with a sigh of release oikawa left the party, feeling the dread that consumed him slowly fading the further he walked down that corridor and as the music faded down. but that was until oikawa bumped into her.
oikawa could barely hear her at first, consumed in his thoughts as he strolled along to the stairwell wondering what iwaizumi was doing. if he was just as angry and upset with the way things ended as oikawa was, or if he was too busy snogging his girlfriend to care. he didn't seem to have a problem doing so five minutes ago.
but then when he got halfway down the stairs he registered someone was calling after him. he turned confused who would be chasing him, only to see the pretty and petit black hair girl running after him with her hand out. oikawa froze as he saw her racing towards him, and almost felt like turning around and pretending he never saw her. but oikawa remembered none of this was actually her fault, and if the situation were different he would like her a lot more than he did right now.
"sorry, i was in my thoughts," oikawa apologised for not hearing and stopping sooner.
she stopped in front of him, the step above so she was now roughly the same height as him and nodded.
"don't worry, i wanted to talk before you left," she said a little out of breath.
oikawa raised an eyebrow confused as to why she would want to speak before he left. it wasn't as though they were friends, perhaps acquaintances but definitely not friends.
"okay, shoot," oikawa said getting straight to the point wanting to go home.
"are you in love with my boyfriend?" she asked him forwardly.
again he froze, she was so upfront and blunt about it he couldn't even process an answer quick enough to deny the accusation. was it that obvious? or was it just when they were arguing just then she noticed how visibly upset he was with iwaizumi's lack of communication the past three years.
sakura too didn't say anything as she waited for oikawa to respond, but instead it was just silence between them, and the faint music from the party just outside the stair well. oikawa let out another sigh as he sat down on the stair, putting his head in his hands looking at the grey painted wall in the dimly lit corridor in front of him.
sakura jumped down another step next to him, but not too close beside him, copying his actions and sitting beside him.
"i kind of always had a feeling, but seeing the two of you argue made it obvious," sakura spoke breaking the silence between them, as her voice gently echoed on the bare walls.
oikawa turned to look at her, noticing she too was staring at the wall in front just as he was, before he flicked he gaze back to infront slumping his shoulders.
"you think moving to a different country would change your feelings," oikawa said bluntly. "but nope, then when i came back and saw him i thought maybe this is my second chance to put things right and tell him, then he tells me he has a girlfriend,"
sakura only nodded understanding him.
"it's funny, i thought i could handle him being happy with someone else, but i can't. i'm too bitter. so it's better like this, that i leave now on bad terms and move on for good," oikawa said pushing back the tears he felt leaving his eyes.
"i appreciate that," sakura nodded. "but i don't think he would,"
"maybe," oikawa shrugged. "but i have to think about what's best for me, and right now it's to go back and leave this place,"
the two stayed silent again, both staring at the wall not knowing now what to say, but oikawa couldn't sit all night. and as he felt the tears almost rolling down his cheeks from the mixture of the sadness of leaving his friends, to the anger and heartbreak he was feeling from iwaizumi. he just needed to go home and cry.
so he stood up and sniffled, sakura glanced up at him, before oikawa gave her a small smile that wasn't fake.
"please take care of him, you make him happy, he told me himself, that's why i know i can leave and everything be fine," he said before she could even respond and began his descent again down the stairs
sakura was shouting his name to come back, but oikawa ignored her, walking further down the stairs until he was out of the building. he considered phoning a taxi, but again on new years it would be expensive and far too long of a wait. oikawa would walk home, but before that he laid back on the concrete, looking up at the sky, fireworks filling the starry sky with beautiful multi colours.
he remembered the time him and iwaizumi sat on the roof of his house in their first year of high school, watching the exact same fireworks. fast forward five years, and here he was, sat alone. no iwaizumi, no love, just loneliness.
he thought about brazil and what he would do when he got back, maybe he would reconnect with manuel. tell him he's finally over the boy he once loved and see if he would have him back, dive himself into his volleyball practices until he was the best. he never seemed to be the best. oikawa always knew that, but to iwaizumi he was. the best setter, iwaizumi would say all the time, the best friend. the only time he actually felt the best is when he was with him.
he groaned, rubbing his eyes as they started watering, he hated this, he hated being such a soft hearted loser.
"oikawa?"
oikawa opened his eyes, sitting up off the pavement, turning around to see iwaizumi stood behind him.
"sakura said she saw you leaving," he said walking towards him. "did you not even think to come say bye?"
oikawa sighed, bringing his knees to his chest and he dropped his head in between his knees, breathing deeply to not lose his cool. there was so much he wanted to say to him, he wanted to scream at him, shout and tell him what an awful friend he was. tell him if he just asked him to stay then he wouldn't leave, to tell him that he loved him so much it physically ached his heart.
"i did say bye, just not to you," oikawa muttered.
"so that's how it is? i know you're petty, but jeez tooru," iwaizumi said irritated. "do you have no consideration for anyone else's feelings? did you not stop and think how i would feel if you left without saying goodbye?"
"yes! of course i did!" oikawa shouted, raising his head up. "but not everything is about you! sometimes it's about me! i didn't want to say bye to you!" oikawa said turning to face him.
"i didn't think you'd actually admit it," iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "not everything is about me? it's never about me! everything had always been about you!"
"did you stop to think how i felt? how i would feel saying bye to you?" oikawa said almost laughing.
"so thats more important? you didn't want to say bye, so you just leave and my girlfriend has to be the one to tell me you're leaving? do you not think how i might feel if you leave without saying bye?" iwaizumi asked him.
oikawa scoffed, he didn't reply. he only laid back down on the pavement and looked up to the firework, almost laughing at the position he was in. oikawa closed his eyes briefly for a minute of solitude, before opening them watching the last of the firework display in the sky.
"yanno, last time i was in japan we watched those fireworks together, in third year of high school, and i thought to myself "what will i do when iwaizumi is no longer here anymore?"" oikawa said to more of himself, iwaizumi just being there.
he laughed tilting his head looking at iwaizumi.
"now look at us," oikawa sighed, looking back up to the fireworks.
"what are you saying oikawa?" iwaizumi asked him confused.
oikawa sighed again, sitting back from his laid position, he stood up from the ground, wiping off his pants and kicking his legs out slightly. he fixed his hair and looked to him, with neither a frown or smile, just his expressionless face staring at him.
"i'm saying, that things are different now to what they were then. be real with me for a second. but have these last new years when the fireworks have gone off, have you ever thought of me? of that moment?" oikawa asked him.
iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows looking to the boy, he stepped back a little confused, glancing to the last of the fireworks then back to oikawa. he didn't understand the question and oikawa could see that, which automatically gave him the answer he was looking for. of course he didn't think of him.
"what kind of question is that? of course i thought of you oikawa, you've been my best friend since we were five, it's hard not too think about someone whose been in your life for so long," iwaizumi told him.
oikawa just nodded, turning away from him. he knew that. he knew his answer already.
"well i have, every day, every minute. i thought of you," oikawa said as though stating a fact. "i always thought of you,"
iwaizumi was silent, but oikawa just laughed again, shaking his head and he pushed his hair back from his face, pushing away the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. he turned to look at iwaizumi, giving him one last fake smile.
"goodbye iwaizumi," oikawa said rolling his eyes, starting his walk away from the building back home.
it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it just further confirmed things. oikawa was an idiot pining after a guy who didn't even care. who didn't even spare him a second thought most of the time. oikawa thought he was going to cry, but he was going to wait until he was out of iwaizumi's sight first.
oikawa pulled his jacket around him more being it was a little chilly, he didn't once look back to iwaizumi stood behind. he didn't even know if iwaizumi was behind him anymore.
"are you serious!"
oikawa stopped in his tracks. hearing iwaizumi shout to him. he turned to face him to see iwaizumi following him.
"that's it! what the fuck is wrong with you?" iwaizumi shouted now face to face with him.
oikawa looked at him with an irked expression, why couldn't he just let him leave in peace? why was he trying everything in his power to make this ten times more difficult?
"wrong with me? you wanted me to say bye, i said it!" oikawa shouted back.
"that's not good enough!" iwaizumi said annoyed. "why are you acting like this is the last time i'll ever see you?"
"because it is hajime," oikawa said bluntly. "when i return, you won't see me again,"
iwaizumi froze at his words, almost tongue tied, not expecting those words to leave his mouth, that they were actually not going to see each other again. iwaizumi laughed a little, almost not believing him, looking to oikawa with raised eyebrows.
"you're joking, right?" he asked him.
"i'm serious, after i go back, after tonight, i'm not seeing you again hajime," oikawa repeated.
iwaizumi stared at him blankly for a moment, then he rolled his eyes, he looked to him and stuck his tongue in the side of his cheek. like he normally did when he was annoyed to stop him from saying something he would regret. oikawa just shrugged, not knowing what to say.
"so that's it? this was our last hurrah? this is the last time i'll ever see you and you spent the whole time avoiding me?" iwaizumi said.
"it's not like that—"
"how isn't it?" iwaizumi asked cutting him off. "you've been back for over three weeks and i've seen you a totally of six times! you've hardly put any effort in to see me and—"
"what do you want me to do iwaizumi!" oikawa shouted. "spend every night at your house? come to yours to hang? your girlfriend is living in your room! how the fuck i am suppose to spend time with you!"
"so that's what this is about? sakura?" iwaizumi asked him.
"no, it's not about your girlfriend," oikawa said half truthfully.
"obviously it is! i knew you would be jealous, that i got a girlfriend while i was away. you know you could have gotten yourself one too if you weren't such an arrogant arse! maybe even a boyfriend seen as though you swing both ways now apparently!" iwaizumi said bitterly.
"jealous? why the fuck would i be jealous you got a girlfriend before me?" oikawa asked him. "good for you!"
"oh please, whenever a girl would even speak to me instead of you you'd get annoyed, i know what you're like and it's the reason why you hardly have friends and the reason you're stil single," iwaizumi told him.
oikawa froze, he laughed at him, and his comment. if only he knew the real reason why he would get annoyed at that. oikawa was sure that would shock him. but instead oikawa laughed at him, rolling his eyes.
"guess you must be right if you know me so well," oikawa just said sarcastically.
"whatever oikawa, you just can't admit it," iwaizumi shook his head.
"no, you can't admit the fact that you didn't make an effort to see me either. i get it, you got yourself a hot girlfriend and you want to bone her every night, but don't act like you made all these attempts to see me," oikawa said to him annoyed.
"i did make attempts—"
"when?" oikawa interrupted. "you mean the first week when you texted me daily to hang out? because funnily enough i can't think of any other times you made an effort to see me other than that,"
iwaizumi froze, realising he was right. after iwaizumi came over after they took takeru to the park, iwaizumi didn't make much of an effort. he had completely stopped texting oikawa all together really. after that it was oikawa who burst his way into his house and declared they watched a movie. other than that, everything else had been purely coincidental.
"so don't pin this all on me, you've been avoiding me just as much as i've been avoiding you," oikawa said to him.
"i was busy, i was preparing for my move to tokyo, i've been finding apartments and trying sort this out with sakura," iwaizumi explained to defend himself.
"well what about me? you're the not the only one busy, but yet you're quick to blame this all on me," oikawa said.
"because at least i made an effort! you ignored all of my texts! you even admitted you were avoiding me!" iwaizumi shouted annoyed.
"when! when did i say that?" oikawa asked exasperated.
"like five seconds ago! you said you were avoiding me!" iwaizumi said recalling his words.
"fine! yes iwaizumi, i was avoiding you! but it wasn't because i was jealous of your fucking girlfriend!" oikawa shouted.
"then why? why are you avoiding me? why are you now telling me when you go back we're not speaking? why are you so adamant to keep me out?" iwaizumi asked raising his voice.
"because it's not the same anymore iwaizumi! we've grown apart, we're at opposite sides of the world, we live completely different lives! what's the point of us trying to keep in touch when we're so out of sync?" oikawa asked him.
"because we're best friends!" iwaizumi shouted to him.
oikawa just rolled his eyes, again at that word. he shook his head and ran his hands through his hair annoyed. oikawa scoffed and glanced away for a second. noticing someone was outside the building watching them. oikawa knew who it was straight away and rolled his eyes. he had to end this quickly. or they would be stood out here all night arguing.
especially iwaizumi, he was stubborn and would keep at it all night if oikawa let him.
"but we're not best friends," oikawa said. "not anymore,"
"you're always going to be my best friend oikawa," iwaizumi said to him seriously. "even if you move half way across the world you'll still be my best friend,"
oikawa looked at him and could feel the tears he had been keeping at bay begin to fill his eyes, as he looked to iwaizumi with teary eyes. but he shook his head, shaking them off. iwaizumi was looking to him sadly, his frown prominent on his face. but oikawa took a deep breath and looked to him.
"you're not mine," oikawa said to him.
iwaizumi looked to him, his eyes meeting oikawa's. it took everything inside of oikawa to not reach out, or tell him it was a lie. but he had to do this, he had to hate him. oikawa had to hate him. because if he didn't, it would mean he still loved him, and he couldn't be in love with him. not now, probably not ever. because that's all oikawa was to iwaizumi. the best friend.
it would never be him, as much as oikawa wanted it to be, but it wouldn't. and probably somewhere iwaizumi knew that too, and iwaizumi knew what to say to make him stay, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it.
oikawa shook his head.
"bye," he said flatly, turning around and walking away from him.
oikawa let the tears stream down his face as he walked away, not even bothering to wipe them because he didn't want iwaizumi to know he was crying. he carried on walking like he didn't care, his heart breaking with every step he took as he could feel iwaizumi watching him.
"so that's it! you're leaving!" iwaizumi shouted to him.
oikawa didn't answer, he couldn't being he was so choked up he didn't even think any words would come out of his mouth without letting out a sob.
"you know what! fuck you oikawa!" iwaizumi shouted. "fuck off back to brazil for all i care!"
oikawa still didn't answer him.
"i hope you have a great fucking time!" iwaizumi shouted.
"i will, and i'll have a lovely time there without you!" oikawa shouted back.
"fuck you!" iwaizumi called to him.
oikawa turned the corner leaving it, he never thought there would come a day when iwaizumi and himself are shouting to each other across a car park. but there was always something new.
oikawa finally out of iwaizumi's eye sight wiped his tears quickly, and carried on walking, wrapping his jacket tighter around him as the wind blew and sobbed quietly to himself walking back.