The rest of the week, everything's fine, nobody laughs at me or points me in the hallways and the boy who threw a chewing gum in my hair got detention for a whole week. Even my dad has not shouted or hit anyone in the past few days. I am now in my parents' bedroom watching a movie with my mom on the bed.
Normally, my dad doesn't allow me to go in his bedroom, but he's working and my mom wanted to spend the day with me so she allowed me to come in. We could have watched the movies in the living room, but the screen is bigger in my parents' bedroom. With my mom, we are doing a marathon of romantic movies and we have cried a lot. We are at our third movie and there is a lot of action going on, so it makes a lot of noise.
It's only when the bedroom door opens that we understand that we are in a lot of trouble. It's Saturday 2:15 PM, my father is supposed to be working. My father's face is red like if he was gonna explode and his fists are closed. My mom stops the movie as I get on my feet, but before we have the time to say anything, all the anger inside my dad comes out. He has been too calm in the past few days, I should have seen it coming.
"What are you fucking doing in my bedroom you bitch!?! How many times do I have to tell you not to go in there!?" He walks straight towards me so I take a couple of steps back before my back touches the wall.
"Frank, it's my fault, don't blame her..." My mom says trying to protect me. My father turns his head in her direction, rage in his eyes.
"No, it's my fault, I'm sorry I disobeyed you, I-" I say before I'm cut off by my dad.
"Shut up!! Both of you!" He raises a finger in my direction and he continues to speak. "Now, get the fuck out of my room!"
I practically run to get out of my parents' bedroom, followed by my dad. I'm right in front of the stairs when he grabs me harshly by my arm and he shakes me to scare me.
"I don't ever wanna see you in my room again, is that clear y/n!?" He doesn't even wait for my answer before he releases me.
He lets go of his grip on my arm, but he pushes me at the same time, probably not knowing there is stairs behind me. I lose my balance and I try to hold on to anything, but I tumble down the stairs. The next thing I know is that I'm in a small room with beige painted walls and it's not smelling good.
I slowly open my eyes, trying to remember what happened and to know where I am. I'm alone in the room, there's a window on my left and a closed door on my right. I try to get up, but my head hurts and my left hand is in a bandage. My breath is speeding up, I don't know where I am, I don't know what happened and I don't know where is my mom. I really wanna see her, I need to see her. I hear the beeping noise of the machine next to me speeding up too and it doesn't help.
Suddenly, a woman in nursing clothes walks in the room and she tells me that I don't have any reason to be nervous and that she's gonna take good care of me. She briefly explains to me that because I tumbled down the stairs, my wrist is sprained and I have bruises all over my back. She also tells me that I might feel pain in my head because I hit it multiple times.
I ask her if my mom is there, but she tells me that she hasn't been able to come visit me. I think I know why. My father doesn't let her. If it wasn't because of him, my mom would have been at my bedside all the time. When the nurse leaves, I look outside the window and I watch the trees shaken by the wind to distract myself. There's nothing I can do else than that.
After a couple of minutes, I'm beginning to feel my eyes grow heavy and I fall asleep. When I wake up, it's dark outside and a hand is on my shoulder. I turn my head to see who is next to me and I gasp when I see my mom sitting in a chair and looking at me. She has been crying, her eyes are wet and red. She hugs me carefully and I wrap my right arm around her waist.
When she pulls away, she kisses my forehead and tells me that she's happy to see me. I tell her the same thing before I realize that my dad is not working at the moment so I wonder how my mom has been able to come visit me.
"Mom, how did he let you come here?" I ask her trying to sit up.
"He got out of the house, to go to a bar probably, so I took a chance." She answers me putting a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"You shouldn't have, I don't want you to be hurt, if he comes back before you do, he'll be even more angry."
"Darling, I wouldn't miss any opportunity to be here with you. I don't care about what your father is gonna think, all I care about is you." She smiles at me in the same way she always does, with a big comforting smile.
"For how long have you been here?"
"Uh, I don't know, a while?" My mom looks at the clock on the wall and surprise can be seen on her face. "Oh no, I wasn't supposed to stay that long. I'll try to visit you tomorrow. Bye y/n, I love you!"
She gets out of the room and leaves me alone in the middle of the night. I look around and see my phone on the hospital table next to my bed with a new crack on it. "It must've happened when I fell in the stairs" I think picking it up and opening it. I see that Leslie texted me a lot of messages about this new guy she met at work. I decide to not text her back now even if she's probably not asleep because my head starts to hurt again and I try to fall back asleep.
The next day, I text half an hour with Leslie about her new crush and I spend my whole day waiting for my mom, but she doesn't come. I really hoped that I could see her, I need her to tell me that everything's gonna be fine. I try to call her, but she doesn't answer what worries me very much. She always picks up her phone when I call her. I'm instantly imagining the worst scenario, maybe my dad found out that she came to see me and that he beat her the rest of the night...
At the end of the day, I text Leslie to let her know that I won't be at school tomorrow. She doesn't ask why, knowing that I'm a very secret person, and she says good night to me. I put my phone on the hospital table, next to the dinner I haven't ate, and I try to fall asleep. I wake up at 4:23 AM and I can't fall back asleep, so I scroll through TikTok until it's 7:41 AM.
It's only then that fatigue hits me. When I wake up, it's already 3:00 PM, that means I have slept a little bit more that seven hours. When I look at my phone, I notice that my mom has texted me and called me a bunch of times. As I read her texts, tears are sparkling in the corner of my eyes. I knew that she shouldn't have come here, even if it was to see me.
9:56 AM
Mom: I'm sorry y/n, I know I told you that I would come, but I can't leave the house.
Mom: You're dad was there when I got home, so he took the day off to make sure I would not leave.
Mom: Please, can you pick up the phone, I want to talk to you.
10:14 AM
Mom: Y/n, I don't know if you don't answer me because you're mad, but please answer, I'm worried.
10:39 AM
Mom: You'll text me when you want, but I'm really scared that something happened to you and I can't even come see you...
3:06 PM
Y/n: I'm sorry mom, I didn't want to keep you waiting, I was asleep that's it.
Y/n: Can I call you?
Mom: Oh, thank god, you're alright. Of course you can call me darling.
I call my mom and I barely have the time to hear the bell ring that she picks up. She apologizes for sending me all those text messages and I tell her it's fine. After that, I ask her how it went with Frank when he discovered that she wasn't at the house and she tells me that it wasn't so bad. Knowing my mom, when she says that, it actually means that it was bad, really bad...
Even if I know her answer, I ask her one more time why she doesn't divorce my father, she would be much happier without him. I also tell her that I'm tired to watch her suffer when she could have a better life than what she has. She tells me that she's the happiest she could be when I'm with her, but it's not true. She suffers so much with my father, I really don't understand her at all.
I become a little bit aggressive when I tell her that I wouldn't make the same choices as her and I hang up, tears now flowing down my cheeks. I look outside, regretting what I just said, but I can't take it anymore. I can't continue to act like everything's fine in my life.
My vision is blurry because of all the tears. A few seconds later, I hear someone clearing their throat. I turn my head in the direction of the sound and it surprises me when I see Miss Paulson in the doorway. I tell her to come in and I discretely wipe the tears away from my face. She sits on the chair next to my bed and she asks me what happened.
"I tumbled the stairs, you know how clumsy I am." I chuckle, but she doesn't. She probably knows I'm lying... "How did you know that I was at the hospital?"
"Uhm... I might have been worried when I learned that you weren't at school and that nobody knew why, so I.. might have called at your house. It's your mom who told me where you were, she's really kind by the way." Miss Paulson answers me a bit embarrassed. A smile tugs on the corners of my mouth and my teacher looks down.
"And how did you get access to my phone number Miss Paulson?" I say jokingly knowing that she'll be even more embarrassed.
"Well, I'm a teacher, I can have access to all the information about my students." She rolls her eyes when I start laughing, but she gives me a faint smile to show me that she's not mad.
We continue to talk with each other for a long time. I tease her a lot, but she seems to like it, so I continue. It's nice to have her here, her mere presence makes my day better. After a couple of minutes of talking, she then asks THE question.
"Y/n, I've been torturing myself not to ask you this, but does your dad have anything to do with you being in the hospital?" She asks me, her beautiful smiley face switching for a more worried one. I look away, losing my smile and I don't answer her. "I'm sorry I asked, I shouldn't have, it's none of my business."
"No, it's fine... It's just that you're the only one who knows about my father and I.. it just feels weird to have someone worrying about me." I look back at her and I give her a small smile. She takes my right hand in hers and she's squeezes it.
"I'll always be there if you need me."
"I know and I thank you for that." I get lost in those beautiful eyes of hers and a silence takes place between us. We stare at each other before she looks down and speaks again.
"I should get going. I'll see you at school when you'll come back." Miss Paulson says as she gets up and takes her purse from the floor.
"Yes, of course. And thank you for coming, it made my day!"
"I'm glad you liked it. Bye y/n, I hope you'll get better soon." She waves at me and leaves the room.
Wow, I would never have thought that Miss Paulson would come visit me. I didn't think she would notice that I wasn't at school today, I wasn't supposed to have an art class. And she really called at my house to know why I wasn't at school today. I don't think a lot of teachers would do that...
I just realized that school wasn't over when she arrived, maybe she didn't have any group for the last period. Actually, I don't hate it that someone's taking care of me like Miss Paulson does. I like it to be heard for once, I feel like I matter. As I'm thinking about that, a nurse enters in the room and she tells me that I can go home, but I have to take it slow and also get a lot of rest. She already called my parents and my dad is supposed to come pick me up.
When I hear that, I'm starting to shake, the last thing I remember about my dad is that he pushed me down the stairs. I don't wanna see him, I would prefer to just stay here forever. At least, I'm treated well... A couple of minutes later, I see my father entering in the room. I made sure I would be ready when he arrived, I didn't want to upset him. He's annoyed to come pick me up though, he doesn't even try to hide it.
"Come on, I don't have all day!" He rolls his eyes and gets out of the room. I follow him as fast as I can, but I'm a little dizzy.
"Can you slow down please?" I ask my father, but he doesn't answer me and he continues to walk at the same pace.
On the way back to our house, it's silent between my father and I. Sitting on the passenger side, I look outside. I feel like the weight on my shoulders only grows bigger the closer we get to the destination. I felt good at the hospital, free of this feeling that hunts me when I'm at my house. There, I never know when will be the next time my father's gonna yell at me or hit me. It's a mystery to me if I'll have a peaceful night with my father around.
Once we arrive, I hurry to get out of the car and I walk straight to my room. I don't wanna talk to neither of my parents. I just wanna be alone and think about what happened in the last few days. It's becoming more and more hard to stay in the same house than my father. I only do it because of my mom, otherwise, I would have already left.
I'm so tired of being scared of my own dad. I would just like to live my life without him in it, without his yelling and his aggressiveness. I would like to travel, discover things, be on my own, don't depend on anybody... In fact, I would just like to have a different life than what I actually have.
My mom enters in my room with two slices of pizza on a plate. She tells me that she thinks it will taste better than what I had at the hospital and I smile at her. She knows I'm not gonna eat it, but she's sweet to think about me. I thank her and she closes the door behind her when she leaves. I stay on my bed, my eyes locked on the pizza and a storm of thoughts in my head. I take a couple of deep breaths when I feel the stress surrounding me, it usually calms me down.
My eyes are closed when I get back to normal. I can't, I can not do it. I go sit at my desk, take my sketchbook and start to draw, guided by what I'm feeling. My emotions are so mixed up right now, I don't know if I should be happy, sad or even angry. You can see it on my drawing, it's a mix of feelings, some lines are soft, others are harsh.
I'm glad that Miss Paulson came today at the hospital, I can feel that she cares about me. But at the same time, I wanna break things because I can't believe that after all this, I'm back in that shitty house. And I also wanna cry because my mom doesn't understand that she could be saved from my dad. So yeah.. that's how I'm feeling. Really mixed up.
Sorry if this chapter is not as good as the others, I had difficulty to write it.