I laid in bed for hours, my mind was empty but my thoughts kept racing. I don't know how much time had past but I was happy being locked away in my room away from the whispers, away from the pity glances, away from the rumours. Although Jacob had told the truth to his pack, he still limited his involvement, he still minimised his faults. He had used Leanna as a scapegoat. Even if she was the instigator, he was still responsible for his decisions. He could have ordered Leanne to tell the truth years ago. I shook my head in disappointment, I clenched my fist in anger.
It wasn't long before I was snapped from my thoughts as there was a knock on my door. A part of me wanted to ignore whoever it was but once I sniffed the air, I knew it was someone I couldn't ignore. He didn't deserve my cold shoulder, he had been there for me through all the pain even if he didn't know I was suffering.
"Come in." I shouted.
Benji strolled in, I looked at him and he was dressed in a baggy white shirt and some jogging bottoms. He was barefoot and he had a forlorn look on his face. He looked at me with sympathy and pain, I pulled back the bed sheets and it wasn't long before he crawled in and sat upright leaning against the headboard and pulled me to his side. It was then that the tears flowed out my eyes. I was silent in my pain as the rivers flowed down my cheeks. I had mastered the years of crying without a whisper. Years I had spent hiding my pain from my parents, my sister and my pack.
"Babe, I'm so sorry." He whispers into my head as he gives me a soft kiss in my hair. "I can't imagine what you have gone through. I mean what I feel towards Lewis." He softly shakes his head. "How can anyone ignore that? I'm human and even I can't imagine the pain of being away from him. What have you been through sis?" He rhetorically asked.
There was no words to answer his question. For losing my wolf for years she had taken the pain away from me, however the pain of losing my wolf was something that I couldn't handle. It felt like a part of me was missing. I lost my mate and a part of my identity. I spent countless days crying over the loss of everything. Never would I expected to have this conversation with Benji and never would I have expected him to comprehend the meaning of mates. He was fortunate that his mate respected the bond. He would never feel the pain that I did but he can understand how difficult it is to ignore the pull. He will have some knowledge and some understanding.
"Do you want to know what happened after you left? I mean to be honest I thought the highlight would have been you knocking your sister out, but it was like a soap opera after you left." He let out a light chuckle.
A part of me wanted to answer him but the words were just stuck in my throat. Of course I wanted to know what happened but equally I just couldn't take the pain anymore. This place brought me nothing but hurt, watching my mother break down as she watched my sister's lies come to the surface, never once did she show me this type of pain for my sorrow. Jacob had admitted to me in the elevator that they didn't even realise I was gone. Why did she feel no bond towards me? Was I that much of a disappointment to her? All I could do was nod in response to Benji's question.
"Well after you left your mother had a breakdown, she was just crying while your father officially disowned her as a daughter. Your mother begged him to do something to save her and he just shook his head at her and told her that she was disgusting as a mother. Your father then took to the stage and admitted what they had done, that they had abused and neglected you for the actions of Leanne. They admitted that you had tried to tell the truth and that they didn't believe you, nor did they investigate. Well as you can imagine, the pack members were in uproar." He shook his head in disbelief.
"Then, well Jacob did the unexpected. He admitted his faults as an Alpha, he told them that when Leanne's pup was born that he knew it wasn't his child. He told them he had lied to them in hopes of reuniting the pack and that his judgement was wrong. He confirmed that he started a war with the Alpha of the Rogues who had tried to reform the pack of their illegal actions but he was too butt sore to stop the fighting. He said he needed someone to blame." Benji sighed out.
"What was the outcome of the meeting?" I murmured into Benji's chest as I held onto him tightly.
"Alpha Jacob stated that both he and Leanne needed to be punished. It was something that was long overdue. He stated that he had failed his pack, his mate and his family. He explained that he was not worthy to be Alpha. Well... the pack agreed and it was decided that the Council of Elder's had already been notified and that they would attend today." Benji finished.
To say I was shocked was an understatement, never had I heard of an Alpha in history that had contacted the Elder's for his own punishment. The Elder's were people that you didn't want to anger, they had power beyond any Alpha's imagination. They were responsible for overseeing the pack's were following the laws of werewolves. I knew from everything that had happened that they would instigate an investigation. I knew years ago that I could have done this but truthfully I just wanted to move on with my life.
"How's Lewis dealing with that news?" I asked. I was concerned for his mate, I knew that if he was hurt Benji would feel it. Benji was marked and mated so any negative emotions would flow through him, they were connected on a level that I only ever imagined.
"He's stressed out and worried." Benji murmured. "He knows that the Elder's will find them guilty. Even though they weren't directly responsible for what happened, anyone who knew what had happened should have reported it to them."
I closed my eyes, there was truth in what they had spoken. Even though Lewis wasn't Beta until my father was removed from his position, he still had a duty to report any wrong-doings. I knew my parents would be punished along with my sister. God knows how my mother was going to react, she was already a mess, I knew she had the ability to react irrationally. I just wondered whether she realised that she would be seen as responsible as well. I mean she was Beta Female and she also allowed this to happen under her nose.
"How are you feeling about everything? This must be information overload for you." I give him a soft smile as I pull away from his chest.
"You bet your sweet ass it's information overload. Lewis has been great in teaching me what's going to happen and what is expected of me. He's already said that he will take responsibility for me knowing about werewolves. He's given me his word that he would protect you." Benji said with certainty. I believed his words and essentially I knew that Lewis would protect me, he had already expressed his interest in developing a relationship with me, for I had saved his mate in his eyes.
"Do you know when the Elder's are arriving?" I questioned.
"Mhmm. They should be here this afternoon. I believe tomorrow they will start a pack inquiry where Leanne and Jacob will be prosecuted for their actions and going against pack law." He said sadly.
I closed my eyes tightly and pushed my back against the headboard and pinched the bridge of my nose. I knew I would have to give my accounts and I knew that my dirty laundry would be aired for the whole pack not that it wasn't already pack gossip. I couldn't help but wonder what other secrets were lingering behind the lies of Jacob. The elder's had this innate ability to find a needle in a haystack.
"Just great." I replied sarcastically.
"Can I ask you something sis?" Benji hesitantly asked.
"You know you can?" I reply.
"Even without you kicking my ass or shouting at me?" He teased. I rolled my eyes at him and gestured with my hand for him to continue. "Retta, before when you spoke to me about mates in your apartment I never really understood the meaning of it. I mean when you spoke about Jacob he was an arse. Well he still is an arse. But I mean, he's trying?" He says questionably.
"I guess." I grumble.
"Well I mean, do you think you could forgive him? I haven't told Lewis what you've told me about your relationship with him."
"What relationship? It's non existent." I scoff.
"I know but I mean he is trying. He called the Elders and I can see from your face that you are shocked that he did that. I mean he could have just punished your sister and not admitted his wrong doings but he has. I just wanna know can you forgive him?"
I close my eyes thinking about his words. Can I truly forgive him for the pain he has caused? There is truth in his words in what he was saying. I told Jacob to be accountable for his actions and he has. He has taken it beyond what I expected. I know the part of me that is a wolf wants to forgive him, wants to move on with him. However all these years I have lived as a human, that is the bigger part of me. The human side of me can't justify him being in a relationship, mating and marking my sister against his wolf's advice. I didn't hate his wolf, his wolf was logical, his wolf defended me against parents who should have fought for me. Why couldn't he be more like his wolf?
I opened my eyes and looked at Benji and I had no answer for him. The wolf and human in me was both conflicted. I understood that my wolf was a true Luna with the Elder's coming, already I could feel her become defensive over her pack and mate. She recognised the dangers of having these powerful wolves being on our land. She sensed the urgency to protect and ensure that they were safe. However, the human in me wanted the justice that I should have had years ago. The human part of me was being petty according to my wolf.
With those final thoughts racing through my mind. All I could whisper was "I don't know Benji. I just don't know."