ꕥ✨ꕥ
January 2018
"No, I am so done with this shit, okay!" Hobi shouts angrily before slamming the door and leaving only to be met by me, standing there, bewildered.
My eyes search his tense face, travelling from the door back to his dark orbs.
Are things that bad?
"Hobi..."
I whisper and he rushes past me, bumping into my shoulder, causing me to gasp.
"Hobi!" I call out but he continues to walk away. "Do not walk away! I'm talking to you!"
He stops in his tracks, freezing in his steps for a few seconds before turning around, his eyes carrying a dark look. A shiver runs down my spine as he walks towards me.
My hands are shaking just a little, a mixture of fear and pain straining my heart.
"I am so done, okay? Can't you understand that? I have sacrificed everything for this fucking dream and now that dream has turned into a fucking nightmare."
He doesn't shout, his voice is low and heavy with resentment, fear, pain, anger.
I feel tears coming to my eyes. The guys have been going through a very hard time, after achieving greatness.
My heart clenches painfully, the waves of emotions washing over me, drowning my heart and mind.
They keep fighting all the time, they're in so much pain, they can't seem to focus to create new songs.
"Hoseok." I jump slightly at Namjoon's harsh tone when calling Hobi.
His eyes shoot up to the leader and I turn around, very much intimidated.
"Come back inside, we need to do this." Namjoon's voice is slightly less harsh after he saw me but I can see that they're all so tense and on edge.
"No. I'm sorry, hyung, but I'm not doing this anymore, I'm done. Okay? I am done." I gasp at his words. This is his life, music, his members, BTS...
With that bomb dropped, he bolts out, leaving me frozen, staring at the BTS leader. He looks so exhausted...
His eyes betray the emotions overtaking him.
I glance at the door before bringing my attention back to the tall and impressive man.
"I'll talk to him. You guys need to get it together. How did you come to tear each other apart? Your journey has only just started, how could it be the end? You can't give in to this.
I know I'm nobody to be telling you all this. But as Hobi's girlfriend, I want him to be happy, I want him to fulfil his dream. So I'll make sure he doesn't give up on BTS. But you all need to work this out."
With this said, I walk out and run after Hobi, seeing him, his hood on his head, looking down.
"Hobi! Hoseokah!!" He doesn't turn around, purposely ignoring me.
I sigh to myself and run to him, grabbing his arm and forcing him to stop.
He doesn't look at me.
"Listen, Hyun-Aeah. I'm sorry it has come to this, nothing is going right in my life. I need to quit. I need to quit everything and everyone-"
"No, you listen. Okay?" I cut his painful rambling, facing him properly. "You don't get to give up. You don't get to slack off and stop trying. It's just not right. You've worked too hard to give up now. All those late nights, those days you were sick because you worked so hard. Was it all for nothing?? Those tears you shed, all the sweat you've cleaned off your body after working so damn hard, the blood you shed injuring your body from wearing out your body? Was it all for nothing??"
He shakes his head in frustration, taking a step back, rubbing his face nervously.
"I don't know anymore!" He finally lets out painfully, his eyes meeting mine.
"What don't you know?" I ask kindly and his breath is ragged as he focuses to answer.
"I don't know why I'm doing this anymore, I don't know what drives me, I don't know what to do."
I pull him into a tight hug as he takes in a sharp breath. His arms tighten around me.
"Are you sure about us?" I whisper and he sniffles in the hug, waiting a second before answering surely.
"Yes. I am sure about us." He whispers back and I nod against his shoulder.
"Then why don't you focus on that? Focus on what you're sure about. Focus on us, draw strength and peace from me, from us. Huh? Can you do that?"
Hobi tightens the hug and remains silent, thinking about my words.
I close my eyes, hoping to comfort and give him all the strength I can.
"Think of all those simple moments, think of all those happy simple moments in our lives."
"I love you. I really do. I love you, Hyun-Aeah."
"I know." I let him pull me in another hug. "I know. Everything's going to work out."
When we pull away, Hoseok finds the strength to go back inside and work with his members. One first positive step towards better times. We both know it's going to take time to go back to a place of peace and happiness, but it's what's right.
ꕥ✨ꕥ
| Hobi
"Hyung?" I whisper, to which Hyun-Ae opens her eyes and painfully sits up, her small hand clutching onto mine.
I help her in a sitting position and she smiles kindly at the sight of Yoongi.
"Oh, hi there!" She mutters, her head leaning on my shoulder while her eyes look up at our best friend.
"Hi..." Yoongi mutters shyly, hesitating about what to do now that he's in front of us.
"Hobi, maybe we should get dressed and welcome Yoongiah properly." I gently stroke her cheek before nodding.
Yoongi awkwardly leaves the room after closing the door. I take my clothes and get dressed before going to Huyn-Aeah.
"I forgot my clothes at the lake house." She whispers, looking embarrassed, her eyes on the ground and her hands nervously clasped together on her lap.
"It's okay. Those clothes are just fine. Let's go downstairs, okay?"
"I feel really weak, Hobi." She whispers, sitting on the side of the bed, her feet on the ground, seemingly unable to stand up.
My heart tightens but I rush to her.
"It's okay, baby. Lean on me, will you?"
She looks down before nodding and letting me slide an arm around her thin waist. Her head falls on my shoulder for a second and I glance down worriedly.
"Are you okay?" I ask straight away and she chuckles painfully.
"I think I'm past being okay. But I'm happy to be with you right now."
I face her and her fingers close around both my arms, her beautiful eyes looking up into mine.
Before we go downstairs, I want to have this moment of intimacy with her.
I lean in, closing the space between us, pressing my lips on her cold and shivering ones. I tighten my arms around her when she presses her small body against mine. I savour the taste of her lips, the feeling of her tongue against mine, her fingers gently pulling on my hair, the increasing heat, the closeness...
The intimacy and the comfort of that moment...
I engrave it all in my memory.
"I love you." She whispers out of breath when we part.
"And I love you. I always will." I promise before sliding my arm around her waist and grabbing a blanket with my free hand, I wrap her into it.
We walk downstairs, expecting Yoongi and maybe Taehyung since we heard voices earlier.
But as we climb down the stairs, we both freeze in our steps, Hyun-Ae's eyes immediately filling up with tears.
ꕥ✨ꕥ
| Hyun-Ae
My eyes are glued on the vision before me. I can't believe I'm crying again but I never expected that.
They're all here.
All of them.
They all came.
My heart is racing, overwhelmed with the mixed feelings, the happiness, the pain of the reminder, the fear...The gratefulness, the love...
We finish climbing the stairs and Taehyung is the first one to rush towards me, pulling me into an emotional hug.
"Aish..." he breaths painfully, as I feel tears falling on my shoulder.
I draw slow circles on his back, silently comforting him, knowing there are no words that could help.
"I can't believe you all came." I breath, crying in Taehyung's warm embrace.
"Yah, Taehyungah, you're squashing her and making her cry!"
I chuckle at Jimin attempt at lighting up the mood. I pull away from Taehyung and smile his way, allowing him to have his turn to hug me.
"You look beautiful, noona." Jimin doesn't cry and he doesn't say much, but his every action, his every glance, the way he hugs me, everything about it is so delicate and genuine, it warms me up deep inside.
Jimin's hugs are the best after Hobi's. They always have been.
He gently cups my face and drops a kiss on my forehead.
He smirks at Hobi.
"Mind if I steal your girl?" He smiles and right there, Jungkook buts in, pouting slightly.
"Yah, Jiminssi."
I find myself laughing at the guys' antics, but I'm also admiring how Jimin managed to shift the whole atmosphere.
Even Jungkook is smiling.
"Hey, Jungkookah?"
His big doe eyes look down at me and he nods eagerly, his lips slighting parted.
"Do you wanna talk outside?" I offer and he glances at Hobi before accepting and sliding an arm around my waist and helping me outside. We sit down on the chairs and I look at him.
He's staring in the distance.
A heavy sigh leaves his full lips before he nervously rubs his thighs and slides his hand underneath, gently rocking himself back and forth.
"We're parting on good terms." I finally speak up and his dark but incredibly endearing eyes meet mine.
"Noona..." he bites on his lower lip, a small frown creasing his forehead.
"I know you're having a hard time. But everything is going into place. You've launched your album, you're close to releasing your own solo album, Jimin and you are working perfectly, all the guys are doing good as well."
"I know...But I just...you're my friend, you're like a sister, and you belong so well with all of us, you...You're part of our journey. Our family...It's not the same. Just like for ARMY 7-1 is zero. Our family without you...it's nothing." Jungkook speaks his mind genuinely, he doesn't hide inner thoughts, he just explains his heart.
"I'll never be really gone. You have all the memories...You have the pictures, you have, all my love. I love you guys so much."
After those words, Jungkook doesn't speak up. He plays with his fingers. But he doesn't speak. After five long minutes of silence, Jin steps outside, massaging his dongsaeng's shoulders.
"Come on, Jungkookah. Let's head inside, I've brought a delicious lunch for everyone." His large hands ruffle the youngest's hair in a loving manner. "Hyun-Aeah, let me help you inside." The oldest walks to me and his strong arms lift me bridal style back to the house where he sits me down next to Hobi who was talking with Yoongi on the couch.
Taehyung is in the kitchen with Jimin, Namjoon is seated in the large armchair of the living room, his eyes intense.
I take out my phone and make the most of Hobi's absorbed conversation to type a message to the leader whom I know is worrying about how his members will be after I pass.
Once I press send, I lean my head on Hobi's shoulder and meet those piercing eyes now lifted from the screen of his phone.
(Cue play that song. Not a suggestion. It's an instruction)
The eye contact of understanding and empathy lasts for a some long seconds before I feel tried and relieve my eyes, my fingers intertwined with Hobi's.
I love hearing his body resonate with his deep voice. His fingers play with my hair, occasionally drawing small shapes on my skin.
I feel so relaxed in his loving embrace, surrounded by the other six members of BTS, those boys who were just other idols in the music industry but became everything, my family.
"I love you." I whisper, nuzzling you against J-Hope.
My words catch his attention and he smiles, dropping a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you, Hyun-Aeah. I love you." He says back to my satisfaction, drawing a smile from my dry lips.
| Hobi
My fingers tangle up in her soft hair, a smile playing on my face after she pronounced those words with so much feelings.
They seemed so heavy with feelings that my whole body shivered.
I tighten my grip around her body, keeping her fingers intertwined with mine. Her warm breath brushing against my skin.
I turn back to Yoongi whose eyes are focused on his hands.
"Hyung?" I gently call out, pulling him away from his thoughts.
"Yes, yeah, I was just thinking about the idea. Hyun-Aeah is right, a collab between the two of us would be epic." I smile satisfyingly at my older brother's approval.
I gently shake Hyun-Aeah, to show her that her idea was just approved.
"I didn't believe you but Yoongi hyung actually agreed." I chuckle brushing the strands of hair away from her face.
When I hear no response, I frown, glancing at our fingers.
Her grip has loosened, and I'm no longer feeling her warm breath on my skin. My heart sinks painfully, fear taking over my whole being.
"Hyun-Aeah!" I call out loudly, ignoring the now worried glances from the others.
I sit up, cupping her face.
Her eyes are so peacefully closed, the hint of a smile appears on her delicate lips. I feel desperate. Why won't she wake up?
"Baby?" I whisper, my hands holding her face, nervously brushing away the messy strands of hair.
Everyone is frozen in the room, and I feel frustrated that no one is doing anything.
Did she faint?
"Hey, baby, open your eyes. Why- why are you getting colder?" I whisper.
My desperate eyes turn towards Yoongi whose eyes are open wide with horror. He's standing, like a frozen statue. My eyes move up to the others.
They're all standing there, staring, wearing that same pained and horrified expression.
"Why the fuck are you just standing here? DO SOMETHING! She's-"
I stop mid-sentence, my eyes taking in her small body laying on the couch, one hand resting on her lap, the other loosely holding onto the sweatshirt she's wearing.
I step back, letting go of her, breathing heavily, staring in horror, shaking my head.
"No." I whisper, blocking the sobs with one hand. I shake my head frantically, refusing categorically to accept what is happening in front of me.
I feel a hand on my shoulder but I jerk away from it.
"Don't touch me." I cut sharply.
"Noona?"
My head snaps to the person who just spoke, his eyes filled with tears, his hands shaking.
I watch helplessly as he walks towards her, reaching out for her hand. That's when my body allows me to move. I stand in between and push Taehyung away.
"Don't touch her." I breath painfully, collapsing on the floor. I take her increasingly cold hands, kissing them with all the love I feel.
"You left without saying goodbye." I whisper. "How could you do this?" I pull myself to sit next to her and pull her into a warm hug, stroking her hair. "How could you leave without saying goodbye? How could you just..."
I feel so overwhelmed.
I feel alone.
I feel so cold.
It's so much more painful that I could've ever imagined.
I let out a painful, agonising, hoarse scream, tightening my grip around her.
"She didn't...She didn't say goodbye. And she promised she'd say goodbye." A heavy silence falls on the room before that deep voice echoes again. "She lied."
I look up at the man blocking the sobs with his hand, staring down at the precious human being in my arms.
Without another warning, he walks to the counter, swiping it clean of its dishes, smashing them all to the floor, triggering shocked gasps from the other men in the room.
I instinctively protect Hyun-Aeah of the potential danger, shielding her with my body.
"She-" Yoongi points at her, in a painful whisper, under everyone's flabbergasted eyes. "She...She wasn't supposed to die. This is not fucking natural. This..."
He doesn't say another word and storms out of the house into the now pouring rain.
Glancing at the rain, my mind goes back to a few days ago...After the emotional confessions in the rain, we took a bath...
"You know, regardless of how long I have to live..." I close my eyes, remembering her words, her voice...
I looked at her then, feeling so much love overwhelming my heart and soul.
"I'd still say yes if you asked me."
No.
Yoongi is right.
She wasn't supposed to die. She never should've died. It's so fucking unfair and it makes no fucking sense.
Why do young people die? It makes no fucking sense. It's abnormal and unnatural.
ꕥ✨ꕥ
Yes, another chapter is coming.✨
These are all me while writing this.