*gasps* nina *cries* ninA *punches wall* niNA *hyperventilates* NINa
S I M O N E
The area where Kai had taken out the stitches is itchy, and most of all, it's annoying. There's a small red rash forming on my chest, just the scar tissue of the wound. Visions of the car crash rise in the back of my mind, causing me to visibly cringe.
Right now, we're at some gas station in Washington, nearing Canada. I'm sitting in the bathroom, washing my face after hours of driving. I mean, the bathroom isn't even inside. It's just a door on the side of the building. Like, why?
We would've crossed the border by now, but it's regulated, and no one it going to welcome a sociopath and a potential sociopath, with open arms.
Lately I've thought a lot about labels. I mean, labels shouldn't matter. What even is a label? What makes it so special? Well, a label is classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing. Labels are the type of phrases thrown around in high school. But recently I've been thinking. Classifying Kai is quite easy.
Sociopath.
Sociopath. It's a noun. The definition of it is quite simple; A person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. So basically Kai.
But what am I? Is there a word for a person like me? Psychopath doesn't fit. Does that automatically count me as a sociopath, then? Serial killer fits Kai's persona, but not me. I haven't killed more than three people.
Oh, that's right, just two. My conscious reminds me, succeeding in making me feel terrible. I feel guilty. That's the difference.
People say theirs no difference between sociopath and psychopath, but they're wrong. Dead wrong. There's one important, small reason why Kai is not a psychopath.
Psychopaths do not show remorse, or guilt. They kill without reason, they kill without mercy. Sociopaths, on the other hand, feel guilt. Their emotional connection is able to reach only the people they have an emotional connection to. Beyond that safety circle, is chaos. Free range. Because behind that circle of remorse and love, a sociopath will just be your ordinary psychopath.
I'm in that circle, Kai's circle, whether I like it or not.
Because I've come to the inevitable conclusion that Malachai Parker is a sociopath. A month ago, I wouldn't have known the difference. I've pondered over this question for a long time now. But I've finally found the answer. Just by observation.
I've solved the puzzle that is Kai Parker.
It wasn't hard. It isn't as hard as finding the appropriate label for myself. But again, why use labels? Sure, once in a while the news reporter needs something to call the latest criminal. But why stress over it? People try so hard to fit into a category when the answer is simple. You are your own category. Kai is himself. Kai Parker. He doesn't need to be anything else. He's just Kai. And me, well I'm Simone. Just Simone. In someone else's mind I might be a sociopath. I might be a girl with Stockholm syndrome. To some I might be kitten. To others I might be crazy. Sure, I'm all those things, but I am Simone.
What drove me to this decision over labels, you ask? Well, the answers simple. That bitchy news reporter thinks she knows everything about me. Nick thinks he knows everything about me. Dad thinks he knows everything about me. I think I know everything about myself. But I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I've come to the sad conclusion that the only person that knows anything about me is Kai Parker. Because when it comes to me, he's remembered everything. To some, it's creepy. Sure, it really is. But when I look at it, in Kai's eyes, I'm worth remembering.
Stop it, Simone. Stop.
I'm jolted from my daze. "You okay?" Someone asks from the other side of the door. Kai.
Okay. O-k-a-y. Okay. The word is thrown around, replacing words such as good, fantastic, terrible, depressed. All these words summed up into one conclusion. Okay.
"I'm fine." Fine. That one four letter word that's mostly a lie. I've used such excuse on many occasions, and I've never meant it once in my entire life.
"Hurry up." Kai says, not rudely. It's just quiet, and more of a suggestion.
"I will." I breathe, pulling my shirt back to cover my small scar. It's been a long week. Scratch that, it's been a long year.
Within seconds I'm pushing the heavy door opening and running into someone. I'm not even surprised at what I see. Kai stands there with a smug smirk and a bundle of clothes. "Finally." He nods his head once before heading into the small bathroom.
"You must trust me." I mutter, barely thinking. Kai stops half way through closing the door, and stares me in the eye.
"I do trust you. But I'll have you know that if you were to run, you'd be running from a witch. Locater spells are easy, kitten, so keep that in mind." He snaps, almost furious. I should've known something so small could set him off. He's exactly like a bomb.
The door closes in my face, and I just shrug off the amount of information he just gave me. Looking behind me, I notice the car. The gas station we're at is pretty much deserted. There's a group of guys in crappy clothes loitering around the front of the building.
The lights flicker on and off, and I have to be honest. Part of me wants to run and see how far I'd make it. But that wouldn't benefit me. Dad wouldn't trust me, he wouldn't dare trust the daughter that ran off with a sociopath.
"Hey!" Someone calls from the front of the station. My eyes dart to whomever it is.
"Lady." Another man shouts. Great, it's a group of them. "What you doing?" Well that's not correct grammar.
"What does it look like?" I snap, taking in the three that make their way over. Their faces are dirty, and I'm sure the smoke and tobacco smell is from them.
"Ooh..." One guy smirks, whistling. They make their way towards me as I make my way towards the car.
"Leave me alone. " I snap, finding the car. My hands fumble on the door handle.
Locked. It's fucking locked because fucking Kai doesn't fucking trust me.
The three press me into a corner against the car. However, they keep their distance for the most part. Like they're trying to see if someone will come to save me. Kai should be coming to save me. But he never comes, so the three move in. It's like an episode from some horror film. I can't do anything to stop it. Sure, I'm able to push them away. But I'm a small girl against three guys. Not liking my odds.
The three boys laugh a little, making my heart beat faster. Shit shit shit shit.
Turning away from the car, I look them up and down and place my hands on my hips. "I wouldn't come any closer."
The tallest one, and the fattest, chuckles. He grabs his stomach and laughs. It reminds me of Santa Clause. He's just so...fluffy. "And why is that?" He takes a few more steps, looking down at me.
"Get away from me." I try the door once again, but it won't open. Come on, Kai. God dammit. The bathroom door is still closed.
"What are you going to do about it?" The short stubby one asks, tying to make himself look cool. Impossible. Scoffing, I try to push back the thoughts.
Oh, maybe kick you where the sun don't shine. I gulp, silently praying that Kai will come out of the damn bathroom. What is taking him so long? Hurry. Please.
One guy steps close, too close. Immediately I shove him back. He laughs in response, making my stomach twist in fear. "What's wrong?" He asks, in a sickening voice.
The gas station attendant must not be paying attention. It's ten at night, I wouldn't expect him to, but I need al the help I can get right now.
One of them tries to touch my jacket, and all I can feel is the hands on me. Suddenly it's just hard to breathe. My breathing becomes rapid, and my vision blurs from tears. I just feel so small, and can't do anything. Not even back away from them. The tears find their way down my cheeks. No, I'm not a baby. Before my ego is destroyed, I wipe them away.
Before anyone can touch me, a voice pulls all there's attention away. It's a dark voice, one that's grown all too familiar. "Let. Her. Go."
The three stooges turn around, facing to where I can no longer see. Craning my neck, I try to get a better view of the man who finally decided to show up.
"I said. Let. Her. Go." Kai's voice is icy, almost robotic. Something inside his voice makes me cringe. It's the voice I first heard when I met him. It's the dark side of Kai Parker.
There's a chorus of laughter, but it all comes to a stop at some point. Kai joins in with the laughter, most likely just making the three more uncomfortable.
"Ha, yeah, hilarious." Kai chuckles softly, "it's funny. I'm wondering how you're going to laugh about it after a rip out your throat and shove it up your ass."
The three guys move, allowing me to finally see Kai. He's holding a change of clothes in his hand, and is wearing a new change of clothes. "What are you going to do?" Don't get me wrong, Kai is pretty tall. But these three don't look to intimidated by him. By the looks of it, Kai wants to change that.
"Hmm..." He smirks. "I'll figure something out." Kai starts heading towards me, and a giant weight is lifted from my chest.
The flickering lights only seem to get worse. In fact, one of them bursts, causing the glass to fall a few feet away. "K-kai..." I mutter. It's more of a plea for help. I just want to be saved, before anyone can hurt me. Another light shatters from above, making me flinch out of reflex.
The guys look up, a little shocked, then soon they begin to run. I'm not sure why, I can't see much. But within seconds I'm being pulled back into reality. "Are you okay?" Why does he always ask me this?
"I'm fine." Most likely.
Kai looks back at the boys whom are running away from us. I can barely see them anymore. God, how can that fat one run so fast? Kai shakes his head in disapproval. "I should've killed them."
"They're not worth it." I try to calm my breathing. I'm not sure what type of episode that was, but it was definitely not normal.
"I should kill them. I should make them with they were never born-" he breathes heavily, and I look over at him. He stops at his side of the car and grips on to it in anger. "I should- I should burn their insides- I should- I should make them pay."
"No. No, not one deserves to die-" I'm cut off.
"You don't understand." He says and unlocks the car.
"Understand what?" I hold him back from running after the horny teenagers.
"No one touches what's mine." The words come out as sort of a whisper, making me flinch in confusion. Kai sighs loudly, opening the car door and getting in without another word. His words rattle me, and replay over and over again.
What's mine. What's mine. What's mine.
No one owns me. I'm my own self. Sure, he can get protective. But I'm not an object.
The car starts up, and the engine has a little kick, and a slight trouble. But it works, and that's all that matters. I'm not exactly sure where we're going next. Washington has treated us well. First Wisconsin and somehow we made it back here.
"No more being alone. I don't want that happening again." Kai clutches the steering wheel as we pull out of the parking lot and back on to the open road, where cars pass by.
"Okay." I say, breathing into the windshield and watching how it fogs up.
"I'm not letting you out of my sight." He continues on, rambling like a mad man.
"Okay."
"Are you okay?" He looks over, but I'm not really paying much attention to anything right now.
"Okay." I say without a second thought.
"Are you even listening to me?"
"Hmm...what?" I turn, finding his blue eyes the second I do.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." I say it with a little edge, but not on purpose. Honestly, I'm sick of answering everything with 'I'm fine' it's like a substitute. The truth is, I'm not fine. I couldn't be worse. So many things are happening and it's terribly hard to catch up. Fine doesn't cut it anymore. I'm starting to worry about myself, and about home. I'm starting to worry about dad, Nick, and even Nick's mother. And her pie. I just miss the aspect of family. The family I had when I was younger. Before I destroyed it all, and ruined my own happiness.
Kai ruined his chances of happiness too, when he killed his family. Sure, it was for different reasons, but it still happened. In some ways, the two of us are much alike. In others, we're complete opposites.
"We're running low on money, I think we'll skip on a hotel for tonight." He says softly, looking at the road again.
"How are you going to do this?" I wonder.
"Do what?"
"Live the rest of your life hiding me, visiting places in America, and traveling hotel to hotel. How are you going to find the money?" It's a good question, surprised it didn't come up earlier.
"That's none of your concern."
"None of my concern? I have every right to know. I just want to know what's going on in your head." It's the truth. Sometimes I wish I could read his thoughts.
"I'm making it all up as we go."
"Bullshit. Even I know sociopaths plan everything." I turn myself slightly, to engage in conversation.
"There's nothing much to it. When the case runs cold we can return to Oregon, and return to my house and-"
"And what?" I ask, watching him roll is eyes. Like he knew how pissed I'd be with his pathetic answer.
"And keep ourselves hidden."
"And what, I'm just going to play along, and forget that my friends and family are waiting for me at home?" For some reason a laugh slightly.
"What family, Sim? There's no family there. Nada. Nothing. Just strangers who claim they're close to you. But no one knows you like me, kitten. And I know that's what scares you the most." It takes me a while to dissect his words and focus on their meaning.
My mouth zips shut, and I become mute. Maybe he is right. Maybe there is no one waiting for me on the other side. Maybe I will get through all this shit and no one will care.
The truck pulls over, on the side of the small road about a mile from the gas station. Kai yawns, stretching and pushing back his seat. I do the same, getting comfy in the passenger's side. The lights die out and it's replaced with darkness. "Do you really think I'm bad?"
It's never occurred to me that Kai is so self conscious. He just always asks these questions and maybe I underestimated him. "Define bad."
"Like, joker bad. Or iceberg bad. Or maybe..." He trails off. I can't see him, and I find myself wondering what his facial expression looks like. Does he seem sad? Is he actually trying to improve himself? And most importantly, is he serious?
"No, Kai." I stare at the window, watching the stars above. "I don't think your terrible. I've said before that your misunderstood. I don't know yet, I just think people judge you too quickly. I think you've changed since I met you..." I'm hoping that's remotely what he wanted to hear.
"Changed." He whispers under his breath, sighing.
"If I may ask, why is my opinion so important to you?" My voice echoes through the quiet car.
"You're the only person I've ever let this close to me." He says simply, his reply muffled from the seat of the car.
"I doubt that."
"Do you really?"
"No, not really." I say, tight-lipped.
"Exactly. Because I'm just the big bad wolf, and your just the little red riding hood." His reference sends shivers down my spine.
"Goodnight Malachai." I exhale loudly, closing my eyes.
"I like it when you call me Malachai." He whispers, making me smile.
"I like it when you call me kitten."
"Goodnight, kitten." His soft voice responds lowly.
Then all I hear is peace. It's the most peaceful I've ever been in a while. It's just so quiet. My breathing is allowed to slow, and my body is able to calm. And I'm able to be fully content, and fully rested. Sure, it's like World War III as of now, and sure, I'm on the side of the road in a sociopaths car. But I'm able to ignore that and just accept everything. I'm able to forget about Evan, Nick, and Dad. I'm able to forget about my past and the people who are looking for me.
Kai is right. Neither of us have family. Sure, it's our fault. But with the loss of our family, we were able to bond over something so sick and twisted that it's keeping us together in times like this. I was pushed into this situation, and forced to cope with it. But suddenly, it's not that hard to cope.
I'm not sure when, or what time. I'm not sure how or even why. But for some reason, a nice, peaceful sleep takes over me.
Nightmares don't pollute my sleep. For one night, I'm finally able to dream. Finally.
[A/N]
oh look, it's one in the morning.