Story #1
Summary;
Izuku was born with a quirk that has the darkest sense of humour.For the longest time,he hides this quirk and allows the world to believe he was Quirkless.
But then he finds himself at Yuuei's hero course,surrounded by supportive people,despite of what his status is to them.
For a while,everything was fine.Good,even.
But then training came with Hitoshi and Aizawa-sensei,with some secrets starting to spill.Izuku isn't sure if he wants this to be permanent or not.
That's fine!He'll just reset if things go wrong!Easy,right?
Oh how wrong that last statement is.
Warnings:
Temporary Character Death,Suicide,Panic Attacks(somewhat vague),mentions of abandonment(voluntary or not,that's up to the reader),mentions of abuse/bullying,
—Angst(Major)/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff—
AN;
This is heavily inspired by the AO3 fanfic "better luck next time" by nauticalwarrior and a one-shot inspired by the fic called "blue" by aworus.Please do read them if you have the chance,it's really good!
Please read the warnings before reading the fic.
So first fanfic of the book!It's been quite some time since I last wrote something bnha/mha related.But I had finally caught up with season 5(As well as rewatching some past episodes),been re-reading old fav fics and reading some brand new ones.
Since it's been a while,my writing for the characters in this fic might be a little ooc,maybe even rusty.But I guess I'll just have to familiarise with them again.
If I made any mistakes,feel free to point it out.
Please take care of yourselves :>
.............................................
Midoriya Izuku is no stranger to severe consequences.
He has experienced many—maybe a tad too many—of these consequences and he would always try his best to correct them.To learn from them;make it better,he would say to himself.And thanks to his quirk,he can do just that.Correct his mistakes,make a better future.A good future for those he cares about.
But what exactly is his quirk?You may ask.
Well,it wasn't anything flashy nor noticeable,it doesn't make him super strong or super fast.If anything,it's a quirk no one would really believe he possess.Well,unless you're Detective Tsukauchi,in which case he can confirm if it's true or not.
You see,Midoriya Izuku can travel back in time.
The kicker?The only way to active it is through his own death.Self-Inflicted or not.
And honestly?The first few times Izuku had experienced these past travels were strange and surreal.For the majority of his childhood,he had been viewed and labeled as Quirkless.He get's ridiculed and beaten up by his peers and random strangers just because he doesn't possess a unique feature or ability.
So you could imagine the sheer,raw happiness he had upon finding out he had a quirk.But when learning how to activate it?That's when it goes downhill fast.
He finds it ironic,really.All his life,he has been told to just do them all a favour and die;only to finally get his quirk that only works when he does exactly what his tormentors told him to do.Such a cruel,dark irony.Izuku thinks the universe is fucking toying with him.But when has it not?
Another kicker though?Turns out Izuku is not as invincible as he thought he was.
Yeah,he goes back in time when he dies,which technically means he can't die at all,right?Every injuries and bruises he'd get for maybe the first five minutes before dying would go away.Everyone's memories,but his own,would be erased if he times his death right.Things can become permanent,while others don't.
But after several deaths,Izuku had made a horrid discovery about his quirk;
It's slowly killing him.
One day,he finds a patch of his hair strands had turned from the forest green he was born with to a pale,snow white.One day,he finds his fingers have a blue colour and cold numbness coating it.One day,he noticed the subtle changes in his senses,from his eyes faintly fuzzing out his view to echoing ringing in his ear.
If finding out your quirk's activation system was dark enough,then this was definitely a void dark irony.A quirk that prevents him from dying,yet it's slowly killing him inside out.The horrific,dark humour fate has brought to this boy.
How fucking cruel.
If you ever asked Izuku what was wrong;he'd give you a bright and assuring smile and he'd tell you that there is nothing wrong.He'd tell you not to worry.He'd tell you he was just feeling bad,but would be just fine.He'd tell you he's a-okay.
If you ever asked,Izuku would tell you lies.White lies,one that he often say so no one would worry about him.He hates worrying people,after all.
Izuku would never tell you what he found out upon searching the net for answers as to why he's becoming this.Why his hair is turning white.Why his fingers—maybe his hand,his body—is growing cold and blue.Why his senses are acting funny.
Izuku would never tell you how this dark,heavy weigh settled in his guts when he finds his answer.How everything plummets to the core of the earth when he realised why.
Despite the shock and fear clawing his brain,Izuku would never tell you the consequences of his quirk—not that he'd tell you he has a quirk in the first place—.
Not even to his new-found friends at Yuuei.Not even the friendly acquaintances of his class.Not even the pro heroes who are suppose to be his teachers.Hell,not even his own mother knew the truth—he's too late to even tell her—.
They were all under the assumption that Izuku was a Quirkless,genius heroics student at Yuuei high that has one hell of a gut instinct and a heart too big for his body.And this is the assumption Izuku wanted them to have on him.
Because if they ever find out of the truth,well...
Honestly,Izuku wasn't sure what would happen.But all he knew was that he should never trust anyone,no matter their titles or relationships with you.Because friends would betray you.Friendly acquaintances would talk behind your back.Heroes and teachers—Adults,in general—would not even care about you,maybe not even look at you.
Izuku may care for these people,he cares for people too much;even if they don't care about him in return.But that doesn't mean he's naive or gullible.He knows the reality of his world,the discrimination and abuse he suffered thought the years are more than enough for him to know this.
But even then,he didn't want anyone to worry.Not that he thinks someone would.His mother was an exception,however;but Izuku wanted to save her from the paranoia of knowing your son has a quirk with the darkest sense of humour—Sometimes he wondered if it was worth it,to not tell his mother before she left.—.
"Everything will be just fine."
That was practically his motto,his catchphrase,perhaps;Like All Might's iconic 'I Am Here!'.Izuku often finds himself saying that to everyone,wether to reset or assure them.The phrase was heavily familiar to him;a phrase he has told himself multiple times in his head when he's being beaten down by his bullies,or told someone who's hurt and might not make it if he doesn't do a reset immediately,or told his friends and teachers whenever they asked about his physical and mental well-being.
Everything will be just fine.
As long as no one knows his secret,it will be.He'd hide the truth for as long as he can live,or as long as his quirk lets him live.There's no point in telling them.If he did,he'd had done a reset just after spilling the truth and no one would remember.He doesn't do it,nonetheless,but it sounded pleasant to get it all out of his chest.
But never tried to,because he can't risk letting it be permanent.He can't risk the truth be remembered.
So he hides it all.He dyes his white chunks of hair back into his forest green colour.He starts wearing gloves to hide his cold and blue and numb fingers.He strains his eyes and ears and all other senses whenever the fuzzy and numbing and ringing sounds and vision tug.
It's been good,his secret still kept hidden.His life stayed the same.No one suspected anything.He was doing really well.
Until that day.
It began like this;Izuku was out training with Aizawa-sensei and Hitoshi.The three were at their usual spot in Yuuei's forest area.It was a fairly cloudy day,perhaps a little windy,but all was good.
Both Hitoshi and Izuku were sparring,like usual.Since neither had offensive quirks—and Izuku being Quirkless,but that's what they knew—,they were training in hand-to-hand combat.Sometimes,they trained with support gear,other times they trained with long ranged items,other times they trained their senses and instincts.
Today was suppose to be a regular day.Where Izuku spars with Hitoshi while Aizawa-sensei watches and coaches them.He was suppose to be a Quirkless student in their eyes.He was suppose to talk more with his close—maybe best—friend about that cat cafe they went to last week.He was suppose to show off more of his analysis to his sensei—maybe parental figure—and discuss.
It happens when Izuku goes in to hit Hitoshi,as part of their spar.The purple-haired boy's reflexes had enhanced greatly and he dodges.It would've been okay,it would've been good;had Hitoshi decided not to also grab onto Izuku's gloved hands in retaliation.
Izuku wasn't sure what possess him to move like that;but the moment Hitoshi grabs his hand,Izuku jerks it back.The cloth that kept his secret slipped off and Izuku faintly noticed his hands were significantly colder than it used to.
Three seconds was all it took for the realisation to settle.His right hand's glove was held in Hitoshi's hand,his own hand was up in the air,the clouds were rolling in and were getting darker,the wind was howling hard,and Izuku's body froze.
Hitoshi's eyes were blown wide open when his gaze trailed towards his hand,his grip on the the glove loosened until the thing fell from his grasp.Izuku made no move to pick it up again,the fear and epiphany kept his feet firm on the ground.He could've sworn he heard Aizawa-sensei take a shuddering breath.
Almost hesitantly,Izuku spared a glance at his hand and his heart nearly stopped.The blue colour is dangerously close to his knuckles,the numbness—while faint,not so noticeable,but it's there—cloaked his fingers like a weighted blanket.
Oh shit.
Aizawa-sensei hurries to him and Izuku wasn't sure how to describe the look on his face.There was a mixture of surprise,maybe startled?The worry was evident,his sensei wasn't even trying to hide it.Izuku was hardly able to repress a flinch when Aizawa-sensei took his hand into his.
It was somewhat warm;Aizawa-sensei's hand was calloused and rough,but it was warm too.It almost took away all the cold and numb tinge on his fingers.Almost.
Izuku watched as Aizawa-sensei examined his blue fingers,the confusion and worry swirled in his eyes as he looked up to meet his gaze.He brings his other hand to Izuku's forehead,brows scrunched as he stared."Midoriya...",he began and Izuku could hear the baffled tone in his voice"...why are your fingers freezing cold?".
Somehow,that's what it took for Izuku to snap out of his stupor.He felt a little bad—just a tad little—when he shoves Aizawa-sensei away from him,pulling his exposed hand towards his chest,almost curling around it in a protective way.
His focus shifted to the glove on the ground.He would've gotten it,had Hitoshi not decided to snatch it away before he could even reach for it.Izuku stared at Hitoshi and at the moment,he did not regret glaring at his friend.
"Hitoshi.",His voice was deep,perhaps threatening?Whatever it was,it was somewhat borderline dangerous,"Give it to me."
Hitoshi lets out a shuddering breath at the sight his fingers,"Izuku...".He sounded pained,like he was the one hurt.The glove was being pulled farther away from him.
"Give me my glove back.",he almost demands,staring at Hitoshi with a hard gaze.Don't make me reset.
The other shakes his head,slow and cautious,as if something terrible has happened and he didn't know, "Izuku,your fingers-"
"I know!",he snaps and a tinge of guilt tugs his chest when Hitoshi flinched at the tone.He barely managed to concealed a wince,but he continued to stare,"Just give me back my glove."
Something must've sparked in the other boy,because his stare hardens and dims a little.He moves the glove so he's hiding it behind his back and Izuku is getting impatient,"You need to go to recovery girl,Izu-"
"Hitoshi,my glove!",he takes a step forward,a warning.Should he just reset now?No,maybe there's still time.Maybe he can still escape this.He just needs his glove and he'll go.Izuku is being careful with his resets,but he won't hesitate to-
"No!"
"Midoriya.",Izuku's breath hitches at the sound of Aizawa-sensei's voice,authoritative and wavering Wait why is it wavering-,"Why are your fingers blue?"
"It's-...",What the hell was he suppose to do?Lying is a cheap way out and it doesn't often work.It only did because everyone thought he needed some space.They aren't completely wrong,though.But for this situation?Lying was obviously not a route he can take,"It's not important,just give me back-"
"What do you mean not important!?".Okay,so avoiding the topic is also not a route.Izuku represses a wince when Aizawa-sensei's voice was raised.He doesn't blame the man;he,too,would be pressing for answers if he finds someone's fingers blue out of nowhere;but he's really on a time crunch at the moment,"Midoriya,your fingers aren't in the best condition right now."
"And you think I don't know that?",he finds himself shooting back,now glaring at the older man.He kept his ungloved hand close to his chest,specifically hiding his fingers.They were cold against his shirt;like ice cubes,but they aren't wet,melting away until nothing remained but a puddle or stain."Sensei,they're just cold.It's not bad-"
"Just cold!?",Okay,Hitoshi doesn't sound good too.The boy looks between the two,thinking of anything he can do to escape this situation.He can do a reset,it's an easy way out.But he can't,because he is painfully aware of the consequences and he would like to live a long life,thank you very much."Izuku,your fingers are far from just bad.They aren't just cold,they're fucking blue-"
"Just give me back my goddamned glove,Hitoshi-"
The sky booms,almost crackles.
Izuku must've been so busy trying to play the safe way out,that neither of the three occupants had noticed the sky had turned dark and flashes of light strikes through the clouds.And now that he noticed,everything seemed a tad darker now.
There was a patter by his side.
Then behind and in front.
Then something wet splats on his shoulder.
The next thing Izuku knew was the cold and damp shirt that begins to stick onto his bare skin beneath.Hitoshi's hair had slumped down from how drenched the once wild,purple curls were becoming.Aizawa-sensei's dark clothes were getting drenched in rain water.
Huh...didn't think there would be a storm.
The rain showered down and it wasn't long until all three of them were completely soaked in rain water;in the middle of the forest,just so you know.Hitoshi still has his glove,Aizawa-sensei is still watching,and Izuku doesn't know what to do.
He wants to reset,but how much time does he have left until this becomes permanent?Surely,he still has time,right?Yeah,it hasn't been too long.
If he runs,Aizawa-sensei would surely just use his capture weapon and temporarily incapacitate him.And even if he did evade the capture scarf,the ground has been wetted;which means the ground had become muddy and Izuku is still training to move as fast as he can through a storm,but as of now he can't and he's still slow.It's likely he would trip over in the mud and slow him even further.
Izuku finds himself sighing,almost huffing.He runs his exposed hand though his colder,green curls and he tries to think of a way out because he doesn't want to risk a reset but he needs to reset and maybe he can convince Aizawa-sensei to train in the gym in the next attempt-
Hitoshi let's out a strangled gasped,taking a step back as his wide eyes watched him with panic.Wait,panic?Aizawa-sensei looks similar,his hand shakes with whatever he was feeling.But Izuku wasn't sure what they saw or heard.Wait,did they hear him?Did he mumble those out?What-
Wait...colder green...curls?
Izuku's breath hitches,his hand froze in his hair.
Didn't he just...that morning...didn't he..?
Surely he didn't forget....?
As carefully as he could,Izuku pries his hand off his hair.His own hand trembles when he sees what they saw,what secret has been exposed another secret has been exposed-
His hand was covered with smudges of forest green,just like his curls.The patch of hair Izuku ran his hand through had been re-dyed that morning.If the dye is on his hand does that mean...?
Fuck.
"Izuku...",Hitoshi murmurs in horror,raising his free hand cautiously,like Izuku was a feral animal that would bite him if he gets too close.Aizawa-sensei's eyes swirled an emotion Izuku couldn't fully name;rage and panic,surprise and confusion,fear and guilt,all mixed up and Izuku didn't know if that was all.
But suppose that didn't matter now.His white patch hair is exposed,his fingers are blue,and there's only one thing left to do.Izuku knew what he had to do,which meant he's going to face the consequences again,but...
Fuck it.
He sharply turns and books it,taking advantage of Hitoshi and Aizawa-sensei's stupor.Izuku curses at himself for not bringing his pocket knife with him,or any sharp objects,for that matter.It would've been quick,but he suppose that doesn't matter now.Are the sticks and twigs on the ground sharp enough to create a fatal wound on the n-
Something wraps around his waist and Izuku finds himself face planting against the dirt.He barely managed to move out of the training area and Aizawa-sensei has already captured him,held down onto the mud.If Izuku wasn't so caught up with his plan to reset,then he would've been impressed by his quick wits
"Let me go,sensei!",Izuku finds himself begging,squirming beneath Aizawa-sensei's hold as he looks around for anything he can use to reset because he needs to do it now at this very moment this cannot be permanent-
"Like hell I will,problem child.",His sensei shoots back as Hitoshi approaches them,his glove still being held.Izuku keeps squirming,the desperation becoming painfully evident that Aizawa-sensei holds him down even firmly.
"Sensei,please.",Izuku wheezes out,avoiding their wide gazes as his eyes searched his ground.He gasped;Aizawa-sensei is strong,it's really painful.Maybe he could use him to suffocate himself?No,he would've noticed and there is no way Aizawa-sensei would kill a student of his.And besides,it wouldn't really work,logically;"Just drop it,let me go-"
"Izuku please,what's happening to you?",Hitoshi cuts him and Izuku was half listening to him,focusing more on getting away and slitting his neck and resetting because this cannot be permanent he won't let it-
"Nothing!It's just-!"
A sense of euphoria washes over him and his body stops squirming,almost automatically.His gaze has gone distant,but it wasn't the same as his side effect.His sight isn't fuzzy or blurry,just distant,in a sense.If this wasn't the side affect,then-
Oh Hitoshi...he did not just...
On the corner of his eye,he could faintly see Aizawa-sensei's head turned away from him.The pressure that pressed against him had subsided and he could have the freedoms of running away,if he wasn't under the influence of Hitoshi's brainwashing quirk.
Aizawa-sensei and Hitoshi were talking,but Izuku couldn't catching anything being said.Were they talking quietly?Do they know they could still hear him?Aizawa-sensei's body twists to Hitoshi's direction and something shined.
He mentally gasped;Aizawa-sensei has a pocket knife.
"Izuku...",Hitoshi's voice reaches his ears and he mentally hitched his breath,"...explain why your fingers are blue and cold."
"It is the side effect of my quirk.",He numbly tells him,even thought he doesn't want to.Hitoshi had trained his quirk hard and well;which meant he can now asks questions instead of just commands and the person under his control still wouldn't break free from it.
Izuku would've praised Hitoshi for strengthening his quirk really well,he really would've.If only he wasn't the one being brainwashed and his secrets being spilled.
"Side effect?",Aizawa-sensei repeats,thoughtfulness and wonder laced his voice.He freezes,"Wait,your quirk?"
"But he's Quirkless...",Hitoshi mumbled and Izuku begins to panic in his head.This is bad so bad how long does he have left until this is permanent he wished he found out how long he has until things are permanent maybe then he'd know what to-
"Izuku,explain why your hair is white.",Hitoshi tries again,his eyes never leaving his limp body on he mud.Izuku wished the rain could break him from the quirk.The shine of Aizawa-sensei's pocket knife kept stealing his attention.
If only he could...
"It is also a side effect of my quirk.",he answers,dull and empty.
"He's Quirkless though...",he hears Aizawa-sensei mumble,examining his frozen body and Izuku knew that the man was deep in thought.He also knew Hitoshi was still watching,perhaps waiting what to ask him next.
Maybe he still has a chance.They only asked his side effects,maybe he still has a chance to still break free and reset.There has to be a way to break the bond between him and Hitoshi's quirk,surely.It's wishful thinking,but maybe he still had a chance he's desperate at this point and if they find out it's over-
"Ask him.",Aizawa-sensei demands,in a way.
What?
"What?"
"Ask him.",he repeats,looking over to Hitoshi with a hard gaze."Ask what his quirk is."
No.
No.
NO.
Izuku screams in his head,he tries to rebel against the commands,he tries to move his body,he tries to convince them to voice out his thoughts they can't find out about his quirk please no no just let me go I'm begging you please no Hito please I beg of you don't ask pleasE PLEASE-
A single tear slips away from his eyes and down his cheek.You would've mistaken it for a rain drop;but looking at the faint somber glint in Aizawa-sensei's eyes,Izuku knew his sensei noticed.
And,apparently,Hitoshi too;as he whispers a quiet but still heard;"I'm so sorry,Izu...".
No please no,Izuku begs in his head,his body doing nothing as he involuntarily spills his secrets with his friend—can he still consider him his friend?Izuku knew he still would—and sensei.
Hitoshi takes a deep breath,taking a step forward towards his body;"Izuku...",he slowly begins,"...explain your quirk to me."
"My quirk allows me to rewind time to a specific period in the past after a certain amount of time.".
With the way Hitoshi's breath had gone out or the way Aizawa-sensei's stares at him incredulously,he knew that something must've popped up in their heads.The other two shared a glance with whatever emotions was swirling in their eyes,Izuku couldn't tell.
"Izuku...",Hitoshi begins again,his voice is strong and hard as steel,"...explain how you activate your quirk and it's side effects."
Izuku's eyes mentally widened when hearing the command.
No no no no no no wait waIT WAIT WAIT-
"I can only activate my quirk through death,self inflected or not.",He automatically answered,his head stormed with denial and pleads,"However,constant usage of my quirk will result in my hair's pigment cells to die.My body slowly looses body temperature and oxygen,starting from the tips of my fingers.My five senses begin to slowly deteriorate,starting with sight and hearing.".
It wasn't the first time Izuku cursed his great memory and inquisition.Knowledge may be his strongest weapon during most days,but it can be his worse enemy during some.Curiosity killed the cat,was a saying Izuku never fully taken into account,despite the numerous times he wished he did.
Maybe that's why he shuts himself away,concealing his true self from the world.He knew a lot of things,maybe too many things.He understood a lot of things,he learned a lot of things,he experienced a lot of things.
Perhaps that's why he rambles and mutters so much in his life;His brain is a literal library and he needs to get it out before he begins to overflow.Or maybe it was overflowing and him mumbling and rambling whatnot was a result of that overflow of knowledge.
This wouldn't be the first time Izuku wished he was as forgetful as a lot of people.
Everything was quiet for some time,only the sounds of rain water pattering around their world and the distant echoes of the city life.Izuku tries to ignore the unreadable expression on Aizawa-sensei's face,or the eerie silent Hitoshi next to him,or the fact the bond between him and Hitoshi's quirk was trembling.He couldn't be too sure of this,his vision's blurred focus was making it hard to tell.
Izuku tries to focus on the pocket knife on his sensei's utility belt.
"Fuck...",Aizawa-sensei finally mumbled,running a hand through his damp hair.Izuku could make out the disbelief in his sensei's eyes that stared at him.For a moment,he feels bad.Just a little.
"In other words,repeat usage of my quirk increases the likelihood of my permanent death.",he unconsciously added and suddenly,everything snaps.
Izuku feels his control returning and he immediately lifts his face off of the muddy ground,using his elbows to carry his weight.He heaves,letting the familiar sense of his body return to him.It didn't take too long,though.Izuku doesn't want to waste any more time.
He's lost too much now.
"Izuku...",Hitoshi falls out to him,pained and distraught.
"Kid...you-"
Izuku makes his move.
He sluggishly,but as quickly possible,snatched the pocket knife from his sensei and got onto his feet;the lessons from training doing him an absolute favour.It was going to be a messy work,but it'll do the job.He often slit his throat going right instead of left when using his right hand,but he wants this to be as quick as he could.Sloppy work,but quick,nonetheless.
Before any of the other two say anything—other than their startled noise—Izuku turns to them and whispers a hoarse;"Gomen'asai,sensei.".
The sensation of the cold,metal weapon sliding against his cold skin greets him once again,like it always had.Throat slits should be painful,Izuku idly muses,but he had grown accustom to the pain by now.And then the warmth of his insides oozing out was just as enough for him to know he had done alright.
His only regret was letting both Hitoshi and Aizawa-sensei witness all that.
"IZUKU-!"
A pair of strong arms caught him before he could even fall back into the mud.A hand made its way to his slit throat,but the deed is done.There's nothing else they can do other than to watch as Izuku slowly loose the light in his eyes.
"No no no NO!",Aizawa-sensei shakes him,one hand fruitlessly holding his neck to stop the inevitable bleeding while the other held Izuku's head.His body was sprawled on the ground,but his head rests on Aizawa-sensei's lap.Izuku mentally frowns,it's going to be stained.But he supposed it wouldn't matter now."Problem child,why-!?".
Izuku tries to ignore how Aizawa-sensei's voice cracked at the end,his hazy and dying vision catching a glimpse of the the shine in his sensei's eyes and the water trickling down his cheeks.Must've been the rain,he thinks numbly.
"Izuku...",That was Hitoshi,his mind supplies as it dies.He may not see it,but another hand holds him by the arm and another by his chest,as if to check of he was still breathing.He internally grimaces as his eyes slowly shuts,he didn't want Hitoshi to see this.
"Keep your eyes open,kid!",Aizawa-sensei commands,maybe demands.Izuku didn't miss the way his voice was trembling,an emotion Izuku wasn't entirely sure of bleeds through his tone,"Midoriya-!Open your eyes!Midoriya!",The hands holding him tightened as Aizawa-sense's tone had began to panic.He has never heard him like this before.
Izuku lets out his last breath as water pattered in his face.
"IZUKU!"
The last thing he heard before complete silence was Aizawa-sensei sobs of pleads and begs,and Hitoshi's shaking and tight grip on his arm.
Izuku had to remind himself that they would forget this.
.............................................
Coming back after resetting has always been an uncomfortable experience.It felt like an out-of-body type of feeling;like waking up before falling to your death in a dream,where you jolt back to reality and realising it was just a harmless delusion.Izuku has long been used to this feeling,that he no longer jolts in place when coming back.
Someone—maybe more than one—sharply gasped,as if they had been stabbed.Izuku realised that wasn't him.
His hands went from warm to cold,Aizawa-sensei catches himself by latching onto a tree,Hitoshi had fallen towards the dry ground,the sky turns dark with faint flashes of light,and the rain has yet to pour heavily on them.
He watches them with wide eyes;watched as they gasped for the air they lost to shock so they could compose themselves.It was Aizawa-sensei who caught his breath first,slowly moving his gaze towards Izuku.The latter's breath hitched at the wide,disbelieving look his sensei shot at him.
"Izuku...",That was Hitoshi,who after catching his own breath began to climb back up to his feet.His eyes share a similar glint as Aizawa-sensei;disbelieving and shocked.
"You...wait you-",and that was Aizawa-sensei.He began to slowly push himself up from the tree to reach out towards him,the hesitancy in his movements was something Izuku hasn't seen.And the wide look in his eyes;Izuku could only describe it as..
Fear...
"No..",he mumbled,taking a step back and away from Aizawa-sensei's hovering hand.With the way they tensed at his little move,it immediately became clear to Izuku what had happened.
They remember.
He starts to shake his head,denial and grief—was it grief?—started to overflow in his chest that it began to feel tight."No no no..."he continues to mumbled,his body start to shake from the realisation of his worst fears.
They remember.
It was Hitoshi that advanced towards him,his own hand outstretched to grasped him.He still has that wide and scared look in his own eyes;"Izu-"
"No!",he snaps and both Aizawa-sensei and Hitoshi flinched,"No!You weren't supposed to remember!You were suppose to forget!".
They remember.
For a moment,Izuku forgot how to breath.Was he dying again?Is this a panic attack?He couldn't tell anymore;"No no no this can't be permanent no no no-!"
"Midoriya-"
"No!Just no!",He cuts Aizawa-sensei off,flinging his hands to harshly grasp his curls as he panics,"You should've forgotten it!There is no-There's-No-!".
Did he loose time?How long did he loose?How much time had been wasted?How long had it been since it's been made permanent?Was Izuku too slow?How does he hide this?Can he still reset now?What happens if he resets now?Will he still go back further in time will things be okay where is that packet knife he could fix this he can still fix this they can still forget where the fuck is the knife he needs to reset he can make it better he wants it to be better they can't know he needs them to forget he needs to reset reset reset reset reset reset reset juST RESET NOW WHERE THE FUCK IS THE KNIFE-
"IZUKU!"
A pair of strong arms envelope him,pulling him close to someone's chest.A mix of white and black covered his vision and it was painfully obvious who had caught him.Whatever Aizawa-sensei was trying to do,it had sent Izuku to spiral again;incoherent ramblings of mumbling spilled and he shakes in the man's hold,thrashing to break free because he wants out-
"Problem child...",the familiar nickname had somehow struck Izuku down like a knife,causing him to freeze when he was called,"...breath."
"No.",was Izuku's immediately response,but he stopped thrashing.He still trembled in Aizawa-sensei's hold,however,"No you shouldn't remember.That can't happen,you aren't suppose to remember this wasn't suppose to be permanent-!"
"Breath.",for a moment,Izuku felt Aizawa-sensei's arms tightened around him a little.A slight squeeze,if you will,"Please...".
"I-....",and how was Izuku suppose to react to that?Aizawa-sensei has almost never said please to anyone,not that he has heard the man say it before.For some reasons,that little plead broke something inside of him and he finds himself slumping in his hold.Izuku's legs gave out and Aizawa-sensei—who mildly panicked—had carefully lowered the green-haired student back onto the slightly wet ground.
Huh,it must've started to rain during Izuku's panic.
"...'m sorry...",he ends up muttering,the familiar sense of defeat settling onto his shoulders,like heavy eagles were perched on it.
"Izuku...",The said boy slowly turns his head towards Hitoshi,who crouched next to him.Something swirled in his eyes,something akin to hesitation and hurt.Is Hitoshi hurt?"...why?"
Izuku blinks at him,"Wha..?"
"Why didn't you tell anyone?",He clarifies,the tone of his voice began to go deep,serious,almost harsh.But with the way there was still hurt in his eyes,Izuku numbly thinks he was just trying to get to him.But why?
"Why should I?",was his immediate response.
"Izuku-"
"No one would believe a Quirkless Deku like me.They would accuse me of lying either way.",He found himself scoffing at his own words.Aizawa-sensei's grip on him tightens further for a moment,but Izuku thinks he's just imagining it.
"What about us?",Hitoshi challenged him,grasping by the shoulders and winced when Izuku flinched a little,"Me and Sensei,why not us then?".
It wouldn't make a difference...
"What was that?",That was Aizawa-sensei asking.He must've mumbled that.
"Because it wouldn't make a difference.",Izuku repeats louder,his hand curling into a fist as he grips his sensei's shirt.
Aizawa-sensei huffs,either from disbelief or humour,he couldn't tell."What does that suppose to mean?"
"Adults aren't supposed to be trusted,much less a teacher.",Izuku states,as if it's a fact."They do nothing but stand by and watch as my tormentors push me down and yell cruel things to me!Friends would talk behind my back and spread false rumours about me to ruin my nonexistence reputation!No one bats an eye to people like me!"
Izuku rants on,not noticing how his purple-haired classmate watched him with pained,but understanding eyes.He doesn't notice how his dark-haired sensei's arms shake from rage.
"Besides,Quirkless kids my age won't even make it to high school because they gave up and listened to their own demons to just take that fucking swan dive off the rooftop!The only reason I'm still here is because my own secret quirk saved my ass the first few times despite the fact it's killing me from the inside!"
Both freezes upon hearing those last words,but Izuku kept going.The dam had finally broken down and everything spills over.He can't stop.He doesn't want to stop.
"Why would any of that matter!?I am going to die either way and there's nothing you or I could do to stop that!I was meant to die sooner or later,so I might as well save you all from the mess I'd leave-"
A hand covers his mouth and he stops.He finally feels his sensei shaking as he held him closer to his chest and his chin resting on top of his curled hair,almost as if he was protecting him from the rain.Hitoshi was shaking too,but Izuku could see how his eyes glistened with...tears?That's not from the rain...?
"Just...",he slowly takes back his hand,moving it from Izuku's mouth and back to his shoulder,gripping on to him just as tightly as he did before,like he's grounding either himself or Izuku.He thinks it's the former,"...please..shut up..".
A first tear finally spilled down Hitoshi's cheeks.Aizawa-sensei chokes on his own quiet sobs.Confusion dawned on Izuku went he finally registers the fact they are both crying.
"Why are you crying?",he asked them,his brows burrowed as he stares at Hitoshi,baffled;"You aren't me,I'm suppose to be the one-"
"You idiot...",Hitoshi's voice slightly cracked,"...I'm-we're-crying for you,fucking idiot."
"Why?",He doesn't understand,he can't understand why why why-?,"I'm not worth your tears,everyone made that very clear-".
"They are wrong."
Izuku slightly peered up,just enough to notice his sensei's black mass of hair draped over him like a curtain.Aizawa-sensei has yet to let him go;but his hold on Izuku never loosened nor tightened.He did,however,noted how his fingers would periodically twitch at a specific detail during his rant;Izuku didn't pay too much attention to pinpoint which detail it was.
"...Aizawa-sensei?",He found himself murmuring,trying to look up to see his sensei's eye.But Aizawa-sensei had buried his face onto his curls,almost definitely protecting him from the rain that continued to pour down upon them.Was he worried Izuku was going to die by a cold?He hasn't experienced that yet.Is it even possible?
"Kid...",Aizawa-sensei takes a shuddering breath as he turns to his so his cheek could rest on top of Izuku's curls.His voice sounded off and Izuku doesn't know why;"...you have so much worth than all that."
"You don't-"
"You are smart.You are kind.You are generous.You are amazing.You are worth so much more than this and it's not fair that you had to go through this alone.",he begins,the torn tone slowly becoming something more.It was something akin to...confidence?
"But I-"
"Whatever those people told you,they are wrong.",Aizawa-sensei cuts him off again,"They don't know you.They don't know your skills in analysis.They don't know your impressive talents.They don't know you carry such heavy burden on your shoulders and still kept that bright smile on your face."
Something heavy weights on Izuku that it causes his throat to tighten,any words were stuck and chokes him and the only thing that came out was a meek,choked,garbling;"Sensei..."
His sensei's hold pulls him impossibly closer to his chest that the boy could start to count the amount of heartbeats his sensei's having.He idly notes his heart beats were a little fast;"Izuku,what you've been through is inexcusable.The fact someone drove you to death and doesn't care just because you're Quirkless is inhumane of them.You are still human,a living being just like the rest of us.You are not useless.You are not a Deku."
"You are Izuku.Yuuei's number one sunshine hero student with a heart too big for his body...",Aizawa-sensei's hands moved from his back to his head,cradling it as calloused fingers runs through the damp curls,"...and you are my problem child."
Those last words were whispered quietly into Izuku's head,just near his ear.It was if Aizawa-sensei had admitted a secret of the universe.Izuku knew that nickname was more fond than insulting,but there was something different about this one.Something more sincere and...caring?
"I'm sorry..."
Somehow,despite the amount of confusing and meshed emotions that swirled,Izuku scoffs,"Why are you sorry?This isn't even your fault that I'm dying."
"But it is.",Aizawa-sensei insists,as if it's a fact.Izuku wasn't so sure anymore;".I am your teacher,your mentor,a hero.I always suspected there was something wrong and yet I brushed it off.I should've done something.I should've payed more attention to you.I should've checked in on you more often when I noticed something was off."
"It doesn't matter..",Izuku mumbled.
"It does matter,Mid-",Aizawa-sensei cuts himself off and takes a deep breath;"...It matters,Izuku."
"No it doesn't.Not now,at least.You apologising is pointless.",he presses.Izuku somewhat found himself melting into the warm touch of his sensei,"Besides,you're the first person,the first adult aside from my mother,I've had that actually gave a shit about me.The fact you have the audacity to care about me will never stop being a surprise."
"Izuku...",Aizawa-sensei sighs,almost disappointed.Was he disappointed in Izuku?He wouldn't be surprised,really."...truly caring about someone shouldn't be considered as an audacity.It should be considered humane.".
Izuku was never considered human most of the time,so why should they care about that?
"If we didn't care about you,Quirkless or not,would you have been allowed to enter Yuuei in the first place?",Izuku's breath hitched for a moment.His eyes snapped towards Hitoshi,"Quirkless or not,would any of our classmates try to befriend us?Despite them knowing our own powers?",The purple-haired boy reached out to hold Izuku's free hand,"Quirkless or not,would that change the way you feel about being a hero?"
Izuku doesn't answer.There's no need to answer the obvious.
"Izuku....",Aizawa-sensei slowly began,his hands continuing to card his damp hair,"....do you still want to be a hero?".
And what else was he suppose to answer,other than;"....I want to be a hero."
"Then did you know...",Aizawa-sensei slowly nudges Izuku's head,letting him tilt upwards.Izuku,for the first time since his sensei trapped him in an embrace,sees the pink-tinted and wet eyes,"...that reaching out to someone can help you be a hero?".
Izuku stares at him wide eyed because how-?
He must've said that out loud;because Hitoshi tugs him by the arm and prompts him to look towards the purple-haired teen,giving him a slight squeeze as Aizawa-sensei replied,"Izuku,how can you save other people when you,yourself,isn't saved yet?".
It takes a moment for those words to sink in,to be comprehended in Izuku's head.Whatever was on his face,it caused Hitoshi to offer him a rare,soft smile.One that he only uses when he was genuine with whatever comfort he could give.
"If you can't save yourself...",His friend says,as if he was repeating something from another time,"...let us save you,instead."
Izuku's breath halts and Hitoshi soft smile turns into a soft and shaking grin,"You told me that before,remember?".
And Izuku does remember.That day in the gym,when he found Hitoshi training hard that he would've passed out in the next minute.For a moment,he felt like a bit of a hypocrite;those were his words,yet he doesn't fully act them.
But he's surprised because...
Hitoshi...remembered...him?His words...?
His...words...
Remembered...him?
Hitoshi...remembered him?
He remembered him.
He remembered him.
That realisation hits him,like a nail on a coffin.Because his friend—his first,dare he say it,true friend—remembered Izuku.Because that meant Hitoshi was looking out for him,while he looked out for Hitoshi.Because that meant Hitoshi...
Hitoshi and Aizawa-sensei...
They care about him,don't they?
"We do.",Hitoshi replied,finally—finally—joining in on the hug and Izuku couldn't help but feel much more comforted when he whispers,"We care about you so much."
"And the staff cares too.",Aizawa-sensei adds,moving his other arm so he could wrap it around the other teen,bringing both of his students into his embrace,"Your classmates care,regardless of your status.",As gently as he could,he bumps Izuku head with his own,"We care about you,Izuku.We want to help you.We want to save you."
For once,Izuku's chest bursts.
The emotions he repressed for so long comes overflowing and he didn't even realised the tears that had already began to fall down his cheeks.The cold rain that continued to pour had been long forgotten,because all Izuku could feel was warmth.
Warmth he longed to feel again since his mother stopped giving it to him.
"So please...",Aizawa-sensei buries half his face onto Izuku's hair.
"...let us save you.",Hitoshi takes his hands and holds it tightly.
For once,Izuku decided that maybe—just this once—he'd allow it.
"Okay...",he finally says,"...I-I...".
He melts onto their warm embrace,letting the memories of what once was a happy life flash before his eyes.He thinks;perhaps he still has that chance,that chance of having that happy life again.
"I trust you two."
Because he does,doesn't he?Aizawa-sensei continues to comb his fingers through his hair and pass the patch of white he desperately tried to hide.Hitoshi holds onto his blue-tipped fingers tightly and never lets go.The warmth these people had provided for him at this very moment was enough for Izuku to forget about the cold and dreaded tingling at the back of his head,a signal that his ears might go funny or that his eyes might blur for a moment.
They were going to talk about a lot when they get back inside.About schools and family.About abuse and neglect.About abandonment and fear.But most importantly,they were going to talk about death;and how Izuku was somewhat aquatinted with the idea of death in a way he shouldn't be.
More secrets uncovered,more can of worms being open,more tears would undoubtedly be shed.Izuku would need to inform staff and the heroes about his true quirk.He knew it had to stay permanent too.
But even then,Izuku would get more hugs.More support than his mother could've given him before she left.More understanding than he could ever receive.More love than he could ever crave.
Because now,he had someone to trust.Because Hitoshi had proved to him that not all friends would turn on you.Aizawa-sensei proved to him that not all adults were bad.
They gave him hope.
And that was all Izuku could ever ask for.
For the first time,Izuku found himself thanking his quirk.But not because he could change the future,no.
Because it kept him alive long enough to show him hope.
And maybe that's all he needed to finally let down his walls and invite the ones he trusts inside.Because if they are this determined to save him to the point they are willing to fight for it,than who was Izuku to push that away?After all,he doesn't want to be a hypocrite twice.
As time went on,Izuku thinks,while Aizawa-sensei and Hitoshi holds onto him tightly in the downpour;He'll let this be permanent.
.............................................