Finding Mr. Perfect's Flaws
[Three]
This chapter needs no explanation
*
His eyes shined down at me. I could see his smiling, pure white teeth gleam in the darkness. I could feel him straddling my waist, pressing me down into the bed. His hair was messy, as if he had just woken up. I’ve seen his hair like that so many times, but it never failed to make me feel queasy. I suddenly felt like I was swimming through water, pushing and fighting to breathe.
"Zachary," Johnny whispered, looking down at me. He was still smiling but his eyes looked sad. I’ve never seen this vulnerable side of him before. He always knew what he wanted, and he went after it. My heart swelled to the size of a football in my chest. I shook my head.
"No, this can't... you can't..."
"But I am," He whispered. He was still straddling me and his hands were resting on my thighs. I was barely able to control myself. Stupid hormones. He reached down to touch my face with one hand. Then his hands slid down my chest. I shivered at his touch.
"No! Not-"
He leaned down, next to my face.
"Zachary, stop pushing me away," He murmured into my cheek. Johnny’s warm, sweet smelling breath spilled across my face. His face leaned down even more so he could press his forehead against mine. My breathing started coming out weird. My whole face felt like it was on fire, and my lungs cried for air.
I shook my head, not able to answer. He nodded lightly in response. His lips pressed against my forehead and I let out a deep breath. His lips left a place of fire on my skin. The kiss had been so sweet, nothing like he used to give me.
"Don't," I whispered. A finger lightly traced my lips. I shivered again at his touch; at the fire. Never had he been so soft with me. Never.
"You want me."
It wasn't a question. He dug his hips deeper into mine and I whimpered. Warmness was flooding inside of me - threatening to kill me. My body reacted at the connection of our hips. I clenched my teeth and hissed through them as he wiggled his butt against my hard on. He smiled against my forehead, his lips warm and soft like I remembered them.
Then, he kissed me. I moaned into his mouth, not able to resist anymore. I wanted him, I always had. He was my first boyfriend and I still couldn’t believe that things had started to work out for me for once in my life. His warm lips molded against mine and he slowly slid onto my chest. He turned me over with his strong arms, so I was now on top of him. His legs wrapped around my waist and I felt his own hard on against my thigh. He gripped my arms and held me tightly against him, as if I was going to disappear any second.
When he started to kiss down my neck, I realized what was happening. He hurt me! I couldn’t let him back into my life. He would only hurt me again! I tried to push away from him but he held on, trying to get me back in the mood. When his lips slid up my neck and to my mouth, he licked my bottom lip, demanding for entrance. I forgot all about my reasons to get away.
His hips rocked against mine and I clutched at him, wanting more.
"Johnny..."
The scene around me shifted. I was forced into a year ago, in my junior year of high school. I know this was junior year because around me, there were big homecoming banners saying the date. A huge group of seniors rushed passed, talking and giggling. I moved out of the way hastily, getting knocked into people. I was shoved into someone much taller than me. When they caught me as I almost fell to the ground, I looked up at their face. When I saw who it was I backed up and was released from their grasp. I smiled at them and they smiled back.
"Very clumsy still, aren't we?" He said, showing those pearly white teeth. My heart fluttered inside of my chest. His familiar green eyes stared down at me. Emotion was filled inside of them, and it was all for me. No one has ever looked at me like that before.
A group of his popular friends walked past, giving him high fives and guy handshakes. They all took turns nodding at me, all the while flipping their "cool" hair and showing off each of their sluts on each arm. The girls ignored me, drooling over Johnny. His eyes were still trained on me though, as if I would disappear.
Someone grabbed his LA Dodgers hat and he jumped for it, laughing. He hated the Dodgers, but he still wore that old hat. I was about to walk away, rejection settling in my stomach. But he grabbed his hat and his friends started to slowly melt away. After one last annoying hand shake from one of his “friends”, he turned back towards me. His football team varsity jacket fit him perfectly.
He smiled again. I smiled back.
"Hey, Zachary. Want to come over to my place later? I got a new movie I thought you might like," He muttered, looking intensely in my eyes. I smiled again and he grinned back at me.
"Sure. But it better not be a crappy movie like last time," I said, smirking. He laughed aloud and grabbed my shoulder. He bent down to look inside of my eyes. His eyes were a blazing green. His slight tan matched his dark hair. He gave me a look.
"Of course not. I know how much you didn't like those guys kissing," He muttered, squeezing my shoulder. His fingers started to slightly rub my shoulder and my gaze lightly dropped down to his lips. They were slightly parted, and all I wanted to do was lean forward and permanently attach myself to him.
"I didn't... I don't have a problem..." I started to whisper. That's when I stopped talking, feeling eyes on me. I looked up from Johnny’s lips and across the courtyard, meeting a set of piercing blue eyes. I automatically stepped back, ruining the mood. As I stared at him across the courtyard, Collin looked away. He adjusted his backpack on one shoulder and walked away, running a hand through his messy light brown hair.
Johnny turned his head to stare at him, his hand dropping from my shoulder. Collin had been the last person in the courtyard besides us. I hadn't even realized it, but the bell had already rung and people were in their classes. Johnny straightened up and looked back down at me. He looked slightly annoyed, but not at me.
"I'll pick you up after school," He said, forcing a smile at me.
The scene melted around us again and my mind spun. Suddenly, we were on his couch. In front of us, two boys were making out on the TV screen... again. Johnny always seemed to pick the movies that challenged my preferences. He seemed calm about it; his feet even up on his coffee table. I was trying not to look at the screen. I gulped as I felt a hand on my arm. He slightly slid closer to me. I didn't look at him, knowing I would do something I regretted.
"I thought you said you wouldn't pick another of these?" I whispered. He was sitting on my right side, and his left hand slid down from my arm to rest on my right thigh. I gulped again. His free hand turned my face towards his.
"But I know you like it," He whispered, getting closer and closer to me until I had my very first kiss.
As soon as our lips touched, I was thrust into another scene. I was sitting on my bed. My gaze automatically, on their own accord, flicked to the left wall in my room. A picture was thumb tacked onto the picture board, the only picture on it. It was a picture of Johnny and I. We were both smiling into the picture, with him on the left, slightly closer to the screen.
I called the picture board my Importance Board. Everything that had ever been important to me had a picture up there. No wonder no other pictures were pinned up there. I couldn't bring myself to take down the picture. I hated it, but my hands wouldn't let me. They always refused to work when my intentions were to rip the picture to shreds.
Last summer, I thought I was gay. With Johnny, of course. He started coming onto me and I eventually couldn't help myself. He was amazing then, full of hope and energy. What ruined it all was the time he had been caught kissing me in an empty room on the upstairs floor of a party house. He had accused me of coming onto him and I had forced him to kiss me. He later said that he couldn't ruin his "rep" and he never said a nice thing to me again.
People started to figure out what really happened. That's when he moved...and broke my heart. I still couldn't believe that he was gone.
On the picture, Johnny's face screwed up in anger. He yelled something that I couldn't understand.
*
“Are you kidding me?!”
I woke up to loud voices to the right of me. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone so I remained still, pretending to still be asleep. My heart seemed like it was running a marathon in my chest. I could hear my heart in my ears and I could barely breathe. That dream really shook me up. An annoying beeping sound was quickly pulsing in the room. After a few moments, I slowly realized something. This wasn’t my bed! I was in a hospital! And the beeping was my heart monitor. I forced myself to calm down and it eventually slowed down to normal. God, if they saw my stiffy-
"-ruined the game?"
"Yes, sir. The most important game of the season."
"Damn, that boy."
"Yes, sir. I agree."
"Why are you even here?"
"Don't you want to know what happened?"
"You already told me. Now screw off."
A door opened and then shut. A loud sigh sounded and I tried to blank out again. I recognized the sigh. My father. How messed up was that? I hadn’t even recognized that cruel voice. How I hated that man. I hope I never grew up like him, but I had a feeling I would. My heart would slowly turn to stone, if it wasn’t already. It’s true, we all turn out to be the people we swore to ourselves we’d never become.
The door opened again and a more official voice sounded.
"Sir, your son will be just fine. No broken bones, just a lot of light bruises."
"Screw off."
As soon as the doctor left, I heard my dad slowly get up off his chair. He made a noise that you make after stretching, and I heard the squeak of his sneakers. I suddenly felt a presence next to me and I felt eyes on my face. I kept my eyes closed and pretended to breathe evenly.
“Why?” He whispered, as if to himself. That one word stuck home. He meant, ‘Why? Why are you my son?’ I was about to get up and start screaming, when someone knocked on the door. It was a sign; I should still be “sleeping”. I heard my dad walk over to the door and open it. When it was opened, I heard my dad suck in a shocked breath.
“Uh… excuse me. I’m Collin Lucas. I’m a friend of Zachary’s.”
Oh my god. My heart monitor sped up and there was silence. Really? Could this get even more embarrassing? I mentally told my heart to calm down and I took measured breaths. The monitor slowed to a normal pace.
“Man, you’re a friend of his?” My dad asked, incredulous. I swallowed a few choice words I wanted to throw at my father. I desperately wanted the soft pillow under me to swallow up me, freeing me from this soon to be disaster.
“Um, yes. And you are…?”
“His… father,” My dad spit. I gritted my teeth in frustration. “Why can’t my son be like you? You’re a handsome, strong boy. And a football player even!”
My whole body clenched up in anger.
“You should feel very lucky,” Collin said without fear. “Your son is a great person.”
My heart clenched in on itself. Why was he sticking up for me? More importantly, why was he even here? I still couldn’t really remember what happened at the game and I don’t think I was ready to remember. I hadn’t noticed it before, but a light burn was on every part of my body. It was muted pain, like I had been given a pain reducer. When it came fully back, I didn’t want to imagine the pain.
I heard my dad snort and then the door slam. Who left though, I didn’t know. I heard someone walk over to my bed, but I didn’t open my eyes.
“Okay, Zachary. He’s gone. You can stop pretending to be asleep,” Collin said. He sounded tired and sad. I opened my eyes and I saw him looking down at me. How did he know that I was awake? Stupid heart monitor, it probably gave me away.
Collin’s blue eyes looked hurt. I didn’t realize that I was crying until a tear slid down my neck. Collin wasn’t wearing his uniform anymore but he still had on gym shorts, a tank top and the school colors painted on his face. I wiped at my face and slowly sat up. Pain shot through me, but I didn’t like being looked down on like that. When I moved, I remembered my hard on. I ignored it. When I was propped up by the wall, Collin took a deep breath. He grabbed the bars of the bed as if to steady himself.
“You okay?” He asked, faking a smile.
“I’ve been better.”
“I’m so sorry, about your dad. I didn’t… I didn’t want him to-“
“No, its okay,” I said, cutting him off. I grabbed the blankets and wiped my tears on the scratchy fabric. I laughed a fake, shaky laugh. “I’m used to it.”
He frowned.
“So what happened? Did you guys win?”
“We tied,” Collin admitted. I closed my eyes. It was entirely all my fault. The whole school was going to hate me even more than usual. They would have to redo the game. “And coach was going to get fired from talking to you that way. But the principal was bribed. I’m so so sorry, Zachary.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered, opening my eyes. “I’m sorry I made the team tie.”
“No, don’t be stupid. Those drunk bastards didn’t have any right to do that,” Collin said, looking at his own fingers clutching the rails. His knuckles were white. We stayed quiet for a while. Then, Collin looked up at me.
“That was Johnny, wasn’t it?”
A sob erupted from me, embarrassing me. I put my head in my hands and nodded. I’ve have never, ever broke down in front of someone before. And I wasn’t about to do it in front of Collin.
“You saved me,” I said into my hands. It didn’t come out like a question, and it wasn’t supposed to be. I looked up. Collin slowly nodded.
“Thank you.”
His beautiful blue eyes stared into mine. Wait - beautiful?
“No problem.”
He leaned back and sunk into a chair next to the bed. We both sat there for a while in silence. I could smell his cologne from here. He smelled like the Abercrombie & Fitch store. It wasn't that obvious, but it made my heart flutter and my cheeks redden. Why was I thinking about this? Someone good smelling was always a turn on. Not... not that I was turned on by-
"What did you want anyway?" I said, looking at the hospital bed. I fidgeted with the end of the blanket, trying not to look too obvious. I wanted to look at him so badly. It took him a while to respond, like he was thinking over his answer.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean... you look... bad," He said, hesitating before each word. I rolled my eyes.
"Thanks for noticing."
"Idiot," He said. I could hear the smile in his voice. "I didn't mean it like that."
I had to smile then. I took a deep breath and smiled wider. He laughed then and I lightly laughed in response. I turned to look at him. When I saw him though, my whole mood fell again. He was too perfect.
“Zachary, would I save your butt then sass you the next day?" He muttered. He stared into my eyes and I looked away.
"You tell me," I muttered, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. He sighed loudly and I smiled at the sound. He laughed again. I looked over at him. As I studied his face, I realized that his nose was slightly crooked. Did he hurt it when he was defending me? I hoped not. I couldn't remember it looking like that before. He looked at me and I looked away again.
I pretended he wasn’t there. It was like he was a chair. Just there, but nothing to notice. He was just a good looking chair. Wait - good looking? No. Last summer was nothing. I shouldn't be thinking like that about anyone, especially not-
“Bradley might give you shit on Monday,” Collin said suddenly. I looked over at him, frowning. Bradley O'Conner was the second best football player on the team. He was about six seven and huge. He had sandy blonde hair and bushy eyebrows. His shoulders stretched on forever. Every girl wanted him. I don’t know why, though. I couldn’t see anything past those huge hairy beasts on his forehead.
“It’s cool. I’ve been getting that for years,” I muttered. Collin sighed again.
“It’s Saturday. They said they can let you leave tomorrow.”
“Yippee.”
“I’m sorry, Zachary. About everything. “ Collin whispered. I shook my head.
“It’s okay,” I managed to whisper back.
But it wasn’t. It never was.
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Finding Mr. Perfect's Flaws (boyxboy) [Three]