bastard every where I go." Karen said shaking her head. "They say they want me back but what if they're lying huh just to want me back only to berate me huh?" Karen huffed. "Karen they're not going to do that they know it wasn't your fault with what happened." She said trying to talk some sense into her and Karen just turned her head away zoning out. Her manager knew she had to drop the conversation about her family.
"Alright, I guess I'll set you up a meeting with "Bad Boy Records" I think you'd be a good fit there with everything that's going on and these new changes. Her manager said still not understanding as she shook her head. But before they left Karen gently grabbed her manager's wrist. "And please don't tell my sisters this stays between us." Karen said as she got up from the table. "But does this mean you'll be going back to the East Coast?" Her manager asked, Karen as they left the restaurant in L.A. "I guess so, but I'm still not ready to go back home yet. I'll be staying in New York to make things easier." Karen said.
Play "How Can I believe what's real?":
One year later:
Karen sat back in the studio as she just got finished with the last song on her album. She had been in New York for about a year now and she couldn't believe how fast she had written and co-produced some of these songs when usually the norm would be about 2 years or so to make an album. But she guess she just had a lot on her mind and more inspiration from everything that happened within the last few years. She just hoped that her family wouldn't be too mad that she crossed over into the secular world to try out this new music. She felt that she needed to write this and record it. She wrote this as a poem at first but then changed into a whole song thinking it would fit better with her new R&B album. She hoped it would make it onto the album considering the fact that she worked so hard on it and it also had a double meaning.
If Drew ever had it in his mind to listen to R&B music one day. She wasn't even sure if he would react poorly to it. Was this song really for him or about him? She didn't know. She was still hurting and she had absolutely no rest from what happened and no peace. She was too afraid to even take care of her own kids let alone show them affection. And when she did she didn't think it was real. It felt force and she hated that she felt that way because she knew her kids deserved better. "How can I believe what's real?" She just hoped that no one would ask her about what the title meant since she crying her heart out about what happened and how she screamed for him. She knew it was out of his control and that he couldn't come rescue her because he was out of town. But it was just something to be in that traumatic situation. And with what she was going through sometimes she felt like she didn't know what was real.
As she listened to it and analyzed her song she felt it still had the same gospel touch that she grew up with and sang to especially since she added the organs reminding her of her sister, Twinkie. But she didn't want the song to be completely gospel. This was supposed to be something new so even though she kept the organs she cut back on them wanting this song to be all her. God she missed her family. She thought to herself and hated the fact that she would run from her problems but she couldn't help it. She sat down with her hand balled up with her chin thinking about what she wrote. Half of this song was about Drew and the other half wasn't. She just needed to try to pour her heart out in this song the best she could.
After the song was over she decided to listen to more of the songs that she was picking for her album as she was creating the album list. It had been a little while when she sat back on the couch as she listened to her demo. She wasn't sure if she wanted "Late At Night" on the record or not but it matched what she was feeling and the flow of her album. Again another song was about Drew as she did think about him often and especially at night. She didn't want to admit it out loud but she did miss her husband. So, why was she here? She didn't know. She knew half of it was because of that monster. But the other half was unknown to her because she knew her family would help but she guess she wanted to try it on her own.
As she was listening to the song she hated the fact that it was so short but she needed to cut the demo under a certain amount of time so it could be approved. As she kept on listening to the song she thought back to how she attended this party for "Bad Boy records" and was so surprised to find out that P.Diddy was as sweet as he could be to her. He always greeted her with a kiss and a hug. He surprisingly gave her freedom over her creativity of the album. She guess he trusted her considering that she was apart of the Clark Sisters and had big gospel hits. He also would say things like "This my girl" right here every time they met up after her manager had contacted a few people. If she wasn't mistaken she thought P.Diddy had a crush on her.
So, when he invited her over to an album party she wasn't surprised. But what surprised her was the fact that she was laid up in a bed with another man. But the guy never touched her. Apparently, he was a good friend of "P.Diddy" and P.Diddy wanted him to show Karen around and show her the ropes. Which was how she was in bed half naked with another man as she smoked a blunt in front of her. Yes she still had on her undergarments but she didn't feel right about being in this situation but the guy had been aggressive with her and when she spotted, P.Diddy to try too get her out of the room he did nothing and just said, "Go with the flow" shrugging it off "saying that everything will be fine." Karen looked at him kind of shocked as she was hiding the rest of her body behind the door as she poked her head out. Karen thought to herself that this would be the last time that she would ever trust P.Diddy again like this but she knew she needed to just play along a little bit more so her album could be released because she worked too hard to let it go to the waste. So, she sucked it up closing the door back huffing back to the bed.
Another year later after basically going through a hazing process at Bad Boy Records her album was released. After the success of her first R&B album, "When In Quin". Karen had interviews after interviews lined up that she barely had time to think for herself. But when the time did come she thought about her husband and contemplated filing for divorce. She knew she was in to deep with not wanting to go home especially after she laid in bed with another man who wasn't her husband and that Drew would hate her although no sex was involved. She still felt like she cheated. Did she cheat? She wasn't so sure since she felt pressured to do it and didn't want too.
She thought back to divorcing Drew and so she had divorce papers served up to Drew. She figured that after this time he had to have found himself another woman and here she was still feening over him. But little did she know, when Drew said for better or for worse he meant it and they were in their worst season. And he wasn't about to let the love of his life go. So, when Karen had those divorce papers served to him she didn't know her sisters were over. When that knock on the door came and that vanilla envelope was handed to him he immediately knew what it was ripping into it.
To be continued...
Notes:
How y'all feel about these songs?
Any thoughts or comments?
Thanks for reading!