Lights flashed. Images passed by in a blur, like a motion picture wheel on high speed. Voices sounded light distant echoes, none of their words discernable. The only object of Ji Hoon's attention was the small white face with pale lips and closed eyes, a suggestion of death. But he refused to think of it. He panicked every time he came near the thought but his will for her to live overrode it. He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't lose her; not his Laura.
He had been through the valley of shadow before. Pain and grief were not new to him. And yet it felt just as raw and fresh as the first time, a sting to the heart that felt like something was clawing his insides. But the shallow movement of her chest rising and falling in struggling effort gave him a straw of hope. Dangling off the edge of a cliff was less stressful.
Seeing her in bed now, still as a corpse yet alive, breathing, fighting for her life, he came to realize just how much he loved her – and also the realization that she loved him hit him hard. She had thrown herself in the crossfire for him – to save him. She had not heeded his instructions; instead she put herself in danger for him. His heart ached at the thought and he couldn't breathe.
He wanted to ask why; yet he knew why. She had made it clear to him before. And yet he could not understand how she could do this to him. For a moment he also resented her for it; didn't she know how much pain she was causing him this way? By being at the threshold of death's door?
Then he realized it – she had done exactly what he would've done for her. She knew him better than anyone else and perhaps wanted to prove her love this way. He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple tight in his throat. Love can be either the most beautiful virtue known to man, or the bitterest. It held the highest degree of happiness, but also the lowest abyss of sorrow. And love's greatest pain was loss.
He clasped her hand between both his own. It was cool and limp, as though lifeless. His eyes penetrated her still face, pleading silently for her to awaken. It was now the third day she was in a coma; he hadn't left her side, or the hospital room for that matter. He felt the need to be by her side as desperately as he needed oxygen. But seeing her like that tore his heart and when they were alone, he would shed silent tears watching her.
Not a word he spoke; and yet he communicated with her soul as deeply as two souls could speak to each other. He knew as much as he dared to know that she could hear him. His heart reached for hers. And he hoped it was enough for her to survive.
"Awake yet?" Andrew popped his head through the door. Ji Hoon, without taking his eyes off Laura, shook his head. Andrew deflated.
"I'm sorry." He said coming in. He took a seat on the couch.
"Have you eaten yet?" he asked. Ji Hoon didn't bother to reply. Andrew sighed.
"She'll wake up soon, I'm sure of it. But if you don't take care of yourself –" he gave up on the lecture when he saw Ji Hoon's immovable posture. Andrew ran a hand over his face.
"I'll be outside." He whispered and left. Ji Hoon appeared oblivious to him and continued to gaze at Laura. His hand idly stroked hers, remembering the times she had held on to it. What he'd give to feel her hand in his again, holding tight.
"Laura..." he exhaled.
Laura had slipped into a deep sleep.
She had been blissfully unaware of everything up until after her surgery. After her body fell into restfulness, her mind felt awake. She wondered if she was dreaming. She felt sensations on her hand and heard Ji Hoon's voice. It sounded so sad; she wondered why. She wanted to touch him and soothe him but didn't know why she couldn't. Instead she let her mind wander.
All sorts of thoughts and hopes for the future passed through her mind. A future with Ji Hoon. A life together where neither of them would ever be hunted again. A life where they could be happy together...
Ji Hoon had been through so much in his life; and after learning the truth about him, she didn't want him to suffer that reality again. Because she had fallen in love with him. And she made it her mission to protect his heart as he protected her. Except – that he hadn't when she took a bullet for him. The thought jolted through her subconscious.
Laura didn't want him to suffer guilt. She had to survive – for his sake. She had to live. Otherwise she'd be the one to break him; he'd beat himself up over losing her for the rest of his life. She couldn't let that happen. He was probably hurting right now, guilty over the thought that he couldn't protect her. She had to save him from that. By surviving. By returning, to tell him she loved him. Because she wanted to spend the rest of her life loving him.
It was early dawn when Laura finally opened her eyes. The dew studded window was the first thing that caught her attention, the tiny droplets glistening like diamond flecks in the pale sunshine. When her vision cleared a little more, she looked down and saw a dark head resting on an arm beside her. The figure was clearly in an uncomfortable position and yet was fast asleep. The other hand was knotted with hers, unhindered even by sleep from holding it. Laura licked her lips, her throat feeling too dry. She wondered how long Ji Hoon had been sleeping like this.
"Ji Hoon..." she croaked. His eyes fluttered open and he sat up straight, stretching himself. It was then that he caught sight of her open eyes and he became more alert.
"Laura!" The ecstatic relief in his voice was obvious despite his low tone. He quickly held up her hand against his cheek.
"Does it hurt anywhere? Are you okay? How do you feel?" he asked in rapid succession, the concern bursting from his eyes like a frightened child. Laura attempted a smile.
"Water..." she said in barely a whisper. Ji Hoon immediately poured a glass and brought it to her lips. She sipped it, relishing the cool feeling in her burning throat. She realized something was clamped to her face, particularly around her nose and attempted to remove it.
"Don't, it's an NC tube. You need it." Ji Hoon said, stopping her. Laura had just been about to say something when the door opened and a nurse walked in. she stopped in surprise at seeing her awake.
"Oh, we didn't expect – hold on, dear. I have to check your vitals now." The nurse bustled to her side and began a series of routine checks. Laura waited impatiently for her to finish, longing to be alone with Ji Hoon. He watched her with keen eyes, almost as impatient as she was. Finally, after satisfying herself with the results, the nurse removed the oxygen tube from Laura's face.
"Well dear, you're looking a lot better. Your recovery rate is very impressive. You can eat liquid foods for a few days and then we'll see about –" she stopped at a look from Ji Hoon.
"I'll check on you later." She muttered abashedly and left in a hurry. Laura sighed.
"I thought she'd never leave." She said. A tiny smile played on Ji Hoon's lips as he resumed his position next to her.
"She had terrible timing." He said. His eyes softened as they met hers.
"How are you feeling?" he asked again.
"Perfectly fine." Laura mumbled. Ji Hoon sighed knowing she was fibbing.
"Why did you do that?" he asked. Laura met his eyes with a resilient stare.
"Because I couldn't lose you." she said.
"So you put me through this torture?" He asked with raised eyebrows. She remained silent.
"What happened since –" she halted.
"The police caught most of the men. Giovanni's - in custody. He's not gonna get anywhere near you." Ji Hoon said. Laura heard the slight pause as he said Giovanni's name and wondered if he was keeping something from her. But it didn't matter; as long as he couldn't harm either of them ever again. She touched his cheek and he unconsciously leaned into her.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean to worry you like this. But if I had to do it again, I'd do it a thousand times." Ji Hoon swallowed heavily and his eyes were suspiciously moist.
"If you ever do something like that again, I'll – I'll –" words failed him as he could not think up a harsh enough threat.
"You would have done the same for me." Laura said softly. Ji Hoon held her hand a little tighter, his face leaning so close to hers she could feel his warm breath.
"Because it's my job." He said strongly though his voice was low.
"And mine is to love you." Laura replied. Ji Hoon's head fell and she heard him stifle a sob. When he finally looked up again, his face was filled with anguish.
"What would I have done if anything had happened to you?" he asked, his voice cracking with pain.
"That's why I'm here." Laura said, trying not to break down. "I wasn't gonna leave you. I love you too much for that." Ji Hoon could only stare silently at her, his eyes brimming with passion and yearning.
"Laura..." he began but she interrupted.
"I love you so much it hurts. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt. I know you want to protect me – but let me protect you too." She said. "And I'm not gonna let you get away with playing the hero." Ji Hoon almost smiled at that.
"You're not alone anymore. I'm not gonna let you fight by yourself. Just like you didn't let me fight by myself. Like it or not you've got someone to watch your back too. And we're gonna get through this together. We're –" the rest of her words were lost as his lips captured hers in a soft yet all consuming kiss. She let him have his way, closing her eyes and relishing the feeling. For a few moments, all she was aware of was the hungry movement of his lips scrolling between hers in silence. She sensed he was holding himself back though, probably from fear of hurting her and she weakly raised her arms wrapping them around his neck to pull him closer. But he immediately withdrew to stare at her.
"Laura..."
"I need more of you." she said softly. Without another word, he resumed his pursuit of her lips, tongues playing and hearts burning for each other. She cupped his face, slightly annoyed at the bristly stubble beneath her fingers. She frowned.
"How long has it been since you shaved?" she asked against his lips. She felt him chuckle.
"I'll make it my priority now that you're awake." He whispered back. He paused for a minute, breathing hard as he held her face.
"Jinsimeuro saranghae." He said suddenly. Laura tilted her head to the side.
"What does that mean?" she asked. He shook his head secretively.
"I'll tell you after we leave here," he said. Laura sighed feeling impatient and yet prepared to wait. She remained silent as his eyes studied her face with quiet thoughtfulness.
"What is it?" Laura asked gently so that she would not break his train of thought.
"There are two infallible truths I learned in life - you can't turn back time; and you can't bring back someone you lost." He quoted. Laura blinked and then nodded in understanding.
"Laura... I've gotten to a point where I can't afford to lose you. I – I love you... and I want to tell you that for the rest of my life. I want you to wake up in my arms every morning and hear me say that. I want to kiss you goodnight with those words being the last you hear." Laura smiled contentedly.
"Keep talking." She said, twirling her fingers around his collar. He grinned.
"I would but there are other things I want to do..." he said, his eyes trailing down her body before pausing on the area where her wound was.
"Too bad this bed isn't big enough for both of us." Laura said demurely. "Why do we always get stuck with these tiny beds?" his smile finally reached his eyes as he stroked the loose hair from her face.
"Don't worry. When we get out of here, I'll find a bed big enough for both of us." He whispered, sending pleasant shivers through her body. She bit her lip to control herself.
"And what will we do once we get this spacious luxurious bed?" she asked, trying to keep from smiling too knowingly. His only answer was a sweet overpowering kiss.