Few weeks later, he sat down on the empty sofa in the empty and quiet living room. Staring silently at the tv only to zone out instead of watching it. He has his legs up and bring it close to his chest with his arm already wrapped around his legs.
There was no emotion in his eyes. Dull. Empty. Dark. And loneliness. He is just isn't the same as before after knowing the real side of him. His so-called friend. Plus Joonyoung is not here by his side is what makes him feel worst.
He knows that it was his fault for not believing him when all he said was the truth. He felt so bad. If only he could rewind the time to undo the mistake he made if he knew that Beomgyu was actually a bad person.
His almost fully healed wounds and bruises only to replace with a new one due to the endless torture from Beomgyu. Sangyeon wanted to talk about the reason why he did this to him but the latter just won't answer and he's tired to even bring it up now.
He just let him do whatever he wants to him. Torture him all he wants. It's like a routine now. Every recess, he asked him to come over the rooftop and after he releases his tension, he left him there.
The same guy who saved him for the first time came again and bring him to the infirmary. He's grateful that someone like that guy but he can't be too sure whether to trust him or not. After Beomgyu told to be careful trusting someone, he's completely having trust issues now.
He doesn't know what to do now. He has no one to be by his side. There's no one who he wants to freely talk about his own feelings. He's alone. Just like how he usually was before. He missed him. He missed Joonyoung and he admit that.
He's actually been waiting for his return but he knows that won't happen after what happened. He's a fool to believe that he will return. Hiding his face onto his knees, a single tear drop from his eyes and soon followed with more tears.
It aches his heart for some unknown reasons. He can't push the pain away from feeling it. He doesn't feel happy anymore. He just want to die.
He can't help but to think of killing himself someday. He's feeling suicidal. He had his first attempt before but he couldn't bring himself to do it and make few cuts on his wrist.
His body getting thinner due to lack of eating some food plus not getting enough sleeps. He still wonders what's the reason behind all this. Why Beomgyu did such a thing to Sangyeon without any explanation? Whatever reason, he will try to fix it.
A little part of him still think that he's not fully a bad person because the guts told him so but then again, the other part of him told him the opposite.
He finally stopped crying as he wiped away the tears that still remains on the corner of his eyes and gaze down at his wrist. The clean and white bandages turn bloody red meaning it's his cue to change it with a new one.
He reluctantly get off of the sofa and stand on his feet, dragging it towards the bathroom and went to search for the bandages in the cupboard. When he found it, he grab it and unwrapped the bandages around his wrist.
Seeing how fresh and red the cuts are, he has the urge to do it again but tried to hold that in. He closes his eyes for a moment along with a sigh and wrapped the new and clean bandages around his wrist.
Just as he finished doing that, his phone vibrates vigorously on top of his study table as he went to grab it and read the caller ID. He accepted the call and place it beside his ear.
"I apologize for calling so sudden. There's just another information I found about the woman. Do you still wanna know about her son's korean name?"
Sangyeon forgot about it already and he's back to being curious about that boy's name although he doesn't feel like to continue to help Joonyoung's task.
"Sure"he replied in a monotone voice."His name is Bae Joonyoung. He is the son who turned 17 years old and died after her mother's death"
He knew it. It was him and Joonyoung never told him anything about himself. He doesn't blame him but knowing about him die after his mom's death pain his heart.
Should I tell him?
It doesn't matter anymore. He deserved to know all this even though he will be mad at Sangyeon for still trying to help him with it. He can take all the anger.
"We also found someone else's fingerprint on the handle of the knife but we couldn't quite investigate that fingerprints because of the woman's fingerprints overlapping with it"the police explained."I assumed that the culprit trying to cover its crime but do not worry we will try to search for this person"
The police also told him that they will leave this case to the expert to help him with it. Sangyeon don't really mind and just agree with everything. Then they ended the call as the boy heaved a sigh.
He should be happy that he received another information about it and he has a lead for Joonyoung's task but he didn't feel any emotion except for pain, sorrow and depression.
If only... If only Joonyoung is here by his side, he won't be like this. Little did he know, the spirit is kind of like his cure whenever he's feeling down or something and he needed that so much.
But because of him being so stupid at that time, he's nowhere to found. It's all his fault and he knew that. He is to blame here. He heavily sigh again and lay flat on his soft bed.
"When are you coming back?"his voice filled with sadness as he covered his eyes with his arm until he fall into a deep slumber.
Next day has begun. The sun shining through the curtain of his room woke him up. He gaze at the wall clock and knew that he's gonna meet him again but then he remembers that it's the weekend so he close his eyes back.
He's glad that it's the weekend. He won't get a beating from him for 2 days and in those 2 days, he hoped for Joonyoung's return. He wanted to see his face and hear his voice once again before he could lose control such as jumping off from a high building.
It's quite over the top but depression made him want to do that. He just can't help it anymore but he will try to stay sane. He started to doze off again and after a few hours later, he woke up by sunset.
He reluctantly sat up straight and ruffles his messy hair. He doesn't want to wake up but at the same time he wants to do something. He went to the bathroom to clean himself and replace the bandages with a new one.
When he's done he wear something comfy after treating the bruises on his face and headed down the stairs straight to kitchen to eat. He search for foods but most of them that are once fresh are now expired.
He's too lazy to go out to buy some foods but he has to for the sake of food and his hungry stomach. Slipping his shoes on, he went to a nearby convenience store that's a few blocks away from his house.
He entered inside and buy what he needs as he ate the foods he bought after taking a vacant seat by the window. The memories of him with Joonyoung played in his mind. Where he first noticed him at school, at the same convenience store where he wants him try to touch him, the kiss they share and a lot more.
He hung his head down while sipping on his chocolate milk. He's wondering how to make him come back though he doesn't even know where he is. He was so deep in thoughts that he doesn't notice someone was taking a seat next to him.
"Sangyeon hyung?"a voice almost familiar to his ear as he lifted up his head and look at the owner of the voice. It was Hueningkai, a friend of Beomgyu. When the boy clearly see his full image, his face brightens like sunshine."It is you! What are you doing here?"
Sangyeon's body instantly froze. He couldn't move after seeing a sight of him. He isn't sure if Beomgyu's friends know about his other side or they are just the same as him. Deceiving people with their innocent look but looking at Heuningkai, he knew he wouldn't do anything.
"I-I got hungry and decided to buy some foods"Sangyeon tried to sound normal as if he just doesn't froze earlier and avoid eye contact with him.
The latter seem to notice the expression Sangyeon made on his face and he assumed that he is uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable since you don't talk much"he smiles brightly and apologetically. The older told him he's fine."Anyway what happened to your face? Did someone do that you?"
He flinched at that. He doesn't want to talk about it especially when Beomgyu is one of his close friend. He won't even believe a single even if he tells him. Just like how he didn't not believe Joonyoung. His expression turns sullen.
"You don't have to worry about it so much. It's nothing"despite how gloomy he is, he covered that mask with a forceful smile.
Hueningkai did not seem to be convinced by that smile because of 2 reason. First, if it's nothing, he wouldn't have gotten all that bruises right? And he won't actually do that to himself. Second, he is sure that someone beat him up.
"But-"
"Oh would you look at that? I have something to do. I have to go now sorry!"
He tried his best to avoid and make his way out of the convenience store as he headed home quickly. The boy had his arm stretched out to stop him but was too late due to how far he is right now. He watches him left with concern eyes.
The sky outside was already dark. Just like how he likes it. If only it rains as well, that'll be perfect. Sangyeon heave a sigh of relief that he got away. He was just afraid. Afraid of what might Beomgyu going to do to him if he tells about him at his friends.
He had enough of getting beat up almost everyday. He wishes it to stop but he's not brave to stop him. He doesn't even know a way how to stop it. All he wants was an explanation from him. Why he just suddenly hated him in the first place?
He wants to just brushed that thought off but it keeps replaying back again and again. As soon as he got home, he went to the kitchen to put away all the things he bought. He opens the refrigerator and saw a bottle of alcohol that he bought a week ago.
He bought this because he thought that will clear his mind and to release all the stress. That's all what other people says so he wanted to try it even though he's not the type of person who likes alcohol and has low alcohol tolerance. Trying it once won't harm right?
He brought the bottle and a cup towards the living room and set it down on a table in front of him. He pour the liquid out from the bottle to the cup and the smell of alcohol reach his nostril. He scrunched up his face but best to ignore it and put it near his lips.
The cold glass slowly make contact with his bottom lips and he chug it all down in one shot. Soon after a few shots, he was no longer normal. He is completely drunk. He quietly talks to himself about his life and some shits that happened. Even said something so depressing.
"Why am I even born in this world?"he said in between his hiccups."Everyone hates me"
"Not everyone"a voice coming from his left. A voice that he's been longing to hear.
He immediately look at that direction and saw a face he missed so much that he whispers his name under his breath.