A/N: Hey everyone. I had a sequel for this story planned out and written, but I think it's just going to end here for Bucky and Jade. The sequel is more drama and angsty and in 3rd person and I wasn't sure if that would go over well. But at least there's an epilogue! Thanks so much for reading!!
***
The past two weeks had felt like an eternity.
The seconds ticked by like hours, the hours went by like days, and the days went by like weeks.
I did my best to distract myself with anything I could, mostly work, picking up extra shifts and dodging questions from my coworkers about my sudden desire to take any shift and just where I had gotten the bruises on my neck.
Work went by quickly, that was no problem, it was when I got off work or had a day off where I couldn't pick up a shift, and I was left to spend the day in my apartment, hiding in my room from Iris, that was the worst. It was when I was alone that time moved too slowly, where I was plagued with thoughts of him and everything that had gone wrong.
Lying had always been a deal breaker for me, my parents ingraining in me from a young age, using their own marriage as an example, that honesty and trust were the key ingredients to a strong foundation in one's relationships. And after dealing with and, to my own fault and stupidity, ignoring Patrick's lies in our 5 year long relationship, it had made me even more wary of dishonesty. I'd promised myself that I would never again allow dishonesty, no matter how small, in my relationships. I didn't want to be fooled again, to let someone else's lies make me lie to myself as I had with Patrick when I ignored all the signs of his infidelity.
I had to stand by my principles.
Iris did not share my principles though and in true Iris fashion had no problem telling me.
"Will you just talk to the man please?" Iris begged as we sat on the couch in our living room. We both had the day off so we were free to binge Netflix and snacks and have girl talk. I'd hoped that the conversation would steer clear of Bucky. It hadn't. "I'm tired of your moping so just call him. Only one of us should be going through the break up ritual at a time."
Iris had ended things with Brandon, again. I had come home to the sounds of yelling and arguing, finding them in a screaming match in the living room. I bypassed that situation entirely, going right to my bedroom and pretending I couldn't hear the arguing. I woke up to find Brandon and all of his things gone the next morning.
"I'm not moping. I'm perfectly fine."
Iris regarded me incredulously. "Oh please. I know you're still crying and the ice cream has been disappearing at an alarming rate. Plus I heard you blaring Keyshia Cole last night."
I scowled at her. "Can you stop stalking my life?"
"Just give him another chance. After everything you guys went through-."
I groaned loudly to drown out her talking, glaring at her. "He lied."
"So what?" Iris shrugged. "Everybody lies at some point and he was doing it just to make sure you guys had the perfect first date you both needed after everything. Whose to say that he didn't plan to tell you after the date? Or eventually? I'm sure he did and if that's the case he didn't lie, he just withheld information."
"No, he lied. And it was a lie that ended up putting me in danger-."
"Do you think James would ever hurt you intentionally?" Iris cut in with a tilt of her head.
I hesitated. "Well....not intentionally, no."
"And do you think that he would ever want to hurt you?" Iris continued.
"...No."
"Then realize the man made a mistake, an idiotic one, but a mistake with good intentions. And when he attacked you? That wasn't him, it was the PTSD nightmare induced by him going to get himself hypnotized. He subjected himself to remembering all the shit he's ever been through, which from what you've told me is a lot, just so that he could remember you. I mean if that's not romantic then I don't know what is. Now. Call. Him."
I sucked in a deep breath, staring daggers at Iris, who was annoyingly making sense. She had a point, but I had principles.
"It's the principle of the matter-."
"Oh fuck your principles," Iris scoffed. "You're in love with the guy and you're going to let this extremely insignificant thing, in comparison to everything else you both have been through together, tear you apart."
I continued to frown at her. "Can we just watch the movie please?"
Iris rolled her eyes, but thankfully said nothing else, starting the movie we'd spent 20 minutes to agree on to watch.
Iris didn't bring up Bucky again for the rest of the evening thankfully, but her words kept repeating in my mind.
You're in love with the guy.
I hadn't admitted to myself yet what my feelings for Bucky were. Yes, I had feelings for Bucky, strong ones, but I hadn't categorized them as love. I didn't feel prepared to. But the more the words ran through my mind, the more I started to think I didn't have a choice. I couldn't deny that he made me feel things I had never felt before. That he had taken a piece of me that I would never get back, and despite being hurt and angry I wasn't sure that I wanted it back.
I wasn't sure if I really never wanted to see him again.
Hours later, after I excused myself to bed leaving Iris in the living room and changed into my pajamas, I lay in bed still thinking about Iris' words and everything that Bucky and I had been through. It started eating away at me to the point that I couldn't sleep or ignore it anymore.
I slipped out of bed and grabbed my jacket, stuffing my feet into my tennis shoes and pulling my curls up into a bun. I snuck out of the apartment, careful not to wake Iris who was asleep on the couch. Hailing a cab was fairly easy at the late hour and the ride was short with no traffic. I checked in with security, the clearance to enter that Tony and Steve had given me was still active and took the elevator up to the living quarters.
The floor was quiet and darkened, but given that it was nearly midnight that didn't surprise me much. I hesitated before stepping off the elevator, taking a deep breath and walking right to the closed bedroom door. I knocked softly three times.
I heard muffled noises on the other side, the sound of soft footsteps and the turning of the door knob. My heart started to race as I watched it turn and the door opened slowly to reveal Bucky.
He was shirtless, clad in dark grey sweatpants, his hair tousled and hanging around his face, his stubble having grown into a beard since I last saw him two weeks ago. He was rubbing one eye sleepily, barely looking awake until he realized who was on the other side of his door and his hand dropped as well as his face, his eyes widening.
"Jade?"
***
I wanted to spend the two weeks since Jade had walked out on me in my room "wallowing" as Steve had aptly put it.
I had no desire to eat or shower or train, but Steve wasn't allowing it.
He came barging into my room every day forcing me into the bathroom to shower, and dragging me to the kitchen to eat and take my medication, then down to the gym to train and then off to therapy with Dr. Lewis on the designated days of my appointment.
It was only after that when I would be 'allowed' to go back to the solitude of my room. Steve would still come check on me every hour it seemed, knocking once before barging in to make sure I ate dinner and took my medication before bed. I contemplated locking the door, but knew it wouldn't stop him.
Steve was annoyingly persistent.
"She just needs time, Bucky. She will come around." Steve would say about Jade while he tried to keep me busy, to keep me from wallowing in my solitude.
I knew that he was still talking to Jade, that they continued their regular text correspondence that they started while I was in Wakanda, as well as their weekly lunches after Jade's therapy appointment. It was because of that I tried to find any part of me that believed Steve when he said it. A small part of me did hope that she would come around, that she would forge me, that I would get to be a part of her life again.
But a larger part of me knew better. I had lied to her, hurt her.
I'd fucked it all up.
"We're going on a mission."
Steve's voice broke the silence of my bedroom and shattered the blissful unconsciousness I was drifting in. Pulling away the pillow that covered my face, I glanced at the clock and saw that it had been two hours since I had trudged from the training room, after a particularly rigorous session with Steve and Natasha, showered and fell face first into my bed for a nap. I looked at Steve next, finding him in his stealth suit, his vibranium shield attached to his back.
"Pass," I grumbled, putting the pillow over my face again.
"You cannot stay here in your room wallowing forever, Bucky," Steve answered.
"I don't want to go on the mission. I'll sit this one out. I have a therapy session tomorrow anyway."
"Great, you can tell Dr. Lewis all about the mission," Steve said. I heard the sounds of him walking around the bed and suddenly the pillow was lifted from his face. I glared. "It will be quick, in and out. It's an easy one."
I snatched the pillow from Steve's hands and replaced it back on my face. "You don't need me then. I'm sure Captain America can handle it."
Steve exhaled, long and loud. "Bucky-."
"I'm not going."
Steve's face set in a stern frown. "Look-."
I moved the pillow again. "No, I let you come in here and drag me out of bed each day-."
Steve huffed. "Let me? "
I sat up, ignoring Steves comment and continuing as the irritation I felt swelled. "And I let you force feed me food and my pills and to shower and train and whatever else you deem fit to keep me out of my fucking grief, but I'm drawing the line here."
"Grief? Drawing the line?" Steve sputtered, shaking his head. "Oh Bucky, come on-."
"I said I'm not going. Just leave me the hell alone."
"Bucky-," Steve attempted to start again.
"I said no. Now get your stubborn ass out of here."
Steve's lips formed a hard line and I thought that for a moment he'd argue again. Instead he relented and turned for the door.
"I'll be back by tomorrow afternoon. And you'd better be showered and fed and medicated when I get back," Steve said. He was using his Captain voice. It was a threat.
I rolled my eyes.
As annoyed as I was, I was still aware of my best friend leaving on a mission and would always be concerned. Steve may not have been that small sickly kid from Brooklyn anymore, but sometimes when I looked at him that's the version of Steve I saw.
"Be careful, Punk," I called when Steve opened the door.
Steve smirked.
"Always...And while I'm gone try giving Jade a call," He said after a moment of hesitation, looking at me over his shoulder.
I sighed. "You never give up do you?"
"Call her and tell her you're sorry again. If you care about her, which I know you do, you won't give her up without a fight," Steve gave me a pointed look. "Besides that I'm tired of seeing you mope around so you better do something."
He stepped through the door before I could say another word.
I reached for my cell phone, Steve's encouraging words ringing in my ears and pulled up her contact information. I stared at the seven digits, my thumb poised over the call button. I wanted to call her. I wanted to hear her voice again, more than anything.
But the vivid image of her sitting on the floor, flanked by Tony and Natasha, with tears streaming down her face popped into my head. My stomach twisted as the scene replayed, the sounds of her sobs, the rapidly purpling imprint of my hands on her throat. I'd hurt her too badly to think she would ever want to speak to me again.
I never should have had her in the first place, not with the way my life was, not with Hydra constantly on my tail and not with how much damage I'd already caused in her life just from a one night stand. She was better off without me, I was damaged and she wasn't and she deserved better.
I tossed the phone aside and laid back down, putting the pillow back over my face.
Knocking woke me up sometime later. The knocks were barely audible, hesitant sounding and soft, but my enhanced hearing caught it. The clock read 11:49 pm. I sat up groggily, rolling out of bed and wondering who could be knocking at my door this late. I shuffled to the door pulling it open as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes.
I felt my face fall.
It was Jade.
I blinked a few times, wondering if I was dreaming, if her standing there in her pajamas and her coat with her dark curls pulled up into a bun was all in my imagination, but she was still there when my eyes opened again. She was still as beautiful as ever, she seemed nervous, wringing her hands, her eyes gazing up at me filled with hesitance. I could see the faint markings my hands had left behind still on her throat, it made the constant knot my stomach had been in twist tighter.
Hope filled me right to the brim, my heart swelled to see her again. I tried to fight it, for all I knew she was here to tell me that she never wanted to see me again, to officially end what she had started when she had walked out. But I couldn't, I wanted to reach out and take her into my arms, to pour apologies into her ears and beg her forgiveness. But I gripped the door knob tighter instead and waited for her to speak.
I finally spoke when the seconds passed and she didn't. "Jade?"
Her lips parted, her brow knitting in uncertainty. No words came from her lips, she just stood there with her brown eyes searching my face. I was about to ask her if she was alright when she stepped toward me, pressing her body right into mine, her arms wrapping around my neck to pull me down and allow our lips to meet.
I froze in surprise but quickly recovered, pulling her tight against me and deepening the kiss. She melted into me, her tense body softening, returning my kiss hungrily, her hands sliding into my hair. I lifted her at the waist, stepping back into my bedroom and kicking the door closed, pressing her back into the door.
I wasn't sure what had happened to bring her to me, if someone had said something or if she had just changed her mind, but I wasn't going to question it. Not when she was in my arms, kissing me with so much passion and clinging to me with such desperation. Still I couldn't stop words from pouring out between kisses.
"I missed you," I breathed into her lips, pushing her jacket from her shoulders as she blindly kicked off her shoes. "God, I missed you so much, Sugar."
She pulled her shirt over her head, revealing bare flushed skin, and pulled me to her again, her fingers digging into my biceps. I kissed a trail from her mouth to her neck, down to the expanse of her chest, my hands sliding up from her hips to take hold of her breasts, bringing them together and bending to taste them.
She moaned loudly, her head falling back against the door, her fingers digging into my shoulders. I ignored her lack of response, kissing her again to quiet the deafening silence and slipped my hand into her pajama bottoms to seek her warmth. I couldn't stop the groan that escaped me when I found her dripping and slick with her own desire. I spread her lips and pressed two fingers into her, feeling her walls tighten and quiver around me. She gasped at the intrusion, hips working in tandem with the push and pull of my fingers.
"James," she whimpered, finally speaking, her voice sounding like music to my ears. "I need you."
Her words sent a fire through me. I'd give her anything and everything she wanted. In a blur of movement I withdrew my fingers and pulled her pajama bottoms and panties down until she kicked them off herself, my sweats quickly followed. With one hand under her ample ass I lifted her against the door, letting her lock her legs around my waist. I could have taken her to the bed, or even the floor, but I was rooted in this spot by urgency and desire. I needed her now.
I braced my metal arm against the door for leverage as she reached between us and guided me to her wet heat. A quick buck of my hips and I was inside her to the hilt, feeling her stretch around me and tighten as she tensed at the intrusion. I froze, fighting the strong need to thrust and chase release, to give her time to adjust. I watched her face, marveling at her beauty, the way her eyes were shut tight and her plump bottom lip was caught between her teeth. I felt her relax after a moment, brown eyes slipping open to stare into mine and the words came spilling from my mouth again.
"I'm sorry," I breathed in a whisper, pressing my forehead into hers. "I never meant to hurt you. I shouldn't have lied-."
She silenced me with a kiss, both of her soft hands taking hold of my face and crashing mouth onto mine. She kissed me hard, all teeth and tongue, making the words die in my throat and rolling her hips on my dick, walls tightening around me and almost making my knees buckle. I quickly forgot about my attempt to apologize, to reconcile what happened between us, to make amends. I stepped closer to the door, thrusting into her until I found the pace that matched her rhythm and had her whimpering and digging her nails into my shoulders.
"Fuck James...right there. Right there. Don't stop," she chanted in a pleading whisper.
I didn't plan too, I was all but desperate to feel her come and I was close already. I wrapped my metal arm around her waist and reached between us with my flesh hand, feeling where our bodies connected to circle her clit.
"Come for me, Sugar," I moaned into her ear. "Please give it to me."
She arched her back at that, crying out loudly and tightening like a vice and gushing as she orgasmed. She dragged me right along with her, red hot pleasure roaring through me and making my vision go white. I barely managed to stay standing, bracing us both against the door with one arm while I tried to catch my breath and regain my sight. Jade's forehead was resting against my shoulder though she made no move to get down or speak.
I broke the silence worriedly. "W-Was that okay?"
She nodded silently against my shoulder.
"You okay?" I questioned further.
Again she nodded, but said nothing.
I waited a breath or two, worried about her silence, wondering if she was going to tell me to let her down, to get dressed and leave without a word. What if this was a fling? What if she wasn't ready to forgive me and had only showed up here because she had an itch she wanted me to scratch? I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to be with her, even if it was only for a short while.
"Let's get cleaned up huh?" I said.
She clung to me as I carried her to the bathroom, stepping into the shower and only setting her on her feet when her grip on me loosened. I turned on the water and waited until it warmed, turning back to Jade to take her by the hips and pull her under the spray with me and holding her against me so she wasn't cold.
The silence between us lingered though she stayed pressed into me, her head against my chest and her arms tucked between us. I dared to tighten my grip on her, to kiss her temple and brush my fingers over her skin.
"I've missed you so much," I spoke softly into her temple, the words welling up inside my throat again. I knew I was repeating myself, but it needed repeating because it was true. "I never should have lied. I should have told you the truth, I just-."
She pulled her head back, finally looking at me and put her finger to my lips, silencing me. I hesitated. "I know why you did it. I get it," she said. "And if you couldn't tell already, I forgive you."
Relief flooded me, a smile gracing my face for the first time in weeks. I didn't know what I had ever done to deserve her, but I was just glad that she had come back.
"But promise me something," she said, her tone and expression serious, still holding my face in her hands.
"Anything," I replied, meaning the words more than I had ever meant anything in a long while.
"Never lie to me again," the words came with purpose from her lips, like a warning and a plea all at once. "If we're going to do this we have to have honesty and trust. Even if you think I'll be mad, even if it will hurt me, tell me the truth."
I nodded in agreement, feeling willing to agree to any demand she made. "I won't. I promise."
"And in the spirit of honesty I have to tell you something," she said softly, looking up at me with those penetrating brown eyes.
I hesitated, worried that it was bad news she would share, bracing myself for anything. "What is it, Sugar?"
She took a deep breath and put her hands on my chest. "I think I'm falling in love with you, James."
I blinked, feeling my heart swell at her statement. Those words were the last ones I'd expected to hear. Still the words made me feel warm, like butterflies were dancing around in my gut and the smile that spread across my face was wide. I pulled her in close again.
"I think I'm falling in love with you too, Sugar."
***
Bucky was insatiable.
He seemed to want to make up for the two weeks that he had been away from me by making love over and over, starting in the shower and then in his bed after we'd cleaned up and dried ourselves. I was more than willing to accept, taking all the pleasure he wanted to give throughout the night, sleeping in his arms in between, only to be awoken again sometime in the night and early morning for more.
I awoke the next morning after a good stretch of sleep. I blinked against the harsh sunlight pouring into Bucky's bedroom, the beside clock reading 12:56. I could feel Bucky behind me, his chest pressed into my back, warm breath fanning over my neck, and his metal arm draped over my hip.
I took a peek at him over my shoulder, eyeing him sleeping and couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face at the sight of looking so peaceful. I wanted to stay in bed and snuggle closer, but the call of the bathroom was to strong. I slipped out of his embrace with ninja like finesse and went to the bathroom.
He woke when I returned, eyes blinking open sleepily when I crawled back into bed beside him. His metal arm came around me instantly, drawing me in close.
"I was worried you were gonna sneak out again," he joked, head leaning in to press kisses along my throat.
"Considering I actually woke up knowing who you are, I didn't feel a need to run."
Bucky chuckled into my skin, sitting up to roll me to my back and place himself between my legs. "Good. Because I don't plan to let you out of this room for a long time."
Heat washed over me almost immediately. I was going to have to get used to his stamina, learning the night before that his recovery time was less than ten minutes. I couldn't remember how many times that we'd had sex, it was a blur of pleasue and bouts of sleep. We'd been too caught up in the moment for protection, but I was still taking my birth control regularly so I didn't have to worry about any super solder babies.
I arched into him when he kissed me deeply, his hand sliding down my body between us to stroke my center. His kisses trailed from my mouth, down my throat to my chest.
"You have to feed me at some point," I moaned, gasping when he pressed two fingers into me.
"I'll order in."
He kissed me again, impatiently withdrawing his fingers to replace it with his hard length, pushing in with painful slowness that had me whimpering. He kissed the fading marks on my throat, each kiss another silent apology, finding his rhythm once he was fully sheathed and keeping his strokes slow and deep. The pleasure was already building rapidly, taking me over and the orgasm brewing quickly.
"Bucky, you better have taken your medi-."
I startled at the sound of Steve's voice, screaming loudly. Steve Rogers stood shocked in Bucky's doorway, Thor and Sam standing right behind him. I hadn't even heard the door opening. Bucky sat up quickly, using his body to shield mine and cover himself with the sheet. I cowered behind him, peeking at Steve over Buckys shoulder, finding him still too shocked to speak or move. Sam's face scrunched in disgust and he turned away mumbling 'I could have went my whole life happily without seeing that' while Thor grinned widely.
I flushed with embarrassment.
"Jesus, Steve, can you knock?!" Bucky barked.
Steve blinked, but still didn't move.
"Lady Jade!" Thor boomed behind Steve excitedly. "So good to see that you and Sergeant Barnes have made up."
I couldn't bring myself to answer. I was too busy thinking of how I'd love to sink into the floor and disappear.
"Looks like they're right in the middle of making up," Sam quipped with a nod, still turned.
"Would you get out of here?!" Bucky yelled, making Steve jump.
"Sorry," Steve stuttered, finally finding his voice. "I didn't- I thought-."
"Shut the door!" Bucky demanded.
Steve regained his ability to move and stepped backward almost bumping into Thor and Sam, shutting the door with a slam. "I am so sorry!" Came his muffled yell again.
Bucky sighed once the door was closed letting out a huffed laugh. He turned to face me as I flopped back down on the bed, covering my face with both hands.
"You alright?" he asked.
"I'm never going to be able to show my face in this compound again."
Bucky chuckled, pulling my hands away from my face, leaning in to kiss me. "Please, we've walked in on Thor doing worse."
I was honestly afraid to ask him to elaborate. "You need to start locking your door."
Bucky nodded in agreement before kissing me again.