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CLARA KEPT HER HEAD DOWN AS SHE WALKED THROUGH Small Heath. She was still wearing her clothes from the night before. The stale smell of alcohol and sweat lingered on the fabric. Her head was pounding and her body felt sluggish. Her brain craved the white powder in her pocket. The powder that would now remain untouched until necessary. She had been woken up by a startled Curly at the crack of dawn, who had offered her tea. She had accepted the offer and had successfully avoided Uncle Charlie, knowing if he'd seen her he'd probably snitch to Tommy.
The girl walked in the rain, the small droplets soaking through her jacket with melancholic sadness. When Clara finally reached number six, her fingers were crossed in hopes that her brother had spent the night somewhere else or that Finn hadn't stirred up any rumours.
Clara's hand wrapped around the doorknob, yanking the stiff door open. She stepped inside with her head down, rubbing her reddened nose with her knuckle as she kicked off her boots. Upon hearing muffled speaking from the living room, the girl crept down the hall. Her hands hung loosely by her side as she walked. She'd have to show herself in order to climb the stairs.
Clara entered the room, her eyes still on the floor as her family sat in silence. They were having a family meeting from the looks of it. Their eyes followed the silent girl and her dishevelled state. Her hands trembled as she held the bannister to ascend the stairs.
"Clara," Tommy acknowledged, as he caused the girl to falter.
"What?" She asked, her back still to her family as she huffed.
His eyes narrowed on her figure, but considering she was not facing them, she managed to hide her emotions well.
"Be down here in twenty minutes," Tommy ordered, "I have business to discuss with you."
The girl did not answer. She merely nodded and resumed her climb up the stairs. Her feet felt heavy as if bricks were attached to each foot, weighing her down and pinning her to the ground. Once she disappeared out of sight, the older members of the family all turned to one another.
"What's up with her?" John questioned, sipping the newly presented whiskey.
"She's been like that since yesterday," Pol said, taking a drag of her cigarette. "What business do you have with her, Tommy?"
Tommy did not answer as he puffed his own cigarette. "She's fine," he stated.
"Maybe she's finally obeying your bloody rules," Arthur snickered at the mere idea as John laughed loudly.
"That'll be the bloody day!"
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CLARA HADN'T EXPECTED TO BE BUNDLED INTO A CAR the morning after. Her eyes were drooped tiredly, her hands rubbed together to create and muster up any heat. She sat in the front of the car, Tommy on her right as he drove. There was a silence between them. It was a heavy, uncuttable silence, one that Clara could almost physically feel. The book she'd brought lay unopened on her lap, her jacket wrapped tightly around her.
They were going to see London. That's what Tommy had told her anyway. Clara had only been listening to snippets of what the man had told her the day before.
A worn-out Clara stood in front of Thomas Shelby, her hands nonchalantly shoved into her pockets. Her mind was still reeling from the night before and the guilt of her actions was beginning to weigh heavy on her shoulders. She should've never gone to Penny's. She shouldn't have answered the blonde's questions so bluntly and honestly. Clara regretted a lot of her actions from the night before but she couldn't bring herself to regret consuming the tokyo she'd stolen from Finn.
"Clara," Tommy began, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Sit down."
Clara did not budge from her position, as she leaned against the wall in pure exhaustion. She did not care to obey. She knew that even Tommy wouldn't shake the shame and guilt from her conscience, so why bother to listen to him?
Upon seeing his sister's stationary stance, the man let out a sigh. Against his better judgement, he ignored her actions and passed her a glass of whiskey, one that had been untouched by the family gathered previously.
Cautiously, the girl had taken it. Clara raised her eyebrow at Tommy. He nodded his head slightly. She sniffed the drink slightly before she took a sip. It was good, she'd admit. She handed the glass back to her brother, wondering if her silence would lead to a quick escape.
"Like it?" He asked, taking the glass back and placing it onto the mantelpiece.
"Yeah, it's alright," Clara spoke, her hoarse and strained voice barely loud enough to be heard.
"Sending it over to America," Tommy stated. She didn't know why he had told her this. She didn't really care all that much for it. "Now, I wanted to talk to you about a few things."
Clara nodded half-heartedly, her eyes glazed as she stared into space. She felt haunted. Every time she blinked she saw the hurt she caused Penny, she saw the welling tears and the look of defeat and it hurt that Clara was the reason behind it. She heard the faint noise of Tommy speaking but it was more of a buzzing than coherent words.
"—Secondly, I'm going up to London tomorrow, you will be coming with me," Tommy spoke, his eyes narrowed at the girl as she snapped back into reality. "We leave bright and early, so be ready. That means no late-night adventures and sleeping in the Yard, got it?"
Clara hummed in acknowledgement, her mind spinning as her brother stopped talking and left her standing in the living room alone.
Clara probably should've properly listened to what he had said, because, by the time a loud knock rang through her room at the crack of dawn, Clara had forgotten all about leaving for London. She had hurried to change, carefully leaving the blue cylinder half full of blue powder hidden beneath the loose floorboard in her room.
That had been almost three hours ago. Clara and Tommy had arrived in London, the silence lingering over them as they drove. She didn't know how long the silence had lasted but it somehow felt better this way. If there was one thing both siblings understood and could relate to was that, to some extent, they both enjoyed the solitude of quietness.
"I got word from your Headmaster yesterday," Tommy eventually said, glancing over at the girl who was staring straight ahead.
"Mhm..?" Clara tilted her head slightly. She wondered if her brother had blackmailed the headmaster into giving him weekly updates on the girl. She wouldn't put it past Tommy to do so.
"He said you're attending school regularly again." He sighed, "also mentioned that exams are coming up next week and that you might be behind."
"I'm not," Clara sharply spoke.
"Alright, alright," Tommy huffed, "Just repeating what I heard. Have you caught up on everything you missed?"
The girl focused on everything outside of the window, her thoughts swirling of the last day she'd spent catching up. The day she ran off, the day she hurt Penny. A sharp pang of pain seemed to echo around Clara's heart at the mere thought of the girl.
"I caught up on everything," she finally answered shortly.
"Good, good..." Tommy nodded, "Like I said yesterday, it's important that you do."
Clara bit her lip. Was that what he had been rattling on about? School? How mundane. She was almost glad she'd missed that part of the conversation.
"Those exams are the last you'll sit, and then you'll have your desk, eh?" Tommy was trying to lighten the mood, it was a strange sight. He was not the brother to do that. John was.
"Desk?" Clara questioned, her curiosity now piqued.
"I explained that to you yesterday,"
"Yeah, I wasn't listening,"
She was blunt in her words, not bothered to mask the disinterest.
"I figured," Tommy shook his head slightly, turning the car down yet another road. "Yesterday, if you'd had been listening, you would've heard me telling you about a new position that opened up at The Shelby Company Limited."
Clara straightened up, the pressure of guilt on her shoulders easing as she focused on her brother's words.
"And what position is that?"
"Director of Administrations,"
Unwillingly, Clara's eyes widened. "And what about it?" She tentatively asked.
"You finish your exams with good marks and that job is yours." Tommy sniffed, "That was the deal, wasn't it? You finish out your education and you get a job and desk."
"But that job is like...important, very important."
"Which is why you're starting out as an administrative clerk." He explained, "You will attend a business class three nights a week, they take in girls now. You will complete that year-long course and then, and only then, the Director of Administrations job will be yours. Do you understand?"
"Uh...yeah," Clara nodded, her lip quirking up. "Do I get a good desk though?"
"Yes, you get your bloody desk," Tommy finally chuckled, "I mean it though, Clara. You finish out your education, you get the clerk job. You finish the courses and you have the Director position. Can I trust you to do that?"
Clara paused. Part of her deflated. She could barely trust herself, how could she ever be trusted with all of this? The other part of her was elated, completely forgetting her past woes. That part of her feeding on the validation of even being considered. The girl took a deep breath in before finally nodding her head.
"Yeah...you can trust me," she sighed dejectedly, folding her arms as Tommy pulled the car to a stop. He gestured for her to get out as he fixed his hat low on his head.
"Right, hat and head down," Tommy instructed as the girl pulled her hat further onto her head. "You're not meant to be seen around this side of the business, so not a word...understood?"
"Sir, yes, sir," Clara mocked, fixing her jacket as they strode through a large warehouse and out to a busy dock. She watched as boats were loaded up with boxes upon boxes. Her eyes scanned the area, barely taking any notice as Tommy stopped and began to talk to Johnny Doggs. The man offered the girl a welcoming and friendly grin, that the girl had quickly returned, before turning back her focus to her surroundings.
"Have you had look inside these boxes, then, Johnny?" Tommy smirked, as the man carried boxes from the dockside and into the boats.
"Now why do I want to look at car parts, Tommy, when I haven't even got a car?" Johnny questioned,
"Faith in family is a fine thing, eh? And I wouldn't even be counting. Twenty-five becomes twenty-four, then twenty-four it is." Tommy's voice was suggestive, as he stepped closer to the man.
"Oh, you know I'm no good with numbers, Tom." Johnny chuckled.
"And if 24 ever became 23, then that'd be tax. We don't pay tax." Tommy put an arm around Johnny Doggs in a friendly manner.
"No, Tom."
"Good man."
With that, Tommy patted Johnny on the back and gestured for the dazed girl to follow him. Clara unfolded her arms and climbed a set of metal stairs after her brother.
"I put an iron door on,"
Clara glanced towards the red-headed man who had begun to speak. A man which Tommy had barely acknowledged as he passed.
"-and we've put iron bars on the windows and across the skylights." The man continued, following Tommy, cutting in front of Clara who rolled her eyes.
She hadn't paid attention, letting her feet guide her as her brother waltzed through yet another warehouse, in fact, she hadn't paid full attention to what she was doing until they were back in the car and the man had begun driving.
"Where are we going now?" Clara asked glumly, already feeling rather bored and fed up.
"I'm going to the Eden club, you are staying in the car," Tommy answered shortly,
"You're seeing Arthur?" Clara raised a brow, her fingers trailed down the pink scar on her cheek gifted to her by Sabini at the mention of the Eden Club. "What's he done?"
"Why do you assume he's done something?"
"When isn't he doing something?...or someone?" Clara snickered, she had whispered the last part but given the fact that Tommy had reached out and clipped her round the ear, she obviously hadn't been quiet enough.
"Just want to check the books," Tommy lit another cigarette, pulling out into another large street. "Read your book or something."
Clara huffed and reopened her book, wondering why her brother had dragged her all this way just to sit in a car. It was irritating really. She could be out with Cannon beyond Small Heath, past the smog and dirt, past the lingering guilt and wandering stares, past her troubles.
The drive was short and Tommy was quick to leave as Clara remained slouched over her book. Her eyes scanned the words as her thoughts threatened to overspill. No...she would not think of that night. She would not think of her... she would not think of the shed tears and the tousled blonde hair she enjoyed running her fingers through. She would not think of kissing the girl or her soft lips, as soft as the clouds that often covered Small Heath.
Clara let out a loud frustrated groan, dropping her book as she gripped the roots of her hair. She couldn't stop thinking about Penny. The girl was like a plague she couldn't shake. It was as if the blonde was a ghost dead set on haunting her until the day Clara died—not that the Shelby girl wouldn't mind, of course.
The girl's hands flexed and yearned to punch something—anything in fact. Clara rubbed her face with her hands, letting them linger over her eyes, nose and mouth as she took a staggering breath in. She wanted to stop thinking of Penny. To stop thinking of her laughter and smile that graced her mind each passing moment, because, in all honesty, Clara thought about Penny Crawford more than she'd ever admit.
When Tommy re-entered the car after thirty minutes of being inside the Eden club, Clara's hands were still cupped over her face, her eyes squeezed shut tightly as she tried to rid the blonde from her mind.
"We have one more stop," Tommy informed her as she lowered her hands. "And a half..."
"Good...London is bloody boring." Clara scoffed, leaning back into the seat, her eyes trained outside the window, she processed her words before she snapped her head back towards him. "And a half? Where are we going?"
Tommy didn't answer as he focused on driving. The girl scanned her brothers still features before she huffed loudly and picked up her book once again in yet another failed attempt to read it. Clara leaned her head against her palm, her eyes mindlessly tracing the pages of her novel. She felt like she was reading, however, her mind wasn't absorbing any of the content.
When Tommy had stopped the car once more, Clara glanced around at the unfamiliar rows of houses. She watched as Tommy pulled out his pocket watch, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
"What are you bloody doing?!" Clara scoffed, the man inhaled sharply.
"Head down, stay quiet, look at this." Her brother instructed, handing her a map as he pulled out a brown file and glanced at it.
The girl turned the map over in her hands, subtlety looking around. Clara kept her head down as she caught a policeman walking towards them. Beside her, Tommy had done the exact same thing, looking to the map on her hands as he kept his head tilted down.
"What's your business?" The policeman questioned, leaning towards the car. Clara held the map steadily, not looking up.
"Sorry...we're lost here," Tommy waved his hand in false frustration, his voice low.
"Yeah, well, you can't stop here," the man replied, "Move on."
Tommy nodded and started the ignition once more as the man moved away from the car. Clara placed the map down, her eyes darting towards her brother who subtly rechecked his pocket watch before putting it back into his pocket.
"Twenty-three seconds," he muttered before he stepped on the pedal and drove off.
"What was that all about?!" The girl finally questioned as they were out of sight.
"Never you mind," he answered shortly.
"You're such a pain in the arse, y'know that right?" Clara spat, her guilt and exhaustion morphing into spitefulness. "Drag me out to London just to sit in a car and do fuck all."
"Oi, watch your mouth," Tommy scolded, "Have patience, if I say you're here for a reason, you're here for a reason."
"But you haven't said that, have you?"
"I just did."
Clara clenched her jaw shut, her eyes rolling as she folded her arms. The girl was silent for the remainder of the trip. She pushed herself as close to the door as possible, her body turned away from her brother as she clutched her open book.
Clara didn't bother to look up as the car came to another stop less than half an hour later. She presumed she was to stay seated in the vehicle once again. Her fist was clenched tightly on her lap whilst her other hand flicked over the page of her book. The girl unwillingly flinched as Tommy banged on the roof above her as he opened the door. Clara's eyebrows raised, placing down the book.
"Where are we?" She grumbled as she climbed out of the car to walk alongside her brother. Tommy didn't answer, he merely walked up to the door of a townhouse, and knocked on the wood with the brass door knocker. Clara shifted on her feet beside her brother, confused as to where they were. Her eyes glanced around the street. Kids were playing with hoops and wooden sticks, running back and forth. Her eyes darted back towards the door as it opened to reveal a young man leaning against the door.
"Oh." The man sighed, his eyes scanning the two Shelby's.
"I'm looking for Ada," Tommy said, his hands shoved into his pockets as he scanned the man with an unimpressed look. Clara's eyes widened, looking at Tommy in shock. She knew that Ada was in London, so why hadn't she pieced it together? Clara had never been to Ada's house, it was always the older girl who had travelled down to visit them.
"Who are you?" The unfamiliar man questioned. Tommy didn't answer as he walked forwards and brushed past the man. Clara followed, wincing at the man before she ducked under his outstretched arm. The girl followed her brother through the unfamiliar house, stuffing her Peaky hat into her pocket as the man followed behind.
"Ada." Tommy greeted as they entered a parlour. Clara's lips tugged into a smile as her eyes landed on the eldest Shelby girl lounging on the sofa with a newspaper.
"I asked you a question." The unfamiliar man demanded.
"It's all right, James." Ada dismissed, sending an irritated look to Tommy. "This is my brother...and oh! Clara!" Her sister looked considerably happier to see her than their brother.
"Who's he?" Tommy asked, looking from the man to his sister. Clara almost laughed at the disgruntled look on his face. It was nice to see it aimed at someone else for a change.
"He rents a room," Ada answered in a very matter of fact way.
"You need to rent out rooms?"
"Actually, she doesn't charge rent." James nodded, he looked pretty proud of himself. Clara remained silent as she looked between all three.
"He's a writer, which means he's skint." Ada chuckled.
"You get up late these days, Ada." Tommy took a breath in as he changed the topic.
"Mmm. I go to bed late."
"Yeah? Where's Karl?"
"Yeah, where is the little devil?" Clara smirked, as Ada shook her head in amusement.
"What do you want, Tommy?" Ada eventually huffed, putting down her newspaper as their brother looked warningly towards James. "Oh, God, before you start sizing him up for a wedding suit, he's not interested in me...or girls of any kind.
"Ada!" James exclaimed. Clara's eyes widened. Her heart rate picked up as she looked towards the man. He was like her...well, sort of. Her mind ran in circles as she looked to the ground, her feet becoming a lot more interesting.
"What?" Ada rebutted, "Tommy won't judge you! He sure as hell won't go to the police."
"Look, I'll go and get dressed." James sighed, his head dropping to his chest uneasily. Clara's eyes cautiously drifted up, watching as the man backed out of the room.
"James..." Tommy spoke up, as his hand outstretched. "I'm Thomas...pleased to meet you."
Clara swore her heart stopped right there and then. Her shoulders dropped the tension they had unknowingly been holding. The girl watched as James shook Tommy's hand, her teeth sinking into the inside of her cheek. Her mind sent flashes of Penny across her vision, letting the blonde wreak havoc through her thoughts. The pool of dread in her stomach unravelled as Tommy had spoken to James. He thought no less of the man who liked men. He thought no less... how interesting...
A pang of pain jolted through her heart, all the way down to her feet. Her eyes were trained on their hands and as they broke apart, she snapped out of her daze, her arms immediately folding over her chest.
"Can I have a minute with my sister, please?" Tommy asked.
"Yes, of course." James nodded, a small, subtle smile gracing his features. He left the parlour, with his hands in his pockets.
Clara deflated slightly, she could see Ada's eyes on her as the older girl carefully gestured to an empty armchair. Clara sunk into the sofa, the soft material of the cushions engulfing her, earning a content groan from the girl.
"So, does your lodger know your name?" Tommy began, shifting in his seat across from Ada.
"Yeah." The older girl bluntly put, "Thorne. You think I'd tell anybody anything else? Your Brummie boys are all over the papers. Just one last push, eh? Then you'll go legit? Just one more obstacle to get round, then it'll all be straight?"
"Actually, yes." Their brother nodded.
"Personally, I find it quite amusing." Ada scoffed, shaking her head. "Men like you are becoming very fashionable down here. No society party in London is complete without a gangster for the girls to go giddy for...Anyway, what is it that you want?"
"I don't have any children, Ada,"
Clara could not be arsed in the slightest to listen to her brother's sob story. She lifted her legs, placing them over the arm of the chair, leaning her head against the pillows as she blocked out her sibling's talking. She was so tired and the cushions were so comfortable.
Her back was aching and stiff from being sat in a car all day, her limbs begging to be stretched. She allowed all noise to cease, her arms over her head as she shut her eyes. Her mind drifted from London and travelled all the way back to the blonde curls of the girl she constantly dreamt of.
And what a sweet dream it was...
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HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING READERS!
How are you this fine Friday?
I, for one, am extremely happy because this morning this book hit 100k reads, which I cannot believe and I'm so grateful for it so thank you!
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LOVE YOU ALL ( and here's your weekly meme )