I SᑭEᑎᗪ TᕼE ᑎE᙭T day under the protection of the covers. Decadent trays of food are delivered to my room but are sent away uneaten. My stomach cries for me to eat something, but I am too tired and depressed to bother.
I hear the door creak open again. I am prepared for it to be another servant coming in with more useless food, but I am met with the Darkling and his annoyingly perfect features. He walks in and looks down at the full tray of food sitting on the nightstand. He becomes irritated and stalks up to the bed with a frustrated sigh. "Eat something, Alina."
In response, I just look down at the black sheets. He grabs the bowl of green-yellow soup resting on the bedside table and offers it to me. I turn my head away similar to a stubborn child.
"You need to eat. Starving yourself is not going to help anything."
It would get me away from you...
I just give a weak shake of my head. He growls in frustration. "You will eat, willingly or not."
"I'm not hungry," I murmur wearily.
"Fine," he grunts. Before I have time to react, the Darkling jumps on the bed and traps my hands beneath his knees. He grabs the bowl of warm, vegetable soup in one hand and pressures my head forward with the other. I clamp my lips shut, which he pries open with a spoon of creamy broth. After a few more forced spoonfuls of food, I give up trying to resist.
Only when the Darkling is satisfied with what I have eaten, does he release my hands from the weight of his body. I glare at him, but say nothing.
"There," the Darkling says as if he is speaking with a toddler. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"
I just reply with a grunt. I have not made eye contact with the Darkling since he entered. He notices this and breaths out heavily.
"The hurt will go away eventually," he says gently.
My head shoots up and I stare at him in disbelief. "I would not have to hurt if it weren't for you."
He walks towards the bed in an intimidating manner. I can see his patience start to slip. "Without me, you would always hurt, Alina. Trust me, bearing eternity by yourself will hurt you far more than anything that I could do to you."
"That is not true," I grit my teeth angrily. "For the next eternity, I will see those corpses dangling from the tree. I will see Mal's body split in half by the Cut and I will see the monstrosity with similar features to Nikolai. You took everything from me," I bite back. My head starts to throb with a painful stress headache.
The Darkling sits himself on the mattress next to me. I flinch slightly when he caresses my face. "I want you to be mine and no one else's. If I need to tear you from everyone you love, I will."
"Am I just a prize to you?" I ask looking into his eyes for the answer.
His words are gentle and sweet, but his eyes reveal an undoubted coldness. "I have told you what you are to me. You are my escape from a lonely eternity. You are my balance." The Darkling's gaze at me is unsettling. I feel danger crowding in.
He leans in close, inches from my lips. I feel the pull. The involuntary connection between us that has always been there. I fight the overwhelming need to tug him closer. The Darkling snakes his hands up the back of my neck and into my hair. He guides my head back. A second later, I feel his breath on the curve of my neck.
"Aleksander," I warn. He places lustful kisses on my neck, trailing up to my jaw.
"Is it wrong for me to want my wife? Let me," he hums against my throat.
I feel a wave of desire wash over me. It is quickly overshadowed by the memory of Ana Kuya's body hanging from the tree. I blush in shame, withdrawing from him I assert, "if you wanted this, you should have thought about that before you chose vengeance over me."
He does not respond. He only gives me a glare that pierces into me like a dagger.
Aleksander lifts himself off of the bed and walks to the door. He turns back to say, "I suggest you start eating. I will not be so gentle next time." A shiver runs up my spine at the thought. He was not exactly 'gentle' in getting me to eat this time. What would his ungentle version be?
I watch him angrily slam the door, leaving me alone in the dark bedroom once more. I try to shake off the feeling of his touch; the warmth of his skin. How could I think about that after what he did to Keramzin? I am such a fool to still want him regardless of how he has hurt me.
***
For the next few days, I wander the room, opening drawers, cabinets, and touching everything of the Darklings'. It makes me feel like I have at least a little control over what I can do. I am disappointed to uncover nothing exciting. At least nothing that he has left hidden in obvious places for me to find.
After counting all of the tiles on the floor for a third time, I decide that I need new scenery. I choose to find my way to the Lantsov garden again. The garden is the only place that I can be without surveillance. I think back to the moment I shared with the Darkling before our wedding. That morning, I had kissed the Darkling. No, not the Darkling. Aleksander. The boy behind the mask of shadows. I yearn to find that sensitive part of him again. I fear that part of him may be gone forever...
My new invisibility trick has been most helpful when I sneak around the Grand Palace. I peek out of the door's keyhole. There are two guards that have most likely been ordered to keep me in the bedroom. There is another door connecting our room to the hallway on the other side of the room. I knock on the second door to draw the guard's attention from the front door. Sending the light around myself, I run back to the bedroom's front door and slip out of the now unguarded entrance. I walk past the confused Corporalki with a satisfied smirk.
The air is brisk, wintery as it spreads across my exposed skin. I did not bother to put on my kefta. I felt the need to wear something other than black. The only thing in my wardrobe that was not black happened to be a shorter white dress, more fitting for summer.
I enter the garden, but freeze when I spot the Darkling sitting on a wooden bench. I forget that he had shown me this garden in the first place. It is no surprise that he is out here in his free time.
Taking careful steps, I try to flee the garden with my invisibility still up. I am stopped by the sound of the Darkling's voice.
"Come," he calls. Is he talking to me? There is no one else around, so he must be...
"I know you are there, Alina. Your little invisibility stunt does not work on me. I learned that trick centuries ago."
I sigh in defeat and let my invisibility slip. He pats the spot beside him on the bench. I cautiously take a seat.
"May I ask how you managed to get out of our room which I wanted you to stay in while everyone thinks you are recovering."
"My little invisibility stunt may not work on you, but it does work on your pawns guarding the door," I mock.
"Those men are not my pawns. They chose to follow me ," the Darkling waves a hand in the air dismissively and growls. "That is not the point. This is going to be a long eternity if you continue to sneak around and defy me."
I raise an eyebrow, not even surprised by his view of me being in the wrong. "You agreed to it in our vows. 'For all eternity'. Or was that just for show like the rest of the ostensible wedding?
"You know, our wedding was not just for show."
"Yes, I know. It was also for the purpose of claiming me in your own twisted way." I bicker.
"Must you always make me the villain?" he asks in an annoyed tone.
"You do not exactly make it easy to see you as a hero."
"Which is why I need you to balance me. To keep my powers in check." The Darkling takes my hands in his and interlaces his fingers with mine. "I need you."
He seems so soft. So vulnerable. There was a point when I would have believed him. But now I am not so ignorant. I know that he is skilled in telling others what they want to hear. "You do not need me," I reply bitterly. "You need my power. If you cared about me in the slightest, you would not have murdered the person that raised me. You would not have eradicated that innocent place, those people."
The Darkling holds on to his control. It angers me how he can stay so calm and collected all the time. He says, "I only kept my word. I will strip you from all that you know, all that you love until I am your only shelter. You will be mine, Alina Morozova."
"Starkov," I correct him.
"What," he asks in a stunned voice.
"I never said that I would take your name. It's Alina Starkov."
My shoulders twitch as he reaches out and pulls me closer. The Darkling leans in, grazing the side of my ear, and hums, "I suggest you start accepting that we are married. You are my wife whether you want to be or not. Now, I can be your husband or your captor. It is your choice. If you ever want to set foot outside of the palace, you might want to consider the first option."
He lets go and a shiver runs down the length of my spine. I have been around him long enough to know when he is bluffing. This time, it was not an empty threat. If I defy him, I will not see the light of day. So, I will play his game.
"What does being your wife entail?" I ask, raising a brow.
He exhales and responds, "gaining my trust by listening to me and staying put where I want you to."
"I think you are confusing wife with pet," I clench my jaw, trying to hold back the desire to throttle him.
"You will stay in our room while you recover from your journey to the Fold and let the peasant's commotion about the end of the Fold die down."
"I feel fine. I do not need to recover." This is a lie. My body has yet to stop hurting from my incident following the Fold's unraveling. Even after Anton healed me, I feel the pressure of my mended ribs when I breath and my aching limbs. I resist the urge to massage my tender muscles in front of Aleksander.
"Do not argue with me. My patience had been worn when it comes to your defiance."
I bite my tongue and hold back all of the swears that are fighting to get out. "Fine, dearest husband. I will go back to my cage- I mean our bedroom."
"Alina," he growls in disapproval.
"Alright," I give in. "I'll go back."
"Good," the Darkling smiles before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. I ignore the flutter my heart gives as he does this.
"Moi soverenyi!" I hear Ivan's dreadful voice interrupt. He barges through the entrance to the garden in a panic.
The Darkling stands up and warns, "what did I say about the garden being restricted to me and the Queen only."
"My sincerest apologies, moi tsar, but the matter is urgent." He bows his head deeply.
"Well?" he asks impatiently.
"The Queen's worshippers are nearly breaking down the doors in an attempt to see 'Alina of the Fold', moi tsar."
The Darkling turns to me with a less than pleased look. "Your followers have nearly tripled ever since you undid the Fold. They think that you are a divine savior. Some of those people think that your touch can heal them or give them power. Other rumors are even more outrageous. Apparently, your blood can give otkazat'sya immortality if ingested." I shiver at the gruesome thought. He turns to address Ivan. "Get her to safety. If those pilgrims try to get near her, kill them."
My eyes grow wide. "No! You can't kill them. I will not let you."
"Take her," he orders. Ivan comes up behind me and holds me in place while the Darkling speaks. "She is obviously not thinking clearly. Nothing a little more time held in our room can't help," he threatens.
"No!" I protest. "Do not kill those people, Aleksander!" He tenses at the use of his true name in front of Ivan.
He clears his throat and states, "I am only protecting you, Alina. Take her."
Ivan drags me out of the garden, back to the doors, and through the Great Hall. The sound of yelling grows louder as we cross the room. I hear a crowd outside of the main doors call to me. "Sankta Alina! Daughter of the Fold! Sankta!" Grisha and Oprikniki are gathered at the entrance, fighting off the mass of people. The crowd is dangerously close to getting in.
I hear a vaguely familiar voice, enough to make me look through the gathering. "Alina!" they call out. I find the Healer that saved me from my injuries of the Fold, Anton. I call out his name while struggling against Ivan's iron grip.
"Sankta!" he calls with a worried expression.
"Tell them to leave! Anton, they have been ordered to kill you all!" I scream against the mob's yells. "Get them to leave!"
"Only you can do that, Sankta!"
I sigh, knowing he is right. They are here for me and me only. They will listen to what I have to say.
Ivan pulls me along at a quick pace. I make a decision that I am sure I will regret later. I thrust my elbow into Ivans abdomen. He folds over and grunts in pain, letting his grasp slip. I run over to the crowd and they immediately let out a deafening cheer in response.
I yell out, "please calm down!"
Anton finds a marble column and climbs it while I try to get the crowd to listen. The pilgrim Healer has clambered far enough above the mass of people to be seen and heard from everywhere. He shouts in a booming voice that finally cuts through the crowds noise and catches their attention. "Hey!" The crowd hushes. "Let Sankta Alina speak!"
They all turn to me. I hesitate, thinking about what to say that will be most effective. If they want me to be a Saint, that is exactly what I will be. "I know you have come far and wide to see me. Thank you all for your loyalty. We are in a new chapter of our lives now that the Fold's shadow is not blanketing the land. With your devotion, I please ask you to go back to your homes and hold your families tightly in this new era of hope and prosperity." I sound more confident than I feel. The mob is memorizing every word that leaves my mouth, regardless. "Go home," I repeat, trying not to make it sound urgent, though their lives are in the balance with every passing second.
They cry and cheer my name, bowing their heads before departing. I can not believe my eyes as they filter out almost immediately at my request. This power feels as great as it is intoxicating and dangerous. This must be what the Darkling feels all the time.
I feel a hand grab my shoulder. I am ready to hear Ivan's wrath for elbowing him in the stomach, but it is not him. The Darkling glares down at me with a cold intensity that makes me shudder. He does not say a word. He leads me back to our room and shuts us both inside, locking the door.
I begin to back away, however, he grabs my arm before I can. The Darkling's grip tightens painfully as he pulls me closer to him so that he is towering over me. Then he asks, "do you know how dangerous that was? What if those delusional people decided to attack you?"
"They didn't," I retort flatly.
"Not just that, you are also giving them false hope, claiming that Ravka is at peace. We are far from peace now that our strongest weapon is no longer of use."
"You wanted the pilgrims gone and now they are gone. No blood needed to be shed despite what you thought. You always believe that bloodshed is the solution, but it is not."
The Darkling huffs in frustration and pulls me to his chest. He rests his chin on the top of my head and mumbles into my hair, "a Queen who wants to protect her people and is loved in return. Who will ever balance her?"
I reply without thinking. "A King who will do anything to protect the future of his country, but is feared by his people as a result."
Aleksander examines me for a long time before caressing my face and replying, "it seems that this King and Queen we're made for each other, don't you think?"
I am only now aware of how close our lips are to each other. I try to ignore his pull, the connection opening, however, it is too strong. Our lips meet in a pool of want and desire. I see Ana Kuya shaking her head at me, thinking of me as weak and selfish. And maybe I am. I ignore the image of Ana Kuya, only focusing on the Darkling. His colorless eyes, shadowy hair, perfect features.
A monster, I tell myself. Cruel. Unloving. A thought forms in my head. A hope. Perhaps an eternity would be enough time to change him. Give him humanity, kindness, love. There is still a sparkle behind his dark eyes that suggest that he is not a lost cause. Maybe I can save him...