Even though they live in the same house and sleep in the same bed they hardly see each other. Austin is busy rehearsing from dawn till dusk and then late into the night. There are meetings, promotions, and fans. Marli is no better, she is up to her elbows in scheduling day-to-day activities and managing his calendar. Liaising with his agent, tour manager, his PR team, lawyers, stylist, the list goes on. Every morning he will wake Marli softly tracing his fingers over her like she is a delicate China doll and whispering a million things into her skin that never quite translate in those early morning hours while he rocks into her. At night Marli will find a drunk and high Austin lying on the cold kitchen floor. She will tend to him, clean him and wrap him up in bed. She will attempt to soothe his ever-growing demons, demons that seem to be winning. Winning at what? Marli does not know, but he hates himself and it scares her.
The first time Marli is recognized by Austin's fans leaves Marli shaken, she does not know how Austin will respond. She is sure he will freak out. She is sure he will send her away. The thought makes her physically ill. It's the day before her birthday, and Marli has just finished approving another seven outfits with the stylist.
She and Lou are at the coffee shop waiting for Pratica to make up their large coffee order. Marli will drop the coffee at the studio and then meet Jonas to accompany him to three tour meetings. For now though, while waiting for the coffee order she is just taking a moment to breathe. She notices out of the corner of her eye a group of teenagers who keep looking in her direction and whispering among themselves. Lou must notice too as she moves her body and blocks Marli from their view. But then one lone teen boy is walking up to Marli. "Excuse me Miss, my friends and I were just wondering if you work for Austin Post. We are sure we have seen you in pictures with him," the boy says.
Marli nods. "Yes, that's me," she says. The boy turns back to his friends giving them a thumbs up. This seems to help them throw caution to the wind as they all stand and come over. They all talk at once.
"I can't believe it!", "You are so lucky!", "Is he really as nice as people say!", " I wish I could meet him", "He is so cool", "Where is he now?" Marli tries to answer their questions as carefully as possible and soon they seem satisfied with their encounter with her and disperse. Once it's quiet again Marli sees two teen girls still standing near her both nudging each other with their elbows. Eventually, the one says for her friend to just grow up and ask Marli whatever questing has gotten them so nervous. Marli turns to face them, a silent invitation to end their turmoil. The pretty redhead smiles and then asks.
"You were the girl that was tugged into the crowd right?"
"Yes, that was me."
"Oh my, well I am so glad you are alright. My friend and I think you are really beautiful. We love Austin Post. But we really like you too."
"Thank you, that's really lovely of you to say."
The redhead is nudged again by her friend, "ask her," she whispers.
"Are you Austin's girlfriend? Cos if you were that would be great. We would totally be supportive and stuff. You guys are like super cute together."
Marli doesn't know what to say. She wants to say yes. She wants to tell them that she and Austin are in love and happy. She wants to tell them that Austin was balancing on a cliff edge but her love and patience steadies him. She wants to tell them that he is proud of having her by his side. That she is the love of his life. She can't though - none of that is true. But before she has a chance to say something someone else is talking. "Eew stop with that pathetic narrative. Austin would never date something as basic as that. If he is fucking her it's cos it's convenient and she is probably only spreading her disgusting legs because she is cheap and desperate. It's gross," a blue-haired girl says.
Marli is so embarrassed, she wants the floor to open up and swallow her. She can feel hot tears threatening to spill over her eyes. It upsets her because it's true, she is cheap and desperate. Austin does not love her, yet she stays. Why? Then Lou is pulling her out and gently pushing her into the Gwagon and the two teen girls are coming out of the coffee shop with Marli's order and handing it over to Lou. They look over at Marli with sad faces, the one girl's mouths, "sorry." Marli gives her a weak smile and then Lou is whisking Marli away.
When they drive through the studio gates she can see Jonas and Austin leaning against the wall. She does not want to talk to him so she tells Lou to take the coffee in and bring Jonas back with her. She watches Lou walk towards the studio and when her eyes wander back to Austin, he is looking at Marli, his head cocked in curiosity. When Lou reaches the boy's she hands the coffees over to Jonas, then turns and starts talking to Austin. He continues to stare at Marli, but his face turns red and his features twist in anger as Lou talks. Austin pushes himself off the wall and walks over to the Gwagon, pulling the door open he puts his hand out to help Marli out. He tugs her along to his green Bently EXP 10. "We are done for today. Jonas, you don't need Marli today. Lou go home," he barks out. He opens the car door and helps Marli in then slides in himself. When he starts the engine he looks over at her. "We are going on a road trip," he says. Marli frowns. "Where to?" she asks. Austin smiles and starts to back out. "San Francisco," he says. Marli doesn't think she heard right. "That's a 6-hour driver Austin," she exclaims. Austin turns the Bently into traffic then winks at her, "well then, lucky I got a full tank of gas."
Austin is recognized everywhere and Austin in his green Bently Exp 10 is just asking for trouble so he avoids stopping but by hour three Marli is practically bouncing on her seat and begging for a pit stop. Austin finds a secluded gas station very quickly after she threatens to wet her pants in his car. Marli does a quick sweep and sees only one old guy behind the till so Austin parks by a petrol pump and fills up while Marli runs into the shop, uses the loo, and fills her arms with snacks. Then they are back on the road again. With the coastal views, warm sun, low hum of the engine, and Austin's hand snug in hers it's easy to let the harshness LA brings melt away. She can pretend it doesn't exist for how long Austin is keeping her. "Why San Francisco?" she asks. "I have something planned for your birthday, lil mama," he confesses. The smile that is slapped on Marli's face hurts her cheeks. Austin has spent time planning something for her? He thinks of her when she is not around? She knows he kept the day free but dinner was the most she was expecting. She wants to ask more questions but she literally can't talk because of how much she is smiling. It's ridiculous really. So instead she just grabs tighter onto Austin's hand and looks out the window.
When San Francisco eventually comes into view Marli sits up and starts looking around. She has never been to San Francisco and is hoping to catch sight of the Golden Gate Bridge. Austin chuckles at her. "You looking for the bridge?" he asks. Marli nods. "It's on the other side of the city, but we are going that way, you will see it," he says as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead. "Can we drive over it?" Marli asks "If you like," he answers. Austin's hand is still in hers so she brings it up to her lips planting a kiss there. When the bridge does come into sight it's beautiful, Austin heads to a lookout and parks the car. The bridge is lit up, the lights on the tension wires are big and bright but feel like fairy lights, and the glow the lights cast on the water looks like little flittering lanterns that shimmer as the water quivers gently. It's late evening so the sky is a deep purple-blue and from where Marli is sitting it looks like an oil painting. "We will drive over it tomorrow, but at night the beauty is not seen from on the bridge but from right here," Austin explains. Marli is in awe, it truly is a beautiful sight. After the sky has turned black Austin pulls out of his parking spot and drives out onto a road near the ocean.
An Aquarium? Aquarium of the Bay. This is the parking lot Austin has them now parked in. They are the only car and Marli is not surprised by that as they are closed, and nobody is here. As if Austin can hear her thoughts he shoots her a playful grin and hops out of the car then walks around to open her door. He takes her hand leading her to the front entrance. Like magic, the doors open when Austin knocks hard, and a small black-haired man greets them from the other side, introducing himself as Tony. Tony is going to take them on a private tour. Austin and Marli walk hand in hand behind Tony in awe at the miraculous tanks of sea creatures, tanks of yellow jellyfish with long red tentacles, little blue fish with bright yellow tails zipping in and out of the coral reefs in their tanks, pink fish that look like they are melted and starfish stuck to the glass. There is so much and it's so beautiful. Marli has always loved the Aquarium, it feels like they are the closest she can get to being on the bottom of the ocean. Her favorite are the tanks that look like huge big lava lamps with either small jellyfish or silverfish swimming around in them. Tony shows them an octopus that he lets Austin hold, its little suckers leaving little red dots on his hands. After about two hours they walk towards two heavy doors that look like exit doors Marli feels she could not have asked for a better way to spend an evening with Austin, she is happy and content. She is ready to drive to a hotel and wrap herself in Austin. Once at the doors they thank Tony for the tour, Tony tells them to enjoy the rest of their night, and then he is gone.
"Ready?" Austin asks with his hand on the door. "Would you think me crazy if I asked to do the tour again? I loved it so much," she says putting her coat on knowing it would be cold outside now. "Crazy? No. Beautiful? Yes," Austin says. Marli rolls her eyes and steps through the door as Austin pushes it open for her.
Marli freezes.
It takes her a full 30 seconds to register what she is looking at. She steps forward a few paces keeping her eyes trained up. She is in a glass tunnel on what looks like the bottom of the sea. From where she is standing and looking up, Marlie can say without a doubt that she must be dreaming, she has floated down to the bottom of the ocean and is now standing on the ocean floor. Just like her dream. She can see a shark swimming above her, three sting rays dart up from the left, a school of teeny tiny purple fish take up the whole right side, and then quick as a flash they are gone. Marli is completely mesmerized by the sheer enormity of the tunnel. She takes a few more paces and then gingerly reaches her hand out to touch the glass. It's cold and the tips of her fingers tingle. A turtle and her baby emerge from the sea bed floating their way up to her slowly overhead, up over the tunnel and then they disappear on the other side just like in her dreams as a kid. She takes a few more paces then leans in so much that the top of her nose touches the cold glass, she can see an entire coral reef, different corals twisted into weird magical shapes, little fish playfully darting in between.
Austin.
Marli has been so caught up in the tunnel that she almost forgot him, she spins around to face him. He is still standing by the door shoulders broad, legs far apart, hands in his pockets, Stetson sturdy on his head. He looks so handsome, he has a smile playing on his lips and his eyes are bright. He looks happy. Marli likes him like this. "Austin, you remembered what I said about the bottom of the ocean?" she asks. Austin starts walking slowly toward her, once in her space he crowds her against the glass. "I remember everything you say, lil mama. Commit it to memory," he mumbles. Marli throws her arms around his neck and pulls him down kissing him with vigor. She wants to kiss him forever but all too soon Austin is breaking the kiss and steps back. "We have only just begun, come on there is lots to see," he gestures to the rest of the tunnel and Marli can't hold back, her eyes already engaged in the dark blue waters behind the glass.
The tunnel bends up ahead and once they reach it and take the turn, Marli is yet again gobsmacked. The tunnel widens slightly but placed on the floor is a mattress laden with pillows and blankets and a picnic basket. When she looks at Austin he has a shit-eating grin on his face and wriggles his eyebrows playfully at her. "Are we camping in this aquarium tonight?" Marli asks, already crawling onto the mattress. "No, we are camping at the bottom of the sea," Austin says following her onto the mattress. "Hopefully you dream of being under the sea and when you wake up," he points above them, "you will see it's no longer just a dream," he says. Marli blinks and then smirks. "Austin, are you trying to make my dreams come true?" she asks playfully. Austin laughs and then captures her face in his hands, running his thumbs gently along her cheekbones.
"I would give you anything, everything if I had the ability to, lil mama."
It's ridiculous really, how her heart stutters at his words, her stomach flip flops and she quite literally feels like she can't breathe which is a shame really because if she could take a deep breath she would tell Austin that she is in love with him, she would tell him to take what he needs even if that leaves her with nothing, she will give to him freely. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out and Austin takes the opportunity to connect their lips. Then suddenly Austin lets out a squawk and rips his lips away from Marli. "What the fuck is that?!" he asks looking into the water at a big ugly-looking grey fish. His shocked face has Marli falling over laughing. "I had an uncle that looked like that," he says pointing to it. Another fish swims alongside his 'uncle' it's just as ugly but has long eyelashes so Marli comments that it must be one of his aunts, Austin nods and laughs at that then promptly lays down next to Marli. They both watch his 'aunt and uncle' swim overhead followed by another seven almost identical big ugly grey fish. "Now you know all my uncles and aunts," Austin says chuckling to himself. He looks so at ease just watching the sea from below. Marli's stomach rumbles and she is reminded they have not eaten in ages. The rumble does not escape Austin's ear and he is looking at her like she has two heads. "Was that your stomach? We better get you fed before it opens up and eats me," Austin laughs and Marli feels like she is on top of the world right now.
The picnic basket is stocked full of everything. "Were you planning on staying down here for a month? There is so much food," Marli says while rummaging through the basket. "Well judging by the way you are scratching around in there I am worried we won't even have enough for tonight," Austin says. Marli grabs a grape and throws it at him, he catches it in his mouth which promptly starts a game of who can catch the most grapes with their mouth. Marli wins, but Austin swears she cheated.
"When was the last time you went on a picnic or went camping?" Marli asks after they have unpacked the food and have nestled themselves in the blankets and pillows. "Never been on a picnic. But, Jonas and I used to go camping almost every weekend when we were kids. We found this old dusty tent in the attic and managed to wrangle up two sleeping bags and fishing rods. We lived near this fantastic river, come Friday afternoon Jonas and I would be hiking to our camping spot. Once, I caught this monster of a fish. Fought it for a solid ten minutes, and just as I thought I had it the line broke and it got away. I was gutted, cried even. Jonas caught a fish later that day. It was no bigger than my pinky, but he insisted on cooking it in honor of my fish fight," Austin says. Marli snorts.
"You?" he asks. Marli shakes her head "I have never been camping unless you count sleeping in a cabin at summer camp," she says. Austin shakes his head. "Picnics are the best, during the holidays my friends and I would always pack a picnic and then head down to the central park or the public pool. My mother would always make a container of cookies for my friends," Marlu explains. Austin makes a shocked sound. "What? Do you mean she makes those cookies for other people too? Not just me? I feel bamboozled," he complains. Marli snorts again.
After a while they start packing up the food and Austin starts humming, Marli has heard the song before but just can't put her finger on what song he is humming. She is concentrating so much on trying to work out what song he is humming she does not realize he has turned back around and is smirking at her serious face, he hums a little longer then sings out a line. Marli snaps her eyes to him. He is humming again, a big smirk slapped on his face. She still can't place the song. He sings another line. What is that song? Austin is back to humming and his smirk is even bigger, he wiggles his eyebrows now too. Shit, Marli knows that song! What is it?
Austin stops humming and just stares at Marli for a beat then softly sings "Looks like I'm not shy. I'm gonna kiss my girl," he sings then goes back to humming. Marli starts cackling. She knows the song, he has changed the words, but she knows the song "Austin! The little mermaid! Really?" She can't stop laughing, and Austin continues to hum and smirk. Then he is pushing her down and straddles her. "Now's our moment. Lying in this fever dream. Man, I gotta do it now," he sings as he leans in and kisses her, gently, and softly and then he starts humming again. He is an idiot. He suddenly bolts upright still straddling her, throws his arms out and his head back, and belts out the chorus. He looks down again at her. She hasn't been able to stop laughing at his dumb ass. Her cheeks are painful from smiling and she hopes like hell he kisses her again. He starts humming again and then sings, "I ain't scared," under his breath as he leans down and kisses her again. It's soft and sweet and not leading anywhere. It's nice. Eventually, Austin rolls off her and tucks her into his side. They continue to watch the sea life swim above their heads and talk about their childhoods, Marli's mindful that all Austin's stories include Jonas only, no other family. It's OK though she will take what he gives her. The stories he is telling her makes him grin and laugh, cackle even. His eyes are dancing and his gesticulations are exaggerated. Marli falls asleep watching Austin telling her about the time Jonas and him stole an apple pie from the old lady next door after she left it in her kitchen window to cool one summer.
~
Marli floats down from the surface of the ocean landing softly on the sea bed. The sun is filtering through the water-casing rays of golden light that dance along with the leaves of giant seaweed. An octopus swims above her head, she can see each little suction cup on its eight tentacles. Three sharks circle above, they are deemed killers but the way they swim slowly and elegantly makes Marli think they are just mostly misunderstood. She wriggles her toes and then tries to run her hands through the familiar powder sand that is always in her dreams but instead she feels clumps of material. What? And then Austin's face appears above her. He is grinning and his eyes are playful. He dips his head and latches his lips onto her neck slowly kissing and suckling, when his tongue runs over a particularly sensitive spot she tries to reach out to him but his hands are faster, he grabs her wrists and pins her arms above her head and then straddles her hips. "Happy birthday lil mama, 20 years old today. What do you want? Tell me," he says. She tries to wriggle her arms free, but he won't let her so she stills. "You. Just you," she says. Austin shakes his head and lowers his face till the tips of their noses touch. "I am no good," he says then he captures her lips with his. Marli feels light-headed by the time Austin pulls away. "We need to get going, soon these doors will open and we would have a lot of explaining to do." He gets up and pulls Marli along with him and you can bet she followed him without a second thought.
She will follow him anywhere.