I was going insane stuck in this apartment. At least before I was going to district daily. Now I cant leave. It's just me and my dad, sometimes Will or Hank occasionally Adam. Dad doesn't want time alone. I walk over to my phone which was on the counter hearing a message come through. Seeing Tyler had sent me a message saying me and Belle were safe, he did ask who else was there that night which I sent him a picture. I immediately called Adam "Ruzek" "Addy" I gasp out "what's wrong what happened" he rushed out "I think I just got people killed" "what do you mean" "I was talking Ty he told me me and Belle wouldn't be targeted" he hums "I sent him a picture a picture of who was there...I think there going to kill everyone but me and Belle" "send me the picture" he demands causing me to sigh. I pull it up on the iPad sending it to him. "Do you know all of these people" "most Belle knows all I can ask her" "I'll run facial rec I'll ask if they don't come up" I nod before realising he can't see "yeah yeah" "Frank they aren't going to die because of you he didn't die because of you...you maybe the trigger yes but they doesn't make you the reason it's like lighting a fire you can't always be blamed for what burns" "unless you douse the room in gasoline" I add making him laugh "unintentionally Frank unintentionally" I laugh "ok" I nod "I'll call you later keep your head up" I sigh "I'll try" I say before hanging up. I didn't know what to do. I didn't believe him or any of them. I knew in my heart that I was the reason he was dead, those two kids were dead, the people in the picture were going to die. It was all on me my fault. No one could change that.
I lay in bed. I had been crying. The world was crumbling around me. Why does all this bad stuff keep happening to me. I was raped, shot at, almost raped again and had a hand in someone's murder. I was only sixteen died all this bad stuff happen to everyone. Will my whole life be full of bad stuff, it will it just stop one day. Will I somehow get more people killed. Tears build up in my eyes I'm the worst in the reason everything is so crap. Tears drip down my face. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself but it only makes it worse. The tears don't stop falling, the thoughts don't stop spinning only getting worse by the second. I hiccup unable to catch my breath. I sigh hugging the bear that my dad gave me when he was three. I needed someone but I physically can't move. It's like I was broken. I was badly broken. I didn't know I could be fixed. If I could be fixed. I wipe my eyes trying to see but it didn't make a difference. My eyes were leaking far to fast. I take a deep breath trying to control myself. Eventually crying myself to asleep.