The hours seem to blur into days and days into a whole week. Y/N can barely believe it's been a week since the Wine-Tasting Party. The wound still feels fresh to her. To distract herself, she's been working tirelessly on all the work she has missed and any new tasks she must complete. Little to no room is left in her monotonous schedule of waking up, going to work, working all day, and going to sleep just before the sun rises. It keeps her busy, and being busy is good.
The door to her office swings open, Y/N doesn't look up.
"Aren't you going home, Y/N?" Lisa asks, yawning as she drops off a stack of books at Y/N's desk. "You've been working all day. Not to mention, you've been arriving and leaving at the crack of dawn this entire week."
Y/N shrugs, her eyes not leaving the document on her desk. She fills out the basic information of the case she had just solved a few hours ago. "I still have a lot to do. I've been off work for a while."
Lisa frowns as her emerald eyes land on the stack of completed documents on Y/N's desk. "Did you do all of those today?" She asks, gesturing towards the inch-thick pile of papers.
Y/N nods. "Yep. Don't I look super productive?"
"You look super dead." Lisa retorts, examining the bags under her tired eyes and Y/N's handwriting that is becoming progressively sloppier. She lets out a yawn. "Just looking at you makes me tired."
"Then go get some rest," Y/N states, glancing at the clock on the wall across the office. "It's already one in the morning?!"
"Maybe I'll take these books with me, so you don't have an excuse to stay any longer." Lisa mutters, but Y/N quickly places her hand on top of the stack.
"No! They're important." Y/N responds.
Lisa deadpans at the ridiculous girl. "101 Hilichurl Expressions for Dummies?" Lisa reads out the book's title at the top of the stack with a tone that suggests she's severely judging Y/N. "How important." She adds sarcastically.
Y/N flushes with embarrassment. "When you say it like that, it sounds dumb."
"Because it is." Lisa states, crossing her arms.
Y/N shakes her head dismissively before taking her time writing her signature on the last document left.
Lisa rolls her eyes. "You sure are taking your sweet time writing your name."
Y/N sighs, finally lifting her pen from the page and placing it in the stack with all the other documents.
"Y/N, what's wrong?" Lisa's voice suddenly becomes soft as she gazes worriedly at Y/N.
Y/N bites down on her lip. She wants to tell Lisa everything. About what happened that night, how she hurt Diluc, and about the rumours flying around the City. However, she's feeling too tired to go through everything again.
"This has to with Diluc, right?" A sudden voice speaks up.
Y/N and Lisa turn their heads to see Kaeya standing in the doorway. "Kaeya."
"I thought I heard some voices here. Usually, the only sounds come from Jean's office." Kaeya states. "I thought we had an intruder." He chuckles before letting himself into the small room. "What are you two doing here so late?"
"I was planning on going home a while ago but got held up by this weirdo suddenly requesting a stack of books on Hilichurlian." Lisa scoffs.
Kaeya raises his brows in surprise. "Learning a new language all of a sudden?"
"Well, it's always good to learn something new." Y/N retorts defensively.
"It definitely is a good distraction." Kaeya responds, watching Y/N shuffle uncomfortably at how accurate his response was.
Lisa turns to Kaeya. "Why did you bring Diluc up? If he did anything, I could teach him a lesson for you, Y/N."
"No, that's not it." Y/N sighs.
Lisa and Kaeya exchange looks. "How about we go for drinks?" Kaeya suggests.
"We drank so much last weekend." Y/N replies. "Plus, I'm busy..."
"No, you're not." Lisa shakes her head. "Since we're awake anyway, let's go to Angel' Sh-" Kaeya shoots Lisa a look. "The Cat's Tail."
"You want to go to the Cat's Tail?" Y/N looks at her quizzically. The three of them have never gone there to drink before.
"Come on, let's check it out."
Y/N frowns. Thinking of Margaret and her cat already makes her want to leave the tavern she isn't even at. "You guys go without me."
-----
They, in fact, did not go without her. Kaeya and Lisa linked arms with each of Y/N's and practically dragged her to The Cat's Tail tavern.
Y/N slams her mug down on the table dejectedly. Thankfully, there are very few patrons in the tavern during these wee hours. If it were Angel's Share, it would still be bustling. Compared to Angel's Share, The Cat's Tail is a much smaller tavern with a quieter ambience and less busy atmosphere. Angel's Share, one of the most popular tourist spots in Mondstadt, leaves little patrons for this smaller competitor.
"Guys," Y/N starts. "I think I really fucked up this time."
"What do you mean?" Lisa asks, worry lacing her voice as she takes a sip of her drink.
"I'm pretty sure Diluc hates me." Y/N feels a lump beginning to form in her throat as her eyes get misty. "He found out about me going back to Fontaine and joining the Fatui. But I didn't tell him. He found out on his own."
"I told you so." Kaeya mutters into his drink. Lisa elbows him harshly. He chokes.
"Then, we got into an argument about it that only escalated. Diluc was drunk, so he probably didn't have much control over what he said, but I was sober." Her voice trembles. "And I told him that our relationship was nothing."
Lisa sighs while petting the black cat in her arms. Prince had joined in on their conversation somewhere along the way.
"And now, with this rumour about us being together, I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Y/N rests her head against the wooden table. She locks eyes with Prince, who meows curiously. "I wish I could just become a cat. Life would be so much easier, right Prince?"
"She's lost her mind." Lisa mumbles, and Kaeya nods in agreement.
"Maybe I deserve to lose my mind a little." Y/N retorts, picking up her mug of whatever drink Margaret gave her. Since Y/N had never been here before, she just told Margaret to give her anything. "After all this, I don't think I can return to being sane."
"Were any of us sane to begin with?" Kaeya asks rhetorically. "I mean, we have too many Knights protecting a city with little to no crime, and we have an Adventurer's Guild handling the commissions. What sane person would work here?"
Nobody laughs at his half-joke.
"This isn't the time for a mid-life crisis, Kaeya." Lisa responds. "Y/N already has enough on her shoulders."
He ignores Lisa's remark and takes a sip from his glass. "I still think you should explain everything to him and apologize." He announces. "Before it's too late."
Y/N looks at him curiously at that last note. His expression is seemingly the same, but an air of mystique clouds his silver eye. "What do you mean?" Y/N asks.
He merely shrugs. "Only speaking from experience."
Lisa hums thoughtfully. "I, for once, agree with Kaeya. You'll only drift farther away if things stay the way they are. I doubt either of you would like that."
"But maybe I do want that." Y/N responds. "It'll be easier this way. If I do nothing, I can leave for Fontaine without anything holding me back. No regrets."
"No regrets?" Kaeya lifts a brow. "Do you truly feel liberated this way? If so, then why are you stressing over this to the point of becoming a bigger workaholic than Jean?"
Y/N doesn't respond, knowing Kaeya has already seen through her.
"Y/N." A voice interrupts their conversation. The three of them look over to see a familiar astrologist.
"Oh, hey, Mona." Y/N greets her. "What are you doing here so late?"
"Just for a drink or two." She responds as she invites herself to their table.
"This late at night?" Y/N questions.
"The drinks are always cheaper in the A.M.," Mona explains. "And who are you to judge me when you're here as well."
She has a point. Y/N thinks as she watches Mona pull out a crystal ball.
Lisa and Kaeya watch silently, confusion and curiosity reflected in their eyes.
"You need some direction." Mona states. "I happened to overhear what you all were talking about while having my drink. I assume you didn't take my advice from the last reading? Well, I don't assume- I know."
She places her hands over the crystalline ball, her fingertips hovering over the glossy surface. "Y/N, the stars are saying some not-so-nice things about you right now." Mona chuckles. "They're saying you're a fool."
"Gee, thanks." Y/N sarcastically responds, Lisa and Kaeya sniggering lightly.
"You're afraid," Mona says, her tone suddenly turning serious again. "Your fear is holding you back from what you need. It blinds you, shielding your eyes from your true desires and misleading you. You're letting your fear hurt those you care about and hurt yourself."
She tears her blue eyes away from the ball to peek at Y/N from the corner of her eyes. "I'm also getting the sense that you are holding on to this fear. You want it to keep shielding you from anything beyond what you know because then, you have an excuse." She says. "An excuse to run away from your problems and sabotage yourself from becoming number one at anything."
Y/N's eyes widen, flinching as those words meet her ears.
"There are people whose influence instils this fear in you despite being oceans away. You need to start breaking away from them, not physically, but mentally and emotionally." She explains. "And you can start, by opening up to your man and apologizing."
"That's easier said than done." Y/N mutters with a deep sigh.
She abruptly stands up from her seat. "Thanks, guys, but I think I'm going to head home now, though."
"Good luck, Y/N." Mona waves to her.
"Good night."
——-
Y/N swings open the door to her dark house. The moonlight filtering through the windows bathes the whole house in a sea-blue. Y/N feels her way through the dim house before crashing onto her bed.
Everything Mona said was spot-on. Y/N thinks with a frown. I'm a coward.
A sense of deja vu washes over her figure. "You're not a coward. You're very brave for telling me. It isn't easy opening up like that." A memory of what she told Diluc the night of the Wine-tasting party crosses her mind. A memory of a night that feels much longer than a week ago.
Why can't I show myself the same sympathy I show others? Y/N clenches her fists. You're not a coward. You have every right to be scared. What matters now is that you fix your mess. Y/N tells herself.
Tomorrow. You need to come clean tomorrow.