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Lost
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Chapter 35: Lost (Amelia's POV)
Michael stepped out of the elevator first, throwing his bag onto the couch and ignoring me. Trying to, at least. He seemed fine, a bit better after practice but on the drive back to his apartment, I made the mistake of bringing the same topic up again.
I asked him if he thought he was overreacting because I did and I started explaining, telling him that I did think things through, that we'd be just fine. But he was not in the mood to listen.
"Amelia," he had said slowly, warningly. "I'm asking you one last time, it's a request. Please stop talking about this because I am not ready or willing to listen right now. Please, I'm begging you." He wasn't yelling but he hardly ever yells anyway. He was fuming though, I could tell.
So I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the ride and waited until now. I put my purse on the couch while he went into the kitchen and came back holding a bottle, cracking it open, and sitting on the couch. "Michael." I stared at him.
He closed the bottle once he was done drinking and set it on the coffee table. "Yes?" he sighed, sounding calmer now.
"Are you willing to talk?" I sat beside him.
He huffed, rolling his eyes softly, and then faced me. "Amelia, what are you thinking? Seriously, what the hell were you thinking when you told him that?"
"I was thinking I have a plan, Michael. I'm not going to screw this up."
"Really? Tell me then, what is your plan? You'll quit this job in six months and then go work where exactly?"
"I don't know that yet but—"
"See, see, see!" He shot up.
I grabbed his t-shirt, yanking him back down. "Michael," I groaned, running a frustrated hand through my hair. "Calm down, for God's sake. I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here as your girlfriend, isn't that more important?"
He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Amelia, I don't know how you don't realize this, but you are the one thing holding my career together."
I opened my mouth to reply but no words came out. I stared at him, unblinking.
"You're my girlfriend and you are also my assistant and those are two very different things. You hold me together in both ways. When I'm on the ice, I need both parts of you. Amelia, I love you. When I'm playing on the ice and I look at the audience, I look for you. And I don't even have anyone else to look for, all I have is you. But more than half the time we spend together, we're able to spend together because you're my assistant."
"So?"
"So?" he asked mockingly. "Is that all you want to say? 'So?'"
I sighed, closing my eyes. "Michael. Listen to me. You are not going to lose me just because I quit this job. I will still be a part of your life, I will be there in the stands, at the rink, for every single game that you play. Just because this job is the reason we were able to get back together doesn't mean we'll fall apart without it. Michael, I know you love me and I love you too. So just trust me. Trust. Me."
He paused and then shook his head softly. "Maybe I don't."
I blinked, feeling taken aback.
"I don't, Amelia. I don't trust you when it comes to taking care of yourself. Because you don't. You become selfless and you throw everything away for me."
"Because I love you, Michael!"
"That's not love, Amelia."
I stared at him in disbelief. "Take that back. Right. Now," I demanded, my voice rising.
"Fine. I'll take it back. But if it's love, then you should understand me too. If you're willing to give it all away for me, for us... Then why wouldn't I want to do the same?"
"It's not about what you want, it can't be, don't you get that? It's about what you can and cannot afford to lose. And your career is the latter," I explained.
"And you are what? The former? No."
"That's what I'm trying to tell you!" I snapped, standing up in front of him. "You won't lose me, don't you understand?! If I stay your assistant and people find out we're together, do you think I'll be able to keep this job? Did you not see what happened to Vince and Demi? You'll lose me if I stay, Michael!"
"No, I won't," he huffed, standing up and looking down at me.
I groaned softly, dragging my hands down my face. "Michael. If I'm not your assistant, let's just say. And I'm only your girlfriend. Then doesn't that mean nobody has any fucking right to tell us if we can or cannot be together?"
"Amelia, nobody has any right to tell us if we can or cannot be together, period. Assistant or not, I don't fucking care." He took a step forward, towering over me more than he already was.
"There are rules. Rules that I agreed to follow when I signed the contract and took this job. I'd lose everything if I got fired. And you'd lose me too."
He shook his head. "No, I won't."
"Why are you doing this?" I whined, hitting my fists against his chest multiple times. I exhaled, resting my head against his chest, fisting his shirt. I closed my eyes, falling into thoughts. I don't even want to imagine it. Losing this job and him with it. But I know it clearly that if I don't leave this job myself and if the world finds out about us before we confess, then I know for a fact that I'll be fired.
If I'm fired, then the public will not be so nice about our relationship and accept it. They'll be more stubborn, have nastier things to say not just about me but also about Michael. It would harm him and his career so fucking much and I can't just stand by and let that happen. He sighed and put his arms around me as I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
He put his chin on top of my head and let out a shaky sigh. "Amelia, I trust you," he said softly. "I do. But I need you to trust me too. I'm not going to let you go and I'm not letting you lose this job. We have six months, right? So, please... Let's just think about it as time goes on." He grabbed my shoulders, pushing me away until he could see me. I kept my head down and quickly wiped my cheeks. "Are you crying?" He grabbed either side of my face and lifted it, forcing me to look at him.
I shook my head, blinking the rest of the tears away.
He stared at me, wiping my cheeks using his thumbs slowly. "Amelia. I promise you, we are not going to lose each other again. Is that what's scaring you?"
I nodded, trying to lower my head again but he didn't let me.
"We're not," he reassured. "I already lost you once. I'm not going to lose you again. We already lost each other once, I'm not letting it happen again." He tucked my hair behind my ears and bent at his knees, picking me up.
"Michael," I mumbled, a weak protest while he held me by my thighs and then moved his hand up to my butt as I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding myself up. I put my arms around his neck and rested my cheek on his shoulder, facing him. My lips brushed against his neck and he moved towards the staircase, carrying me upstairs.
He kicked the door shut behind him and seated me on the bed, kneeling in front of me. "Don't pout," he sang softly, scooting forward and putting his arms around my waist. He leaned in and kissed me once, just a peck on the lips. Then he kissed me again, a little longer, a little harder, but still nothing more than just our lips meeting.
I scanned his face.
"I trust you. Do you trust me?" he asked.
"But you said you don't trust me."
"I'm worried. I don't want you to give it all up for me, that's all. I trust you and I'm sorry that I said I didn't."
I blinked slowly, nodding. "It's okay."
"Kiss me," he mumbled.
I shook my head.
He sent me a pointed look.
I shook my head again. "You kiss me."
He chuckled, "Okay." He leaned in and kissed me, one hand moving up to my neck, deepening the kiss.
I felt his weight leaning forward as he rose up, so I slowly moved back on the bed, neither one of us breaking the kiss. When I was more than halfway up the bed, I kicked my shoes off. He straddled me, his knees on either side of my hips while he held the hem of my shirt, lifting it up slowly. He put an arm around me, lifting me up and then pulling the shirt off. I tugged at his and he broke the kiss, throwing it over his head and with mine on the floor.
His lips met mine again more urgently this time. He kissed me like I was the air he needed to breathe. His hands were everywhere, searching until my bra came off and landed somewhere else. He trailed kisses down my neck and body while sliding my jeans off and then coming back up, kissing my jaw once before hovering over me, his eyes meeting mine.
I caught my breath. "Are your pants coming off tonight or not?"
He chuckled, his finger slipping under the waistband of my underwear but not tugging them off just yet. "Do you want them to?"
I nodded.
"Do you really want them to?"
"Do you want me to beg?" I scoffed.
"Would you?"
"No," I answered, challenging him.
"I'd never expect or ask you to."
"Will they?" I repeated.
"Wait and find out," he smirked and then finally took my underwear off.
"You're such a tease," I laughed as he kissed me, pushing my legs apart, his hands splayed on my thighs.
"Don't act like you don't like it," he grinned against my lips.
.
.
.
.
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Chapter 35
Butterflies can't stop me falling for you
And darling this is more than anything I've felt before, you're everything that I want but never thought I'd find
THAT FUCKING SONG <3
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