This is it. I had thrown up for the second time today. My nerves were all over the place. I want to see her, talk to her. She calms me down.
I can't even see my children, right now they are probably being passed around family members and friends.
They'll definitely have to take a bath when we get home. I look in the mirror again.
I fix my tux as I remember the first time I had ever seen her. Her presence alone made me want to cry, smile and feel all these emotions all at once.
1 year and 11 months ago
I watched her move. She was persistent, brought back refills without being asked, smiled nicely. Polite.
She radiates light. I want her. And I will have her.
Nova Jane.
The things I know you'll do to me. I'd never met someone as bratty as her either, but that came with the fun. I'd tame her of course but I'd also let her spread her wings, give her the ability to do anything she wants.
Tonight I lay in bed, hoping she's signing that contract. I don't get much sleep, but just the thought of having her here I wonder how good I'll sleep.
She looked me in my eyes when we approached her in the restaurant. She looked scared, nervous, intrigued, and aroused at the same time.
She knows exactly what she wants, she just doesn't want to deal with the consequences of it. But I will make a promise to make sure she gains nothing but rewards. She's not just a waitress, I can see she's way more than that.
Present-day
I take a deep breath as I let my mother fix my tie. " don't be nervous baby...Nova will love you." She pressed a kiss to my cheek.
I'm glad she was alive to see all my accomplishments. She's my biggest supporter, my mother is my number one confidant, when Nova broke it off with us I went to her, she didn't know the details but she didn't need to. She knows exactly what I need.
"Make she you keep your head up, smile, say your words clearly." I nodded at what she was saying, especially the last part.
When I was little I had a very bad stutter, so bad my father even made fun of me. I was bullied at school for it, I hated speaking to people, especially in big crowds.
So I just stopped talking altogether. I only talked to my mother, Alex, and Noah. Sometimes I shared my input, sometimes I didn't.
Kids didn't want the kid who can't get a single sentence out to play with them at recess. Alex and Noah helped a lot.
Alex would sneak out of his class and come over to play in the sand with me. Meanwhile, Noah was throwing sand in those same bullies' faces.
They didn't force me to talk, they didn't probe. They let me ease into it.
Every day before bed, I would take one of my father's books out of his study and read it aloud, sounding out the words.
I got to the point my stutter was nonexistent, but I still didn't talk much, because if I had something to say I would say it directly to you.
I wanted people to fear me because I was quiet, it helped Alex, Noah, and me a lot. People never expect the quiet kid to snitch.
I would tell Noah and Alex what I'd heard and we'd made a killing blackmailing people throughout high school to do whatever we wanted.
But today I'm glad I experienced the bad things because I would be who I was today.
My mother would always tell me " don't let them take your kindness for granted my sweet boy, instead you take their greediness and use it, feed of it, show them you're stronger."
I did just that, but only one person can make me forget everything my past has taught me. And I'm 10 minutes away from marrying her.