"I mean, yeah, of course I wanna help you," I say.
"Good, let's go."
When she grabs my hand to go to her bedroom, I get even more confused.
"It will not be that easy to get into my pants," I joke.
Irène bursts into laughter. "I think it is." She opens her closet and hands me a blue dress.
"You are way shorter than me, and I'm sure it won't look as flattering on you but try this."
So encouraging, she is always sweet.
She shoves the dress into my hands and I look at it for a few seconds, immediately noticing how deep the cleavage is.
But why is she handing me this dress?
"Where are we going?"
"I happen to know there is a party going on..."
"I still don't understand how this is going to help you?" I furrow my eyebrows.
"Nathaniel is there and I'm planning to ruin his little fun."
Before I even ask what's her plan, she starts taking off her clothes and she puts on a short black dress with sheer sleeves.
"Won't he notice us?"
"It will be too late."
~
When we get to this random house, I forget we are going to a party because it's completely dark and empty there.
She shows me the house and I realize we parked down the street a bit further away.
Before we leave the car I ask, "what is the revenge plan?"
"Go have fun, we will worry about it later."
I don't say anything else. I'm not sure I'm in the mood to have fun, I already have enough on my mind.
"This is Nathaniel's house and party, why would he even accept us in here?"
"He comes later, Shanice told me. Also the party is starting soon."
"You brought Shanice into this? Does she know about your this whole revenge idea?"
She shakes her head.
I look in the rear view mirror and I notice my bare skin without any glimpse of makeup. Maybe I should have applied some concealer because I look horrible. I struggle to recall the last time I had some good sleep.
Oh, I do. It was when I was at Derek's apartment after he fucked Antonia. Sweet.
I won't think about him, he doesn't even have the balls to admit he used me. He just ghosted me.
I'm going to have fun.
I check the time on my phone, it's barely 11 pm. Probably too fucking early.
After minutes and minutes of waiting for anyone to come here, a car appears in front of that house.
I try to open the car handle but Irène stops me.
"We don't want to be the first there, wait."
And we wait thirty more minutes, the street quickly fills with cars.
We finally leave the car and I regret not bringing a jacket because it's freezing in Georgia tonight. We walk closer to Nathaniel's house and the music grows louder and louder, but it isn't loud enough to annoy the distant neighbors.
No one bats an eye as we enter the house. Shanice is right, Nathaniel isn't here yet.
He is late to his own parties? Better for us, I guess.
Some people finally notice Irène, but they don't care much. She is just a girl with drugs that got caught. It's not like none of the people here do drugs, they just don't have such immense quantities in their dorms.
Irène is already looking for alcohol but I know I'm not drinking anything tonight.
Someone taps me on my shoulder and I quickly turn around. A tall girl with black hair is staring at me.
"And you are?" she asks intimidatingly.
"I am-"
Irène interrupts me. "We know Nathaniel, he invited us.
"I'm his girlfriend, and I know all the people he knows."
Well, I'm glad she doesn't seem to know about Irène and her problem with Nathaniel.
"There are like twenty people here, and more are coming. Are you sure you know all of us?" Irène gives her a condescending look. "Sorry, Amanda, you've only been dating him for two weeks."
I widen my eyes in surprise and amusement but I quickly compose my face when she looks at me.
A guy from the other side of the living room calls Amanda.
To our surprise, she lets it slide and quickly runs to him.
"So you know everything," I point out.
"Shanice told me."
"You've been spending a lot of time with her lately. Isn't she sad you got expelled?" I ask her.
"We kissed a few times here and there. Nothing of importance."
It didn't seem so to me.
"My love, Veronica!" Dominic exclaims behind me and I quickly wrap my arms around him.
Shanice is standing next to him, looking at Irène and I can feel that Irène wants to kiss her but Shanice still looks uncomfortable with people knowing about her sexuality.
More and more people are finding out and it's making her nervous that the word will get out to her parents.
"I'm surprised you are here," Dominic says.
"How could I not? Who doesn't love stinky hormonal people?"
Dominic laughs and hugs me tighter.
"Let me get you a drink."
"No, thank you. I drank on New Year's Eve enough for the whole year."
He shrugs. "Sometimes I forget you are supposed to, like, rehabilitate."
I smile awkwardly. I don't think I did my rehab well at all, I'm still a mess one year later.
I guess some things never change.
"Have you heard from Derek?" I ask and Dom smirks. He must be so pleased that I still care about his friend despite everything.
"Actually..." Dominic starts speaking but someone else finishes the phrase for him.
"I'm here," Derek says in a low tone.
I don't want to look too excited or surprised he is here.
He got balls to not talk to me for days after we fucked and then just come here out of nowhere.
Irène puts her hand on my shoulder. "We will talk later, okay?" She winks.
Should I be scared of what we are going to do later?
Dominic gives Derek a cocky look as he walks to the kitchen to probably get drunk until he can't walk anymore.
Surprisingly Derek isn't drinking already.
Derek and I walk to a corner of the room, away from other people yelling random nonsense.
I shoot him an annoyed look. "You finally decided to talk to me? What a honor."
"I was looking for a job." He holds his gaze as I look up at him.
"All those drugs you sold didn't set you for life?" I mock him.
He shakes his head then laughs shortly. "It doesn't work like that."
He looks around for a few seconds, seemingly defeated. "Who even wants to hire an ex prisoner?"
I suddenly feel guilty and overwhelmed as if it's only my fault. I know he did bad things... but he was okay before he met me, he was getting better and he wouldn't have been framed. Or at least not until Felix was caught.
"You will find something, I'm sure," I try to reassure him. I'm about to grab his hand but I quickly fight off the impulse.
A drunk boy comes up to us and he smiles at me. Derek turns around just when the guy gets too close to us.
"Hey-y! Wanna dance?" the drunk boy asks but I immediately shut him down.
I don't understand how they even have the courage to come up to me when Derek is right here.
Derek always has that kind of distant look like he is just not to be messed with. He is really sweet and nothing like people assume him to be, but he wouldn't think twice to hit someone if he had to.
Especially now after a year in prison.
"Let's talk outside," he says as he wraps his arm around my waist before I react.
Yeah, Ronnie, of course I don't want to fuck you but I'll keep acting as if I do.
Mocking him in my head makes me feel better.
We sit on the porch and the wind pushes my hair over my face, I try to put it behind my ears but it keeps getting in my eyes.
After countless tries of pinning my hair down, I catch Derek smiling at me.
"What?"
"You're cute."
A few girls pass by us, laughing hysterically and I look at them to distract myself from what he just said to me.
"You said you wanted to talk?" I change the subject.
As if we aren't talking right now.
"Yeah, uhm..." He mumbles.
I start shivering from the cold and lack of alcohol in my system. Some tequila would warm me up now.
"Are you cold?" he asks.
I'm just wearing a dress in January, of course I'm not cold.
"You know you could bring a jacket too?" he jokes and I roll my eyes, trying to hide the fact that I'm smiling.
I bring my knees tighter together, trying to not flash my panties to anyone in the yard but it's pretty empty here since it's freezing.
My skin gets goosebumps as the wind hits me. He seems to be getting colder too, he doesn't have any jacket on.
"I feel horrible. It wasn't my intention to mess with your head," he says as he looks down.
Here comes the disappointment.
"Do you regret it?"
Because I don't. I only regret it if he regrets it first. I only regret it if it was just a mistake that will get us nowhere.
Derek looks at me for a few seconds and then down. "Yes."
My heart drops for the hundredth time this year. Maybe this is the confirmation I needed, one last time.
I stand up, feeling too uncomfortable to sit next to him.
"Why... why did you mess with my head all this time? Blaming it all on Felix?" I gulp down hard.
"I do care about you, Ronnie, I really do-"
I talk over him. "It's not just because it's dangerous, is it?"
"You know what I think... it's for the best that we stay away from each other."
So easy to say after you fucked me.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm down but I just can't. My teeth chatter and I can barely feel my fingers anymore.
I raise my voice. "Then why the fuck are you here?"
I tighten my jaw, being the only thing I can still feel. I just want to leave, or at least go inside and cry in the bathroom.
I just knew it was going to go like this, of course it was just sex. But why does it hurt so bad? Why did I slightly hope I was wrong?
He said he still has feelings for me, he keeps sending me mixed signals, Felix is almost caught but he still doesn't want me.
Derek just doesn't want me.
I avert his gaze. I slightly shake my head in disbelief.
I look up at him, closer than we should be. "Fine."
"Then stay the fuck away from me," I spit. "Stop fucking with my head, stop looking at me in that way, stop talking to me, stop helping me."
"I didn't want it to be like this," he mutters. "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I did it all for you."
I scoff. All lies. In one week he will come back just to mess with my head and I can't take this anymore.
I know I messed up too, but I apologized for it constantly and I spent fourteen months trying to make up for it, but now I'm done.
I don't feel the cold anymore. Perhaps my heart hurts more than I can take it.
"Derek, I'm exhausted..." My eyes are watering. I blink away the tears but the wind isn't helping.
I know I mean what I'm about to say.
"I promise you, I will move on. I will find someone else. And I hope it will hurt you just as much as you hurt me."
His jaw clenches and he looks away, he doesn't say anything else.
I open the door and I know it's way warmer inside, but it still feels cold when I go into the living room.
The worst is that I still hope he would kiss me and tell me he is willing to try despite all.
The door closes behind me and he doesn't come back.
I guess this is it? Our last goodbye?