I'm sorry my lovlies! I hope this update makes up for lost time. Thank you to all my new and reoccurring readers. It means the world to me! Hope you enjoy this new chapter! Life has been busy but I am not back and promise to update on a more regular basis. xx
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There I sat. A bottle of champagne later and two rum and cokes down. It was getting late, and no one was back yet. They must be out for dinner. I heated up some leftover noodles and sat down on the couch. I stared at the blank TV, hoping it would magically turn on and give me answers, but as suspected, it remained black. Black like the black hole I wish would suck me in right now.
At this moment, I felt nothing. Not even the bubbles from the champagne give me a tingling sensation. I turned on the TV and scanned through Netflix, looking for something, anything. I came across some random thriller I hadn't seen before and pressed play. About halfway through, I felt my phone vibrate. I quickly picked it up with a glimmer of hope it would be Cale, and for a split second, I felt excitement. I looked at the ID; Michie's name read across the screen. My face dropped as I debated answering it, once again feeling nothing. After the fifth ring, I pressed the green talk button.
"Hi Michie," I said in a melancholy tone
"I heard about Cale...I...I've been wanting to reach out, I know you're not the best of friends but you had history." Michie stuttered as he tried to find the right words to say "...I just wanted to see how you are."
I stared up at the ceiling and bit my lower lip. Why couldn't I fall for the nice guy?
"I'm ok, thanks." I knew it sounded awkward, but what else was I going to say.
"Have you heard anything?" Michie asked after a long pause.
I shook my head and then laughed at myself when I realized Michie couldn't actually see me.
"No, just that he will be fine." I paused, wondering if I should say the next part. "The police don't think it was an accident."
"Are you serious!?...but...who would..." Michie sounded genuinely shocked by what I just.
"I don't know. Right now the police are investigating, I don't know much more." Michie was kind. I knew he was being sincere. Unlike Emily, who sent out a massive Instagram post, hysterically crying. It made me want to gauge my eyes out, but after a long internal debate with myself, I decided against it.
"Can you come over?" I blurted out before my brain could catch up with my mouth. I had a feeling no one would be back for a while, and I was desperate for some sort of emotion.
"uhh, I don't know if I should." He hesitated.
"Please," I said quietly and desperate, practically begging like a child. But I didn't care.
"Ok, I'll see you soon." He finally gave in and hung up.
I hopped his response would make me feel some emotion, but it didn't. I put my phone on the side table and stared back at the TV. The smell of my last two rum and coke's evident. I wrinkled my nose, got up and walked into Cales room. I found a sweater of Cale's on the floor and picked it. I immediately received a subtle hint of his cologne. A flood of memories went through my mind, and I felt a single tear escape my eye. I realized at that moment that if I lost Cale forever, I would shatter. I was broken and never fully recovered from my sisters death. But this would be too much. I felt my heart tighten, and I pushed the thought from my mind as I took off my jacket and put on Cale's hoodie, letting the smell consume me and forgetting about the lingering rum and coke.
I went back to the living room, realizing how dark it was. The only light was coming from the TV. I turned on the side table lamp and let my eyes adjust. I unlocked the door for Michie and sat back down on the couch, my stomach sloshing from all the alcohol. After a few more minutes, the front dorm door opened, and Michie walked through. I looked up at him, and he smiled down at me. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to get the sides of my mouth to curl up; they remained neutral.
"Do you always live like a bat?" Michie announced as he looked around the dark dorm. Trying to make light of the situation.
"I actually quite like bats." I said in the most upbeat voice I could. It was true. I had always loved bats. The way they are so free, how they move in different directions so quickly. Their pointy ears always fascinated me as well.
Michie wondered around and turned on some lights. I squinted my eyes shut, slowly getting used to the brightness. By the time my eyes adjusted, I noticed Michie was sitting next to me.
"What are you watching?" He asked. This was now becoming awkward. The last time we were alone, we made out till I said Cales name and then ran away.
"Cabin in the woods. Not my favourite, but it's not bad." I shrugged casually.
"You watch scary movies by yourself...in the dark...that's not normal." I chuckled at his comment.
"So I've been told." I remembered when Cale called me a psychopath for watching scary movies alone. Here I was, wanting to get my mind off Cale, yet everything he said somehow reminded me of him.
The next few minutes, we sat chatting about the movie, Michie asking questions about why I watched these movies, a question I truly never knew the answer to, I just did. After a few laughs we sat there as the movie ended, and I couldn't think of what to discuss next.
"If I kissed you what would you do?" My eyes widened as my head snapped so quickly towards Michie I thought it would dislocate.
"Why are you asking me that?" My champagne brain was in full effect, and I wasn't sure what would come out of my mouth.
"I don't know. I know this isn't the right time to ask, but I don't know when I'll get this opportunity again." He stared at his hands as I stared at him, emotionless. How could someone like him possibly even like someone like me?
"I'm hoping maybe, we can start over." I sighed lightly at his request. He was acting as if we were once dating when we weren't.
I leaned in slightly, wondering if what I was about to do was incredibly stupid or if it would go the way I wanted it. I leaned in more and noticed Michie looking at me curiously, my face giving nothing away. Before my brain could stop me, I leaned in the rest of the way and kissed him, keeping my hands on the couch. Michie eagerly responded and put his hands around my neck. He tried to move his lips eagerly to mine, but I forced him to keep it soft and light, almost polite. When his hands started to intertwine themselves into my curls, I pulled away.
"so does that mean..." Michie started to say. It was evident this did not go how I wanted.
"I'm sorry Michie", I interrupted softly
He furrowed, his brow confused. "Sorry? I'm confused, you just kissed me."
"It was a goodbye kiss." I said a little louder.
"Is that even a thing?" Miche threw his hands up.
"It is in all the dumb romance movies my sister used to watch." I said in a low voice. Why I thought it was real, I wasn't sure.
Michie pinched the bridge between his nose. "Sterling, movies aren't real and typically, both parties know that it's a goodbye kiss!"
He had a point.
"Yea, I didn't fully think that through," I said slowly as I processed his words. He was right. Oh boy, I have really messed this one up.
He looked at me straight in the eye. "have you been drinking?"
"Well.....yea, a bit." I said sheepishly
"Why did you ask me to come here." Again, a question I didn't know how to answer.
"I don't fully know." I said honestly.
"You actually love Cale don't you."
"Michie, listen, you're a great friend and..."
"Stop." He interjected. "I truly want what's best for you. I don't think he is right for you but I'm not going to hold you back. But I'll be here to pick up the pieces when he eventually breaks your heart."
"Thank you." was all I said. He smiled back at me.
"I'm going to go to the washroom and then head out." I simply nodded and showed him the direction of the bathroom.
When he was out of sight, I bit my lip and put my head in my hands, sighing heavily. I heard a click from the front door and assumed the others had finally made it back.
"what the fuck are you doing?" I heard a familiar voice say in a playful tone. I popped my head up, and my breath caught in my throat.
"Cale?" I questioned, wondering if I was hallucinating. Even in the low light, I could see the wound and knew it would scar.
"Last time I checked." He ached an eyebrow as he touched his face pretending to figure out if he was real.
I chuckled and rolled my eyes.
"What are you doing here?"
"I live here". He said slowly and sarcastically.
"No", I shook my head. "I meant...I thought you were still in the hospital. What happened?"
His face suddenly became soft. His usually piercing eyes became smooth, and his expression relaxed to one I had never seen before. It made me feel...at ease. I wanted to put my hand on his face and tell him everything would be ok.
"I don't want to discuss any of that. Not right now. I want a normal conversation." His voice even sounded soft. Like he had just lost a battle. I looked again at his eyes and noticed how tired they looked. He probably hasn't had much sleep. The hospital lights are blinding, I would know. For once, I can say I understand, and I sympathize with him.
I didn't really know what to say. I could ask about the weather. But that would be pathetic. So I did the next best thing I could think of. I took a few quick steps forward and hugged him as hard as I could. Startled by my unexpected action, he tensed up slightly, but I quickly felt his shoulders relax. He dropped his bag a few moments later and wrapped his arms around me. I felt safe, I felt ok, I no longer felt numb.
I inhaled his scent and felt calm. It wasn't his regular cologne smell, but it was still....Cale. There was a hint of hospital, but I managed to get past that; I couldn't help but smile.
Eventually, he let go of me, and for once, the silence wasn't awkward; it was welcoming. Like we were both thinking the same thing.
"Sterling..." He started as his head dipped slightly.
As if the world was out to get me, I heard the bathroom door open. And my eyes shot wide. I somehow forgot Michie was here.
"Cale..." I started. "Don't freak out."
He looked at me quizzically, and I knew Michie had emerged when Cale's eyes became narrow and dark.
Shit. was my only thought.
"You're fucking kidding me." He snapped, "I'm in the hospital, and you're fooling around with Michie.
"Cale, man. It's no like that," Michie started to say.
"Fuck off." I saw Cale take a step forward, and I put my hand on his chest to stop him. His eyes became even darker as he stared at me, debating his next move.
Instead, he sneered down at me, shaking his head before walking away and slamming his bedroom door.
I stood there staring at the shut door. Forgetting Michie was still in the room. I did nothing wrong, so he had no reason to be mad. Well, except for the kiss, but that shouldn't count, and I was not about to tell him that right now. I felt my adrenaline pumping, and before I knew it, my feet were busting through Cale's door.
"NO!" I shouted at him as I swung the door open. This one time, I was so angry I wasn't phased by his now shirtless body ahead of me. "You don't get to do that! I have been worried about you. I even came to see you. I've done nothing wrong." At this point, I was just spitting out words hoping they would make sense.
"My brother told me you came. Maria said you had been a zombie the last while. The first thing I did was try to find you. Instead I find you in bed with Michie." His low and threatening.
I threw my hands up. "You idiot...Onw. You did not find us in bed, don't be a drama queen, you entitled prick. Two." I held a finger up with every number. "I don't know why, but when you're not around I'm numb. After being terrified of losing you I lost control, I was desperate, so I invited Michie over. Not to sleep with, not everyone is whore like you. and Three." I'm pretty sure the city next to us could hear me by this point. "Why would I do that when I'm in love with you!" I immediately clapped my hands over my mouth. My breathing intensified, and I hoped that Cale suddenly developed hearing loss.
"What did you just say?" Was all Cale whispered.