I sit on my old bed, watching as Azrael rests beside me. It's been three days since the incident and I still haven't figured out how to tell her I killed Carla. She'd been way calmer since leaving the hospital, more relaxed. She hasn't had any episodes nor was she hearing voices. She was just peaceful.
Her curls were tied up on top of her head today.
My hand reaches out to caress her jaw. She was so pretty. The love in her heart. The pain in her past. The Sorrow in her scars. Everything. She was beautiful. Her ealier words ring in my head, I'm ugly and scarred. My teeth grit at how broken she sounded. So defeated and exhausted. I wanted to kill her mother all over again for ruining my angels self esteem.
Shit. How was I going to tell her I killed her?
Quietly, I leave a soft kiss against her temple before exiting the room and making my way down stairs. When I finally make it to the kitchen, I'm stopped short by the sight of Lucas. He was sat at the table focused on a piece of paper in front of him.
"What are you doing? I ask, watching as he lifts his head up in my direction.
He sighs, "Homework."
I just nod, looking around for my jacket. "You're leaving?" He wonders.
I shake my head, "Nah. The medication that the doctors prescribed for Azrael's wound is in the pocket of my jacket." I explain, finally catching sight of it by the living room couch. I glance at the time on my phone, "It's almost time for her to take it."
Lucas is quiet as he watches my movements, "Are you going to tell her?" He asks.
I falter, "You know?"
He scoffs, "Who do you think told me?"
"Oh. LeRoy right? He looked sick to his stomach after it happened." I tell him. I haven't spoken or seen LeRoy since then, it's been quiet here. I've been here a couple of days, refusing to leave Azrael until she was better.
Lucas's brows furrow, "What? No." He suddenly straightens, paling. "Rico was the one who told me." He suddenly states.
I freeze, "Rico knows?" I practically wheeze.
Lucas's eyes bulge, "You didn't tell him?! I thought you told him!" He hisses, lowly.
"Why would I tell him without telling Azrael first, stupid?" I hiss back as his stupidity, "Holy shit." I breathe, "Why hasn't he said anything? Did he seem upset?" I ask, looking towards Lucas whose deep in thought.
He bites his lip, "No but he did seem a little distant." He tells me, "He kept asking Loki if he and Azrael would be living with Matias now." He shrugs, his eyes falling back down to his homework as the words leave his mouth.
"What?" I ask when I catch him frowning again.
He sighs, "It's just...he didn't really sound happy about living with Matias."
"Why would he sound happy? His sister was stabbed and his mother just died." I deadpan, ignoring the way he rolls his eyes at me.
He hesitates, "Do you think that's what Matias is going to do?" He asks, his leg shaking, "Do you think he's going to make Azrael and Rico live with him now that he's back?" He questions. Why did he sound so worried? Matias was a good person.
"I don't know." I respond honestly, "Would it be so bad if they did? Why are you so worried about it?" I retort, "They need him. Rico needs a parent and so does Azrael. They need someone to guide them, someone to ground them." I explain, not really understanding where his worry was coming from.
His shoulders drop, "But they have us." He whispers.
"Of course." I agree, "Now they have Matias as well."
"I want them to stay here." He finally admits and I finally understand as I take him and everything else around us in. I hadn't really noticed the difference until now. Azrael and Rico's shoes were set by the door. Ricos back pack and jacket were sprawled out on the couch messily. His coloring books and birthday list were sprawled on the table in front of it. Azrael's sticky notes were stuck on the refrigerator out of boredom and I bet if I walked into the bathroom, all of Azraels hair products would be everywhere.
"It's finally starting to feel like home." His voice is quiet this time, "Before you came back or when Azrael wasn't speaking to us, Loki, LeRoy and I barely spoke. It was so strained and tense all the time but now it feels like everything is finally coming together." He finishes. "I'm just afraid it'll go back to that again."
My heart feels heavy in my chest at his confession, "Is it because of the depression?" I hesitate, "Are you afraid that if they leave, you'll be in a dark place again?" I ask, concern bubbling in my stomach.
His wince is visible, "I don't want to be alone." He says and I feel myself flinch at his words. "Loki and LeRoy have there own stuff going on. They only ask me if i'm taking my medication and stuff and I know it's because they're worried but it makes me feel like something is wrong me." He explains, "They just don't understand how I feel but Azrael does. She checks on me and talks to me regularly. She comes to me when she needs something and isn't cautious with me. Rico hugs me when I help him with his homework and sometimes he just sits with me when he knows I'm upset." He finishes, letting out a long breath.
My mind flashes back to Loki's confession at the hospital, "Talk to Loki and LeRoy. Trust me, they understand a lot. You three have been through alot so it's hard right now but they understand, I promise." Then I smile at him, "As for Azrael and Rico. You'd have to ask them. That's their decision to make but something tells me they'd chose to be with you three."
He looks like he doesn't believe me, "You need to communicate with them Lucas. You have to communicate with your brothers too. You can't keep everything to yourself because then it builds and a dark cloud starts to float in your head." His eyes fall down cast and I reach out to slap the back of his neck.
He groans, "Shit. Why'd you hit me?"
"Because you're never alone. I'm here now." I remind him seriously, "Don't you forget it."
His smile is small and grateful just as Rico comes bursting into the kitchen in panic. "I thought she knew." He states breathlessly, his chest heaves up in down. My heart drops at his statement, I already knew he meant. "I'm sorry, I thought she knew and-" He doesn't get to finish his sentence because Azrael is already rushing down the stairs, her eyes falling onto me with with confusion swirling in her eyes.
"What is he talking about?" She asks, eyes glancing between the three of us as Lucas slowly rises from his chair.
I feel my throat tighten at how innocent and confused she looked. She didn't look angry or sad. Just exhausted and confused. I don't know why that made my stomach churn but it did. I didn't want to shatter whatever was left of her heart.
Nobody answers and I watch as her face drains of color before turning to Rico again, "Can you repeat what you told me upstairs?" Her hands shake as she rubs them up and down her arms to find some type of warmth in the freezing kitchen.
He shrinks into himself at her question. Her face flashes with hurt at his guilty expression, "You asked me if I thought mom was getting a funeral. Why did you ask me that?" She keeps asking but still it's silent, "Why aren't you answering?"
I step forward cautiously, "Azrael, look at me."
She doesn't, her gaze stays on Rico, "No secrets. Remember?" She asks, "We promised we'd tell each other everything. Tell me why you asked me that."
He swallows, his gaze flickering back to me. I shake my head, gesturing for him to go upstairs so I can tell her myself. He doesn't listen to me. Of course he doesn't. Instead he takes a shakey breath while standing before her, "She's dead."
Azrael rears back, "She's dead?" She whispers, breathlessly. Her head shakes, "I don't understand. How did she die?" She questions.
This time Rico is genuinely clueless when he responds again, "I don't really know." He bites his lip, "I just heard everyone talking it about it and assumed you knew."
She's barely able to hide her flinch, "Everyone knows...?" She mumbles, unable to hide her hurt. My shoulders drop at the defeat in her voice, "Everyone knew but me?" She asks, this time her attention is on me. She looks up at me with those beautiful doe eyes. Eyes that beg for me to explain or tell her something to fix all of this.
Her face hardens before I even get the chance to respond, "Go upstairs, Rico." He doesn't even hesitate before rushing up the stairs, tension rolling of his body.
A shiver runs down my spine at how calm her voice is. It feels like the temperature in the room drops when she speaks again, "How did she die?"
"I..." I hesitate, "I killed her." I finally admit. My skin cold with fear of her hating me forever.
Her face falls flat as she tilts her head, "You killed her?"
She doesn't look away from me as the front door opens, Loki and LeRoy walking in with Kaio following behind. They all pause at the door when they realize the tension suffocating the kitchen, "What's going on?" LeRoy asks, closing the front door.
She ignores him, a snarl breaking out on her face, "You killed her?" Her eyes are ablaze with anger.
Everyone tenses, "Why'd you kill her?" She hisses, her eyes are wild, "What made you think that you had the right to do that?" She grits, I can practically feel her teeth grinding.
I feel genuine rage at her question, "What the fuck do you mean why?" I growl, "She nearly killed you. What did you expect me to do?" I raise my voice.
"You lied to me." She states, "You told me you brought me to the hospital." She breathes, "You told me that you didn't know what happened to her." Her chest heaves and fingers twitch with the need to comfort her. "You lied to me!" She yells.
Everyone practically flinches when she turns her attention towards them, "You all lied to me. Why would you lie to me?" She's asks, desperation lacing her features.
She doesn't wait for an answer before turning back to me, "Why did you kill her?" She repeats, "Why? Why? Why would you do that?" She's hysterical and I finally understand what she means about not mentally being okay. She was losing herself. Everything and everyone was breaking her down, she was holding on to whatever she could.
"I almost lost you." I try, "I was so angry when I saw what she did to you, Azrael. I was trying to protect you." I explain, taking a step forward. "That's all I want to do. I just want to protect you, I thought I was doing the right thing." I finish, waiting for her to cry, slap me, or lash out but she does nothing.
She stares at me blankly, "Why would you do that?"
Everyone is quiet, "Baby-" I try to grab her but she takes a step back.
Her shoulders drop in exhaustion, "You took that away from me." She says quietly.
My brow furrow in confusion, "What? What did I take away from you?" I ask, watching her cautiously.
"You had no right to kill her. None." Her words are cold and my face drops at her next words. "It was mine and you took that from me."
YIKESSSSS
Author's Note:
Sorry, did you think this was a happy chapter? Sorry to disappoint. Anyways you guys get why Azraels mad ? This was part of the discussion her father. This is why he wanted her to let go of her anger because anger makes stupid and reckless. She's been through alot and her anger was the only thing that was keeping her from feeling nothing. She wanted to to get her revenge and she deserved but at the same time I feel like wouldn't be able handle her mother dying by her hands
BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND LUCIO bc if it were, I'd want to protect anyone who hurt someone that I love. Just try to be open minded about both of there feelings.
ANYWAYS NEXT CHAPTER FINNA BE 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶
I don't PROMISE IT WONT BE SAD FOREVER! THEY'LL GET THERE HAPPY MOMENTS AND ENDING BUT YEAH DONT FORGET TO VOTEEEEEEEEEEE PLSSSSSSSSS
I LOVEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUU