Marli is woken by thumping sounds coming from the kitchen at 4 am. Austin. She lays in bed waiting for the telltale signs of Austin stubbornly trying to climb the stairs but then it goes quiet. Too quiet. After a while of hearing nothing, she gets a nasty feeling in her gut.
Something is wrong.
Very wrong.
She gets out of bed and can hear men talking when she gets to the top of the stairs. Austin and Jonas. Ok, this is good, they are talking. So she sits midway on the stairs and listens. At first, their voices are normal and nothing to worry about but as their conversation goes on they get louder and louder. "Please, Austin. Just hear me out. You are killing yourself, man," Jonas begs. Austin snorts. "Shut up Jonas. I am a grown man. I can have a drink or two if I want," Austin responds. "One or two drinks?! You have lost your fucking mind man. You are practically sucking on that cognac bottle in your hands. You have an addiction. You are an alcoholic," Jonas challenges him. Austin is living in denial.
Austin starts laughing, it's a nasty callous laugh. One meant for mocking. Marli hears the scraping of a chair and the banging of cabinets. "I always knew you were jealous of me. You are so pathetic. Following me around like a lost puppy because you can't stand up for yourself. You had no one and attached yourself to me. Now I have made a name for myself, found better friends, and have a good life. But you are so fucking desperate to hang on to a friendship that died long ago," Austin throws at him. His voice is cold and his words are nasty. "You don't like that I am one of the few that can see through your bullshit and call you what you are. You are a fraud, Austin. Selling a dream to millions, a dream that both you and I know never existed in the first place. That girl up there -"
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!"
Marli jumps at the rage that is practically punched out of Austin as he shouts. Austin has been a tortured soul, but never violent. This is not Austin. She moves to the bottom of the stairs and looks into the kitchen. She can see Austin standing at the kitchen island. He has a bottle of cognac and a glass in front of him. Jonas is standing across the kitchen near the arch to the dining room. both men are locked into each other and Marli knows that this is not going to end well. Whenever they fought in the past Jonas would say his piece and then back down. Austin would feel bad after a while then they would make up. But this time it looks like neither man is prepared to cave. "Keep her name out of your filthy treacherous mouth," Austin all but growls. "Marli...Marli...Marli," Jonas throws back at him. Austin lifts his glass and takes a sip then hold out his hand and points at Jonas. "Stop, Jonas, I am warning you," he says.
"Why do you never want to talk about what you are doing to that girl?
"Jonas!"
"What!? Are you afraid to talk about her because you know you will kill her eventually just like you did your father?!"
It seems to happen in slow motion. Austin picks up the cognac bottle and hurls it across the room, Jonas ducks, and the bottle slams against the wall behind him. Jonas stands and turns to look at the wall behind him. There is amber liquid and glass peppered and splattered over the entire wall, including the floor. Jonas' mouth drops open and he turns slowly to look back at Austin. Then Austin and Jonas launch themselves at each other, they run full pelt at each other and Marli knows their collision will end poorly. There is no other way. Austin is drunk so Jonas gets the upper hand immediately, pushing Austin to the floor and punching him square in the nose. Austin pushes Jonas off him and gets two punches in before Lou appears and yanks Austin off him. "Get out! I don't ever want to see your fucked up ass again!" Austin shouts, kicking his legs and trying to go for him again but Lou has a firm grip on him. Jonas picks up his jacket from the floor, brushing off the glass from the cognac bottle as he glares at Austin.
"Oh I'm going and you will never see me again. You are not worth my fucking time," he turns and walks up to Marli, grabbing her arm, "Marli, don’t stay. He has lost his fucking mind. Come with me. Please," Jonas begs. Marli startles, she had not even released she had moved into view. She had been so focused on the boys that she did not realize that she was now standing in the middle of the kitchen. She frowns and looks at Lou. Lou nods. "Go," she mouths. They are both right she should go. She thinks she will go. Austin has scared her tonight. Things have gone too far. She turns to follow Jonas but then she hears him, his voice so very small.
"lil mama...please don't leave me here. I need you to stay with me."
She stops and turns to look at Austin, he looks so broken. He needs her, she can't go. She takes a step away from Jonas and moves toward Austin, loosening the grip Lou has on him. He immediately wraps his arms around her and she buries her head in his chest. She can't leave him. "Fucking unbelievable! Marli don't be stupid! Come on, girl!" Jonas moans. Marli pushes her head further into Austin's chest. It's OK she thinks. She will stand by Austin and he will see her loyalty and find the will to change. It will get better. She will make him better she knows it in her heart. Marli peeps out slightly and can see Jonas shaking his head and running his hands over his tired face. "Yeah, you don't need friends right, Austin? You don't need anyone…because you're the fucking man," Jonas spits out. Marli can see on Jonas' face that he is done.
"Get out of my house Jonas or I will throw another bottle and this time, I swear to you - I will not miss," Austin snarls. Marli whimpers at Austin's nasty tone. He tightens his grip on her and she buries her face in his chest again. Marli hears Jonas' shoes as he stomps down the passage then slams the front door shut as he goes. The house is now quiet, eerily so. The loss of Jonas has left an immediate impact. Marli feels a little lost without him and she knows Austin is feeling the same way. She wishes with all her heart that he lets go of her and runs after Jonas. But he does not. He stands still with his arms tight around Marli. "Go. Leave us," he says suddenly. Marli thinks for a second that he is talking to her but then she hears Lou's voice. "No. I need to make sure Marli is-"
"I will not fucking hurt her!" his voice booms above her. "You are drunk, Austin. I don't trust you with her," Lou says. "Are you fucking kidding me? Lou, go -" Austin starts but cuts himself short when Marli pulls out of his arms a little. His nose is bleeding and his eyes are bloodshot. He looks a mess. "Austin, stop. She is just looking after me," Marli soothes then turns to Lou, "it's ok, Lou. Go," she says and offers her a smile. She is not afraid of Austin. Lou looks at her with an unsure face then shakes her head. "I will sleep on the couch. If I hear you harmed one hair on her head I am going to stab you in the fucking eye," she says then turns and heads to the lounge. Marli takes Austin upstairs and cleans the blood off his face, changes his clothing, and then helps him climb into bed. When she climbs in too Austin pulls her into him and holds her close to his chest as if he is afraid she will leave before he wakes up.
"You know I would never hurt you, right?"
Marli knows he would never hurt her. Is he really worried that she thinks he could kill her? It's such a ludicrous thought. She does not care what was said downs stairs. There must be some kind of logical explanation. Austin is not capable of such things. She has no idea what Jonas meant. But whatever it had to have a logical explanation. Marli leans up and kisses him, he jolts a bit in pain. Looks like Jonas broke his nose. They fall asleep tangled in each other and Marli ignores the red flags dancing in her dreams.
~
The following night is worse than the last. How? Marli has no fucking idea. She wakes to loud music coming from downstairs. She walks into the kitchen and the pain pills he had received from the doctor for his broken nose along with a bunch of other pills Marli doesn't know the names of are scattered around the kitchen island. He is eating them like candy. There are two cognac bottles and a whole bunch of empty beer cans. How is he even still alive? There are also balls of paper scrunched up and scattered around the kitchen floor. Austin is in silk boxers and a matching silk night robe, he also has his Stetson and boots on, and he is dancing. Dancing? He is hopping, jumping, and twirling around and around the kitchen island. To top it off he has a half-smoked blunt hanging out of his mouth. He is also singing completely off-key at the top of his lungs to a very loud country song. He looks completely insane. He is so high and so drunk that it takes him ages to even notice Marli standing by the kitchen arch. When he sees her he switches the song off and the sudden silence they are plunged into is almost deafening.
"What are you doing, Austin?"
"Healing...being happy."
"Healing from what, Austin?"
"From what? From what she says! From friends who are now enemies. Jonas! He never had my back…except when he was stabbing me in it."
Marli squints at him and takes a step forward. She picks up one of the cognac bottles. It's only got about two sips left in it while the other one is empty. Austin suddenly produces a full unopened bottle and hands it to Marli, taking the one in her hands and finishing the last little bit in one swig. "Yeah, you don't need friends, you are the fucking man," she says echoing Jonas' words from the night before, "Jonas is not the enemy here," she says. "Mouth! Yes! I am, I don't fucking need anybody. And if you are going to get snippy with me you can fuck off too," he says flinging the empty cognac bottle against the same wall he had flung the cognac bottle he had aimed at Jonas last night. Marli had cleaned it up yesterday but now there were shards of glass everywhere again. Austin turns back to her and she can see that a shard had sliced his cheek. She reaches out to look at it, coupling Austin's face and running her thumb over it - it's just a scratch. Austin seems to melt into her hand, he filters for a second but then he takes the new cognac bottle from her hand and opens it. He takes some pills from the counter, pops them into his mouth, and washes them down with the cognac. He should be dead, he will be dead soon at the rate he is going. Marli does not know if she can watch.
"Maybe I should go."
"Yes, please do. Will stop you fucking nagging in my ear. I will find someone else."
"You will have a tough time finding someone to put up with your bullshit, Austin. Wake up! It's a Tuesday night and you have drained the house of liquor."
"Careful there, lil mama, your words imply that I am an alcoholic."
"And your actions don't?"
"My actions imply that the two people I rely most on in this world are turning their backs on me and I am trying to deal with it."
Marli's blood starts to boil. How dare he. She and Jonas have been by him every step of the way. If it was not for her he was still be sitting in his blood and sick from months ago. If it was not for Jonas his fortune and career would be in the toilet. The only reason he had anything and was still alive today was because of Jonas and Marli. Yet here he stands accusing them of being fake, telling her that he does not need them. Telling her that Jonas is an enemy.
"Blasting Dwight at one in the morning is doing you no good Austin! You need reh-"
"Shut your mouth! It was you that I needed! You! Look what you did," he says pulling open his silk dressing gown and turning around, "you left me to fucking rot, Jonas," he says. He is so drunk and high that Marli realizes that he is talking to both her and Jonas. Austin is so fucked up right now that it does not matter that Jonas is not even here. Austin sees him. Marli is scared of what Austin is doing to himself - he is killing himself. She takes a step forward and cups his cheeks. She needs to find a way to calm him down and get him into bed. "I am still here, Austin. I am still here," she whispers. Austin's body deflates a little and he leans into Marli. He dips his head and Marli reaches up and kisses him. It starts as a chase kiss but Austin wraps his arms around her and pulls her in tight. He turns the kiss into a needy desperate kiss. The way he is mashing their lips together hurts and for the first time Marli finds herself pushing him away a little. It does not help though, it only makes him cling to her tighter and deepens the kiss. "I know, baby, I know. You will never leave me, lil mama. Never," he mumbles into her mouth. He is making no sense, talking in circles. His words are laced with venom. "Stop, Austin. Let me go, please," she begs but he only clings to her tighter. "Austin! Stop! You are hurting me," she pleads. He lets her go like she had burnt him and takes a step back. She loves him so much but right now he is a toxic man. He picks up a piece of paper from the kitchen counter and hands it to her. There are words scribbled all over it. Nothing flowed into each other, words scratched out and angry doodles all over it. The words she can make out make her heart ache 'used to have friends, dead to me, swallow your pride, it's so sad, hold out a fist,
don't need him, It's too late', she lets the paper fall to the ground and keeps a steady eye on him. She is furious. It's a new emotion. She has felt, sadness, fear, happiness, even anger - those are emotions she has felt even some she has shown him but never outrage. She does now.
"You are a liar!"
"What?"
"You heard me, Austin! You are a liar! What's on that paper does not represent Jonas."
"Who's side are you on?"
"Side?"
"Yes, side. Jonas is my enemy."
"There are no sides to this, Austin."
Austin's face turns hard, his eyes look at Marli like she betrayed him. She opens her mouth to say something but he turns away and slams his hand on the button that starts up the music again. It's really loud and really happy too. The opposite of the emotions coursing through both her and Austin. He opens up another beer and starts dancing again when he gets to the paper Marli had dropped he scoops it up and continues his dancing and singing. He is completely ignoring Marli, defeated she turns to crawl back into her bed, somehow, she is not sure how, but she falls asleep. it's all fucked up and Marli knows it's about to come to a head and explode.
The next morning at 5:15 am Marli wakes to whining dogs and a cold bed. She walks downstairs expecting to see a broken man in a heap on the floor, but all she finds are empty beer cans and the words 'ENEMIES' spray painted in big black letters across most of the walls.
Austin is nowhere to be found.
~
They are on their month-long June break and Austin has been on a drug and alcohol bender the whole week. He has not been home since the fight in the kitchen no one can tell where he is, he moves around so much. Max and Jack are with him and they let Marli know it's not good but there is not much they can do except sit back and watch Austin derail himself.
He never answers the phone when Marli phones or texts but every morning at 5:10 am he will phone her, mumbling that he is tired and for her to talk to him till he falls asleep and she does. Usually, by 5:15 she can hear the soft snores he emits once he has fallen asleep. She had no idea where he is or who he is with. But she is grateful that Max and Jack are around and that Austin phones her. "Come home, please," she will beg but Austin does not listen, he does not seem to hear her. He also does not seem to hear her tell him that she loves him, that she is in love with him. He stays quiet.
"Come home, Austin, Please...I love you more than anything in the whole world."